“Do what makes you happy. Live your life.”
I'm sure we always hear people say, "Just do what makes you happy." And that's a positive statement, right? But what about the other side of this. What if what you do that makes you happy is making someone else unhappy? What if you want to stop seeing someone because you've decided that you're not happy in the relationship anymore but, the person still wants to work things out? Do you still do what make YOU happy?
Or how about this, what if I have a guy friend who I like hanging out with but, he has a girlfriend and the girlfriend gets insecure when he hangs out with me but, he likes to spend time with me too. Who do we keep happy in this scenario? If it's making us happy to hang out, do we keep doing it? Or in order to keep his girlfriend happy, does he stop hanging out with me?
Is there a limit to what you do to be happy?
Like I told you guys I want a companion and not a partner, so when my companion steps out, I'm not thinking about what he's doing because having that type of mindset doesn't keep me happy. My emotions are involved but, I can't dictate what someone does. When we're together and if we’re out somewhere and he's attentive to me and not giving special attention to another woman, why should I be concerned with what he's doing when he's not with me? Baby, have fun, I'll talk to you later.
I also told you previously, some of my friends have changed my perspective on relationships and how differently they can work. And all of them have told me, if a man can't handle who I am, then he doesn't deserve to have me. And they also tell me, "Raya, you are the catch. Don't let anyone treat you like you're not." Some of them are so transparent, that they've even said (I’m cleaning up the language a bit, but in one way or another they have said this to me), "If a man has you, he's got the top tier, and anyone else he may be communicating with is just for fun or for ego because no one can match you, be happy about that." - Now, I don’t always know how to take that, but I know with them, it’s coming from a good place. You all can take that statement how you want to, I've got a special group of friends who don't hold back with telling me things. And I don’t know if they really think that about me or if they're just being nice. 😐😩😁 I've seen them get into a lot of crazy things over the years, but I've come to understand that what they do away from home or from their partners/companions is a form of happiness that keeps them balanced, but I know not everyone will see it that way.
So with doing things that make you happy, how much should you consider someone else’s happiness in relation to your own?
And with the companionship I want, it would make me happy to be able to have time away from each other because I want to be able to miss you. But what if the person wants to see me all the time because that's what makes him happy. Should I compromise what makes me happy to please him? And it also makes me happy to step out to grab something to eat or drink by myself, but what if that bothers someone else? Or what if it bothers him that I have a lot of guys friends who I keep in touch with often? I don't want to be stressed because I'm doing things that make me happy, but in the same regard, it's also making someone else unhappy.
And remember when I said, I don’t want to live with a companion? What if someone wants the opposite? My space makes me happy. My me time makes me happy, and sometimes that “Me Time” looks like going to see my friends, it’s still me ME TIME. With what I want and with what keeps me happy and thriving, I should have that, shouldn't it? I’m not going to sleep with other people and if you live near by, we can have some sort of signal or code phrase to let you know I want your attention or your company. Is this a weird concept? I feel like most men would be bothered by some of these things because I don’t want that traditional relationship.
I guess there's a catch 22 with not being selfish, but still making decisions that keep you happy. And maybe making those decisions will having people thinking everything is about you. How is that fair if you're telling someone, “Do what makes you happy.” 🤔
I can't have what I want? Because I don’t know how clearer I can make it, let me use this metaphor:
I am not still building the garden of my life where someone can still come and plan the layout with me. My garden is done, the seeds have been planted, and now I am just watering and grooming my flowers, but I wouldn’t mind for someone to sit in the garden with me, see how happy it makes me and maybe take initiative here and there to help keep my garden beautiful.
Or let me try another metaphor because that one may have been too much:
I already have my home and all I am doing now is maintaining it, but I am open to having a frequent visitor who makes me laugh, keeps me company, engages with what I talk about even if it’s silly, and sometimes we go places together. Is this too tall of an ask?
So again, where is the limit to your happiness?
I’m happy, I’m doing things I please, being around people who make me smile, and sometimes doing or saying things that amuse myself. Like, one of my friends, I mess with him every now and then and send him suggestive messages or even thirst trap photos, not naked photos or anything like that, but just photos that I don't show everyone or post on social media, like I’m not trying to be an IG model. I’m not one of those women whom are showing half bare ass online for attention or recognition. My FB is private and I only connect with family and old friends on there. I’ve even transitioned my Instagram to more professional content to align with a goal I have and even that is private. I think the only platform that I have all the way public is this one and even then, there’s a line I don’t cross. But anyway, this guy he knows I’m being funny so he doesn't take it any of that seriously, so in the process of all that, I'm making myself laugh.
But that's what I’m saying, there’s so many little and big things that make me happy. So at any point, should I feel bad for doing things that make me happy?
Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽
