“Be part of my breakthrough, not my breakdown.”
Confidence and self-esteem are closely intertwined. When you possess one, the other is often not far behind. Having belief in yourself can lead to a greater sense of self-worth, while high self-esteem can boost your confidence levels significantly. I’ve never really had issues in these categories, even with men, I never had a problem with a man complimenting other women around me, but there is a limit to how much attention a man can give a women before I start to raise some eyebrows. I’m not the woman who gets upset if a man goes somewhere without me or doesn’t call me everyday. I am very secure with who I am, how I look, and how others view me. That’s not to say I do not have some insecurities, we all have them.
My insecurities more involve my professional and business life because as good as I am in my field of work, there’s always a competition of someone besting me, so I have to continue to learn, be innovative, and stay ahead. My life is expensive and I have come to love the conveniences that I have been able to afford like taking last minute trips and not having to bat my eyelashes at men to buy me drinks. I have come a long way in life and I want to keep at it, but this is not the direction this topic is going. We are going to explore the domain of personal confidence and self-esteem, zooming in on the interplay with the individuals surrounding you, as well as with any love interests.
We often convince ourselves that confidence should solely originate from within us, assuming that strong confidence automatically leads to heightened self-esteem. However, the truth is that external influences have the power to impact these aspects significantly, potentially causing us to harbor negative feelings about ourselves. For instance, growing up, I felt that my father held me to a high standard and responsibility than he did with my younger siblings. It seemed like he let them get away with a lot of things while I was corrected and scolded when I did anything wrong. From my point of view I felt like I was being treated different the love wasn’t equal with his kids. Now that I am older, I realized my father was doing the best he could as a single parent with three kids and two of them were only a year apart. With me, it was his first time raising a child, a daughter at that, so he wanted to make sure I grew up into a modest and classy woman. - Which I think he did good.
Now with my relationships, it was a more of a complex bag. When I felt I was being lied to or something was being hidden from me, it not only affected my confidence in the man, but also my self-esteem when I would ask about certain things and not get any straight answers. When a man seems to be going in circles or being very vague and things are not adding up, I would feel like “Why do you not value me enough to tell me or share with me about what you feel or what’s going on?” I can’t speak for all women, but when I am asking questions that may seem invasive, it’s because I want to know where I’m placed in your life so I can adjust how I communicate with you or what I do with you. I don’t like being told that I am important, but then made to feel that I’m not, especially if we are involved or sleeping together. Then I’d go into a rabbit hole of asking myself: “Why is he treating me like this?” “Does he not care about me anymore?” “Is someone else getting his attention?” “Am I really not his type?” “Am I too independent?” “Am I too head-strong?” “Am I not feminine enough?” “Am I not pretty enough?” “Am I not classy enough?” “Am I not interesting enough?” “Does he rather want a naive woman who depends on him?” All these thoughts just circle in my head and kind of puts me in doldrum and breaks down my self-esteem. If a man wants special treatment from me, why would he not expect to give special treatment back? If our relationship is supposed to be special or unique, why is he treating it like it is not? Don’t pull me in just to be dismissive of my feelings and break me down. Any of you ladies ever felt like this?
Again, I’ve always had good confidence, but when my self-esteem is being challenged, it does affect how I may present myself or how I manage myself throughout the day. These days, I really don’t have any issues in those categories, if a man wants me, he’ll let me know and show me, if he doesn’t he’ll let me know and show me. I’ve already stated many time over, I don’t have sights to be married again or live with someone. And I told my friend that even though I don’t like to date, when I do it, I’m not dating for a husband, I am dating to enjoy myself when I do have free time to spend with someone. That doesn’t mean when problems arise, I’m just going to exit, no if I feel a man is a good person and aligns well with my values, then I’ll make efforts to work through any issues with him. I’m not hoping from man to man at an instance, that’s never been on my resume. I like having good people in my life, even if the romance is gone, we’ll just find a way to still be friends and support each other.
I’ve also more noticed that since I do not have issues with my confidence or self-esteem, sometimes women are affected by me when I am around, especially when they see how men react to me or how they look at me. But my whole thought is, if you are secure of yourself whether you are in a relationship or not, another woman should not affect how you feel. But I’ve also learned (and this came with age) that when a man isn’t doing right by you, then yes, you are going to have insecurities when other women are around. At that point you really have to decide if that’s something you can deal with or if you want more for yourself. And sorry to say this but the girlies with self-esteem issues tend to stay where they’re at and just deal with it. - Baby, if that’s what works for you, okay. Keep doing it, but let me tell you, there are men who will treat you like you are the only woman in the room. Don’t sell yourself short for a handsome face with fat pockets. - Ladies, you have to decide what you are worth, don’t let a man do that for you. And don’t get upset with another woman because she knows her value and carries it everywhere she goes. Men notice that too - well, at least the ones paying attention and who are not interested in superficial subsidies.
If a man what’s to take stock in me, great, I’m amazing. But, I am not catering to a man who is not capable to treat me with love and admiration. You don’t have to be in love with me, but love who I am and admire what I’ve accomplished. I’ve said this in a previous topic, I know I’m a good catch, I know I’m highly sought after, so I want to feel wanted by a man I’m seeing. So when it seem like the interest is depleting and without notice, then it is going to make me feel some type of way about you and myself. It’s not realistic to say “No one can change how I feel about myself.” because people can have an impact on that, we just have to figure out how to best navigate through it and not let ourselves be so down that it interferes with any positive decisions we can make to get ourselves back to having confidence and good self-esteem.
Be safe everyone.
