Everyone wants the truth, but can you handle it? (Remember that movie? 😏) Sometimes the truth hurts. Are we justified to being sensitive over it? Here are a list of things to think about and how to not allow them to diminish your confidence or well being.
Ladies, I’m going to start with this one first….
He’s Not That Into You.
I forgot how long my hair used to be. May be time to let it grow again.
You may be gorgeous, independent, and have a lot going for you, but if you only hear from him or see him when you reach out to him, then it is possible you are not in the forefront of his thoughts. Yeah he could be busy and attending to other parts of his life, but if he likes you, he’ll make a way to spend time with you and not just after hours or only indoors where it’s just the two of you, nothing wrong with that, but if those are the only times he is willing to see you then…..ya might want to cut your losses.
Men are simple creatures, but they have their complex moments. Yeah, it can be frustrating if you really like a guy and he doesn’t seem to like you back the same way. Yet, you have to ask yourself why are you so intrigued by him? Why do you want to be so invested?
If he’s not randomly calling/texting you and asking about your day or seeing when the next time you are available, which are basic communication principals, then sweetheart…move on. Also, not to be more cynical, but if he's acting questionable, he may have a girlfriend or wife you don’t know about. — Trust me, I’ve seen this with enough men…some of them are my friends 😒. (I’m sorry ladies, they’re out of control, but they are still good people. And Fellas, if you're here too, I keep telling you guys: Tell the woman the truth and let her decide what to do with it.)
SIDE STORY: Musical Artist, Jeezy, married talk show host Jeanie Mai, recently and while they were dating, my sister mention how good he is to her. How sweet and caring he is to her. The way he looks at her, the way he treats her, etc. My response to my sister was: THAT’S HOW A MAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE TOWARDS A WOMAN HE IS DATING OR LIKES. 🤦🏽♀️
*Although, you can take the above information with a grain of salt considering I curved about 7 men since the beginning of this year. And towards the end of last year I was closed off to everyone and everything, so I am not the best source for dating answers. There was nothing wrong with the men, all of them were sweet, wanted to take me out, complimented me, asked to know more about me….I just wasn’t interest. Also, I’m about to embark of something that is going to take up much of my extra time and energy; I'm not confident a man will accept not being a priority.
Your Relationship Failed.
I love seeing a Husband and Wife team; they both equally support each other, protect each other, and speak highly of each other. Humans are not engineered to be alone, that is why there is this underlying instinct for wanting good friends and keeping connected with family. Although, one thing we should open our minds to is that humans are evolvers which also means we tend to change over time including our feelings.
The 20+ years of marriage or even 10 years are not as easy to come by these days. Why? Aside from opportunities of indiscretion, in my opinion, we have become so engulfed with achieving so many things that we lose sight or interests on what may be good for our hearts. Sometimes we are so far gone that keeping a relationship is just not worth the hassle. Other times, our growth made us become different people and now our goals are no longer the same.
You can keep doing the roundabout and keep telling each other, “This time we’ll do better.” and sometimes it works, but I am a firm believer that deep down you know what you are willing to do vs. what you are capable of doing and if those two notions are not cohesive, then…Sweetheart, you need to first be honest with yourself and then your partner. And one day, you may meet your true match. (If I get married again, we’re eloping. 🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽 Dear Possibly Future Husband, save the money, let's just buy a duplex and put it on Air BnB.)
People Don’t Always Care When You Are Suffering.
This one may be a tricky gamble, but I'm still going to roll the dice.... I once read something that said, “People don’t reach out to you when you feel alone, they reach out when they feel alone.” — Wow, that hurt, but before your start to development resentment towards people, remember, we all still have to manage our own lives and some of us are fighting through our own demons and we prefer to battle in silence, so we don’t have the mental capacity to hear about someone else’s trauma. Many times when people ask me how I am doing, I give the standard response, “Everything is good.” even though I may be facing a few challenges at the moment. It is not because I do not want to share my life, it is more due to the fact that I do not want others to be concerned or consumed with what I may have going on. Also, I don’t need everyone to deposit their two cents into my life bank.
When some people are going through troubled times, they seek comfort, someone to listen and give them positive affirmations. If you are at a good place in your life, you do not automatically think to call someone who may not be in that same space because: 1. You may not want the person to feel worse because you are doing so well and 2. Listening to other people’s woes can sometimes take away from your positive elements.
If you are in a rut, first analyze how you got there, most times it is due to what I call, “self infliction” meaning the decisions you made landed yourself here. So if you made some poor choices, here is the result. Looking for confirmation that better things will come may make you feel better, but if you don’t make personal changes, you will end up at that same crossroads.
Pain Will Teach You, Pride Won’t Let You Learn
*Ladies, I deep condition my hair once a week: A hair mask for 1 hour at the least, sometimes overnight, then wash and dry. Many oil base ingredients are great for your hair: almond oil, olive oil, grapeseed oil, etc.
This one is for ALL of us because at one point or another, we house too much pride. We don’t want to be embarrassed or feel ashamed. We want to be right, we want to be justified, we want to win. AND WE CAN HAVE IT ALL if we allow ourselves to learn from our setbacks.
Don’t hold on to a mistake just because it took you a long time making it. That is your pride holding on because you don’t want to accept the failure. It is OKAY to fail, it is OKAY to fall. Learn from what went wrong.
If we knew it all, there would be no growth, no evolution. We would be a mundane society. There would be no challenges, no conversations of something bigger.
You Cannot Force Someone To See That You Are A Blessing
This connects to the first one: You are not made for everything and everyone. Again, YOU ARE NOT MADE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. Sometimes what you want is not for you, but you are still a blessing, let those unbeknownst miss out. Pride plays into this also, you may want what you want, but sometimes you can’t always get what you want. Wait for something better.
If you are doing right by yourself, by your family or those you care about, don’t worry about that someone may not see in you.
Even if you know you can elevate a business, a group, a relationship, and you are fully confident about what you are capable of, give yourself to those who will value it.
