Hugs and Kisses

Ladies, don’t let any of these clowns make you feel like you aren’t enough, fck them. If a man wants easy, let him have easy. There is also a difference between a man being predatory towards younger women, having an identity issue with younger women, and misunderstanding what he’s doing. Maybe my opinion doesn't hold much weight because I’m not sleeping with anyone, so I don’t care what these men do.— But hear me out…

After my intro in the last post about telling ladies not to worry about men who aren’t of their statue and who entertain the younger generations, I got endless amount of messages for a lot of you women sharing your stories about heartache dealing with the same issues.

Ladies, I need you all to love yourselves. And I need you all to have friend groups that support all that you are. Affirm yourself no matter what status you’re at in life as long as you are striving to be better and be happier. I’m of a certain age and I’ve not had a lot of relationships, but I have had hurtful dealings with men. And guess what, I didn’t let any of the situations stop me from being great, I might have paused a bit to cater to my emotions, but after that, I went about my business. And please don’t assume I’m good because of how I look. I know how I look and I know how men look at me, but that’s not a major factor of my self-esteem. My confidence comes from the fact that I’ve been able to push through any difficulties that face me and know that whatever I grow from is going to build me to be stronger so I can conquer the next hurdle. My confidence also comes from the fact that each stage of my life, I’ve elevated. I’m not at the same place I was 20 years ago or even 10 years ago or even 5 years ago. And my peace is knowing that I have people who love and see me for me, not for what I can do for them.

Song: “Can I” by Kehlani

So ladies, if you have a man, a lover, or a sweetheart, that’s great, but don’t lose yourself in them. Because no matter how that plays out, you still have you. And that’s what I’m teaching and showing my kids, no matter who they love, they still need to take care of themselves too. When I am going through pain or a stressful situation, sometimes I seclude myself so I can figure out how I want, should, or need to feel. I may book a spa appointment, go on a weekend trip by myself, stay in bed and watch tv all day, or just head out to have a drink. You have to reconnect with yourself. Love can stress you out and these men sometimes don’t make it better, but you can’t rely on them for that.

Don’t get me wrong, there are amazing men out here. Much of them are my friends, and they are so amazing that sometimes when I am hanging out with them and one of their sweethearts are around they still see about me first and make sure I’m okay and having a good time before checking on their lovers. Most men are not like this, but that is the difference with my friends seeing and loving me for me because they know as strong as I can be, I’m still very delicate and they treat me as such. And this is what I meant when I say having friend groups that support all that you are. I remember one time, one of my friends got stood up on a date and she called me about it. I told her to stay put and I got dress went to meet her because I wasn’t going to let her waste her efforts of looking nice and letting some clown make her feel bad about herself. But I like being that type of friend for my friends . Although, you should have people who do that for you too.

Find your groove with who you currently are. Embrace it all, even your flaws. Fck these men. A lot of them never know what they have until it’s gone. Let them miss it and go on about your life. And Baby, don’t let the pain keep you from having love in your heart because trust me, there is going to be someone who matches your energy and you’re going to be so thankful that you didn’t let the heartache turn you cold. And be patient with your heart it goes through a lot so take care of it. Okay?

Hugs and Kisses - Raya L.

You Don't Like Complex

Happy Tip: Any time you are sad, give yourself time to be sad, but try not to dwell too long, sadness can cripple you (sometimes when I'm sad, I won’t leave my house for days and not want to be around people, but I have to remind myself, life is still moving and I need to move too). Learn to groove into other emotions by switching to happier topics or thinking of things that boost your energy and serotonin levels.

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

Artist: Giulia Rosa (I love this artist’s expressions of love and sex)

You ladies have voiced a lot of your grievances about men over the years. Men do not see their own bullsh*t sometimes. And they always try to make excuses for lacking. I came up with a simple message for men who think they are adequate…I know some of the men are going to dislike this, but hear us out:

You do not like someone with baggage, who maybe has previous trauma, children or a career that will get in the way of giving all her attention to you. You want someone to always be available for you, but want her to understand when you cannot be available for her. You don’t want someone who is complex because then you will feel pressured to think and do things that you are not capable of doing. You think you want a strong woman, but when her strength challenges your abilities, you create barriers against her and try to make her seem like the problem. You like the idea of her, but you have not dug into your own flaws and setbacks to realize that you are not ready for everything she comes with. She doesn’t need you to be perfect, she just wants you stand by her and face the world with optimism, determination, prosperity, and love for her.

We have to be honest with ourselves and what we can handle right now, but don’t think that any involvement you have with anyone isn’t going to get difficult. What is more important is how you handle the difficulties; you either face them or run from them. And no matter what decision you make…every action has an equal or opposite reaction.

To the men who are single, live your best single life, but keep this in mind…if there is a woman around you who is of a certain stature and you do things that makes her think a little differently of you, she isn't going to automatically forget her image of you just because you tell her it’s not what it looks like or its not what it seems. This is the difference between a man who is cognizant and a man who isn't self aware. Behave how you believe yourself to be. I know that may be lost to some of you. — Let’s say you and I are friends and you tell me you don't go out often and don’t like to be out all night, but every other weekend you’re out partying it up. Huh? Or if you tell me you don’t have anything going on with someone, but I happen to see you getting very cozy with someone, how am I supposed to think of that? Either you are with someone, starting something with someone, or you just let anyone get cozy with you.

Artist: Giulia Rosa

Hey, I'm single and I hang out and I meet people, but I’m still aware of how things could be perceived by the people around me. Even when I step out to my favorite places, most of the people know my face so I am not going to get affectionate with anyone I am not sleeping with or who I do not know very well. I’m not going to put my arm around anyone or press my body against them or act in a suggestive way with them. - Now I told you I hung out with one of my guy friends before Thanksgiving, right? Remember, I barely see him, but we catch up like once a year and when we were hanging out, we went to the place he usually goes to and throughout the evening he did keep hugging me and kissed my head a few times, but the way he did it was more like, this is my friend, I have love for her and I am enjoying her company. His behavior wasn’t inappropriate at all. So say if there was another guy hanging out with us who was interested in me, he would not think there was anything going on between my friend and I because of how we both conducted ourselves.

If you like a woman, don't give her the impression you're interested in someone else. Don’t act like a man who seems to share himself with everybody, that is not appealing. I don’t want what everyone else has or can have. But if you like ME, do small things like asking how I am, or what my weekend plans are, get into what I’m saying, or better yet make a point to see me and be the man you believe yourself to be. I know I’ve said before that I don't like not knowing where I stand with a man, YOU ARE THE MAN, set the tone for this otherwise I’m just going to chalk it up as you're not interested or I'm not your type.

