Is Destiny Already Set Or Do You Create It?

December 29, 2023

“I’m not always focused on what happens next, if what’s happening now is making me happy.”

How many of you studied Greek Mythology? There's endless stories about the Gods and Goddesses of Greece.

For instance, the story of Oedipus, his father sent him away when he was born because a prophet told him that his son would overthrow him and take over his kingdom and marry his wife. After Oedipus was grown up a prophet told him that if he wanted to be king then he needed to go to the castle and kill the first person he saw. Well, in the story, when Oedipus is heading to the castle, the guards were there to protect it and when the king realized it was his son that he sent away and regretted doing so, he ran ahead of the guards, but as the prophet stated, Oedipus had to kill the first person he saw, who ended up being the king, and therefore he became the new king and married the queen who ended up being his mother. After learning the truth about who his parents were Oedipus took his own eyes out and lived the rest of his life unable to see. The moral is supposed to be that you cannot control your own destiny, it plays out how it’s supposed to.

In another myth, Sisyphus tries to cheat death and Zeus punishes him by making him push a heavy boulder up the hill and if he pushes it over the hill, Sisyphus is free, but something always happens to the rock when it reached the top of the hill and it rolls back down to the bottom. So in this story, Sisyphus created his own destiny by trying to trick or deceive people.

This is not to say we do not have free-will. We are still able to make our own choices, but our decisions determine how may lessons we will learn along the way. We will aways get from point A to point B, but the unknown variable is what happens in that journey between the two points. And once we reach point B, the next marker in our destiny is point C. But let’s put all this into perspective. Let’s say I was destined to be a doctor of education. My point A is where I began in my studies and my point B is my degree. I’m still on this journey, so how I get from A to B is a combination of big decisions, failures, distractions and so on.

Let’s use my romantic relationships. I could say each man is a point in my life, or let’s use the word chapter in this case. The man I had kids with would probably be the most complex chapter due to the fact I was at an age where I was make big adult decisions before I was mentally ready to. And my previous lovers they would be different points or chapters of my life, and the decisions I made determined how I met them and what type of dynamic relationship I had with them. And if we are relying on destiny, I was always going to meet them, I just didn’t know how or when and the things that happen between me and them is what wasn’t set in stone.

The big lesson here is that you have to take life as is comes, because it’s coming regardless, and whether or not you believe in destiny, the things you do based on the choices you make are what’s going to determine if whether you need more time at your current point, or if you’ve already learned and grown enough at this step to move on to the next step. I know I am speaking in a lot of metaphors and philosophies and I am not saying to think of this my way. The points in your life may be different, or your chapters may have different categories. I encourage you to digest all of this in a fashion where you ask yourself:

With everything I am doing right now, where am I still struggling or where am I stuck?
Do I keep getting into the same types of relationships?
Do the people I care about know that I care about them?
Am I mistreating anyone?
Am I asking for what I want?
Am I equipped to handle what I want?
Do I keep my word?
Do I really forgive or do I still hold grudges?
Am I healed or am I still holding on to the past?
Am I learning from my setbacks?
Am I aware when I am being vulnerable?
Are my vulnerabilities welcoming positive change or stress?
Can I go to sleep tonight knowing I did my best to be a good person?

Again, I’m not telling you to think like me, come up with your own values of life and what everything means to you. I do not know if I fully believe in destiny, but at times when I am struggling, believing in destiny keeps my mind hopeful. However I do believe in the idea that everything happens for a reason, even if I don’t understand the reason and maybe things happening for a reason is part of our destiny.

Be safe everyone.

My Christmas Wish

December 24, 2023

“Kids make mistakes. Adults make decisions.”

Merry Holidays everyone! Anyone getting together with family and other loved ones this week? What about holiday wishes? Was there anything that you wished or prayed for?

I sort of have an image of how I want my 2024 to be. I’m going to continue to stay focused on my dissertation and develop it more. I’m going to make more time for my dear friends. I’m going to workout more often. And I’m going to do more things that make me smile.

