“I’ll never be foolish for loving you. I’m just foolish for how long I loved you.”
Let me start by saying, I do not have a Valentine, I do not plan to have one, it’s not even in my thoughts. I think if I were involved with someone, I may take interest to it, but for now, no. And I am not against people who celebrate Valentine’s Day and do grand gestures for their partners, by all means if it is important to you or if it makes your person happy, then make the most of it.
Although, don’t be one of those women who wants to be treated special on that day and that day comes around and the man who they thought they are with doesn’t even acknowledge it. If that happens, then Sweetheart, he doesn’t see you like that or you are more into him than he is into you. If you are in a relationship or similar and your companion likes acts of admiration, then you should do something special for them. I mean, if I was with someone, I’d want him to make a little extra effort for me. Even if I started talking to someone tomorrow, yes, it’s new so I would not expect him to go over the top, but maybe a nice dinner or something simple.
Some of my guy friends are the sweetest though, they know I’m fully single so they’ll send me a Happy Valentine’s Day message or call me to say something nice. My guy friends are silly, a lot of times when I am hanging out one on one with any of them, people assume we are a couple and my friends just go with it and some of them will make up a whole story about how we met and just run with it! I let them have their fun. It’s very endearing when they do silly things like that, in a way it lets me know they care about me and that whatever my status is, I am never alone in anything. I value that.
But come February 14th, if I’m sitting by myself somewhere, don’t for one moment think that I am unhappy, that my life isn’t fulfilled, or that I am lonely. None of those things are a factor. You can be sure that my self-esteem is healthy, my happy is high, and my peace is stable. I can be surrounded by couples and still not feel out of place. The only thing I am weary of is PDA (public displays of affection). I’m okay with sitting close, cheek or forehead kisses, or even a quick lip kiss. I’m even okay with him putting his hand on my legs or rubbing my thighs or leaning on me, but I am a little too modest to do anything more than that, with the exception of going out of town. Because when you’re out of town, you do know anyone and it’s just you and your person or close knit friends, so I may be a little more affectionate in public, but when I am in my home cities where people know me or recognize me, I don’t like people in my business. Sometimes people will speculate, ask questions, and create a certain image of you. And many of you might say, “Well it’s doesn’t matter what other people think.” That’s only realistic in certain circumstances. For the most part people see me carry myself as a well-dress, friendly, respectable woman and I don’t want to taint that image. When you step out of the house, you represent yourself. What I do behind closed doors is my business, but if I am seen out with a man kissing and hugging on him, I open myself up to the public’s opinion. So I cannot be upset if people were to have questions or get defensive about it because I allowed my personal life it to be seen.
I will say this, but with extreme discretion, there’s one person I talk mess to every now and then, but he’s not hearing me. Bless his heart. I don’t say anything too crazy, and I never say anything in front of other people. I could whisper something slick in his ear, but I’m still nervous of someone hearing me, so I stick to my level of comfort. I don’t act up in front of company with him. I keep it just between us and I don’t even have his full name saved in my phone just to avoid the possibility of someone trying to look over my shoulder at who I’m texting. I try to be as discrete as I can. There’s this one line I’ve been wanting to say to him, but it would need to be triggered by something he says for me to say it. So he may never hear it. And in relation to this this, if he were to call my bluff one of these days, I can honestly say that I have come to an accepting point in my life where I have no idea what decision I would make until it’s presented to me, but one thing I am certain of is that I will not do anything that I am not comfortable doing. I’m at least comfortable with this person enough to say certain things, but putting that into action is something different, I do not know which choice I’d make. Either way, it’ll have to be a practical choice, because nothing of the heart ever makes sense and I’ve learned that lesson over and over again, so the mind needs to make sense of it. And that’s my stance on a lot of things right now.
Any of you who have Valentine’s Day plans, I hope you enjoy it. I’m happy for you. Actually, let me share my Lover’s Playlist with you. It’s on YouTube music. There’s over 100 songs on it and I keep adding to it. Maybe you’ll like it, maybe you won’t, but here it is if you want to listen to it: SLOW DOWN Playlist. If you don’t have a sweetheart, I’m still happy for you and the playlist is still good for you. Don’t let people get in your ear about being alone on Valentine’s Day and making you feel bad about yourself. No, we don’t do the self pity around here. We do what’s in our best interest and we make the most of it.
I’m not opposed to loving someone or letting someone love me, I just have to be comfortable with everything and whatever compromises there are, it has to not take me away from my vision. Nothing can be strong on a bullshit foundation. If a man is just going to bullshit me and gaslight me about his bullshit, then he needs to like me from a distance. We're adults, we work, we pay bills, we pay taxes, we've got responsibilities, so why would anyone want to put a filter on who they are or what they've got going on in their lives? I’m young enough to still have a full life ahead of me, but I’m also passed the point to not be wasting time with anyone who doesn’t get it.
You cannot build on a hollow foundation.
Be safe everyone.