Here’s a quick story. The big radio station in Philadelphia is “Power99”. And years ago Wendy Williams had a syndicated radio show. You may know Wendy as the talk show host, but I remember her from her radio days and I actually like her more then. I didn’t really watch her talk show that much, but when she was on the radio, I tuned in everyday! One time, Andre Benjamin was on her show, he’s also known as Andre 3000 or the other half of Outkast. Around that time he already had a son with Erykah Badu, but he told the story of how Common (who was just starting to become known) came to him and let him know that he and Erykah started seeing each other. And I think it was a bit of commotion because Andre and Erykah were still somewhat involved. But as Andre was telling the story, he was very clam, cool, and collected, it did not sound like there was animosity, he almost seem like he was appreciative that Common came to him to let him know that he didn’t mean any disrespect, he just wanted it to be known that he started seeing Erykah. I remember listening to this and thinking highly of both men and identifying the uncommon qualities that not all men possess, like being a man of honor. Again this was many years ago so you can just image how my views of good men have evolved.

Artist: Giulia Rosa

Now of course I was only hearing one side of the story, I don’t know Common’s or Erykah’s point of view, but I felt like it was so mature of both men to discuss it with each other and I never heard of the two of them having an issue with each other. And if what Andre said was true then Common didn’t push Erykah to talk to him. He decided to do it. And I cannot think that Andre be the type of man to have resentment towards the mother of his child or a man who just wants to clear the air. He has always presented himself as being very laid back and reserved (I feel like Andre would be good friend to have). I even read one time that when Outkast started getting all their hype and recognition, he didn’t get into the loud lifestyle of alcohol, women, and overly gaudy spending. He’s also been said not to entertain groupies or like the attention of any pretty face and he lives a lowkey life. I love that about a man. Especially the men who are able to discipline themselves when there is a bevy to gorgeous women at their disposal. Just because a pretty girl is willing to give it up to you, doesn’t mean you should give into it.

And guys, I think this is where many women have their concerns, don’t be a man who is open to anyone, be a man who is selective and whom is mature enough to express yourself without deflecting, gaslighting, or insulting a woman…especially not with the woman you are interested in. — Please don’t shoot the messenger. Be safe out there.

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Hurt People, Hurt People

Don’t fee like reading? Listen instead. (2 Parts)

Want to hear something funny? Many of you noticed a few months ago I started a subscription feature on this site to allow more private topics with those who wanted to become members. Those of you who did signed up and read through the topics are aware we do not share personal information and explicit content and I also have the comments enabled to readers to engage in dialogue with each other, and the conversations have been very informative and respectful.

Apparently, someone has reported my site as being inappropriate and containing content that elicits sexual activity between members. Basically someone is claiming my site is for sex workers. Really???!!! — Okay, let me just say this…this is NOT OnlyFans, this is not a porn site, this is not an escort service, nothing like that. I was not charging $50 to show you explicit pictures, no my membership fee was only $10 and that was to allow people a safe space to discuss more private topics.

And if you are here, that means you are here on your own free will. You are not required to be here and if you do not like or agree with anything I say, you can easily exit out. If you are a long time reader, then you know what this site is about and the types of topics I discuss. I am so at a loss, is someone mad? Do you have something against me? Is there some type of vendetta? I’m not seeing anyone, so I know it can’t be a scorn woman trying to get back at me.

Maybe a man reported my site, because there have been times I’ve gotten messaged from men about them perceiving me as a an ungodly woman because of my images. Who knows? So, of course I submitted an appeal, I am not sure how long this will take to get cleared, but until then I have to disable the members only feature. I’ll see if there is a loophole, but until I get more clarity on this, I am not sure what all I can do at the moment. I’m just wondering who’s mad? Who hurt you?

🔴The reality is there will always be people who never want to applaud you for doing great.🔴

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Let’s get into some serious psyche for a moment. We are the sum of our worst and best moments. We can love people with a healthy heart and we can love people with a wounded heart. And with both, we can hurt people. People who are hurt, in pain, suffering, or struggling will not have the best energy. Even if they are faking a smile and forcing a laugh, it’s not authentic. — It’s also not wrong for trying to put on a happy face, but it can be draining and stressful to do so just to conceal other burdens.

Have you heard the term, hurt people hurt people? It’s the behavior of someone projecting or deflecting their pain towards someone else. Much like being angry at the world for your own consequences, decisions, or misfortunes. When someone is hurt they tend to hurt others and most of the time they don't realize it. Think if it like this, when you are upset, disappointed, or in some form of pain, your emotions and heart can harden leaving your patience to become very minimal and anything that pressures your patience can cause an unkind reaction from you.

There are times people hurt others in order to protect themselves. Let me give you a scenario regarding relationships, a woman who fosters pain and mistrust from her past sometimes reacts in frustration to a man who triggers similar behavior, because the reality is she's been hurt before and doesn't want to go through the same experience again.

But we can't shut down our emotions, that's not healthy either. It’s good to be polite, but no so polite that you are not expressed your true thoughts or your feelings. But you also have to think about if your true self is capable of being around others without deflecting any inner frustrations outward. Like are you okay to be around people and enjoy them or do you still need time alone?

People go through metamorphosis when life puts them in situations that causes them make new adjustments. The outcome is unknown in how we’ll develop our character because we don't all process information the same. This is why it’s important to give people time and space so they can do what they need for themselves whatever that looks like for them, but you can still remain supportive by just checking in on them from time to time.

When I was going through a big adjustment last year, I needed more time to myself than I needed time with people, but it was the people who still reached out to me that made the difference of that experience being numb and resentful vs being something that doesn't define me, and it changed my views of being in serenity with my circumstances and making…..lemons into garnish for sautéed spinach and pan seared salmon with a garlic aioli sauce.

You see, it does get bad, but it also gets good if you allow it and when you’re ready for it…no one can tell you when to be ready, you have to decide that.

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When You Love Someone

“When you love someone you just don't treat them bad.” - Donell Jones (Where I Want To Be, 1999)

There’s been a lot on my mind the last few days, people, situations, circumstances, everything. But you know what I still take time to reach out to people because I either love them or have love for them. And I am noticing more and more people don’t do the same. It’s a bit disappointing, but it still doesn’t deter me from still caring and asking how people are. Especially during this time of year where studies show how people are more prone to stress, anxiety, and depression for various reasons.