As far a what I wish for, there’s a few items in particular that aren't really tangible.

First, I wish I can figure out what my dreams are trying to tell me. I keep having dreams about someone and I don't know why. This person keeps appearing and I don't know what to make of it. In some dreams we’re just talking on the phone or in person, in other dreams we’re making plans to see each other. What is my subconscious or the universe trying to tell me?! Because I think I’ve mentioned this before, most of my dreams always have a reason or meaning, especially the ones that keep having the same elements. 🤔

Second, I was watching the movie Brown Sugar with Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs. There's specific scenes that I love. Sanaa’s character is a writer and she was dating a guy and she was asking him what he thought about the article she just wrote. The guy way trying to act like he read it but eventually admitted he didn’t and that he was too busy. But her friend who is Taye Diggs character praised her for the article and said she did a good job. So this got me thinking, anyone I do get involved with, I’d want him to take interest in the things I do. For instance I may have a professional career and work on my academic portfolio, I’d want him to engage with some of the things I go through at work and classes, but I’d also want him to take some interest in what I talk and how I write on this site. 🥰

Third, speaking of websites, I launched my business site a few months back, www.dailypro.us, and I’ve already gained good momentum on it. My wish and my goal for that site is to hit certain numbers by next quarter. I believe I can do it. 📈

So that's pretty much it, I don’t really have too big of plans for next year, just to stay steady on what I've been doing and praying that whatever lessons are waiting for me in 2024, that they don't throw me too far off course that I lose focus or worse, I lose myself. 🚫

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Pain

December 19, 2023

“We should be processing all of our emotions, even the ones that we want to avoid the most.”

Pain is more prevalent around this time of the year because of the stigma of spending time with loved ones during the holidays. There’s a few people who I think about more than others during this time because of loss and it seems like the list of people I think about just keeps getting longer and longer each year. It just means that I am getting older, my friends are getting older and all of our loved ones are getting older and life, for one reason or another doesn’t go on forever. My prayer book has over 10 names this year and unfortunately, as the years move forward, more names will be added.

Pain has no set limit and it has no boundary. It can be a friend making plans with everyone except you or someone responding to everyone else’s calls except yours. And pain can also be no longer being able to spend time with someone you love or not being able to talk to someone you deeply care for.

I don’t want to just talk about things that hurt us, I want to mention something very specific and before I do, I want to be clear that in no way I am intending to be insensitive, but for the sake of what I’m about to say, let’s not consider modern medicine or science, or health related issues, hear me out. What if, when we are nearing the end of our lives, whomever we pray to doesn't want us to know that our days are almost over so we don’t hinder on it and be sad, so instead our wings are put on us while we're sleeping or while we're doing something we love that we don't have time to react and let it hinder us. Or in another scenario, we are put in a condition where we lose our memory of what going on in our current lives. Even though our loved ones may feel sad, subsequently, we are walking through our last journey in our own peace. I know this may not comfort some of you, and again, I don’t mean to be insensitive. If one of my loved ones is going to be gone from me soon, I wouldn't want them to think about it, I rather take on that burden for them and let me think about it and let me do what I need to do to prepare and recover.

Pain is defined by what your heart feels. I’ve experienced many levels and categories of pain, from how people treat me to getting disappointing news, to seeing something that my heart didn't want to see.

I don’t know what you're traditions are around this time of year and maybe they've changed in the last few years to accommodate any adjustments you've had to make, but whatever you find yourself doing I hope you do it with love in your heart for yourself and the people who love you and think of you.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Women With Red Flags

December 16, 2023

“The Only Person Who Never Makes Mistakes Is The One Who Never Makes Decisions.”

I could not stop laughing at the list below. One of you sent me a criteria of how to narrow down a woman with red flags. Now for disclaimer purposes, this is just satire, do take this too seriously, just have fun with it. I surely did and had big laughs when I re-shared it with a few friends.

