The Vision Board

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Raya L.
The Vision Board
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This will be the last post of 2022. I am going to enjoy the last few days of this year and I hope you take advantage of that too. All of you have made this year very interesting, getting into 2022 was a little rocky, but we smoothed it out and keep the laughs going. By the time May came around, I let other people’s issues stay with them and celebrated myself and oh what a celebration it was because I was very choosey on who I surrounded myself with, no one new, no young minded people, no one who would make me feel uncomfortable, and definitely no one who has shaded me, flaked off or didn’t have good thoughts about me. — No, I didn’t want anyone like that around me while I toasted up to my happiness. You know, there can be much to say about the people you decide to celebrate things with. I know I chose well.

If you ever want to read through any previous topics, you can go to the top menu and can click on “All Blogs & Articles” (hyperlinked) or from this page, just scroll to the bottom and see all the topics by month. And you all contributed to the creations of these topics. - Thank you.

I don't get into the whole vision board fad where you cutout pieces of a magazine and glue them on a poster board to visualize what you want in the new year…yeah it's basically a school art project. I’m not discrediting the value in this activity, I've been told it can be very relaxing, inspirational, and encouraging. My 2 bestfriends hosted vision board parties where I of course chose to be absent from. — I tolerate doing many things more often than I actually like doing them, that sounds bad, it’s just sometimes I do for others to make them happy. I’m the same about people too, I tolerate a lot of people more than I like them.

And I guess I have to answer this one question I keep getting from so many of you…No, I did not get involved with anyone this year and even as this year is ending and as I write this up, no one has came through to change my mind. I see and hear things about some men and even though we should not believe everything we see and hear, I’m practical enough to come up with my own conclusions about people. This entire year, I did not have anyone playing with my emotions and I plan to have the same energy going into 2023. And with us having few more days left, I am definitely starting the new year very happy knowing that no one is taking advantage of how reasonable I can be with relationships and men. (I know…you ladies don’t see eye to eye with me on certain things.) Just be sure to have a man who keeps you feeling loved and knows how to protect you from any messes he might make. Okay? — There are 2 things I have added on to my list of standards for a man: 1. If it comes to light that he was fooling with someone he denied sleeping with, that is a no for me. We are adults, what is the point of lying about who you you’ve laid with? Guys, if a woman is asking you about someone, there is a good chance she already has an inkling about something. Lying to her about it not only avoids her emotions, but also makes her feel less valued to you. 2. A man who never sees his actions, behaviors, or how he handled something as being wrong is also a no for me. No one person is always right in everything they do, so what makes you think you are?

But, do I have a set of goals for the new year?

Well, I’ve got 2 and a half more years before I can add “DR.” to my name. I guess my goals with that is to not get overwhelmed and keep pushing through. I’m working on a prototype that is in line with my applied research about professional training and development, so that is an objective that is going to last for a few years. My career will be in the same field, I am going to expand upon it a little more and create something that is going to help others get to a professional level where they can develop universal skills and transfer them into various industries and markets. And I have been wondering if I need to step away from this site as to not dilute my professional goals. This is the casual side of me, but the business side of me is very different. I guess I will have to find a way to infuse my two worlds. I’d hate to have to shut this site down, because I enjoy doing this too…luckily it’s not something I have to think a lot about any time soon.

One of my biggest thoughts is my oldest heading off to college next Fall. That is a major accomplishment. I am 100% a single parent, I did not get the luxury of co-parenting, although my family has helped a lot over the years, but when it comes to actually raising my kids and teaching them good values, it’s just me. I take them to their appointments, I stay up with them when they are sick, I answer their questions, I pay for their school expenses, I speak to their teachers, I expose them to different experiences, I follow up with their progress, there is no one I can tag in to do this for me. Those of you who are single parents, but still has the other parent present, consider that a blessing and be grateful even if you do not get along with each other. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, just at the very least, be there. My kids are still thriving despite only having me, because they have my family and their fathers side of the family. I could sit here and say I wish things were different, but why? My kids are happy, healthy, smart, creative, funny, and becoming people who I know will do great in life. They are not products of what’s missing, they are products of what continues to be here.

