“If we cannot communicate effectively. We can’t communicate.”
I was having a conversation with someone the other day and we were talking about relationships, and I said somethings that I never said out loud before. Now most of you already know I only claim one relationship as the serious one and that was my marriage. But I have been involved with other men who I loved and some I didn't love. And the person I was having a conversation with ask me why none of those relationships ever became too serious and my response was this:
“After my divorce I worked so hard to get my life in order and back on track to where I now have good stability and I don’t want that to be ruined by anyone who will make my life unstable.”
I Worked Hard For This
My space (mentally and physically) is not a want, it’s a NEED. Be just as valuable as my space and my time.
There's a lot of allure to having fun with someone because when the fun is over, we just go back to our own lives, but then there's that companionship that you can miss out on and I think that's where it gets complicated for me, because I do enjoy that companionship, someone who knows me privately or knows things that others may not know.
Because I've worked hard to get my life to where it's at and I did it by myself, I have become comfortable with wanting and needing my space. So in a lot of the situations I had with men, something would happen where I have to decide between the companionship or my space. I want companionship as much as I want my space, but depending on what type of issue I’m having with someone, I'll choose me first, therefore wanting my space outweighs wanting that companionship.
And I really do hate arguing to no end where nothing is getting resolved. I like sharing my thoughts, but I don't like the feeling of not being heard and a man continuing to avoid me. I don't like when a man jumps over what I’m trying to say and only wants to defend what he said or did. And when that happens I feel inclined to keep going with my thoughts…because if you're not going to listen to me, what purpose does it bring to only listen to your opinions, is it about you? Or is it about us and how we can communicate effectively?
But here’s something I want you all to ponder on…Women who are very vocal about their opinions, are seen by men as someone who wants the center stage or dramatic, but is it that she just doesn't feel heard and understood that she feels she need to be more radical with her thoughts?
I jokingly used the phrase, “I talk back” which in meaning is the essence of I’m a strong minded individual and I've developed critical thinking skills that allow me to think beyond the surface. I never just read a news headline and take it for face value, there's always more to a story. That's why when people tell me things that are vague or ambiguous, I know there's something more they don’t want to share for whatever reason. Maybe they don’t want any feedback or opinions or maybe they're ashamed about something. When I share something I am opening it up to any questions and feedback that may come along. I may not necessarily be making it your business, I’m just sharing something with you and I’m allowing you to give your opinion on it. I’ll let you know if you're curiosity is going to far.
In any case, a woman talking back shouldn't be confused with a woman sharing her thoughts and feelings. Men are always quick to shut us down because society deems a woman being vocal as being nagging or emotional. Sometimes when I really frustrated or angry I begin to cry because there's so much on my mind and my heart that I can't get it all out at once, and most men don’t give patience to that. So women are just supposed to stay quiet and go along with whatever a man says?
Don’t Dismiss Her
When a woman is expressing herself, give her time to get it out.
Fellas, if you're not doing something right by a woman, there's good chance she feels it and will say something about it, don’t be dismissive of her feelings. Pay attention to the fact she notices you and notices when something is off about you. Don’t automatically become irritated because you don’t want to deal with her concerns, if she loves you, her concerns are about YOU and if you don’t have the same types of concerns for her, then you need to make some decisions and let her know what those decisions are. Otherwise, you're going to keep having the same arguments over and over again.
Look, I’m not giving any advice, I'm just thinking practically. This is why I don't like to get too involved with someone too quickly, because again, I’ll choose my space if a man isn't reassuring me that he's worth more than that. Especially if you start to act funny or play games with me, then I’m just going to fall back into my hole and depending on how long I've know you, there's a chance you may never hear from me again. In some scenarios, if I feel that you're not worth it, I'm not going to talk back.
Be safe out there.
One of you said, “Diddy is also still out there having babies.” - I completely forgot he just had a newborn! Listen, I can still very much have more children, but I choose not to. And I am NOT willing not compromise on that.
