“Peace & Tranquility: When you have good energy, you want to transfer good energy to others, otherwise you could be closing out on something that you may still need to reflect upon.”
Before I start, I’d like to say “Hi” to a special reader/listener. I don’t take this person as someone who relishes in gossip, so I do not presume that someone is coming to my site to check what I’m doing just to tell someone else about it. So HELLO, my love!
The Effort Series
Even when I am casually out, I try to make a point to be stylish.
I also want to mention that with anything I write or say I do not claim to be right, I am just giving my reflection of an idea or experience. My intimate experiences are not the same as my platonic experiences and when you can identify the difference between the two, you can identify the variations in how you communicate with people depending on your current status with them. We do speak with people we are intimate with differently than how we speak to people we are not intimate with, correct? And you want to practice pulling the positive things through instead of highlighting the negatives, otherwise those not so great thoughts take over how to respond to certain people. And if you believe you are a good person who is at a good place in life, then you look for the light in all things instead of the darkness; don’t pick and choose when you want to have a good heart; have a good heart.
Let’s get on to the topic….
I’ve been inundated with messages about my comparisons between northern and southern men. Again, I want to make it clear that I am not saying all men are like this, I am only reflecting on my intimate experiences with some men. And someone mentioned something to make that makes a little sense why the two regions of men may act differently towards women. With the southern men, the hospitality stems from seeing women as child bearers, house wives, and caretakers, so being delicate towards them is imprinted into their demeanors because woman “subconsciously” are not seen as equals to southern men, whereas the northern men see women on the same level as them and challenge them just as much as they challenge other men. Hmmmm…I thought that was an interesting perception and wanted to share it with you all.
I don’t want to be seen as lesser than someone, but I also don’t want to be mishandled. With my relations with northern men, they talk to me as if I was a man too because they talk to me knowing that I can understand and comprehended at their same level. My intimate relations with southern men, some of them have spoken to me in a patronizing manner as if I am not smart or capable of breaking down complex ideas. It has more been the notion, “this is what I said and I don’t care what your input is”…that’s the thing I resent the most. I am a highly intelligent woman with a list of accolades, don’t talk to me like a child because I am very slick with my words and can say things that you rethink all of your life choices.
But if we are talking about how to handle a woman, with certain women, they like to be told and not asked. I’m not talking about in a work or professional setting, I am talking about in intimate or even casual settings. For instance, I am going to bring up the 25 year old again. One time he told me he wanted to see me and then further told me where he was going to be and what time he wanted to see me there, he did not ask. I FCKN LOVE WHEN A MAN PHRASES THINGS LIKE THIS TO ME. But as I said before, he is young and I am not going to tread in those waters. Should I also mention that he is originally from Chicago? I mean, it does kind of support my argument. I don’t like when men tiptoe what they want with me. Fam, if you want to see me or hang out, then say it! Don’t let your pride stop you from experiencing good times with me! Plus, there was another time where I didn’t respond to the young man’s messages and calls for a few days and when I finally answered, the first words out of his mouth were: “What you don’t answer anyone anymore?!” His tone wasn’t aggressive, it was more letting me know that he was a bit irritated that I was ignoring him and he just wanted to know how I was doing. I appreciate that type of expression because most men hold things in. I like to know when I do something that does not cast me in the best light, but know how to relay the information to me without being disrespectful or condescending.
The Effort Series
Personal style is exactly what it states: PERSONAL. I like to spin looks that match my mood and energy.
The trick is knowing how to handle a certain type of women when she is being stubborn or getting besides herself. That’s the big difference with how northern and southern men react. Don’t hurt me, but identify that I am upset about something and let me know you are trying to hear me. Northern men have told me to STFU, called me Bitch, Dumbass, and all of the above in the heat of the moment when there is an issue, and those things didn’t hurt my feelings because I was saying the same things back to them and they also knew it was just the heat of the moment. I want to keep making it clear that I am not saying this is right or that it is healthy, I am just identifying the difference of what catches my attention. When I am upset, sometimes you need to handle me with bass. Being too soft with me can interpret a few things to me, 1. You don’t care why I am upset and don’t want to make it better. 2. You lack emotional intelligence. 3. You’re an asshole that is hiding behind being a gentleman thinking your are doing some type of justice. Listen, I’ve had men just give me a tight bearhug just to shut me up and whisper to me to “relax and calm down so we can talk about this” and sometimes I need just that.
Sidebar to my secret reader, I hope you’re paying attention to all of this.
There are great things about both northern and southern men, but as I mentioned in a previous topic, I’d love to have a mix of both. Be gentle with me, but know how to assert dominance when I’m being rough without making things worse.