That is no different from us being a product of our pains, pleasures, lessons, and defaults. — It builds character and we can always develop ourselves to be better. Happy New Year everyone.


You Don't Like Complex

Happy Tip: Any time you are sad, give yourself time to be sad, but try not to dwell too long, sadness can cripple you (sometimes when I'm sad, I won’t leave my house for days and not want to be around people, but I have to remind myself, life is still moving and I need to move too). Learn to groove into other emotions by switching to happier topics or thinking of things that boost your energy and serotonin levels.

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

Raya L.
You Don't Like Complex
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Artist: Giulia Rosa (I love this artist’s expressions of love and sex)

You ladies have voiced a lot of your grievances about men over the years. Men do not see their own bullsh*t sometimes. And they always try to make excuses for lacking. I came up with a simple message for men who think they are adequate…I know some of the men are going to dislike this, but hear us out:

You do not like someone with baggage, who maybe has previous trauma, children or a career that will get in the way of giving all her attention to you. You want someone to always be available for you, but want her to understand when you cannot be available for her. You don’t want someone who is complex because then you will feel pressured to think and do things that you are not capable of doing. You think you want a strong woman, but when her strength challenges your abilities, you create barriers against her and try to make her seem like the problem. You like the idea of her, but you have not dug into your own flaws and setbacks to realize that you are not ready for everything she comes with. She doesn’t need you to be perfect, she just wants you stand by her and face the world with optimism, determination, prosperity, and love for her.

We have to be honest with ourselves and what we can handle right now, but don’t think that any involvement you have with anyone isn’t going to get difficult. What is more important is how you handle the difficulties; you either face them or run from them. And no matter what decision you make…every action has an equal or opposite reaction.

To the men who are single, live your best single life, but keep this in mind…if there is a woman around you who is of a certain stature and you do things that makes her think a little differently of you, she isn't going to automatically forget her image of you just because you tell her it’s not what it looks like or its not what it seems. This is the difference between a man who is cognizant and a man who isn't self aware. Behave how you believe yourself to be. I know that may be lost to some of you. — Let’s say you and I are friends and you tell me you don't go out often and don’t like to be out all night, but every other weekend you’re out partying it up. Huh? Or if you tell me you don’t have anything going on with someone, but I happen to see you getting very cozy with someone, how am I supposed to think of that? Either you are with someone, starting something with someone, or you just let anyone get cozy with you.

Artist: Giulia Rosa

Hey, I'm single and I hang out and I meet people, but I’m still aware of how things could be perceived by the people around me. Even when I step out to my favorite places, most of the people know my face so I am not going to get affectionate with anyone I am not sleeping with or who I do not know very well. I’m not going to put my arm around anyone or press my body against them or act in a suggestive way with them. - Now I told you I hung out with one of my guy friends before Thanksgiving, right? Remember, I barely see him, but we catch up like once a year and when we were hanging out, we went to the place he usually goes to and throughout the evening he did keep hugging me and kissed my head a few times, but the way he did it was more like, this is my friend, I have love for her and I am enjoying her company. His behavior wasn’t inappropriate at all. So say if there was another guy hanging out with us who was interested in me, he would not think there was anything going on between my friend and I because of how we both conducted ourselves.

If you like a woman, don't give her the impression you're interested in someone else. Don’t act like a man who seems to share himself with everybody, that is not appealing. I don’t want what everyone else has or can have. But if you like ME, do small things like asking how I am, or what my weekend plans are, get into what I’m saying, or better yet make a point to see me and be the man you believe yourself to be. I know I’ve said before that I don't like not knowing where I stand with a man, YOU ARE THE MAN, set the tone for this otherwise I’m just going to chalk it up as you're not interested or I'm not your type.

