The Partner Prayer

August 31, 2023

“The Universe always knows what it's doing even when we don’t.”

So I've been getting into deep topics with you guys lately. Let keep in this vibe a little longer. So amongst some women, they've been talking about a "Partner Prayer" that is supposed to bless them with a good man. Where God is going to hear what they want an need and send them a man who will make their lives full and abundant.

Now I don't you if you all pray or are devoutly religious, but I don't believe in that "Partner Prayer". Let me tell you why, if praying for someone it's not going to be praying for someone to love me, rather I'm praying for someone's peace and happiness because when I pray for my friends and loved ones, that's what I pray for because that's what I'll be praying for myself too. One of the friends who I caught up with the other day,I let him know I think about him and his family a lot because they're still healing from something and I pray for them alot. Another friend's mom had a major loss in her life and I think about her a lot too and their family is in my prayers. The thing about pain is that it never goes away, we to learn to cope with it better. So why would I pray for a man to love me fully if there's so many other people I can be praying for to help heal their hearts, I want God to hear those prayers.

I'm not going to pray for a companion, I am going to pray for my love to be abundant. I'm praying for patience, for strength, for understanding, for empathy, for better days. I pray that I stand firm in my values. I pray that I can let go of what's hurting me. I pray that pain doesn't taint me. I'm praying for the goodness to be vibrant in me even after I'm disappointed. I'm praying to accept people's love and affection for me even when it doesn't seem like a lot, but to just accept that maybe that's all they can give. I'm not praying for God to bring me a man. And I don't know any of you ladies who do pray for that, I just won't do it.

Remember when I said to start telling yourself: "I CANNOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T MEANT FOR ME."

I can't miss out on men who don't see me for me and want to see me for what they want me to be like. And I don’t like anyone pushing into a relationship that I don’t find conducive to my happiness and well-being. If I want to be involved with someone, that is my choice along with his, not because of what others think may be good for me. So you guys can pray for whatever you want to, but I am going to pray growth within myself and love for those who I care about.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

“I feel loved and blessed. I pray for others to feel loved and be blessed too.”

No New Friends/Problems

August 24, 2023

“We're too adult for the love games, do what makes your heart beat an extra beat.

And when that extra beat stops beating, carry on.”

I caught up with a dear friend the other day who I haven't hung out with in about a year. We talked about a few serious topics, including some details about my personal life and details about his personal life. Through a few of my friends over the years, I learned a lot about how different relationships can work and that there's never really been anything traditional after you meet someone and start being involved with them. Even marriages have different ways of managing.

Just like in the last post, I talked about not wanting partnership, but companionship instead. Because with what I do and don't want to do, I'm only going to go but so far with a relationship no matter what we say to each other.

Think of it like this, say I'm married but my marriage isn't a traditional one and my husband and I don't live together and we're still married for undisclosed reasons. But I do meet people. If I get involved with someone, there's only but so much I can invest into that person because on paper I'm still legally tied to someone else. So even though I may love this man who isn't my husband and he may love me, there’s nothing I can offer him other than companionship UNLESS I decide to go through a divorce which can be a long and expensive process.

See sometimes people don't know all the elements of divorce proceedings especially when there’s many years and assets involved or you're making more money now then when you first got married so you have to go through all your finances and you may have to give up a big portion of your portfolio to end your divorce. It can be a stressful ordeal.

So no I'm not married, but there's a part of me that doesn't desire a partnership type of relationship, no matter how much I may love you, and there's a lot of people who won't understand or accept that. I don't want attention all the time, sometimes I want to come home and just sit, I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything, I just want to be in my space, by myself. I'm grown.

I want to have good conversations and spend time with someone, but I don't need it everyday. And I don’t want to be made to feel guilty for that. If I'm involved with you, I'm solid with you, I'll check on you, see how you're doing and see if you want to go do something, but I don't need you and that's the part that can hurt or bother people. If I have to let someone go because they are not leveling my happiness or my growth, "You need to go baby" 💔

So my friend asked me about my dating life and if I've met anyone I wanted something significant with and I said no. I told him I've met a few people, but no one vibed with me in a way that I wanted to be closer to them. And he said something to me a kind of made sense....

"How about don't connect with someone new. Because then you don’t have to go through the process of them getting to know your ways and you getting to know theirs."

I understand the notion on this because I think I've even mentioned on here a few times that there's nothing wrong with rekindling an old flame ❤️‍🔥. You may be "newer" because some things about yourself may have changed, but you're still familiar with someone you once were linked with. I don’t know if that's something I'll do, not like I've not done that before, but if I do rekindle anything with some, I'm going to be more clear with what's not comfortable for me and what types I problems I don't need to have.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Relationships: A Wise Investment?

