To all the ladies who email me to ask what is so amazing about being single or wonder if I ever feel alone or don’t understand my need for solitude, this post is for you….
Let me start with saying my solitude is my safe space where I relax and reflect on my decisions, my future, and just go through my thoughts. My solitude cannot have distractions. I do various things on my own that is considered being in the confines of solitude: catch up on shows or watch movies, spend time with my kids, read, head to a coffee shop to work, go to a happy hour, or just fully rest and pamper myself. Solitude does not mean there are no people around you, it just means you take the time for yourself and do things you enjoy. The distraction would be if I adjust my enjoyment for someone else’s enjoyment.
Secondly, I do not ever feel alone or lonely. I have my groups of friends and each of them fit my life differently. The other night I decided to catch up with a very dear friend and we watched the finals (GS vs Boston), it was a great time, we caught up on new things going on in our lives, we laughed, we joked, and I was home before midnight. Then I have my childhood friends who I chat with every so often and we just share our currents thoughts throughout our day. And I have a few friends I sometimes run into when I’m out doing random things and we may sit and be in each other’s company for a while. Then of course I have my kids. So you see, I am never alone or even feel alone. — That’s a mindset.
The thing most of you may be jammed up on is the intimacy and companionship of being romantically or casually involved with someone. I don’t really require that, but what I do require is protection…protection of knowing I am loyal, but I also need my “me time” and with that, it does not mean I am giving what I share with you to anyone else, and not to hold it against me or be upset or speak down about me because I want a few days alone or to do other things…that for me is the intimacy I want. I’ve not had my fair share of relationships, I can count one 1 hand the number of people I’ve been serious about. I never felt that a relationship defines who I am or who I can be. Although, I do empathize with many of you women and I do like some elements of companionship. Remembering little details about me, what I like and make an attempt to see me smile. Yes, check in on me frequently and if I am involved with you in any way, I won’t ignore your call/message. I have no issue with saying I’m just relaxing for a few days or I’ll say that I have plans to go catch up with friends or if I’ll be out of town, or whatever I have in line that may keep me for spending time with you. Don’t get upset or use it against me to become distant. I am also not the kind of woman to be with any and every man, so I will never be involved with more than one person at a time and if a man thinks that of me, especially if I’m not behaving in that way or displaying poor values, then that is a sector of his doubts and insecurities, not mine. I like giving reassurance because I appreciate that too, calling me crazy or being dismissive of me when I ask about something/someone is a red flag I cannot ignore (and it may awake certain demons that don’t need to be up and who aren't pleasant to have around.) Have your fun and have your solitude too, but don’t minimize and discount what we share.
I am not against relationships, I love seeing people happy with someone and going through life together. And the parameters of a relationship is different for everyone. The only thing I like about my solitude and privacy is that no one really knows all the details of my life, they see what they see and may assume certain things, but if I am involved with someone, the one thing I won’t do is discuss the specifics of what we do or say with any outsiders. And I also won’t say anything foul against you if I am upset. — I surely won’t rally people not to speak to you or befriend you because I believe in people deciding for themselves how to communicate with others. I am here and stand by you until we decide different…that’s part of my loyalty along with many other values. Like I said in my last post:
What comes fast also goes fast. If it’s simple, you won’t be challenged. And nothing that is worth it is easy.
I don’t want fast, I don’t want simple. I don’t want easy. I also don’t want someone who is accessible to any and every woman. I am willing to go through the motions, but someone has to be just as willing too. — And any form of relationship with me isn’t going to be normal or what you may expect.