I read somewhere that over 50% of people have no internal dialogue…like no personal or original thoughts. If this is true, some people I know are starting to make a lot more sense to me…just completely dense.

Even in my writing I mention or reference people and sometimes I talk about hurtful experiences with some of them, but I really have not ill feelings towards anyone in my life. We are all very different and we interact with people differently. Even the last man I was sleeping with, I do not have any issues with him, we are harmony…well, the best harmony we can give each other. And even the 20 something year old who I mentioned is very sweet on me I have nothing bad to say about him. He has severely irritated me recently. He’s just young and really doesn’t grasp the concept of what I occurs in my life. He keeps sending me text messages saying “Hey” — That’s it. That’s all he says.

The first few times, I entertained it and responded in kindness because I figured he did not have much to say want just wanted to say Hi. But then he kept sending that one word message and I’m just like….See this is why I can’t be with anyone young. There is no substantial dialogue and when there is some sort of conversation it is very dense and superficial. I don’t really follow today’s music, I stopped watching those stereotypical reality shows and dramas years ago, I don’t like discussing other people or getting into their personal business, so I can talk to you about the simple things, but it can only go so far. Either way, I don’t have anything bad to say about that young man, he’s sweet, and I said before he is farther in life that most of his peers, he’s not in a dead-end job, he has his own place, he doesn’t waste money, and he’s on a good path. I’m just can’t mentally keep taking a few steps back just to carry a conversation.

Someone asked me if I am noticed my conversations with people are not as stimulating as they used to be because I am in a doctorate’s program. I have noticed that mood becomes a bit stale when someone isn’t saying anything intrinsic, but it’s been like that for a while now.

Anyway, let’s get off of that, this topic is about love.

I know we all define love differently and sometimes we do hurt the ones we care about, but is there a limit? Like is there a moral compass on what lines we should not cross? I think so. Say if you are involved with someone and you tell them you love them, is it odd that they don’t share to others that they deeply care about you? Like how can you love me, but you downplay your feelings about me to other people? I completely understand not letting people into your business, but if you have strong feelings for someone, shouldn’t that at least be known?

Love does make us do unexpected things. It’s an odd emotion. Love makes me drop everything and take a flight to comfort a friend. Love makes me defend people even when they don’t deserve my support for them. Love sometimes keeps me quiet in order not to cause a conflict. Love also sometimes has me accepting that people will never understand who I am when I am willing to understand them. Love is happiness and love is pain.

This is one of my Godsons. His mother and I have been friends since grade school.

When the love is good and genuine, you never what to let it go, but everything doesn’t last forever. You just have to enjoy while you have it. Remember when I said I got put my shoes back on after getting comfy in the house just go catch up with a friend I rarely see? That is the type of genuine love I have for several people in my life…getting uncomfortable to go towards comfort. — I hope that makes sense.

But when love is pain, it can tear us down and eat away at us. I told someone that “Pain never really goes away, we just learn to manage it better.” And that goes for any type of hurt we experience because pain is pain and none of us is immune to it and there is not a way to categorize what type of pain is worse. You cannot tell someone what they feel isn’t as bad how someone else may feel. Again Pain is Pain, just like a sin is a sin, whether it is lying or stealing, it is still a sin, correct?

The hope is that we get through any pain and become stronger and still be able to show and give love to people. And I want to believe that people do not intentionally seek to hurt anyone that’s why I tend to give people more grace than they may deserve, but sometimes people make decision to just appease themselves and you’re just in the crossfire.

I want to keep being happy

I am not in love, but I have love and give love and I think that is the best thing we can do for others and ourselves.

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SIDEBAR: If you guys partake in watching adult entertainment, then you know who Mia Khalifa is. I did not bother to watch this show/podcast, the headline just caught my eye because it’s been a hot topic here and everyone has their own views on it. If any of you watched it, let me know what the conversation was about, is a man really lacking something if he is dating someone who is 10 or 20 years younger than him? (I know the last man I was involved with was over 10 years, not over 15, but at least 10 years older. Our communication wasn’t awkward because I had already experienced a few major milestones in life and our paths were parallel to one another, so we were able to discuss things that were relative to each other). But is a man lacking something mentally, emotionally, or something that he see it better to impress a younger woman than a woman his age?

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I Wish A Man Would (NSFW)

UPDATE: Some of you readers have really been paying attention because a few of you guessed correctly which number was mine. 👀😆 Others were close. I like to have a veil of modesty over me when it comes to these things, but once I've opened up to a man, that's a different story and then I'm more comfortable being forward with him. 😉

Also, a man sent this and wanted me to share: “I got a chick I used to fck with. She stopped fcking with me or whatever but I know she still feeling ya boy. Bet, if she come around with another [dude] I'm gonna take her right in front of him.” —— Ummmmm….Sir. 👀 I’m confused. Is this something you wish the girl would do??? WHAT!!! 😆 I will admit this much and I cannot speak for all women, but a man that pulls me aside or away from another man is kind of a turn on. But wait Fellas, don’t go doing this to every and any woman. You have to at least be sure she still holds a flame for you. 🔥 (Note: I don’t like a controlling or jealous man, but I love a man who knows he wants me and won't let anyone else the opportunity.)

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Remember in Men Are Demons I mention that anytime a woman has her Chakras aligned, skin glowing, hair healthy, and waist getting smaller men always seem to pop up out of no where with, “Wyd?” — Boy! I'm minding my business, stay away from me! 😄

Although, opposite of that, have you ever been around a man you are attracted to and not sleeping with, but with one right move you would ravage him, but you don't want to say anything because you don’t want to seem forward? Same. 😄😇 Sometimes I wish men could read our minds so we don’t have to seem like “wayward” women…or is that just me? 😆 I'm so stubborn that I’ll keep holding on to my celibacy before I tell a man I want to do anything with him . If a man wants me, he better say something because I surely won’t!!! 😳😬🤐🥴🤣 — I’m very disciplined in different areas of my life and this is one of them; due to this, contrary to how I may dress and how friendly I can be, I still don’t have a history of many partners…Fam, my sh*t is precious, everyone is not deserving of it. 🙃 (Even if I’m joking around and say “I’m going hoe-ing”, I may come back home with a few new numbers in my phone, but NO BODIES! 🚫)

There is a part of me that's very strong willed, but there is another part of me that wants to be or does not mind to be…submissive. And I’m not the only one. Remember a few posts back I mentioned there was a young man who took interest to me, but I decided not to mislead him even though he shown a few highly attractive ALFA characteristics? (Sorry ladies, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I played games with that young man).

Anyway since that time I got some private comments about how some of you would like a man to make the first move. I’m going to keep this content rated “M” for Mature, but the “R” version will be in the Members Only section. I decided to throw in some of my wishes, but I’m not going to identify which one is mine. 🙃

1. I have this super fine trainer and every time we start our workout he helps me stretch out my body, his hand are on my waist, legs, all of that. I think he's attracted to me too but wants to keep it professional but just once JUST ONCE I want him to pull me into one of the changing rooms and _____ my _____ out. 💪🏽

2. I don’t know how to say this a man but when we are out in public in front of friends and people we know I want him to show PDA and kind of nasty PDA like walk up to me when I’m in mid conversation with someone grab my neck, whisper something in my ear and walk away. I want that move to let everyone know he doesn’t play about me especially in front of men who want me. 🔐

3. I want him to record it while he's ____ it from the ____ and then I him to tell me to ____ his ____ until he ____ and record that too. 😳

4. After an argument I want my man to tell me to shut up and he just does what DMX did to Keisha in Belly. 👀

5. Sometime I just want the dude I like to show up at my house and when I open my door he doesn’t say a word to but just pushes me against the wall and pulls my leg ____ _____ ____ and starts _____ me through my house. 🏠

6. During sex I want him to cuss me out and call me _____ and _____. But I’m scared he may judge me for it. 🙊

7. If I’m wearing a low cut dress at the club I want him to slide his hand in my top and start ______ _______ _______ ______ and kiss me while everyone is looking. 💋

8. I want this guy to grab me, look me dead in my eyes and tell me what he's about to do to me. And I want him to setup a ______ while he watches and tells the other girl what to do and how to do it. 😼

9. I have a guy friend that is being too nice to me, but I don’t want him to be nice. I want him to take full advantage of me the next time we go drinking. But I want him to be kind of slick about it and not make it obvious and find a way to get me to his house or him come to mine but I want him to take all control of the situation. 😈

10. I want him to go all out one weekend and take me to a nice hotel where he pulls all my nastiness out and convinces me to do things I never did before like tell me to ______ and then still treat me like an innocent princess afterwards. 👸

11. I have a friend who doesn't know I'm crazy about him but I also think I’m not his type because I see the type of girls that be around him and I’m not like any of them. He likes the young party girls who like to twerk and shake ass but I just like to chill. We hang out a few times and we have a good time together but just wish he’d tell me I’m the only one he's worried about and to take home and so I can ____ ____ and ____ his ____ until he ____ ____ ____ ____ and show him what he’s been missing. ❤

12. I’ve been lusting on a man for about a month. He hasn't made any moves. I’m not ugly so I don’t think he's not attracted to me. I think he knows I want him but he's not doing anything about it. He might have a girl but I don’t want to ask him because I don’t want him thinking I want him if he doesn't already know it. But girl! If he ever calls me and tells me to come over I’m _____ my _____ and i’m going over there and _____ on his _____ until I _____ in his ____ and then I’m going to let him _____ my _____ out from ____ and let him ____ my ____ until it’s sore. 🤐

MORE ON MEMBERS ONLY

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The Energy You Give

The energy you give is just as important as the energy you allow yourself to take in. Energies can easily be changed, shifted, and influenced. You want to be cognizant of the vibe you are exuding. Even if you are being friendly, if your mood is distant or shut off, it will still come through: tone, word usage, and body language can convey your current energy. You have to be carefully with your negative energy because someone else might match it. If your tone is aggressive or dismissive then should you be offended if the person you are talking to meets your tone with the same energy?

When someone is upset, they don’t look outside themselves and see how their behavior is possibly influencing bad reactions from others, that’s why when people are arguing, nothing is being heard, therefore nothing is being solved. Good leaders, whether of a company or a home, have to be careful of the energy they are giving off because it will either encourage positive responses or rebellious ones. This is the main reason why arguing through text is never a good idea.

Example: This wasn’t an argument, but it could have turned into one if I didn’t practice self-awareness. I sent a message to someone late at night with misguided information. I pieced together different parts of conversations with people earlier that evening and the end conclusion that I held on to was completely inaccurate 🤦🏽‍♀️ (!!!) And the response I got the next morning was very justified 🙃😄. But instead of holding my ground and causing friction, I began to accept my misunderstanding and revert back to a happier energy.

*But I’ve noticed sometimes when people know who I am or who I know, they'll say certain things around me to see my reaction or how I respond. 😒

What do you notice when you are genuinely happy or at least happy with the people around you? You are laughing, you are smiling, you are welcoming, and you are emanating good, positive energy which flows onto others and their same energy flows onto you. So it’s a good practice to be around people who are in sound mind, body, and peace. But we are not robots, so we cannot always be cheerful. Although, when we are not in a happy-go-lucky mood some of us shut down and need space from everyone (be mindful that you are not hurting others when you are in this alone or dark space), while others try to find their happiness through others (also not healthy).

When my mood is down, I keep myself away from everyone because I don’t want what’s bothering me to inflict them, but I still have to work on not letting other people get me down. I still have certain triggers that switch my mood from good to horrible very quickly.

*While on vacation, I got some weird tan lines due to my choice of swimwear. 🛳🌞👙

In a physical relationship, pay attention to whom you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise. The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours. Imagine someone having a confused aura or negative energy and they are sleeping with multiple people, now their aura is being carried around through these multiple energies and the person is also carrying around the auras of other people. What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract more negative energy into your life. — If you believe this, then you should not sleep with anyone who you do not what to be like or not happy to be around because their energy will begin to transfer stress into your life.

If you have sex with positive, loving, uplifting people their energy is absorbed and uplifts you. If you have sex with negative, pessimistic, unstable, depressive people then that energy will have you confused, frustrated and moody.

This entire theory is the idea that environmental energy and physical energy manifests itself to mental energy. Anyone in agreement any with this?

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Be Good

A friend shared this on her LinkedIn feed. — Read it, digest it, and think for a moment.

The man, Adam Grant, who shared it on his own feed received a lot of mixed feedback. Comments advocating that sometimes people have good reason for not being kind to certain people in order to protect themselves, while others argue that no matter how/who the person is, you should still remain a good for your own inner peace…I am one of those people. (Below is my input with another friend’s response to me.)