Here’s a quick story. The big radio station in Philadelphia is “Power99”. And years ago Wendy Williams had a syndicated radio show. You may know Wendy as the talk show host, but I remember her from her radio days and I actually like her more then. I didn’t really watch her talk show that much, but when she was on the radio, I tuned in everyday! One time, Andre Benjamin was on her show, he’s also known as Andre 3000 or the other half of Outkast. Around that time he already had a son with Erykah Badu, but he told the story of how Common (who was just starting to become known) came to him and let him know that he and Erykah started seeing each other. And I think it was a bit of commotion because Andre and Erykah were still somewhat involved. But as Andre was telling the story, he was very clam, cool, and collected, it did not sound like there was animosity, he almost seem like he was appreciative that Common came to him to let him know that he didn’t mean any disrespect, he just wanted it to be known that he started seeing Erykah. I remember listening to this and thinking highly of both men and identifying the uncommon qualities that not all men possess, like being a man of honor. Again this was many years ago so you can just image how my views of good men have evolved.

Artist: Giulia Rosa

Now of course I was only hearing one side of the story, I don’t know Common’s or Erykah’s point of view, but I felt like it was so mature of both men to discuss it with each other and I never heard of the two of them having an issue with each other. And if what Andre said was true then Common didn’t push Erykah to talk to him. He decided to do it. And I cannot think that Andre be the type of man to have resentment towards the mother of his child or a man who just wants to clear the air. He has always presented himself as being very laid back and reserved (I feel like Andre would be good friend to have). I even read one time that when Outkast started getting all their hype and recognition, he didn’t get into the loud lifestyle of alcohol, women, and overly gaudy spending. He’s also been said not to entertain groupies or like the attention of any pretty face and he lives a lowkey life. I love that about a man. Especially the men who are able to discipline themselves when there is a bevy to gorgeous women at their disposal. Just because a pretty girl is willing to give it up to you, doesn’t mean you should give into it.

And guys, I think this is where many women have their concerns, don’t be a man who is open to anyone, be a man who is selective and whom is mature enough to express yourself without deflecting, gaslighting, or insulting a woman…especially not with the woman you are interested in. — Please don’t shoot the messenger. Be safe out there.


Empathy (Quick Note)

“I’m hurt and it’s not even happening to me.” ❤️‍🩹

Raya L.
Empathy
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You know how you can cry for people when they are in pain even when the pain isn’t directly affecting you? That’s called empathy. I am realizing that I am very empathetic towards people I care about. This year, there have been a few people I know who have experienced loss and to know they are in pain puts me in pain. I’ll put aside other responsibilities to be there for people and sometimes I feel like I am not being a good friend or family member when I cannot do more to take their pain away and it weighs on me. But that is the gift and the curse of being an empath. People may not feel exactly what you feel, but just know there are people who hurt for you and with you. And there are also people who are battling their own pains in private, but still show up for you. — Those people are treasures.

I guess I just wanted to say…Love the people around you and surround yourself with love. Notice those who are always there even if just in the background, and notice the ones who always come back around because maybe your connection with them is more important than any differences you may have had.

Face everything with love.

I hope to those I care dearly about don't allow pain to harden their hearts and detract from their blessings. There is not many people who can make me smile on my worst days and there's even fewer people I allow close to me. They are the glow from the sun and the twinkling stars that light up my skies and I pray I never see them go dim. May my thoughts for them be the puzzle pieces that helps complete a camaraderie of support and create a map to healing. 🕊❤️

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Hurt People, Hurt People

Don’t fee like reading? Listen instead. (2 Parts)

Raya L.
Who's Mad?
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Want to hear something funny? Many of you noticed a few months ago I started a subscription feature on this site to allow more private topics with those who wanted to become members. Those of you who did signed up and read through the topics are aware we do not share personal information and explicit content and I also have the comments enabled to readers to engage in dialogue with each other, and the conversations have been very informative and respectful.

Apparently, someone has reported my site as being inappropriate and containing content that elicits sexual activity between members. Basically someone is claiming my site is for sex workers. Really???!!! — Okay, let me just say this…this is NOT OnlyFans, this is not a porn site, this is not an escort service, nothing like that. I was not charging $50 to show you explicit pictures, no my membership fee was only $10 and that was to allow people a safe space to discuss more private topics.

