The Partner Prayer

“The Universe always knows what it's doing even when we don’t.”

So I've been getting into deep topics with you guys lately. Let keep in this vibe a little longer. So amongst some women, they've been talking about a "Partner Prayer" that is supposed to bless them with a good man. Where God is going to hear what they want an need and send them a man who will make their lives full and abundant.

Now I don't you if you all pray or are devoutly religious, but I don't believe in that "Partner Prayer". Let me tell you why, if praying for someone it's not going to be praying for someone to love me, rather I'm praying for someone's peace and happiness because when I pray for my friends and loved ones, that's what I pray for because that's what I'll be praying for myself too. One of the friends who I caught up with the other day,I let him know I think about him and his family a lot because they're still healing from something and I pray for them alot. Another friend's mom had a major loss in her life and I think about her a lot too and their family is in my prayers. The thing about pain is that it never goes away, we to learn to cope with it better. So why would I pray for a man to love me fully if there's so many other people I can be praying for to help heal their hearts, I want God to hear those prayers.

I'm not going to pray for a companion, I am going to pray for my love to be abundant. I'm praying for patience, for strength, for understanding, for empathy, for better days. I pray that I stand firm in my values. I pray that I can let go of what's hurting me. I pray that pain doesn't taint me. I'm praying for the goodness to be vibrant in me even after I'm disappointed. I'm praying to accept people's love and affection for me even when it doesn't seem like a lot, but to just accept that maybe that's all they can give. I'm not praying for God to bring me a man. And I don't know any of you ladies who do pray for that, I just won't do it.

Remember when I said to start telling yourself: "I CANNOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T MEANT FOR ME."

I can't miss out on men who don't see me for me and want to see me for what they want me to be like. And I don’t like anyone pushing into a relationship that I don’t find conducive to my happiness and well-being. If I want to be involved with someone, that is my choice along with his, not because of what others think may be good for me. So you guys can pray for whatever you want to, but I am going to pray growth within myself and love for those who I care about.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

“I feel loved and blessed. I pray for others to feel loved and be blessed too.”

My Man My Man

“Saying ‘I Love You’ can cost you more than your heart can afford.”

PRE THOUGHT: The reality is, other people don't improve or ruin your relationship. Your choices do that.

Some of you ladies send me messages about your relationships. Many times it’s in response to one of the topics and you either affirm you have something great going on or you have your concerns.

One reader wrote how her boyfriend is so catering to her and how she feels special and safe around him. My dear reader, I love that for you. I don't come across many messages like this unfortunately.

So many other readers share heartache about men and how they can't understand why their relationships fail. I've learned some men can have odd ways of expressing themselves. The constant arguing is not healthy. The best thing I can tell you is to give him space to figure things out. Men harbor thoughts and emotions, I don't have an explanation why, they just do, so give them time to sort through their thoughts and keep letting them know you still care.

One of my guy friends always seem to have the same issue with women he gets involved with and I always ask what is he doing the same and what is he doing differently to avoid going in circles. Sometimes a relationship isn't really what we want, we just like the idea of having someone to spend time with. — And this is where things can get complicated because you transfer comfort into romance and you convince yourself this is a great idea without assessing your lifestyles, your goals, and your values.

I take my personal relationships seriously and anything that occurs between me and another person is between us two. Meaning the things we talk about or do in private is not privy for everyone else unless we are both present to discuss the matter with others. I am not only at a certain age, but also at a mindset that casual encounters hold no value to me. You are either a significant part of my life or you are not and being significant to me doesn’t necessarily mean being a lover to me, but it can mean just being there for me or being a good friend.

Nothing is ever simple and expect the unexpected. Every single one of us has our uphill battles as well as our downhill battles and our focus should always be to understand our own emotions and getting ourselves into a space where we can still be good to others even when we are facing issues in private and not treat others as if they are a road block in our lives. Never speak poorly about someone even if they are speaking poorly about you. 99% those people always regret their words.

Women like to be sure of the man they're dating and it can be a hard road to navigate if the man has female friends. If a woman approaches me about my interactions with a man and trying to see what my involvement is with him, whatever I say is going to have her more confused and I don't like being interrogated. I’m not one who does the whole, “I’m coming to you as a woman” type of thing and if someone starts to ask me questions here's how I answer:

  • Yes, I am a part of his life

  • Whatever else you want to know you'll need to discuss with him

  • I won't say anything bad about the man

  • I won’t say anything bad about the woman either because she's already upset

And this isn’t a reflection of the man, it’s more keeping myself from going back and forth with another woman. Her concerns don't stem from me so I’m not the person she should be having the conversation with. Again, that's why I like to keep things private even with people I’m just friends with especially men. I never know what their dealings are with other people, I only know what their dealings are with me and there can be a misconception of what that is so I don't explain my connection to people with anyone I’m not fully comfortable with.

The Effort Series

Blue or white are usually my go-to colors. I play around with other hues here and there.

One of my friends who I grew up with is constantly going through relationships phases. One month he’s so in love and the next month he's dealing with someone new. And with some of the women I met and they'll ask me questions, but I don't ever give them too much information because at the end of the day, I stand by my friend and I was here before any of these women, I here now, and I’ll still be here after them. And I don’t mean that in a foul way and this friend and I have never been romantic, but I just know how he is, I know his patterns. So I don't ever get too close to his women.

Ladies, if you are having issues with your man or special friend, that's something you’ll need to work out with him or yourself. And again sometimes men need time to sort things out too. (Fellas, I’m trying to go to bat for you on this). Figure out what you want and then have the necessary conversations.

For those of you whom are in healthy relationships, maybe I’ll need to set something up where you can tell us how you're making it work. 😀

Love Isn't Enough

“Learn to walk away when something is no longer serving your peace.”

