Acts of Service

“Don’t ask me who else is taking my attention, instead be the one I want to make time for.”

With me keeping myself to myself going on 2 years now and a learning more detailed tidbits about myself. So we’ve talked about the 5 Love Languages before:

Words of affirmation - Words build you up. You thrive on spoken affection, praise, encouragement, and compliments. Harsh words and criticism can bother you for a long time.

Acts of Service - Anything that your partner does willingly to ease your workload is a sign of love to you. You feel cared for when your partner vacuums before you get to it or makes you breakfast as a surprise. On the other hand, broken promises or laziness can make you feel unimportant.  

Receiving Gifts - Thoughtful gift shows to you that you are special. In contrast, generic gifts and forgotten special events have the opposite effect. This love language isn’t necessarily materialistic – it could be as simple as receiving your favorite snack after a bad day.

Quality Time - You feel loved when you get undivided attention. When your partner is truly present (and not looking at their phone), it makes you feel important.  Failure to actively listen or long periods without one-on-one time can make you feel unloved.

Physical Touch - Holding hands, kisses, hugs, and other touches are your preferred way to show and receive love. Appropriate touches convey warmth and safety, while physical neglect can drive a wedge between you and your partner.    

I am now identifying that my languages are Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. Third and forth is quality time and is physical touch. And the last is receiving gifts. And this makes a lot of sense to me and I think when I was younger, the order was different and physical touch was my top one. On top of that, I fully understand why receiving gifts is at the bottom because objects don’t hold value to me as much as the person and spending time with them.

I think I started noticing this about myself through my communication with my little young Chicago boy, btw, he’s not too upset with me anymore. I don’t know if I shared this previously, but my little youngin’ was irritated that I was not answering his calls and making time to hang out with him. To be honest, I was trying to distance myself a little because I felt he was getting too close and didn’t want him to feel mislead by me. So I am still treading lightly and my biggest gripe about him is his dialogue. Like he’ll text me randomly and just type “Hey” — WTH am I supposed to do with that, he knows I am highly intelligent so why would he think that is going to solicit a response from me? I need depth, I need context, not the bare minimum. I mean I can dumb it down and be mediocre, but there’s a limit to that. Okay…I’m being facetious with what I am about to say…English is not my first language, so your dialogue and vernacular should be a lot better than mine.

But here’s the other part to it, this young man does know how to talk to me sometimes. And I’ll never admit this to him, but he did catch my attention when he was getting a little playfully aggressive and saying things like, “I know you’re older, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want too and right now, I want to see you.” 😳 And then he told me, “I know you’re not slow so stop acting like it, unless you found some new dude, let me know when you’re free.” 👀 Listen, when he was talking to me like this, I was just on the other end of the phone like, this boy really don’t know how attractive he’s being right now 😜! I guess this is another perspective of Words of Affirmation! I definitely need to be careful with this young man and keep reminding myself I cannot give him everything he wants, especially since in one of our conversations I learned that there’s only a few years difference between me and his mother! Yeahh…NO, I’m not playing those games. 🚫

Although, aside from his age and poor texting skills and maybe a few other things, he’s still a great young man and surprisingly he's gotten comfortable enough to talk to me about certain things like money. Ladies, this kid is 25 years old and already making six figures 😳! And he looking to buy his first investment property and he asking me about stocks and going back to school to get his Master's degree. I applaud him. Like, how many 25 years olds do you know who are this disciplined?! He’s not out here without a place of his own and no car walking around talking about other people, he's got his shit together. I don’t know what the universe is doing, but if I were to be involved with someone younger, it would be this a person similar to this.

  • Another thing I notice, and let me know if you’ve had this experience or picked up on this too, I notice that there is a difference with younger women dating older men and younger men dating older women. With the younger women, they are more willing to change themselves, their values, their routines, their behaviors to fit the older man or to appease him…I’ve witnessed this first hand so I know I am on to something here, talking about “I don’t go out that much anymore” — 😒 Girl, you’re still a kid, you’re supposed to go out and play. You may be fooling that older man, but you ain’t fooling me. But with the younger men, they do not change much of themself. The main difference with them is they are more aware that older women have experienced more things in life so these younger guys are more willing to listen and try to understand an older woman. I like that. 👍🏽

Now with acts of service, I feel like that brings so much value to my life. If you are doing things that make my day go by easier, I don’t know if I can keep myself from not loving you. And it’s not just gentlemanly things like walking me to my door or checking on me, it’s asking if I need something from the store before you come over or offering to cook me dinner and cleaning the dishes after, even if I refuse (because independent women have gotten used doing things on our own), you still know that is something I admire from a man, even if he’s just a friend. I’ve have plenty of platonic friends who do things for me that make my days better and I absolutely love them for it. Like offer to water my plants if I am going to be out of town for a long period of time, little simple things like that I find value with. 🥰

Continuous Growth

The older we get the smarter we're supposed to be, right? We're supposed to learn from our mistakes, yes? Financially, who we date, how we raise our kids, and how we treat people.