There is a saying that goes, “Hurt people hurt people.” — There is a lot of truth in that saying. Ever notice when someone is mad, they say things out of anger and sometimes it’s not the nicest things? Or when you are still affected by what someone did to you there is still a sense discouragement towards them. There is a point where you just have to let that go. When you have bad feelings, it constrains you and turns you into someone you don’t favor. It may not seem like it, but there is a element of sadness in your thoughts, your words, and your actions when your are not kind to someone.

The same friend also shared another thought and I feel like the sentiments are related…

Here is her caption:

“This is true for both women and men. If you don't think what you say and do affects people, you are wrong. How you treat someone has an impact on them.

With relationships this is very accurate. You and your partner share a personal mental space and within that mental space is where your words and actions can make your partner feel great, loved, and appreciated or avoided, neglected and alone.”

Going back to the saying, “Hurt people hurt people.” Let’s think about this, a hurt person will either lash out or go silent and in return it hurts the other person involved. — A vicious cycle of unspoken emotions and truths. And sometimes you have to decide that if someone keeps acting like they want to lose you or that your presence is not important to them, then maybe they just need to lose you.

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Calming Yourself

Does counting to 10 work for you? Because it sure as hell doesn’t work for me. And telling someone to “Calm down” has NEVER worked.

Sometimes we get pulled into a situation we cannot control and we have a choice on how to react. The first best thing you can do is Breathe. Drown out the noise if you can and take deep breathes for a few seconds, allow your mind to go blank, then you respond.

We cannot help ourselves every time and none of us are beyond “flipping all this shit over” (I'm definitely not, just ask anyone whose seen me in my worst behavior) but at least we can know how to be better by learning to identify what to do in an uncomfortable scenario or headspace.

The second best thing to do is remove yourself, physically or mentally.

If you are in a space you can control, here are some tips to help to clam down and stay calm. After taking a few deep breathes…

Think it Through

Have a mantra to use in critical situations. Make sure it’s one that you find helpful. Ask yourself, “How important is this?” This helps shift the focus for you to “reality test” the situation.

On a level between 1-10 of frustration or confusion we become hyper-focused on the cause when we are on 10, and rational thoughts leave our mind. Having a good mantra give us an opportunity to allow rational thought to come back and lead to a better outcome.

Break Away

Take a walk, get some fresh air. A bad situation can make you feel confined. If you’re feeling tense and the space you’re in feels like it’s getting smaller, hot or stuffy, it can trigger a panic attack or effect your anxiety levels. Remove yourself from that environment as soon as possible and take a moment just for you, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Not only will the break away help calm you down, but also the change of scenery can sometimes interrupt your anxious or angry thought process

Relax Your Body

Everything can feel tense when we are upset. Practicing progressive muscle relaxation can help you calm down and center yourself. Drop your shoulders, comfortably turn your neck, and if you can, lie down. Don’t use a pillow and don’t cross your arms or legs. Lay flat with your arms to the sides, close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

Eat Something

Sometimes when your body is drained of food or water it effects your thinking and rational behavior. Even grabbing a snack can make you feel better or focus on what to do next.

Other Techniques that can Help:

• Massage Therapy - Let someone push out your tension

• Therapy - Talk to a professional

• Call a Friend - Have at least one person who you can confide in and who just won’t “okay” you but also give you some insight from a different perspective

• Listen to music - Music does heal, put on something relaxing (I have jazz vinyl records and specific playlists for certain moods).

• Turn off the World - Sometimes you just have to give yourself time and block out everything around you for a few hours or even a few days

• Take a Trip - Go away for the weekend, whether by yourself or with someone/people you enjoy (I specifically put money aside for small getaways, because fck, life can be too much sometimes).

• Supplements - Sometimes there is a chemical imbalance in your brain and you can take supplements to help you ease yourself. Below are links to a few vitamins that may help (consult with a medical professional for more information)

  • Stress Relief

  • Hormone Balance

  • Mood Stabler

How you calm yourself has to be healthy and effective. I used to have the issue of allowing what people think of me to determine how I act or the decisions I make. For instance, I would not get close to certain people because of what others may say or I would not doing certain things because of what someone may label me as. Eventually, I had to learn to choose what keeps me afloat and sailing. Those who care about me will have to accept that if it makes me happy and gives me good energy, then there should not be any flack (although, people will always have an opinion on what you do, so just do it anyway).

The key to calming yourself is taking your mind away from a matter so you can refocus and make the best decisions for you. And the great thing about free will is that you can always change your mind too. What you feel isn’t good for you today can maybe be good for you tomorrow. 🤷🏽‍♀️

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You Can't Let Life Happen To You

So 2020 is done and the only thing I did differently last year was stayed in more and saw friends less. I still thrived personally, professional, and financially…got another degree, a certification, a raise, etc.

The last quarter of the year was a bit draining, because of the pandemic we had to do things differently and I was swamped with tasks and deadlines so coming into the new year I am a little lethargic and no so enthused 2021.

It got me to thinking of a statement I heard from a colleague as we were discussing an unreliable employee…”You can’t let life happen to you.”

What does this mean? Well, here’s my take…

We all go through life facing different challenges: being a woman, being a single parent, coming from a poor home, not thinking there’s any opportunities beyond what we know, being a black man in America, being black in other foreign countries, being white and misunderstood by your empathy towards other races, being rejected, losing a loved one, loving someone who doesn’t love you back the same, suffering mental health issues, having physical disabilities…the list goes on but, we are either going to allow our experiences to hinder and break us or we are going to allow ourselves to push through the obstacles becoming more educated and build character.

Have you ever noticed some of the best people to converse with are the ones who seem to have many life levels? Their philosophies are usually a resemblance of…”Everything happens for a reason. You just have to make the best of it.” And this is the best thing I can continue to tell people.

There is nothing in the living world that is perfect. As critical as we can be towards others and even towards ourselves, we cannot change everything. The only we can change is our perspective of life and find ways to laugh through the pain without suppressing or avoiding the healing process. Also, sharing our smiles onto others without ego and narcissism.

2021, here’s to you and what we can make of you. Cheers.

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Depression

As more years go by, I am realizing how important mental health is. For some reason it is still a taboo topic and many people avoid addressing it or make it seem like mental health issues doesn’t exist. From personal experience…THEY DO EXSIST.

About 3/4 years ago I fell into a funk. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to see people or go out, and it was a struggle for me to get out of bed, but here was the thing…nothing was going wrong in my life. Work was great, family was great, friends were great, everything was GREAT. So what was wrong with me?!

For a long time, I was one of those people who didn’t believe in depression. I once believed that it was just an excuse people used to lay around all day and ignore phone calls…I was wrong. (Although, I do think people exhaust their conditions to avoid certain responsibilities.)

Yes, there is a neurological problem that causes your moods and energy levels to shift or be low, but you can still function through it. There is a self motivation element that one needs to have to overcome these challenges. You may have people to tell you to snap out of your funk or encourage you to be happy about what you have or what you achieved, but it doesn't change anything if you don't “feel like it". YOU have to want to pull yourself out of it. After being in denial and knowing I didn't want to continue to feel like this, I had to force myself to “get better" and to redirect my mind towards a more healthy routine.

For me it is “Seasonal Depression” when the weather changes with the hours of the day and it gets darker sooner, so around the winter months. I sometimes face it in the early spring as well, but it’s more prominent between August and January. I struggle to smile, to do things I normally do like fun things with the kids or catching up with friends. I even get very short with people at work and all I want to do is stay in bed all day. I feel empty.

*Also, I should mention that when I do go through these bouts, I have to assess whether it is an imbalance or if there is something really bothering me that is affecting my mood and behavior. I can sometimes take on the feelings of others, their problems, their struggles, etc. and it dwells in my mind; things that do not directly effect me, but I still feel some sort of attachment to whatever someone I care about is going through. It’s called transference in psychology and it’s like a transfer of energy.

When I finally accepted my mental health issue, I vehemently decided NOT to take any prescription medications. I was discussing my state of mind with a colleague and she advised me on supplemental vitamins that she uses. I began to take the vitamins right away and noticed a MAJOR difference in my moods. (Consult with your doctor. Each supplement is hyperlink for further details. Brands vary.)

✔ Magnesium: Helps boost energy and fight depression

✔ ADB5 Plus: Helps adrenal functions and balancing hormones

✔ St. John's Forte: Helps with mild depression symptoms, stress, and anxiety.

Now, that it has been a few years, I don't always take all these together or even every day, however I do take them consistently when I feel like I’m sinking further and cannot seem to pull myself up on my own. I learned to pay close attention to my body and moods and sometimes I'll just take the magnesium depending on my imbalance. Other times I take nothing because I learned to divert my mind to something that keeps me proactive and productive.

I also became more active with writing down affirmations for myself.

Hey, life is a mess at times and we never know what to expect or how we’ll handle tough situations, but somehow, someway, we have to keep going.

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Confidence Looks Good On You

Short Set - Leo’A The Label (Sweet Tooth Set)

Low self-esteem is not attractive. Yup, I said it. And there are different levels to low self-esteem. Anytime you make a choice that takes from your happiness, from your peace, or from your self-worth by telling yourself to believe that it will be the best decision when deep down you know something isn’t right, you are displaying a lack of confidence in yourself and with how you think of yourself…and it shows. Before you think I am attacking anyone, let me remind you of my own examples:

1. Did you read about when I Ghosted My Skeleton? - Yeah, that was a form of low self esteem because I did not know my own value to know that who I was involved was not the best for me.

2. The relationship with the father of my children. - I stayed longer than I should have because I felt that there was nothing better for me. I conditioned my mind to thinking that I had to stay with him, to fix our relationship, to forgive and forget, to accept his ways, to give my kids a life with both parents, to fight for something that I thought was worth fighting for. And if you know me now, then you know how WRONG I WAS.

I’ve learned. As far as my relationships with my friends, my boundaries are catered to each individual and how I know them. If any friendship gets to a point where it’s one sided, I digress from it. If I am losing confidence in a friend then I am losing confidence in our relationship and I can no longer enjoy it. It’s best for my mental health to let go (this also is the case for romantic relationships)

Being confident isn’t being arrogant or big-headed, it’s knowing your value and creating boundaries or standards to protect that value.

When you get into a situation where you find yourself changing, not for the better, it’s because you allowed something or someone to cross your personal value lines. It happens to all of us, we try to adjust ourselves to someone's low confidence or little pride — but let’s make it known that insecurity is usually partnered with other concerns such as unwillingness to understand, lack of experience, personal issues within ourselves. Insecurity is a weakness I detest, especially within women who find themselves in relationships they keep questioning or gets uncomfortable when another woman walks in the room — and the thing is, insecurities have to be resolved within the person themselves. It’s one of those things that you have evolve from. (Ladies, if you've not read my message at the bottom of “Extra Income”, I suggest you hop over there really quick and take a look.)

I’m not breaking down any woman, but if we’re being honest here, men seem to get more scrutiny about not being ready to be committed, but WOMEN too have their own flaws with figuring out what they want in relationships. Sometimes people are so scared to be alone that they allow their desperation to decide on their partners and willing to accept less than they deserve.

If you’re uncomfortable with me showing my legs, then you’ve never partied with me. I dress according to the environment I’m going to be in.

We ALL have our insecurities…yes, we do…whether it’s our looks, our financial status, our family dynamics, past traumas that still affect us, decisions we made in private that we don’t want others to know about, whatever it is, we all have something that we are not truly proud of. But we cannot let our insecurities hinder us from being the best version of ourselves, treat people good, and find serenity within our surroundings.

I think the equation for confidence is not only knowing your worth but, also not taking yourself too seriously and becoming offended anytime you feel someone is challenging you (I make jokes about myself all the time.) And comparing yourself to someone is the worst. When you look at someone and you automatically get feelings of insecurity or jealousy by instantly making criticisms about the person, that shows your lack of confidence…and need I say, poor character.

You ever walk into a place and you notice someone who everyone seems to have their attention towards them? The person is laughing, lively, and engaging with everyone. — That’s called confidence. — It doesn’t mean that is person is perfect or that their life is perfect, it just means that this person wants to enjoy themselves and likes for other to enjoy themselves too…it’s the energy that is exuded from confidence, an energy that not everyone possesses. It’s the same when a confident person walks into a room and you feel a shift in energy as if the room got brighter and everyone is a bit more alive.

I cannot really explain it, you either have confidence or you don’t, but it shows either way. It’s not how you look, how you dress, or how much money you have. It’s the way you speak, the way you treat others, the way you carry yourself — it’s a mindset. Remember in my post about My Preference is regards to men? That is a type of confidence I expect for a man I’m involved with to have, not flaky, not unsure, CONFIDENT in who he is and CONFIDENT in me…I can’t have a chump by my side.