THE CHALLENGE: So during this term, my professors are encouraging us to do a 30 for 30 challenge where we write for 30 minutes a day for 30 days to better identify our writing styles and voices. Of course no one in my cohort knows about this site, but I am slightly taking the challenge. If you've noticed, I’ve been publishing more topics more frequently, although I don't have enough topics to write out a new post each day. #FutureDrRay

There has been a phrase that I noticed I hear more often nowadays, in movies, shows, books, captions…every where. And the phrase is “Love isn’t enough.” - What do you guys think about this?

I can count on one hand how many men I’ve said “I love you” to in a romantic way. I told you guys, I don’t have a trail of relationships behind me. The last man I said those words to, it was a surprise to me and I think it was a surprise to him too, but he felt it and one night he gazed into my eyes and gently said, “Tell me”. And when the words came out he says, “I never heard you say that before” and he said it to me and also said, “Raya, You have no idea how much I love you.” To this day, I still don’t know what he meant by that. A little background, we had known each other for a few years already and fooled around on and off, went on different small trips together, but we never gotten that close until that time. And we were so into each other and I was hesitant at first, because it was unexpected and it felt great (I think I even wrote about it, actually I can probably go back to the older posts and narrow down when we started getting close and how I was feeling about it. But it fizzled out and I am not too sure why maybe I was too busy or he was too busy or we didn’t make enough time for each other, I don’t know. So I guess love wasn’t enough. Where is this man now? Ummm…we still speak to each other, but he is figuring things out with someone else…I think I am not too certain about that. He still hasn't officially confirmed anything. Maybe they want to have a baby first. Joking.

And if I go further back, I did love the father of my children at one point, but again it wasn’t enough for me to still want to be with him. It did hurt to leave, but I wasn’t getting what I needed in that relationship and I was tired to hurting and him not putting our family first.

There is an author named Mark Manson who wrote an article titled the same as this topic. Here is a little exerpt from what he wrote, he lists 3 truths about love:

The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us.

1. LOVE DOES NOT EQUAL COMPATIBILITY

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process. Compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.

The other two things he lists are Love does not solve your relationship problems and love is not always worth sacrificing yourself for. I think this is very eye opening for many of us and can help us look at relationships differently and can guide us to weed out the idealistic thoughts about what love is and isn’t and focus more on relationship types of behaviors that withstand the test of time.

Back to Life

Let me tell you all how I really used to make an effort to BE A STATEMENT! I really used to take time to do my hair, makeup, and put together looks. One of my goals for 2023 is to start doing this again. ❤️

So the guy I mentioned first, it’s hard to say what is definitive between us. I believe we have always treated each other slightly differently then how we treat other people and I won’t get into those details and I don’t think we have always been very forthcoming with one another which has lead to multiple misconceptions of each other over the years. We are opposite and similar in several ways, but I do believe we care about each other in some regard even though we may not love each other the same way we did when we gotten close at one time. And I don’t ever like to say for certain how something will be because we never know how things will play out. Like I said, we weren't always for forthcoming with each other and I think if we had been a little more transparent then our communication would be different today. Although, with my ex, I am very certain we will not be close or become good friends and the only reason I say that is because he has blown away so many chances to do right by our children, that I cannot fathom putting the distance away between us. There’s just some things I will never accept.

Now matter how much you may love someone or think you love someone, I think Mark Manson is on to something and it’s not just him, if you do a web search of this title “Love Isn’t Enough” you will find many articles about this topic. I guess people have come to realize emotions fade in and out, but it’s what we continue to do or show people is what keeps a relationship going and hopefully moving forward in a positive way.

Full Article by Mark Manson HERE.

Change Of Heart

I decided to step out of my comfort zone and agreed to go on a date. It was setup by someone I do business with. The date was nice, it was an early dinner, nothing over the top or fancy, we were both wearing our professional attire because I met him after I got done working. He was wearing a tailored suit and I was wearing a pencil skirt and blouse. We had a nice conversation, we talked about life, families, childhood experiences. But there was one thing he said that made me decide this was only going to be a friendly dinner and nothing more. He mentioned his previous relationship and how he talked about her is what made me hesitant about the man he possibly is. You have to understand, when there is two people in a relationship, there is more than one side of a story and I don’t like when people are so adamant they didn’t have any faults when a relationship ends. And the man mentioned a few things that triggered memories of what I went through in previous situations. I declined a second date with the man.

We go through different experiences with people. Sometimes they are great, sometimes they aren’t and it leaves on imprint on us. When we are starting something new with someone. Our hearts are in a flutter, you’re spending time with them, getting to know them better, and talking about the possible future. But at any given moment, all that can change and there is no way to properly explain why other than a change of heart. And sometimes we try to hold on to the good memories to avoid the reality of needing to move on especially when we thought everything was going smoothly. And another weird thing is we can change our hearts back. Like have you ever rekindled something with an old flame…maybe more than once? — I’ve been there. And there is nothing wrong with that because you won’t know if something works until you try it and sometimes you have to try it more than once.

Emotions our fckd up and they fck us up sometimes. Men have loved me, told me they loved me, and have told me I’m the best thing in their lives, and when things were coming to an end, they have turned around and said bad things about me. Friendship and relationships can be complicated because sometimes it takes a little more work to maintain them. Again, you can have a change of heart about them. Sometimes we look at people and think nothing could ever happen, but later on you think there is a possibility. And there’s nothing wrong with reconnecting with people, just because it did not work out the first time, doesn’t mean you won’t have a better view of things this next time. As long as you are being honest with yourself and what you want and being transparent with the person, that’s all you can do. And there is not guarantee of anything; we never know what we are going to do until we are doing it and all we can do is hope that we are making the best decisions for ourselves.