A lot of you have been asking me how I am so good at handling relationships and getting through pain or disappointment, but to be honest with you, I’ve not always been great at it, plus I don’t share all the details of my hurdles. I like to go through things my way so I can grow through them, you know? Life is constantly a learning process, and every experience comes with its own lessons. I will say this much: I have little to no drama in my life.
I am not sure how this happened or even how it came about, but I am in a phase in my life where my mindset is…. “Life goes on.” I’ve noticed that I am not as phased or reactive to certain things that I used to be bothered by. I mean, I still get upset, by my reactions towards it are either very passive or if I am really bothered by it, I don’t let it last long. And to be honest with you, being this way has allowed me to have better experiences and enjoy my time with people better. The drama line in my life has flatlined, at least for now. I want to be clear, it’s not that I do not care about anything, I care very much about a lot of things… and people, I just decide if something is really worth me being distraught over or not. Say if I am anticipating on spending time with someone and they end up being busy or decide to do something else without me, I may be a little let down, but I am still going to find a way to enjoy the rest of my day. If I call or text someone and they don’t respond for a few days, okay, no worries, I accept that they will reach me when they can.
Although certain relationships with people may require more frequent contact and communication. For instance, I speak to my father about 2 or 3 times a week, whereas my sister speaks with him daily. My sister and I have different relationships with our father. Now with my kids, that’s an everyday call or text. With my two best friends, one of them I speak with every few months, while the other, I speak with about once a week and no one makes a fuss about it, there’s no drama with how few or how often we speak or see each other. As for people I see often, I know a few of them have gotten used to seeing me or hearing from me on a regular basis, so when I am absent or silent for a period of time, they start to reach out and check in on me. And I appreciate that, because sometimes I do get caught up in my own responsibilities or tasks that I seclude myself without realizing it. And again, I appreciate that people don’t get upset when they haven't seen or heard about me or assume things about me. I like to be that way with people, also. If I am used to seeing you or speaking with you often, I try not to go more than a few days without reaching out. It doesn’t take a lot to be considerate, and I want to be considerate of people. There is no drama in my life, and I don’t want to accept anyone bringing drama into my life.
There are more than plenty of times when people are telling me about someone else’s business or sharing their unfriendly thoughts about someone, and I do not add any encouragement to that type of conversation. I either try to redirect the mood or give the person a different perspective to think about. Especially since I am private about certain parts of my life, I don’t always like it when people talk about their misconceptions of me, but hey, I know people will talk no matter what, and all I can do is continue to be as pleasant as I can. I guess the best way to explain it is that thinking positively is now my automatic, knee-jerk reaction to things. If someone is telling me they are having a bad day or they got bad news, I offer my empathy and tell them something to feel good about. I pick up on a quote from a movie made in the 1940s, which goes:
“Nobody can tell you where your place is, wherever you're happy, that’s where your place is... and happiness is a matter of personal adjustment to your environment.”
All of our interactions and connections with people are different, and I adjust myself to be pleasant and enjoyable in each of those scenarios. And since we talk about intimate and romantic relationships a lot here, remember in a previous topic called “Emotional Residue” where I talked about leaving your issues from previous relationships in the past. If anyone you used to have relations with still has issues with you or the situation you once had, please handle that in a way that doesn’t interfere with what we have going on. And a man who knows how to lead and is practical and rational with his decisions will know or find a way not to let his past negatively affect you. Ideally, there shouldn’t be any issues; your past is your past, and once you make the decision to move on, that should be it. I also understand that sometimes your past can still pop up on you because we all have our triggers, but at that point, you make another decision on how much you allow it to affect you and if you will allow that to affect what you have going on in your life now.
If a man entertains the drama, I cannot control that, but I can decide how I want to be involved or how I want to communicate with him. Or if he is the type of man who welcomes all types of attention from women, all I can do is see how he handles that, how he interacts with those women, and how he interacts with me. I cannot control what someone else does, but I can control what I accept in my life, and I know I don’t want a man who allows himself to accessible to every woman. It’s one thing to be personable and charismatic because I am like that too. I will sit and converse with anyone, but I try to be careful of how I interact with men. There’s a fine line between being friendly and being flirtatious and sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference, but if a man is being nice and welcoming to people, I don’t need any woman being nasty or spiteful towards me because she thinks he has an interest in her and sees me as someone who needs to be set aside. Don’t bring that into my life.
Things are always occurring around us, and things are always happening to us, but we have the autonomy to welcome what we want to welcome, and drama isn’t one of those things I’m freely willing to accept. I never know how I will react to something, but I do know that I don’t want to welcome unnecessary strain or stress into my life. And if that comes across that I'm handling things well, they hey, I love it.
Be safe everyone.