You don’t have to be the best person, you just have to appreciate who you are, be comfortable in your skin and not accept others to mishandle you.

MOOD: When you missed the chance, don’t expect another.

I Ghosted My Skeleton...Twice

I get a lot of praise for being a strong woman, for being confident, fearless and having no man problems - “got 99 problems but a b*tch ain’t one” - Thanks Jay, but it wasn’t always this way. I too have done foolish things for a man I thought I loved. We all have skeletons in our closet, I have just one and I ghosted him many years ago.

Dress: Toxic Envy

Ghosting is a fairly new term the kids are using these days to describe an action when someone stops all communication with you without notice or warning. So when I “ghosted” my skeleton, it was just considered “disappearing” out of his life.

I was in high school. I was young, naive and thought I had my whole life figured out. (Like many high schoolers, huh?) I met a man who was several years older than me, an athlete (played overseas), he was gorgeous, tall, smooth, beautiful hair, great smile, amazing lips…everything shallow that I loved. We began hanging out all the time, I became infatuated with him. I wanted to be around him every moment of every day, but I still had school and work.

It quickly became toxic. Anytime he called, I went running. I missed so many days of school for him that I almost failed a grade due to my absences. I cancelled outings with my friends and I made excuses to not be available for anyone else other than him. When I didn’t hear from him, my mental anguish became physical in the sense that I wouldn’t eat, I’d stay in bed all day, I’d be moody, and I wouldn’t talk to anyone. He was my drug. I would have done almost doing anything for this man, I even slightly supported him financially. When I couldn’t come through on a request he had of me, he would get angry and make me feel guilty for not caring about him enough and I actually began believing that I really wasn’t doing enough, my self-esteem was bruised.

He was very needy…and I wanted to be needed by him. If he was upset, I had to find a way to make him smile. If he was in a good mood, I had to find a way to make it last. [Later in life I realized he is one of those people who resented not being granted certain opportunities that he felt he deserved in life, but not admitting that his own behaviors and decisions held him back.] He would compliment me when he wanted something and he’d make promises to coax me, but rarely came through with those promises. He was in and out of my life for at least 2 years. And the behaviors were always the same. He didn’t once think about all the efforts I made to adjust to him.

THIS WAS ALL WHILE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Sweatshirt: Backseat Love | Skirt: Fendi

I was mentally drained. I was emotionally depleted. I hated feeling like someone had complete control over me. I felt empty…all the time. Finally, one time he called while out of town and needed me to wire him money to get a ticket back home along with a phone card (telling my age here), I said “Okay, I’ll get it done.” then the call ended. I didn’t wire him any money and I didn’t get him a phone card. It was the last time I spoke to him. It took me months to get him out of my system. I still thought of him daily — “What if I just call once to check up on him?” “Maybe I can just talk to him without anything more.” — I forced myself to go out and enjoy missed time with my friends and I prepared myself for college.

I went on with my life, met the future father of my children the summer before my freshman year and didn’t think of that man again…until my divorce.

Yup, through a mutual acquaintance he heard I was newly unattached and found a way to reach me. We chatted and caught up over the years that passed. The itch for him started to come back. I foolishly looked over our past issues and eagerly allowed him back into my life thinking things would be different….and it was for the first few months. He was still gorgeous, the same as I remembered him looking. — The years weren’t bad to him. It wasn’t too long after that it became reminiscent of my high school years. This time, I was practically supporting his entire life, but also this time I now had two children to support. I don’t know how I did it, but I found a way to appease everyone. For some reason he still had that same hold on me, even after all these years. The father of my children didn’t have that power over me. What I felt for this man was different. It was unhealthy, but I didn’t care. I just wanted him to be happy and to be happy with me. This time it didn’t last for 2 years, not even a full year.

I was sitting by myself thinking of different ways to cheer him up because he had been feeling down due to not being able to find stable work. — Then I began to think beyond him. I thought about all the money I spent on him that I could have placed into my savings. I thought about the house I was going to purchase BY MYSELF for US to live in together. I thought about what type of father figure he would be for my own children. And then I thought about what type of relationship could I really have with this man since he was so used to me catering to his every need not just emotionally, but also financially. I didn’t know who I was becoming. I was supposed to be restarting my life after my divorce, not reopening an old wound. How did this man have such a choke-hold on my soul? The only benefit to him was that he was beautiful. NOTHING ELSE. Was I that vain???? It’s like he was a trophy, but not really a reward.

Dress: Urban Outfitters

After thinking about all of this, my conversations with him became different. I started to slowly step away. He notice. At first he was concerned, then it turned into battle and placing blame on me for not being “supportive”. The very last conversation I had with him was when I had just got off a flight, I was extremely tired and driving home. He called demanding me to do something for him immediately, telling me that it would be very simple and that I could sleep after I was done….I WAS PISSED. I yelled at him and told him that he was being inconsiderate and that I was not going to do anything for him anymore. Then he had the audacity to spit out the words, “I need you to take care of everything right now.” That was it for me. I was done. I hung up, blocked him from all forms of contact, went home and got some sleep. Never spoke to him again. — If he wasn't such a disappointment….or if I was really so moronic, he would have probably got some sons out of me….then again, my ex got a son out of me and he…never mind.

You see, I’ve done stupid things. And I always joke that I have lived many lives before today, which isn’t entirely false since most of my friends only know about my ex-husband. Well, surprise! I was once a dumbass too! I’m so grateful I was still young enough to recover from it and caught myself before I dug too deep of a hole that I couldn’t get out of.

I want to conclude with this: As strong as some people may be, they also get tired, they also need a break, they also need a helping hand. The problem with strong people is that they don’t make excuses, they don’t allow their weaknesses to hinder them, they exceed expectations and people always hold them to that standard not considering their human need for mental rest. Disconnecting is healthy and it’s not encouraged or applauded enough. — Let this sink in.

• There was one time I needed a break from everything, it was granted to me, but during my break I was still thrown tasks to get completed and the reason was “I don’t trust anyone else to do it but you, Raya.” ….which translated to me that I will never truly get a break.

Mental Health During a Pandemic

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Working from home is becoming the new normal for many of us. In a previous post, “Make it Work Anywhere” I discuss how important it is to stay productive when you are not in a traditional office setting. I cannot envision myself not working. Yet, the sentiment is slightly different because of the uncertainty around us and not knowing how soon we can get back to normal. T-shirts have become my new daily office look, but if I have a video call, I do make an attempt to be business friendly. I've not resorted to turning a pillow into an outfit, so we are all still safe.