How To Spot a Woman With Red Flags:

She’s had more than 1 relationship within a 12 month period
She has a college degree
She has a son
She has her own house
She pays for car insurance
She has health insurance
She has more than 3 designer bags
She has more than one tattoo
She goes to the spa or beauty salon every 2 weeks
She’s a Taurus or a Scorpio

So everything, but the first one would classify me as a red flag. And the only one I did not fully understand was the car insurance one. Doesn’t everyone have car insurance? When you get a car, don’t you want to be protected if something happens? Or is that one of those things only responsible people know to do? And the other one I got a big laugh at was the Taurus/Scorpio one because I think both are known to be stubborn and also headstrong on what they feel which can be considered stubborn depending on the context. And I remember reading somewhere that both signs are passion lovers and are driven by emotion. They are both very grounded and private. Taurus is a an earth element and Scorpio is a water element so they balance in the sense that Taurus is the feminine sign because of Venus being its planet which represents love and beauty, while Scorpio is a masculine sign due to their planet, Mars representing energy and action. So I guess a woman who is either sign has very strong presence and demeanor about her. Hey, I am definitely going to take this as a compliment.

But the entire list is funny, it’s just pointing out a woman who has reached certain accolades and probably isn’t interested in being played around with and I guess if a man wants someone to be in his shadow, he won’t be with a woman like this. But, would this list be the same for a man? I would surely want a man to check off most of these things, because to be able to understand me in some way, he’d have to have gone through similar things like becoming a parent, going through higher education, having been in a significant relationship or marriage, is keen on his health, takes care of himself, and knows the value of real estate. So adversely if you are in the right mindframe, none of these are redflags, just proof that not everyone matches up to you.

Be safe everyone.

The Hug

December 13, 2023

“When you wait too long to tell someone how you feel, the decision gets made for you and you may not get the chance to tell them.”

Ladies, lets gather for a minute. It doesn’t matter if you're single, married, dating, in a complicated situation, this is all for us. So let me ask you...

When was the last time you were held? I'm not talking about the cuddling after sex, the "hey how are you doing" hug, no I'm talking about held in a way that time freezes and anything that was on your mind just leaves your body as he keeps his arms wrapped around you and your head is either nestled on his shoulder or your chin is on the nape of his neck and his cheek is pressed on your neck. None of you say a word and you just stand there letting him hold you, protect you, and breathe you. ✨️

When was the last time you were held like this? 🫂

Who was it and where is this man now? If he is your husband or your companion, cherish that act of love, because that's what it is, an act of love. And we all deserve to feel that. 💗

Now, I'm single so I don't expect anyone to hold me like that unless we're involved or he really feels that way about me...but you know what? If one of my previous lovers randomly did this, I probably wouldn't know how to act. Do I pull away, do I give in? Do I just let it all happen? What would I do? Knowing me, I’d probably just freeze until he says something. 😵‍💫😆😳

And fellas please don't use this as one of your tactics. As a matter of fact, I hope none of you are using any of the content on here to play mind games with women. And if you are, and it’s working, then you’re welcome. I’m glad I was able to help you maneuver through women. I wear a size “All Expense Paid Trip To Fuji”.

Or maybe you always have been like this and just did not know how to manage your interactions with women, and believe me I can always tell when men are being hesitant around me. Just be genuine, that's all you need to do. But, please don't make me an accomplice to your shenanigans, some of my friends already do that enough. 🫠🙃

Why am I bringing this up? Because I was having lunch the other day and I was facing the windows that looked out into the street. I saw a couple, it looked like they were arguing. The women's face looked frustrated and the man's face looked tired. So after a few minutes of her waving her hands around his face, the man just hugs her. She tried to pull away, but her held on to her and she gave in and hugged him back. This hug probably lasted less than a minute, but I'm sure for them that time wasn't a reality and the only thing that mattered was that space and that hug became about love and trust. Call me sentimental, call me a hopeless romantic but it was beautiful to see that. 💕

