“The Best Man Is A Man Who Pulls Out The Best In You.”
I was talking to one of my aunties the other day and we were talking about dating and relationships and she was asking me what I want. I told her I didn't just want someone to have fun with, I also want someone to confide in and call when I have exciting news or bad news and he does he best to comfort me. I still don’t want to share a space with anyone, but I want to be able to have someone who can come over and just sit with me. We laugh, joke about each other, share our troubles and just be comfortable around each like genuine friends. Or we can just be doing our own separate tasks together, like I’m on my laptop, he’s on his. Auntie and I also talked about being patient and if we want a good companion we have to be good companions ourselves and we have to be just as patient as we want someone to be for us. And she tells me that in some ways I have to revert back to not having such an independent mindset and to allow a man to be there for me, who is willing to learn me and be of value to my life. And she’s right, even though it’s unusual and hard for me to ask for help or even to admit that there's just times I don't want to feel like I’m facing life alone, I would appreciate a helpful man.
Although, in contrast to this, the other evening I stepped out and invited a few friends, one ended up already having plans that evening, and the other joined me later that evening. We haven’t hung out in a long time so we caught up on things and then we starting getting into other topics. Then another friend came, I’m not close to this one friend, but he is good friends with people I know and I’ve been around him several times before so he gets into our topics too. And we were talking about how as a woman even though I like for a man to know how I handle me, I find it more appealing when he is considerate of me and my father instilled this in me. He says that a man should still be thinking of you even if you are in the same room as him like taking a moment to check on you and seeing if you need anything. And I think all of my previous lovers were like this to a certain point. I know with the most previous one, if we were out with friends, if he was not standing or sitting in close proximity to me, he would still make sure to check on me and I always appreciated that. And the one thing that the Athlete did that I loved was anytime we make plans with each other, before meeting up, he would ask if I needed anything or if I wanted him to stop anywhere to pick up something for me. I just think that’s a very loving gesture.
I think my idea of companionship is centered around how I like my life to be and I cannot remember is I said this to my friends or if I was thinking it, but many of my friends and I have reached a point in our lives where we have a certain level of freedom to do what we want to do, respectively. And I think man of woman, the issues we face with relationships is that we know what we can offer and what value we can add to someone, but we don’t like to change too much of our routines for anyone, we may make adjustments here and there, but if we start to feel unappreciated or misunderstood, it becomes a problem that we either address or we just walk away completely. And I know I am not making this up because I’ve done it and I’ve seen my friends do it. For instance, all my guy friends, I do not know if I tell them this enough, but all of my guy friends are handsome, they’ve done well for themselves, and regardless of how they may handle certain situations or the decisions they make, in their core, they are decent men and I think the women they involve themselves end up wanting them to change things they are not ready to change or even want to change. And at the end of the day, people are going to do what they feel is best for then even if it hurts other people. With my previous lover, regardless of whatever issues there were, I think initially he wanted to be good for me, but I think there were other elements that kept him from making decisions that considered my feelings. I don’t know this for sure, this is just my opinion.
I know there’s things about me that could be better, just like what my Auntie said, how I don’t need to be so independent all the time especially around a man who cares about me and who wants to help me. And a few of my guy friends have mentioned this to me too, it’s just hard for me to break that wall because I am so used to not having anyone. And again with my previous lover, I do remember having previous conversations that could have played out better had I said things differently. That doesn’t mean anything would have changed, I’m just saying words can be very powerful. My Auntie also said to careful of men who think you're being a problem because you are pointing out where they can be better. She says people who aren’t ready to face their demons are too comfortable with having them and will think you're being too critical of them. And I know my words can sound critical and demoralizing. That is something I am continuing to improve.
Overall in my opinion, nothing beats a considerate and helpful man, but I am very aware that I need to be open to allow a man to be there for me.
Be safe everyone.