And if you are here, that means you are here on your own free will. You are not required to be here and if you do not like or agree with anything I say, you can easily exit out. If you are a long time reader, then you know what this site is about and the types of topics I discuss. I am so at a loss, is someone mad? Do you have something against me? Is there some type of vendetta? I’m not seeing anyone, so I know it can’t be a scorn woman trying to get back at me.

Maybe a man reported my site, because there have been times I’ve gotten messaged from men about them perceiving me as a an ungodly woman because of my images. Who knows? So, of course I submitted an appeal, I am not sure how long this will take to get cleared, but until then I have to disable the members only feature. I’ll see if there is a loophole, but until I get more clarity on this, I am not sure what all I can do at the moment. I’m just wondering who’s mad? Who hurt you?

🔴The reality is there will always be people who never want to applaud you for doing great.🔴


Raya L.
Hurt People Hurt People
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Let’s get into some serious psyche for a moment. We are the sum of our worst and best moments. We can love people with a healthy heart and we can love people with a wounded heart. And with both, we can hurt people. People who are hurt, in pain, suffering, or struggling will not have the best energy. Even if they are faking a smile and forcing a laugh, it’s not authentic. — It’s also not wrong for trying to put on a happy face, but it can be draining and stressful to do so just to conceal other burdens.

Have you heard the term, hurt people hurt people? It’s the behavior of someone projecting or deflecting their pain towards someone else. Much like being angry at the world for your own consequences, decisions, or misfortunes. When someone is hurt they tend to hurt others and most of the time they don't realize it. Think if it like this, when you are upset, disappointed, or in some form of pain, your emotions and heart can harden leaving your patience to become very minimal and anything that pressures your patience can cause an unkind reaction from you.

There are times people hurt others in order to protect themselves. Let me give you a scenario regarding relationships, a woman who fosters pain and mistrust from her past sometimes reacts in frustration to a man who triggers similar behavior, because the reality is she's been hurt before and doesn't want to go through the same experience again.

But we can't shut down our emotions, that's not healthy either. It’s good to be polite, but no so polite that you are not expressed your true thoughts or your feelings. But you also have to think about if your true self is capable of being around others without deflecting any inner frustrations outward. Like are you okay to be around people and enjoy them or do you still need time alone?

People go through metamorphosis when life puts them in situations that causes them make new adjustments. The outcome is unknown in how we’ll develop our character because we don't all process information the same. This is why it’s important to give people time and space so they can do what they need for themselves whatever that looks like for them, but you can still remain supportive by just checking in on them from time to time.

When I was going through a big adjustment last year, I needed more time to myself than I needed time with people, but it was the people who still reached out to me that made the difference of that experience being numb and resentful vs being something that doesn't define me, and it changed my views of being in serenity with my circumstances and making…..lemons into garnish for sautéed spinach and pan seared salmon with a garlic aioli sauce.

You see, it does get bad, but it also gets good if you allow it and when you’re ready for it…no one can tell you when to be ready, you have to decide that.


100/50/0

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Raya L.
100/50/0
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How much should you give to a relationship? Any relationship? 100%? 50%? 0%? I think this question is very situational because it depends on the factors of your relationship with someone. Even work relationships are push and pull and it varies with what the tasks there are. In my friendships I do try to give my best efforts to let people know I care and want to be present for them and be as supportive as I can. Although, I look at my intimate relationships a little different, because I categorize them right above friendships and right below family (unless there is a ring involved, then it gets moved up to family.)

For instance, there have been a few times where I was a guest for my girl friends’ events and even though I was not hosting, I still went around to see if other guests needed anything and made sure they were comfortable and enjoying themselves. I felt like as a friend, I wanted to be helpful and fill in where I saw gaps. There was also a time I was out of town at a tailgating event with someone I was seeing and then, we had only known each other for a few months then and even though he did not ask me to help with anything, I still made sure people had food, drinks, trash was collected, and the little details for taken care of. — Maybe this is just part of my character? I just feel inclined to not just show up, but also be involved. *I also made a point to pay for part of the hotel expenses because I did not want him to think I was taking advantage of his financial contributions. I don’t like being one of those women who’s just there to be pretty. And like I said, we were still new to each other and I did not want to give him the wrong impression of me.

I believe when I am in the moment with someone, I give my all, my time, my attention, etc. But that does not necessarily mean I am giving 100% all the time. You will get my undivided attention when needed. It would not be realistic to give you all of me all the time. When I am in front of you or directly interacting with you, that is when you are getting 100% of me. When I am not around you, I am delegating myself between other things that need my consideration and efforts. I also pay very close attention on who makes plans to spend time with me or if I am always the one who reaches out and makes an effort. Especially if I am going through some things, I notice who decides not to be present for me, I read people even from a distance. I can still be kind to those people and speak to them with love, but I'm cognizant about keeping a wall up with them. — If you can't handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.

Anyway back to the numbers. I think many times these ratios are being confused with finances and how much of your monetary assets you are bringing to the relationship in exchange for intangible benefits, for example, a man who pays all the bills and a woman who maintains the home and family routines. This arrangement works for many couples, but I tend to want to bring sustainable assets to the relationship too. I want a man to do for me because I bring something of value to him, but I also do not want it thrown in my face if he ever feels that my contributions are not equal to his. Just like with anything else, this is a working relationship. — Discuss your objectives, address any concerns, and develop solutions.

However you believe the percentage should be, you want the other person to be on the same page as well. Because you do not want to be solely dependent on someone or someone to be solely depending on you, whether is financial or mental. It can be draining and cause resentment or conflicts in your relationships. It should not be where it’s “If you do for me then I will do for you.” This isn’t a quid pro quo matter, you guys know what quid pro quo means, right? Everyone here old enough to know what pink slips are? Anyway, rather it should be in your relationships, “Let’s do for each other and help one another fill in the gaps.

Listen, out in the world, I’m strong, driven, and independent, but if I’m in a relationship or have a lover and we’re in the house, I want my man…ALL OF HIM. I want to be close to him, snuggle up with him, smell his manly scent, feed him, ask about his day, know what was his favorite cereal as a kid, find out what mixtapes he used to have, scratch the back of his neck, kiss on his face, sit on his lap and just be all over him…yeah, I want to smother and suffocate him with my love. I want to throw him a party and show up as the gift! 😅 This is why I believe you should not share your intimate self with everyone because I want to be able to give all my good energy to one man and I only want one man touching me.

And here is some unsolicited advice, you can take or you can throw it out: Don’t want the relationship more than you want the man. Let that twirl in your mind for a bit. It’s not going to mean the same for everyone. I tell my girl friends who are married and have good husbands who love and take care of them to not lose sight of their man because a lot of things out here are garbage. — Trust me, I see it everywhere. You guys do what is best for you. Be safe out there.


I’m Not Your Type

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Raya L.
I'm Not Your Type
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Raya L.
Response 1 (Keeping It To Myself)
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Raya L.
Response 2 (Give Him A Son)
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Raya L.
Response 3 (My Type)
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A few posts ago I was talking about a guy in my life and I mentioned that I don’t believe I’m his type. I still sort of think this is true, but this topic isn't about me not being his type, it’s more about understanding your type.

I May Not Be Your Type

But I’m the type you don’t ever forget about.

I’m a thinker. I’m very analytical, task oriented, and process driven. I observe many things, so yes it’s safe to say I have an opinion about almost everything; I may or may not voice it but it's definitely on my mind. So if a man does not like to be asked questions or even challenged to consider other perspectives, he’s not going to like me.

Also, I am NOT free spirited. Let me repeat that, I AM NOT FREE SPIRITED. I may have been that when I was a teenager without any substantial responsibilities other than my left and right foot, but since having children, leaving their father, reconstructing my goals, maneuvering through my career, staying conscious of my finances, and surrounding myself with progressive people, I have a lot to account for.

