Time is money and money is time, yes? We invest in things that we anticipate will bring us value; dividends. Well, what about people? We invest our time in them, right? I mean, isn’t that how relationships evolve and stay strong, even with family members? There has to be some type of exchange in value, otherwise what are we really doing?
For many of us, as we see a new year or go through some type of metamorphosis, we think of our investments and the values they hold. At least I do. Let's look at it like a stock portfolio, you have a number of stocks that you bought and/or frequently allocate your money to and you see that one of your stocks has not reached much gain. As a matter of fact, you look at the history and see that this stock has given you more loss than it was initially worth. What do you do? Do you invest more money with the thought of the market possibly turning around? Or do you let it go? I suppose it depends on how much this stock really impacts you and your portfolio.
I do not have many connections I had to force out of my life, but I have had connections that no longer hold the same value, so I eventually withdrew from them; some were familial connections. You are allowed to grow away or beyond people, even if it is people you are supposed to love. And with those who you found intriguing enough to love on your own, make sure you love them for who they are, not what you want them to be and yes, even these ties can loosen and disconnect.
When we build our relationships with others, we have hope that it will be good, but where do we draw the line at it not being what we thought but, also not feeling like we made a poor decision, avoid going in circles, and not wanting to hurt others? No one likes to waste time or have their time being wasted, no one likes to be the asshole, and yet, we are at least once in someone else's experience. In the duration of my career and some of my personal experiences, Yes I've been and sometimes am still the asshole. How do we disconnect from an emotional investment without being cold-hearted? I'm sorry, I don't have an easy answer and this is just my opinion but, let’s look at it this way and ask yourself these questions:
How long have you known the person?
What memories do you have with this person? (Good and Bad)
Does the good outweigh the bad?
Is the bad so bad enough that you cannot recover from it?
What value does this person bring to your life? (entertainment, support, encouragement, advice, business, etc.)
If you stopped communicating, would you be bothered if something happened to this person? If so, how much would it bother you and would it change your outlook in your connections with others?
BUT ALSO…be honest with yourself,
Are YOU worth the investment?
What type of investment are you worth?
Do you add value to someone’s life?
And how truly valuable is it?
Are you giving as much as you are receiving?
I am sure people have digressed from me because I did not bring them enough value. I know I am not and will not be great for everyone. I will either be too much or not enough for some people, but for those who want and continue to be in my life, I'm just right. We have to accept that we don’t meet everyone’s criteria. That should not make you feel less of a person, it just means that those people don’t belong in your investment portfolio.
Someone said a “Forever Goodbye” to me a few weeks ago; I did not attempt to stop this person from walking away. Whether this person felt that our friendship was not worth keeping, or just felt that our communication was no longer cohesive, or there is possibly some sort of misunderstanding that neither of us have the patience to sort out, whatever the reason is, I still have to move forward no matter what link I have with this person. We cannot dictate the actions of other people. Not all investments will be great and not all investments that end are bad ones…even though the title of this reads “Letting Go of Bad Investments” the reality is, even good expenditures can fade and no longer gain any interest. It’s okay, it happens. Continue to be positive and act like you have no clue who they are if you ever run into them....just kidding, don't be spiteful. Simply smile, say "Hi" and go about your day.
I am not encouraging us to assess the people around us with emotionless regard but, to define our relationships with others more strategically. What is the investment? What are we giving and what is our return? No, don’t look at connections with a quid pro quo type of attitude but rather, understand what you find value in and if you are receiving that value. What dividends have you gained? If you come to a conclusion that someone is not a benefit to you in any form that you feel is significant then you may need to withdraw some or all of your allocations. Although, if there is a substantial benefit, consider investing more.