Even though these are worrisome times, I find a bit of satisfaction thinking how the grocery store clerks are part of this under acknowledged group of HEROS. It hurts my heart when I see people mistreat customer service workers and belittle them or speak to them in condescending tones. You really have to be a descendant of evil to be so ugly towards people, especially people you don't know and are just coming to do their jobs and go home. Don't get me wrong, there are a few customer service workers who start off with bad attitudes and should probably just stay home, but different age groups from teenagers to elders are getting up to restock shelves or prepare to-go orders so WE can continue to eat and maintain our lives the best way we can.

And how are you processing your new lives? Did you create yourself a routine? Are you finding ways to connect with people from afar? Most importantly, how is your mental wellness? Even before the Stay At Home orders were made, I’m sure many of us faced certain issues with depression, anxiety, addiction, obsessive compulsiveness, etc., so it doesn’t help that we are restricted to mainly be in one place all day, everyday. I keep thinking about the short story by Edgar Allen Poe called, The Pit and the Pendulum. Although the story is much darker than what we are facing…and referencing Poe may give you a little insight on the levels that my mind can go to…it’s the idea of feeling trapped and not know what is to happen to us or what is to occur next. Our minds can really lead us to dreary places. Here is an article form CNN Health that talks about how long term isolation can affect us mentally.

As Scooby-Doo has taught us, monsters are always humans in disguises. We can really become different people if we allow our struggles to get the best of us. I was speaking with my aunt who is a health care professional and she stated that being separated from the world can pose issues with mental wellness and exacerbate any existing conditions. This can be dangerous for yourself and for others around you.

Mental health also correlates with domestic violence. Here is a article from The New York Times that talks about how domestic violence has increased during this pandemic. People who were in abusive situations before the COVID-19 outbreak are now ‘ordered’ to stay in with their abusers. This is a scary thought and I pray for anyone who is in this predicament. I place no judgments on anyone who stays in troubled relationships; people will have reasons that may not make sense to anyone else. All of us think, behave, and react differently. Telling someone to leave an abuser is most of the time easier said than done, it reaches deeper than a physical fear; there is a dependency component that conditions the mind to excuse or accept pain. Even if it is not an abusive environment, an unhealthy relationship is also a problem. (HERE is an organization that helps women financially to leave an abusive relationship.)

I read a comment that said: “You will begin to understand why they said to marry your best friend.” As couples are spending more time at home with one another, tensions may rise, arguments may happen because stress levels are off the charts with us now trying to figure out how to manage our responsibilities within the same four walls everyday. But, your best friend will know you; know how to speak with you, know how to comfort you, know how to help you stay calm, and know how to still make you feel great during hard times. They won't turn their back on you and let you cope alone and they won't find ways to stay away from you because they feel your stress interferes with their stress…again, marry your best friend. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil of people out of work and/or people dealing with the virus directly. Thank you to all essential workers.

Let us not forget how the kids are being affected by all of this. They face stress, anxiety, and possible depression symptoms as well...and what if they are in abusive conditions? (Brain, don’t dwell on those thoughts.) Many schools have created meal distribution plans to provide families food; families who may not be able to afford several meals throughout all of the days for their children…How is this not heartbreaking to think about? When I can, I volunteer for organizations that help under-served families. I recall helping build a home for a single mother with three small children. I pray they are all doing well during this crisis.

With the younger generations, most of their lives are infused with some type of social activity or interaction. I spoke with a friend in Georgia and the school district in his area is remaining closed for the rest of the year (as many districts may be doing also) and the school board is automatically advancing students to the next grade. What about the seniors though? Proms and graduations are cancelled…I didn’t care much for things like that when I was in high school, I went to my prom for about an hour and was quickly over it. As extroverted as I can be, I have more peace with my introverted side.

My godson is a senior this year, his graduation was supposed to be taken place at my previous university, University of Delaware, but his mother told me all ceremonies have been cancelled. That’s rough. I am still going to find a way to go visit him and celebrate him. I’m graduating with my next degree this summer and I’ve already gotten emails from the University that there will be an online ceremony…I wasn’t planning on attending or walking anyway, so this doesn’t bother me at all. I didn’t do it for the show, I did it for the accolade, so just go ahead and mail me my papers, Thank you.

Mental health should not be taken lightly. You know the saying, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste” but it is a wonderful thing to invest in. If you are long time readers of my words, then you know how much I emphasize about taking care of yourself and paying attention to your well being. If you are facing any form of mental concerns or fighting internal demons, it’s best to find a healthy outlet, practice new or different coping regiments. Do something or call someone who helps you feel calm.

DO NOT let this pandemic turn you into someone you cannot pull yourself away from. Our minds will be boggled with many thoughts….relax. My best advice is to have a personal mantra, something that keeps your aura positive. For me, I need to stay busy for the majority of my time, whether it’s working, ironing out the specifics of my businesses, playing with a hobby, or research/reading. I have my episodes of being overly stressed, anxiety kicking in, my breathing gets tight, I’m worrying about if the email to the staff was clear and if I should have revised it eight more times, then I’m panicking over quality of my work and if I executed with my full potential. What if I was in someone else's shoes and this pandemic severely affected me? What if I was someone who has been furloughed and doesn't know how they will pay all their bills. Even with the stimulus money and unemployment checks, it still may not be enough for many people...I would break down. And what if I had a loved one on a hospital bed with COVID-19? I’m not confident my strength would hold on to me through all that.

It is really hard for me to pull myself back when I’m spiraling through my mind and I have been at a stage where I needed outside help. My mental wellness was suffering. I learned to STOP whatever I am doing, I sit down, lean against a wall, or lay down and I close my eyes for a few minutes and tell my brain to go black. I breathe slowly in and out and I keep 'talking’ to myself, “Relax, breathe, be still, relax, breathe, be still.” I keep doing this until my heart starts beating regularly again and until I begin to feel less tense.

Then, I get back to what I was doing with a clearer mind OR I stop for the rest of the day, possibly a few days, and maybe a quick getaway if I can manage it. I don't do my best if I am not at my best; I’m no good when I’m no good, ya hear what I’m saying?

I truly believe what we are currently experiencing will change the shape of how we live, work, and communicate with one another especially with our friends, families and/or partners.

Stay Safe. Stay Healthy.

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There is a serious message in this video but, it was mainly created for lighthearted humor.