Lately, I keep coming across stories where people take a spiritual year to themselves, no dating, no sex, no overdoing social activities, etc. And at the end, they have a clearer understanding of who they are, what they want, and where they want to be. Right now, I'm kind of already doing this, but my reasons were to stay focused on my goals not for any type of self-discovery. I mean, my last intimate encounter was in 2021 with the man whose timeline didn't match up with mine. If you've been here for the last few months then you know what I'm talking about. I know people don’t always remember things the same way, but hey we’re human, right?

And you know what bothers me a little? When men don't think they should treat me special because they think I'm already too special and that other people are treating me special. Let that sink for a bit. Don't worry about what someone may or may not be doing for me, make yourself present and be special to me.

Anyway, so I am thinking about doing more research on this year of self-reflection. I believe one of my guy friends did this a few years ago, I'll have to reach out to him and ask him a few things. It is a good time for me to do it since I'm already practicing one of the things and I'm very focused on my studies, not to mention my work and how I'm planning on blending those two.

The point is I don't want to be getting older and making mistakes or keep making the same mistakes that I should know better than to do. I want to get wiser. Plus, I have 2 kids watching my moves. I not my kids' friend, I'm their mother and even though I let my babies make their own decisions, I still give them caution. I talk to my children like growing adults because that exactly what they are. My son is already learning life skills. He knows how to cook a lot of different meals and he getting really good at it. He also knows how to do his laundry, and other things that he would need to know to do when he goes off on his own and he's just in middle school. My daughter is headed off to college this year and is going to begin her post high school years without me at arms reach. These are important transitions that happening with my family.

So I wouldn't be going too far off the reservation if I take a "Spirital Me Year". The thing is I know what I want, I'm clear of who I am and I'm not ashamed to express my flaws, I just don't have patience when other people refuse to acknowledge their faulty characteristics. Like if you have a good heart then you don’t make your friends or loved ones feel like they are a bother to you and take time to reach out to them every so often. Being in your feelings is similar to letting your pride take over. I don't want you be like this either where damaging behaviors cause problems with people you should be enjoying time with. And I see these behavioral issues with many "grown" people.

It kind of like having a small mind in a big world. Or another way of saying it is that there's a difference between being from a small town vs. having a small town mentality. Things improve in small towns because people think beyond the town. It’s the same with ourselves, we become better when we think beyond our present state of being.

About the Pics: I’ve been having “Mommy Moments” when I think about my daughter and the fact that is she will be an adult in a few months and then off to college.

The Power Of Compliments

Some of you asked why the last 2 posts didn’t have any personal pictures, honestly, I just did not make time to take any and it is very likely that only a few posts here and there will have photos of me. It’s just time consuming to do that and I want to focus more on the content than the images. Also, with my upcoming term, I am going to start doing more research into my dissertation and that will take up much of my attention along with other business tasks I have. Other news I want to share….somehow I lost 10lbs during the holidays! Not sure how I did it, but if I can take off another 20lbs, that would be ideal! What is the saying? It takes up to 2 months for you to notice a difference, but up to 4 months for others to notice the difference? Well, we’ll see.

Do you all get compliments often? Would you believe me if I told you that I don't get compliments often? It’s true. Of all the people I know about 3 or 4 of them compliment me frequently and none of them are men. 😐 I don't require people to compliment me we've already cleared the air that I have a healthy self esteem. But there was an interaction recently that made me think about this a little more.

I was at a bar sitting next to someone I’ve known for a long time and we were having an amusing discussion about this topic and I mentioned that he doesn't ever give me compliments. His response was that my head was already big enough and that he doesn't think he should compliment me. I’ll be honest, this kind of hurt my feelings a little. Not the big head comment part, I can take that and a lot of jokes and sarcasm, but it was the idea of him assuming I get complimented all the time so there's no point in him doing it. That's what bruised me a bit. It’s like saying, I don’t need to tell you happy birthday because everyone else already told you or not telling someone “congratulations” because everyone else is doing it. Now I’m wondering if other guys think the same thing, like she's already being told she's special so I don’t have to make her feel special.