August 20, 2023

“Love is just a word we attach to a feeling that we don’t really understand until we look back on it.”

Someone told me, the best thing you can do is make solid relationships that benefit both people. This includes friendships too. You invest in people and cultivate a type of understanding and communication with one another that gets your through certain things in life. I pour into a lot of my friendships because the friends I’ve made are free-flowing and I have friends who I talk to about serious topics and I have friends who I talk to about lighthearted topics, they all bring value into my life one way or another.

The Older I Get

The more I understand what works for me and that it may not work for others, but I can’t rely on others to make things work for me. ✨️

The types of relationships I'm not pouring into is a partnership. A colleague mentioned that partnering with someone can be a good personal and financial investment, but I feel like that all depends on your partner. Say if your partner is bad with money or doesn't have a good paying job, then you carry the bulk of the financial responsibility which can also affect your communication with the person. But if you have a stable person who can carry the same weight and articulate adult responsibilities, then yes, that’s a good partnership. 👍🏽

I was talking to one of my good friends a few days ago…he is a damn fool, I have so much fun when I talk to him, well, I have a lot of fun when I talk to any of my friends. I just have good people in my life. Anyway, with this friend, we've both been married before, we have children and don’t want anymore, we make good money, and we can do whatever it is we want to do, so I was telling him I don’t need or want a partner, but I like having companionship and I would like to be involved with someone who understands the difference.

We don’t always have be around each other. If he wants to go grab a drink after work and not invite me out, I'm fine with that. Or if he is going out with his friends and doesn't ask me to come, I'm okay with that too. I’m not going to ask invasive questions, I may just ask what you did the other night, but don't treat me like I’m the opposition or like a stranger, communicate with me. And also, if we so happen to run into each other somewhere and you're out with friends or whoever, don’t act as if you don’t know me, especially if we’re sleeping together. I'm grown, I don’t play those silly games. You don’t need to be all up on me, but don’t treat me like some random person that you just know.

I like hanging out one on one with someone, but I don't always require it. We can hang out with a bunch of people or we can just talk on the phone or text. And I don’t always want to talk of superficial things, I want articulate and intrinsic conversations where we learn significant details about our values and backgrounds. There’s other forms of intimacy other than sex. And I want a companion who understands all of this.

I rather invest into this kind of relationship rather than a partner who wants to combine every aspect of our lives. I don’t want to live with anyone, but I do want to see you and spend time with you when we can. I like going out and doing things and sometimes I like to have intimate company. Someone who is interested in me and talks to me in ways that my friends don’t speak to me, I’m sure you guys know the difference.

But for now, when I want company, I just call one of my friends, and don’t get me wrong, I love catching up with them, but vibe is different with someone you're intimate with and that's the main reason why I like companionship because the synergy is different. Again, I don’t need a partner, I just want to share energy with someone who likes to embrace me and the moments we have together. I think that would be the wise investment, at least for me, I can't speak for all of you.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Girl Cliques

August 17, 2023

“ALFA women don’t travel in packs. Or don’t always need someone with them.”

Some of you noticed that I really do not mention my girl friends a lot and that I speak of my guy friends more and you’re right, I do. That’s because I do have more guy friends than I do girl friends and I hang out with my boys more. I think as far as my demeanor goes, I mesh a lot better with my guys, but I also have great times with my girls. I just don’t always move the same way many women. Let me explain…

There’s been a few scenarios where I am hanging out with some girl friends and some of them seem to focus on finding a man to pay for our drinks, food, etc. I’m not like that, if I am stepping out, I can afford to do what ever it is I decide to do. I don’t seek out making an acquaintance with a man to talk him into covering a tab. I also don’t invite guys out with the motive of getting him to pay for my stuff. Or I know some women who will tell their friends to come hang out because they are going to meet a guy who is going to cover everything. It is generous if a man is willing to do that, but that should be the main reason why women go out. And I hate for women to encourage their friends to talk to men simply because the men have money or are wealthy. I HAVE MONEY. I’M GOOD 👍🏽. And a lot of women like to travel in groups or do not like to be alone. I LOVE coming and going by myself. I am not on anyone’s time and I can leave whenever I want to. I’m not waiting on anyone and no one is waiting on me.

Being Happy With Me

And not feeling like I need to be part of a group or needing someone around me all the time.

I love the women I have become friends with, but my relationships with them are completely different than my relationships with my guys. I feel like female friends require more time and attention. They require a lot of engagement otherwise you're not part of their “clique” or you're acting funny 😐. Sometimes I like to hang out, sometimes I don't. And sometimes I like to talk about things and sometimes I don’t.