Don't misinterpret that into thinking I don’t go out and enjoy myself, of course I do, but for the most part I consider how my decisions may affect other aspects of my life. And yes, I’ve taken risks and had some risky behavior but nothing that could have potentially damaged my family, my future, or what I wanted for myself. That term “free-spirited” is almost becoming nails on a chalk board to me. I more use it to describe children who are carefree because they don’t think about the after effects, they just do as they please, like my own children. For those of you who use it for reference the type of people you like, that's fine, but I would not describe my type of person as being free spirited, I want him to be conscientious…I want a grown man. Not a man who looks grown but has a lot of young tendencies. And this is not to be confused with having good energy.

I don't mind being out at a party, club or lounge, but that's not something I want to do all the time for fun. And I don’t surround myself with those who always want to do just that because you are a good as the company you keep. I do have people who I consider my “party friends” and if I'm going out and making a night of it, I’ll reach out to them. But as far as people who know me, know my character, my personality, my moods, where I’m at in life, those are my core connections. So if all a man wants to do is show out for people or try to keep up with the younger crowds, I'm not his type. — Sweetheart, go do you and chase those skirts. I’ll be home watching a movie. Don’t call me.

I’ve cultivate a set of preferences and priorities based on what I’ve learned, experienced, and enjoy. I'm not still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. No I'm not sure of everything, but I am certain that I want to keep myself pampered, entertained, independent, grateful, appreciative, and humbled.

I also want to keep my mind full of substance that continues to improve my way of thinking and my way of life. A man who is stagnant, says “this is just how I am”, keeps making the same mistakes, not willing to be enlighten, and is not inclined to step out of his comfort zone, isn't my type.

Having a comfort zone is great, but never wanting to leave it doesn't expose you to any new possibilities. You can still keep parts of your comfort zone, just be open enough to expand it. And if this makes you think I’m being invasive and wanting you to change, I’m not your type. If I’m wanting you to step out of your box, it's because I want you to have a new experience, a new vision, a new feeling, a new perspective. If you don’t want it, that’s fine — I don’t want you.

There are people who think things in theory, but in practice it’s different. For instance, in theory they believe they are open minded, but in practice they want to stick to their original thoughts. In theory they think they're not young minded, but in practice they like being part of a younger crowd and connecting to their level. In other words, practice what you preach. I can't stand when a man who contradicts himself or when I mirror his same behavior, but takes offense to it even though he downplayed my feeling when he did the same (yes this has happened so many times in my experiences with men). — Like, you can allow a girl to be all over you, but when a man is showing me that same attention, you want make it seem like it’s poor character on my part. So why wasn’t it poor character on your part? Although, in reality, if sleeping with someone, I’m not going to allow any other man in my face and I’d definitely not do that in front of him. So if you're the kind of man who encourages a woman to entertain other men so you can justify entertaining other women, I’m not your type. I don't know how open relationships work, but even if I were in one, I still wouldn't want my man to talk about his time with other women or tell me to go meet other men.

Overall, we all have a type and it’s the nuances in our personalities that make the difference of what we can and cannot work with someone else's personality. You want someone who balances you and there's a good chance that they won’t be exactly like you, that’s the beauty of it. I don’t want to be with someone just like me, I do want us to have common interests, but I also want us to have our own interests that we still support. I’m not the type to push you to change, I’m the type to show you that change can be good.


*Unless you want me to give you a son to carry on your name, don’t do this. 😼

When You Love Someone

When you love someone you just don't treat them bad.” - Donell Jones (Where I Want To Be, 1999)

Raya L.
When You Love Someone
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There’s been a lot on my mind the last few days, people, situations, circumstances, everything. But you know what I still take time to reach out to people because I either love them or have love for them. And I am noticing more and more people don’t do the same. It’s a bit disappointing, but it still doesn’t deter me from still caring and asking how people are. Especially during this time of year where studies show how people are more prone to stress, anxiety, and depression for various reasons.

I read somewhere that over 50% of people have no internal dialogue…like no personal or original thoughts. If this is true, some people I know are starting to make a lot more sense to me…just completely dense.