NEWSFLASH: That is such bullshit, to the men who are in relationship, I hope you don’t think this way. It would mean more to me to get a compliment from my partner than getting it from other people. And the guy seemed very adamant about what he said and how we know each other made his words sting…Like okay, you just confirmed I’m not your cup of tea. Do whatever you want and go hang out girls you like and that more your type. — He can stop wasting any silly moments with me and go hang out with who he really wants to hang out with.

There is power in words. And you never really know how your words affect other people. And with how that person responded, it just confirmed a few things for me so it's fine.

Ladies, can you agree there's a difference when we get compliments form certain people? There's a difference between getting them from people we know vs strangers. Even getting compliments from you parents feels different than getting them from your friends. Sometimes compliments are like words of affirmations and words that encourage. So if you admire or appreciate someone, it's good to say nice things to them and not just about their appearances, but about their qualities too. I don't mind someone saying something about my looks, but I’d rather someone say good things about my character, what impression did I leave with you or that I continue to leave with you? Did I make enough of an impact onto you that you think about me frequently? That you like seeing me smile or hearing me laugh? No, we don't need compliments, but getting them from certain people can make a difference.

Don't Give Everyone Access (RECAP)

NEW: Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

I wrote, Don’t Give Everyone Access in July 2020. And for whatever reason, ever since it’s been published it has been the most viewed each month. I do not know what's drawing people to it, I did not reveal any hidden secrets about life. I just talked about being aware of who is deserving of your time. I also mentioned that sometimes people need more time to become better versions of themselves and that the best way to do that is to give each other the separate space to grow. I gave an example of people falling apart and coming back together as better people, better friends, better partners. But I did advise that not everyone who goes in different directions are destined to come back together. Sometimes people grow apart and stay apart.

I attended a wedding recently 💍. My friend who got married reconnected with an old boyfriend after not seeing each other for several years and obviously they both became better lovers. They each had time to grow separately and figure out what they wanted in a relationship and after reconnecting and spending time together, they decided that being together is right for them. I am beyond happy for the newlyweds and the wedding was perfect. THE DETAILS! THE FCKN DETAILS! I FCKN LOVE MY FRIEND. She had 5ft tall letters that spelled out their names, she had floral wall installations for photo opportunities for her guest, and each seat at the table had goodies such a our names in acrylic cutouts, and since the husband is a DJ, the placemats were in the shape of vinyl records with a photo of the bride and groom in the center. I could go on and on about the visuals. OH AND HER RING!!! OMG HER RING!!! And her husband is so amazing and absolutely loves her, they’ve been together a few years so I’ve come to love him just as much as I love her. At the reception, he was encouraging us girls to get together because it's been too long since we all hung out. And I know he said this because he knows how much his wife cherishes her friendships. - Yes, sir we will make it happen! 🥰These two are the definition of falling apart and coming back together even better. And I am so happy my friend gave it another chance. 💝

On the other hand, another person I knew was in and out of a fling with a man for many years. Even though he would give her the impression he wanted a relationship with her, he never made it official, never asked her to be his girlfriend, and never claimed her as such to anyone. So the last time I was made aware of her reconnecting with him, he came back married and she continued to entertain him 🤬! Of course this goes against my own personal morals, but what really made me decide to distance myself from this woman was how she completely had no regard for the wife and said, “I don’t care how she feels. She took what I wanted.” after I asked her a question in hopes she would realize that what she’s doing is wrong. 😲😡 I. Was. Disgusted.

It toiled in my gut the next 24 hours. I was hurt, disappointed, and shocked at this person who speaks of women's empowerment, independence, strength, and support, but yet she wasn't fully exercising this in her personal life. I knew I could never look at her the same way. I never met the man, but anytime she would give me a recap of their conversations and time together, I knew what he was doing. 🙄 And I’m sure he knew it too. She made it all to easy for him to keep circling back around to her without offering anything substantial, but she always tried to defend her decisions by saying they are leading to a relationship or they talked about a relationship or that he did something to keep her hopeful; I saw through that too. I don’t know what their situation or status is as of today, I haven't spoken to the woman in over 2 years and at that time I remember thinking to myself, “God isn't going to bless her with a good husband.” Today, I still have no intention to be close friends with someone who romanticizes a future with a married man.