And another thing about women is that they seem to always want to know the specific details in your personal life. Do you ever listen to what women talk about with each other? Most of it is just fluff when it’s not about anything substantial. And some of it is also just gossip. I don’t even tell my best friends everything, so I definitely won’t share a lot with those who I’m not too close to. For example, only a few people know about the Athlete and even fewer people know about Poppa. And I rarely ever say their first names.🤐

Like one of them could be sitting next to me and if I’m talking to one of my close friends, I’ll use their nicknames and I won’t say that I'm actually talking about the man next to me! 😝

I may speak about many topics on here, but there's still a level of privacy I like to keep. Even when I talk about the men I’ve been involved with, I never share specific details about them for a few reasons, 1. I want to respect their privacy too. 2. I don't owe the public any details. 3. I really don’t know who all visits my site. There may be people who know me personally looking for certain information, I don’t know. Yeah, I have a public platform but there's still a veil I like to keep over my life.

Some friends know some details about me and other friends know different details about me. I don’t share the same information with everyone I know. And I don't show people everything I’m doing. And I am not one who feels the need to take pictures of everything I’m doing when I’m out (Well except when I'm eating, I like taking pictures of my food 😝). Other than that, I like to just enjoy the moment. I don’t always need pictures every minute. Sadly, I know some men are like this too, posting pictures or videos of their outings. No, I’ll pass.

Again, I love the women I’ve made friendships with, but I don’t prefer to be in anyone's clique. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I talk back

August 10, 2023

“If we cannot communicate effectively. We can’t communicate.”

I was having a conversation with someone the other day and we were talking about relationships, and I said somethings that I never said out loud before. Now most of you already know I only claim one relationship as the serious one and that was my marriage. But I have been involved with other men who I loved and some I didn't love. And the person I was having a conversation with ask me why none of those relationships ever became too serious and my response was this:

“After my divorce I worked so hard to get my life in order and back on track to where I now have good stability and I don’t want that to be ruined by anyone who will make my life unstable.”

I Worked Hard For This

My space (mentally and physically) is not a want, it’s a NEED. Be just as valuable as my space and my time.

There's a lot of allure to having fun with someone because when the fun is over, we just go back to our own lives, but then there's that companionship that you can miss out on and I think that's where it gets complicated for me, because I do enjoy that companionship, someone who knows me privately or knows things that others may not know.

Because I've worked hard to get my life to where it's at and I did it by myself, I have become comfortable with wanting and needing my space. So in a lot of the situations I had with men, something would happen where I have to decide between the companionship or my space. I want companionship as much as I want my space, but depending on what type of issue I’m having with someone, I'll choose me first, therefore wanting my space outweighs wanting that companionship.

And I really do hate arguing to no end where nothing is getting resolved. I like sharing my thoughts, but I don't like the feeling of not being heard and a man continuing to avoid me. I don't like when a man jumps over what I’m trying to say and only wants to defend what he said or did. And when that happens I feel inclined to keep going with my thoughts…because if you're not going to listen to me, what purpose does it bring to only listen to your opinions, is it about you? Or is it about us and how we can communicate effectively?

But here’s something I want you all to ponder on…Women who are very vocal about their opinions, are seen by men as someone who wants the center stage or dramatic, but is it that she just doesn't feel heard and understood that she feels she need to be more radical with her thoughts?

I jokingly used the phrase, “I talk back” which in meaning is the essence of I’m a strong minded individual and I've developed critical thinking skills that allow me to think beyond the surface. I never just read a news headline and take it for face value, there's always more to a story. That's why when people tell me things that are vague or ambiguous, I know there's something more they don’t want to share for whatever reason. Maybe they don’t want any feedback or opinions or maybe they're ashamed about something. When I share something I am opening it up to any questions and feedback that may come along. I may not necessarily be making it your business, I’m just sharing something with you and I’m allowing you to give your opinion on it. I’ll let you know if you're curiosity is going to far.

In any case, a woman talking back shouldn't be confused with a woman sharing her thoughts and feelings. Men are always quick to shut us down because society deems a woman being vocal as being nagging or emotional. Sometimes when I really frustrated or angry I begin to cry because there's so much on my mind and my heart that I can't get it all out at once, and most men don’t give patience to that. So women are just supposed to stay quiet and go along with whatever a man says?

Don’t Dismiss Her

When a woman is expressing herself, give her time to get it out.