Even in my writing I mention or reference people and sometimes I talk about hurtful experiences with some of them, but I really have not ill feelings towards anyone in my life. We are all very different and we interact with people differently. Even the last man I was sleeping with, I do not have any issues with him, we are harmony…well, the best harmony we can give each other. And even the 20 something year old who I mentioned is very sweet on me I have nothing bad to say about him. He has severely irritated me recently. He’s just young and really doesn’t grasp the concept of what I occurs in my life. He keeps sending me text messages saying “Hey” — That’s it. That’s all he says.

The first few times, I entertained it and responded in kindness because I figured he did not have much to say want just wanted to say Hi. But then he kept sending that one word message and I’m just like….See this is why I can’t be with anyone young. There is no substantial dialogue and when there is some sort of conversation it is very dense and superficial. I don’t really follow today’s music, I stopped watching those stereotypical reality shows and dramas years ago, I don’t like discussing other people or getting into their personal business, so I can talk to you about the simple things, but it can only go so far. Either way, I don’t have anything bad to say about that young man, he’s sweet, and I said before he is farther in life that most of his peers, he’s not in a dead-end job, he has his own place, he doesn’t waste money, and he’s on a good path. I’m just can’t mentally keep taking a few steps back just to carry a conversation.

Someone asked me if I am noticed my conversations with people are not as stimulating as they used to be because I am in a doctorate’s program. I have noticed that mood becomes a bit stale when someone isn’t saying anything intrinsic, but it’s been like that for a while now.

Anyway, let’s get off of that, this topic is about love.

I know we all define love differently and sometimes we do hurt the ones we care about, but is there a limit? Like is there a moral compass on what lines we should not cross? I think so. Say if you are involved with someone and you tell them you love them, is it odd that they don’t share to others that they deeply care about you? Like how can you love me, but you downplay your feelings about me to other people? I completely understand not letting people into your business, but if you have strong feelings for someone, shouldn’t that at least be known?

Love does make us do unexpected things. It’s an odd emotion. Love makes me drop everything and take a flight to comfort a friend. Love makes me defend people even when they don’t deserve my support for them. Love sometimes keeps me quiet in order not to cause a conflict. Love also sometimes has me accepting that people will never understand who I am when I am willing to understand them. Love is happiness and love is pain.

This is one of my Godsons. His mother and I have been friends since grade school.

When the love is good and genuine, you never what to let it go, but everything doesn’t last forever. You just have to enjoy while you have it. Remember when I said I got put my shoes back on after getting comfy in the house just go catch up with a friend I rarely see? That is the type of genuine love I have for several people in my life…getting uncomfortable to go towards comfort. — I hope that makes sense.

But when love is pain, it can tear us down and eat away at us. I told someone that “Pain never really goes away, we just learn to manage it better.” And that goes for any type of hurt we experience because pain is pain and none of us is immune to it and there is not a way to categorize what type of pain is worse. You cannot tell someone what they feel isn’t as bad how someone else may feel. Again Pain is Pain, just like a sin is a sin, whether it is lying or stealing, it is still a sin, correct?

The hope is that we get through any pain and become stronger and still be able to show and give love to people. And I want to believe that people do not intentionally seek to hurt anyone that’s why I tend to give people more grace than they may deserve, but sometimes people make decision to just appease themselves and you’re just in the crossfire.

I want to keep being happy

I am not in love, but I have love and give love and I think that is the best thing we can do for others and ourselves.


Raya L.
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SIDEBAR: If you guys partake in watching adult entertainment, then you know who Mia Khalifa is. I did not bother to watch this show/podcast, the headline just caught my eye because it’s been a hot topic here and everyone has their own views on it. If any of you watched it, let me know what the conversation was about, is a man really lacking something if he is dating someone who is 10 or 20 years younger than him? (I know the last man I was involved with was over 10 years, not over 15, but at least 10 years older. Our communication wasn’t awkward because I had already experienced a few major milestones in life and our paths were parallel to one another, so we were able to discuss things that were relative to each other). But is a man lacking something mentally, emotionally, or something that he see it better to impress a younger woman than a woman his age?