My wedding look - Dress: ShopMicas.com | Blazer: Valentino

I know women who are only interested in being with married men because of the noncommittal aspect of it and they just have fun with the men without anything too serious. I don’t agree with this either, but I understand it more than wanting to take a man from his wife or fanaticizing a life with him.

In this woman’s particular scenario, she wasn’t having fun. Her plans for him almost seemed premeditated. She should have never given that man so much access to her because each time he came back around, he expected her to let him back into her life — and she did without fail claiming to want closure and answers on why he keeps stringing her along. No, they didn't have any children together or have any shared common property. They were just two separate people who took advantage of each other’s willingness and lack of rationale. I was exhausted with it. If they at least had 1 child together, I may have been a little more empathetic, but no, it was just her having issues taking care of herself and trying to validate her own self value and him with several kids, different women, and a marriage that may or may not have been having issues; I think this was his 2nd marriage….Hmmm, I sense a pattern with that man. How about you? — Yeah, I too love it when men lie to me to keep me close to them. 🙄 Stupid. 😒 But to be honest, it is a good feeling to think you're the only one he wants even if it’s not all the way true.

When a man doesn't really value you he’s going to use you fill any voids he has and make you believe that by including you he sees you for everything you are when really you're just everything for the moment to him. You shouldn't allow him that privilege. Some may say it's best to live for the moment, I agree but only to a certain extent. Because if you keep having the moments where you’re intertwined in each others social life and personal life and nothing comes of it then you have a laundry list of, “What that hell am I doing?”

Although, this wasn’t the only reason I stopped all communication with the woman. After that last conversation, I reflected back on our friendship and I realized there were way too many times I tried to coax her out of whatever rut she was in and coddled her self-esteem issues. I didn't know it while I was in it, but that friendship was draining a lot of my energy and with the married man to top it all off, I just needed to step away and stay away. I don’t wish anything ill on people, I hope that woman is doing what's best and finds or has happiness. I just cannot have someone in my immediate circle who is motivated on hurting someone or has malicious intent for their own gain.

I’m my initial post in 2020, I listed things people can take from you:

  • Your energy

  • Your confidence

  • Your hard work

  • Your finances

  • Your rewards

  • YOUR PEACE OF MIND

…without giving anything back in return.

but I want to add these three:

  • Your time

  • Your values

  • Your good judgment

Without realizing it, people can change you for the worst because you see the good in them, because you are close to them, because you want to understand them, because they depend on you, because you want to be there for them. But people can really suck the life out of you and then you have nothing to give to yourself. If they can’t meet you where you stand or even come half way, then don’t you dare go all the way for them. We want to be wanted, we want to be needed, we want to be loved. — That’s the human in us, but that’s no excuse to deplete yourself in order to appease someone else.

Everyone doesn't have access to me and can’t have access to me because I won’t allow it. My personal time, my personal space, my personal growth, my personal healing is just what is stated…personal. And guess what, you don’t have to get personal with everyone you know.

Building Barriers

It is said that you carry pain from previous relationships and that your ex-partners encouraged the walls you now have up. I find this to be very true with every man I have been involved with. I loved them all differently. I willingly loved them and wanted to keep loving them, but they ended up draining me and I couldn’t give in anymore.

When you love someone or deeply like someone, you’re decisions can become compromised and complicated. You are not wrong for wanting to show that you love someone, you just have to be careful with how much you are giving vs. what you are receiving back. My default is that I am naturally a giver. I’m loving, I’m supportive, I’m there for you; I tend to care too much which leads to my flaw…I extend myself too much until I’m overreaching my limit. Then I’m upset, disappointed, and heartbroken. In time I’m back to finding myself opening up to take the risk again. — Everything is a risk especially when it involves the heart. Sometimes things need to be broken to know what barriers you still need to put up, keep up, or take down.

Each time I let down some walls, I was taught a lesson and yes, sometimes the lessons made me build more barriers and raise my standards. — That’s just part of protecting yourself and giving yourself time to heal and reflect…if we do not give ourselves this needed time, we can develop damaging behaviors that affect anyone we get involved with too soon. It is not unusual to go through this cycle many times in our lives depending on how proactive we are with relationships. There are people who are serial daters, constantly with a partner; then there are those like me who rarely get involved with anyone. Everyone was their own pace and reasons for companionship, I just advise everyone to be sure you are ready and willing to make adjustments and compromises to your comfort zones, including your barriers or walls.