Fellas, if you're not doing something right by a woman, there's good chance she feels it and will say something about it, don’t be dismissive of her feelings. Pay attention to the fact she notices you and notices when something is off about you. Don’t automatically become irritated because you don’t want to deal with her concerns, if she loves you, her concerns are about YOU and if you don’t have the same types of concerns for her, then you need to make some decisions and let her know what those decisions are. Otherwise, you're going to keep having the same arguments over and over again.

Look, I’m not giving any advice, I'm just thinking practically. This is why I don't like to get too involved with someone too quickly, because again, I’ll choose my space if a man isn't reassuring me that he's worth more than that. Especially if you start to act funny or play games with me, then I’m just going to fall back into my hole and depending on how long I've know you, there's a chance you may never hear from me again. In some scenarios, if I feel that you're not worth it, I'm not going to talk back.

Be safe out there.

One of you said, “Diddy is also still out there having babies.” - I completely forgot he just had a newborn! Listen, I can still very much have more children, but I choose not to. And I am NOT willing not compromise on that.

The Grown Attitude

August 2, 2023

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child…”

Method Man did a recent interview stating he doesn't know why he keeps being labeled as a sex symbol when his not doing anything to earn that title. And I see his point of view on this. Clifford is what, in his early 50s now? And I think his is at a point in his life where he's done all the he planned to do, and now he's just enjoying the legacy he's made. Mind you, this man is married and has been married for over 2 decades. I think early in his life and career, he had a lot of fun. And there were always rumors here and there about some of the women he may have been in a situation with, but they were all rumors. During the this interview he used Smokey Robinson as an example of living in his highlight when it was appropriate, but when the clock starts winding down, trying to keep up with the highlight just doesn't make sense. I think that was such a mature thing to say and I think, however, Cliff living his right now, he is doing it on his own terms and no longer chasing Hollywood or entertainment high, and he's just enjoying life as Clifford with remenents of Method Man.

The most attractive thing about a man is growth and maturity. It doesn’t mean he still doesn't come with some bullshit. He just knows how to handle it better.

I think Jay-Z is the same way. We've heard rumors about him as well when he was starting to become known, and other rumors came about during his marriage. But one thing is for sure, he will do the most to protect the solitude of his family. Almost everything he does now seems to be business driven, even with the dynamics of his family and personal affairs. If there isn't a value or a means to an end, he's not interested.

Now Puff...ummm...Sean Combs ain't Shawn Carter, and definitely ain't Clifford Smith either. Mr. Combs is going to live how he wants to live, flashy, outspoken, opulent, all of the above. One of my childhood friends is like this and I need to be mindful of the time I spend around him because he can be a lot. Puff is going to have a rotation of young women, and he's living like he's in his 20s with his 50s fortune. Aye, go ahead, Puff, do what you want.

And I'm only using these 3 men as examples because we've seen where they started to where they are now.

David Beckham may be another good example, but we don't get a lot of news from across the water unless we're fishing for it. But I think he's shown a lot of maturity over the years, too.

Make The Good Choice

When that doesn't work out, make the other choice. 😁

Let me tell you something and I want all of you to start putting this in your daily mantra and it doesn't matter how old you are or where you're at in life, say this right here:

"I CAN NOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T MEANT FOR ME"

This includes relationships, friendships, work opportunities, investments, fun nights, whatever it is, you do not miss anything that isn’t meant for you.

But if those same relationships, friendships, work opportunities, investments, and fun nights present themselves again, you can take it.

Just because you did not say Yes the first time doesn't mean you can't say Yes the next time. Maybe you said no the first time because it didn't feel right at the moment, but time changes things, right? And what we felt then may not be what we feel now. Just like with the men I mentioned, how they behaved then is probably not what they'll decide to do now, exclude Puff from this thought.

You know that saying, "When I was a child, I acted as a child" it's a derivative of the bible verse. It applies to all of us. Just like with the one reader who said, “A connection can be made with anyone, but it can only last but so long and go only so far without any real value or tangible substance. And if you only rely on that connection, you avoid your own reality, thus avoiding your own bullshit.” The reader also used an example of pedophiles relying on connections. Her example was extreme, but I think she was just trying to make her point.

So again,

"I CAN NOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T MEANT FOR ME"

This can go so many different ways. There's things that are good for you and there's things that aren't, but you decide that. And here’s something else, the universe always knows what it's doing even when we don’t, and sometimes when certain things happen we call it coincidences or a sign. But the only thing we manage is what we feel and what we decide to do next.

Every decision is a great decision until it's not. And when it deems itself as not a great decision, then you have to figure out if you'll avoid making that decision again OR if you do make that same decision, what will you do differently next time? Because with growth we can walk down the same path, but this time we are more equipped with traveling it better.

Be safe everyone.