A reader asked if I would consider marriage again and the topic has come up a few times amongst my friends. The simple answer is, No. But, it's not because there aren't any men worth marrying, there's plenty. For me it’s more of the idea that I have already accomplished so much in my life that I would have to slow down my ambitions in some way to accommodate a partner, not that I cannot have a supportive partner, but rather will there be a imbalance of power in the relationship.
I’m pretty headstrong and once my mind is set on something I see it the whole way through. I have my life arranged in a way that fits my wants and needs, so anyone who I am serious about would need to have the same mindset, not the mentality of going out frequently and wanting attention. Don’t get me wrong, I give myself time to enjoy the nightlife — I need that break every now and then — but I don’t have the tolerance to do it all the time and I don’t need him thinking that I’m lacking something because I rather be home or that he needs to find someone who wants to roam the streets with him, if that is the case, go right ahead sir, knock yourself out. — I'm for the sheets, not the streets (😄 I saw that written somewhere.) There's plenty of females who like to drink, smoke, and party every week, I’m not one of them.
When I am not working or studying, I am usually partaking in a happy hour and getting in the house before dark. When I am home, I clean, lounge, and relax (if I am not responding to emails or calls.) My life is tailor fitted, if I were to include a man there would need to be necessary conversations about how to tailor fit each other. Ya understand? For instance, living arrangements: We can purchase a new shared space like a family home or vacation property, but I don’t want him moving into a space I’ve already setup for myself and to be fair, I am not too keen on moving into a space he’s already setup for himself too. — We can still keep our individual properties.
With that being said, a man would have to be emotionally mature, well accomplished, and be very confident not only with himself but also with me to understand that any distance I show or disagreement we have does not equate to me not thinking about him or being disloyal to him.
One of my closest guy friends says: “You want someone whose life aligns closely with your own as far as achievement and ambitions, because if they are at the beginning of figuring out themselves, their careers, their finances, or even their surroundings, then they are going to look at you and see all that you’ve done and they are going to look to you to provide that same life to them.
Say life is a race and each mile of that race is an accomplishment, a degree, career, house, etc. and there’s three types of people: The ones who help you prepare, the ones who cheered you on while you were running, and the ones at the at the end of the finish line. One person can be 2 of these types or all 3 of these types, but you have to be careful of the person who only shows up at the end; are they trying to help you become better or are they trying to reap your benefits? — We see this scenario a lot with men who become wealthy or well accomplished and get their eyes caught up on the young lady who’s scantly dressed and always ready for a party.
“Oh you have nice things, I want nice things, you can give me nice things too.”
So, do you see my hesitation on the marriage topic? I don’t mind taking on a long-term lover, but even then there needs to be some understanding and set boundaries so that both of us feel appreciated, thought of, and protected.