With one of my biggest lessons, I cannot see myself getting too close to a man who shows himself to be fickle with me. — One moment very interested, the next moment acts like I’m an afterthought and has other woman all over him right in front of me. I have written about this a few years ago…A MAN SETS THE TONE with how a relationship proceeds or derails. I’m not suck in the old world, but a man is to be the leader, leading his home, his family, and his partner. Yet, not all leaders are great leaders. Bad leaders are dictators and do not take into account anyone else’s input. In today’s atmosphere it is highly regarded for a man to have a bevy of women around him. Although, that let’s me know he probably doesn’t value intimacy or at least in the same sense that I do (I wrote about this previously too). — OR that his mind is so sparsely divided that he cannot focus on giving one woman attention. I’m not a child; I have kids, responsibilities, and my own daily agenda, so I don’t need all of your attention or even a lot of attention, but I do appreciate it when a man is making time for me and thinks of me often.

I’m not naïve, men have their fun how they have their fun when they go out, but if your special lady is out with you too there is a protocol of how NOT to act with other women. The woman you should be walking to her car, driving her home, or checking on periodically is the woman you are sleeping with. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Men have to restrict their chivalry and friendliness towards other women when they are involved. It also let’s the other women know their limitations with him. I only say this because I restrict how I am with other men when I am sleeping with someone. But if you or the person don’t care about conserving each other’s thoughts or feeling then I guess Let your hoe flag fly. (Even the married men I know are firm on their restrictions with what they allow themselves to do and what they allow the other women to do. — I don’t condone it, but I respect it.)

Again, I am not naïve, but I’m always paying attention. If I keep noticing a man doing certain things in front of me, I’m not unjustified to asking questions, “Why is she holding on to you like that?”, “Why do you keep wanting to drive her home?”, “Why do you keep finding a way to be next to her or alone with her?”, — it’s one thing if the woman is an equally mutual friend and I am with you as you are making these gestures and you are not blocking me out, but it’s another thing if the answers I’m getting are brushing me off or gaslighting me. That’s not going to ease my mind about the subject and my attitude towards you can become worse. On top of that, if I hear about you telling people that’s there is nothing between us or saying you aren’t interested in me at all, it will just trigger the, “Go on and do what you want” response from me and put me on alert with anything you say and do moving forward and eventually I’ll detach if I keep feeling slighted and I won’t be asking anymore questions from here on out. — My feelings are involved too, not just yours. The moment you start revealing a part of yourself that is not cohesive with what you say to me then in that same moment you begin to lose me. It may take me a while to walk away, but once I do I’m just going to keep getting better because someone not treating me right is a character flaw of theirs, not mine and the award they receive is that they’ll never be able to get me like they used to. I’m not one of those women who needs closure…it is what it is.

On a last note: I love it when people pay attention to who I am…

Person 1: I think Raya is fooling with someone.

Person 2: Nah, I know how she is and she’s not. (This right here is my Person 🙂)

Hard Truths

Everyone wants the truth, but can you handle it? (Remember that movie? 😏) Sometimes the truth hurts. Are we justified to being sensitive over it? Here are a list of things to think about and how to not allow them to diminish your confidence or well being.

Ladies, I’m going to start with this one first….

He’s Not That Into You.

I forgot how long my hair used to be. May be time to let it grow again.

You may be gorgeous, independent, and have a lot going for you, but if you only hear from him or see him when you reach out to him, then it is possible you are not in the forefront of his thoughts. Yeah he could be busy and attending to other parts of his life, but if he likes you, he’ll make a way to spend time with you and not just after hours or only indoors where it’s just the two of you, nothing wrong with that, but if those are the only times he is willing to see you then…..ya might want to cut your losses.

  • Men are simple creatures, but they have their complex moments. Yeah, it can be frustrating if you really like a guy and he doesn’t seem to like you back the same way. Yet, you have to ask yourself why are you so intrigued by him? Why do you want to be so invested?

  • If he’s not randomly calling/texting you and asking about your day or seeing when the next time you are available, which are basic communication principals, then sweetheart…move on. Also, not to be more cynical, but if he's acting questionable, he may have a girlfriend or wife you don’t know about. — Trust me, I’ve seen this with enough men…some of them are my friends 😒. (I’m sorry ladies, they’re out of control, but they are still good people. And Fellas, if you're here too, I keep telling you guys: Tell the woman the truth and let her decide what to do with it.)

