Have you ever been in a relationship where your sole purpose was to met your partner's needs? I do not know the ratio of people who fall victim to such circumstances, but some of us do get confused with what a marriage is suppose to consist of.
You may be expected to cater to your spouse, but what does that mean in turn for you? Are you always the one making compromises, left out on making decisions for the home, adjusting your schedule, and subduing your wants and "needs" to appease your significant other? Does your words go unheard? Do your emotions get unattended to? Do you feel as if you are always needing to prove how much you are willing to do just to show how much you love this person?
At one point, I did believe that a marriage meant to follow the husband's lead no matter where it ended up...I know now how wrong I was.
In a marriage, you are still TWO separate people coming together as a union. You are not becoming ONE person. My needs are just as important as yours. Do not make a decision about our household or our family without my input or even considering my input. Do not feel that what you say or think holds more weight than what I say or think.
Repressed Memory: I had completely forgotten about this, maybe because of how shocked I was to hear someone I loved say this to me....While I was in the process of finishing my degree, he told me I was wasting my time and money when I could be doing something better with it for our family...even as I am typing this out, my eyes are filling up with tears...How dare him tell me that it is a waste of time to better myself. How dare him look down on my efforts to achieve more in life. How dare him think that furthering my knowledge will hinder our family...did he want me to remain foolish and behind him forever? He must have ill and delirious at the time.
My next relationship will be a bit more challenging because not only have I grown from a young mindset, I am also bringing 2 children in the mix and if he has any, then we will definitely need to discuss how to blend our families. For the most part, I expect it to be trial and error but, if he and I want it to work then we will see through any and all errors for the sake of love.
Also, just because a woman may take her husband's last name does not mean he has the only say. He is the leader, yes but, even a good leader listens to his community. I want my husband to confide in me, take comfort with me, ask for my advice, listen to my sorrows, ease my pain, and not walk away from me. One of the biggest heartaches you can feel is feeling alone when your are not supposed to be.