  • SIDE STORY: Musical Artist, Jeezy, married talk show host Jeanie Mai, recently and while they were dating, my sister mention how good he is to her. How sweet and caring he is to her. The way he looks at her, the way he treats her, etc. My response to my sister was: THAT’S HOW A MAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE TOWARDS A WOMAN HE IS DATING OR LIKES. 🤦🏽‍♀️

*Although, you can take the above information with a grain of salt considering I curved about 7 men since the beginning of this year. And towards the end of last year I was closed off to everyone and everything, so I am not the best source for dating answers. There was nothing wrong with the men, all of them were sweet, wanted to take me out, complimented me, asked to know more about me….I just wasn’t interest. Also, I’m about to embark of something that is going to take up much of my extra time and energy; I'm not confident a man will accept not being a priority.

Your Relationship Failed.

I love seeing a Husband and Wife team; they both equally support each other, protect each other, and speak highly of each other. Humans are not engineered to be alone, that is why there is this underlying instinct for wanting good friends and keeping connected with family. Although, one thing we should open our minds to is that humans are evolvers which also means we tend to change over time including our feelings.

  • The 20+ years of marriage or even 10 years are not as easy to come by these days. Why? Aside from opportunities of indiscretion, in my opinion, we have become so engulfed with achieving so many things that we lose sight or interests on what may be good for our hearts. Sometimes we are so far gone that keeping a relationship is just not worth the hassle. Other times, our growth made us become different people and now our goals are no longer the same.

  • You can keep doing the roundabout and keep telling each other, “This time we’ll do better.” and sometimes it works, but I am a firm believer that deep down you know what you are willing to do vs. what you are capable of doing and if those two notions are not cohesive, then…Sweetheart, you need to first be honest with yourself and then your partner. And one day, you may meet your true match. (If I get married again, we’re eloping. 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽 Dear Possibly Future Husband, save the money, let's just buy a duplex and put it on Air BnB.)

People Don’t Always Care When You Are Suffering.

This one may be a tricky gamble, but I'm still going to roll the dice.... I once read something that said, “People don’t reach out to you when you feel alone, they reach out when they feel alone.” — Wow, that hurt, but before your start to development resentment towards people, remember, we all still have to manage our own lives and some of us are fighting through our own demons and we prefer to battle in silence, so we don’t have the mental capacity to hear about someone else’s trauma. Many times when people ask me how I am doing, I give the standard response, “Everything is good.” even though I may be facing a few challenges at the moment. It is not because I do not want to share my life, it is more due to the fact that I do not want others to be concerned or consumed with what I may have going on. Also, I don’t need everyone to deposit their two cents into my life bank.

  • When some people are going through troubled times, they seek comfort, someone to listen and give them positive affirmations. If you are at a good place in your life, you do not automatically think to call someone who may not be in that same space because: 1. You may not want the person to feel worse because you are doing so well and 2. Listening to other people’s woes can sometimes take away from your positive elements.

  • If you are in a rut, first analyze how you got there, most times it is due to what I call, “self infliction” meaning the decisions you made landed yourself here. So if you made some poor choices, here is the result. Looking for confirmation that better things will come may make you feel better, but if you don’t make personal changes, you will end up at that same crossroads.

Pain Will Teach You, Pride Won’t Let You Learn

*Ladies, I deep condition my hair once a week: A hair mask for 1 hour at the least, sometimes overnight, then wash and dry. Many oil base ingredients are great for your hair: almond oil, olive oil, grapeseed oil, etc.

This one is for ALL of us because at one point or another, we house too much pride. We don’t want to be embarrassed or feel ashamed. We want to be right, we want to be justified, we want to win. AND WE CAN HAVE IT ALL if we allow ourselves to learn from our setbacks.

  • Don’t hold on to a mistake just because it took you a long time making it. That is your pride holding on because you don’t want to accept the failure. It is OKAY to fail, it is OKAY to fall. Learn from what went wrong.

  • If we knew it all, there would be no growth, no evolution. We would be a mundane society. There would be no challenges, no conversations of something bigger.

You Cannot Force Someone To See That You Are A Blessing

This connects to the first one: You are not made for everything and everyone. Again, YOU ARE NOT MADE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. Sometimes what you want is not for you, but you are still a blessing, let those unbeknownst miss out. Pride plays into this also, you may want what you want, but sometimes you can’t always get what you want. Wait for something better.

  • If you are doing right by yourself, by your family or those you care about, don’t worry about that someone may not see in you.

  • Even if you know you can elevate a business, a group, a relationship, and you are fully confident about what you are capable of, give yourself to those who will value it.