I hope, no matter if you are a man or woman, that you have this in your life, or if you've never experienced this, I hope you do one day. ❤️

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Readers Rant Women vs. Men

December 10, 2023

Hey my loves 💕. I'm not going to add audio to this one. None of these are my words, so please feel free to set your own thoughts on what some of the fellow readers wanted to share.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Reader 1: (Woman)

Men are out here being so stupid. I seen a post on IG that men are out here dating Teen Titans to avoid grown women standards and it's so true! How you in your 50s Unc and chasing a bottle girl who's posting ass pics for everyone to see?! Men are so trash. Why can't you get yourself a respectable woman with a 401k, an IRA, insurance and a mortgage? That's too much for you? Are you intimidated? Unc, what's up? Are you trying to raise a woman or are you trying to be with a woman?

Reader 2: (Man)

Women don't even know what they want but always mad because a man isn’t giving her what she wants. B🚫ch say something! Stop shaming us for being out with a young b🚫ch and start speaking up. We know a young b🚫ch is only good for party and bullst. We know these youngins are for the streets, so we need a grown b🚫ch to keep us grounded. If you got it then you got it. I'm a smart man, these youngins are smoking, drinking, popping pills, doing lines, in 25 years they gonna look like life hurt them, so we need grown women in our corner to keep us from going too off the edge. Only a dumb man wifes a youngin. If my boy loving a young b🚫ch, I dab him and go, but we all not like that, so chill.

Reader 3: (Woman)

Anytime you see a man cuddled up with a woman, but he still says he's single, RUN!!! Men are the main ones talking to several women, but still say they're not with anyone. Boy be honest for once in your life! You're a community 🍆! And you're embarrassing!

Reader 4: (Man)

I'm a simple man. I like quality time with a woman and I like a woman who can handle her own and I like a woman who can have fun and get attention but still comes home to me. But a lot of these women don't understand that. You can socialize and hang out with your friends, but my lady has to act right. I don't want to hear about her letting a man touch on her and I don't want to see any video or pictures of her twerking on a man. My lady has to be demure and classy. If we're together and she's saying hi and hugging men I don't know with no introduction, then she's gone. That's hoe activity.

A Helpful Man

December 7, 2023

“The Best Man Is A Man Who Pulls Out The Best In You.”

I was talking to one of my aunties the other day and we were talking about dating and relationships and she was asking me what I want. I told her I didn't just want someone to have fun with, I also want someone to confide in and call when I have exciting news or bad news and he does he best to comfort me. I still don’t want to share a space with anyone, but I want to be able to have someone who can come over and just sit with me. We laugh, joke about each other, share our troubles and just be comfortable around each like genuine friends. Or we can just be doing our own separate tasks together, like I’m on my laptop, he’s on his. Auntie and I also talked about being patient and if we want a good companion we have to be good companions ourselves and we have to be just as patient as we want someone to be for us. And she tells me that in some ways I have to revert back to not having such an independent mindset and to allow a man to be there for me, who is willing to learn me and be of value to my life. And she’s right, even though it’s unusual and hard for me to ask for help or even to admit that there's just times I don't want to feel like I’m facing life alone, I would appreciate a helpful man.

Although, in contrast to this, the other evening I stepped out and invited a few friends, one ended up already having plans that evening, and the other joined me later that evening. We haven’t hung out in a long time so we caught up on things and then we starting getting into other topics. Then another friend came, I’m not close to this one friend, but he is good friends with people I know and I’ve been around him several times before so he gets into our topics too. And we were talking about how as a woman even though I like for a man to know how I handle me, I find it more appealing when he is considerate of me and my father instilled this in me. He says that a man should still be thinking of you even if you are in the same room as him like taking a moment to check on you and seeing if you need anything. And I think all of my previous lovers were like this to a certain point. I know with the most previous one, if we were out with friends, if he was not standing or sitting in close proximity to me, he would still make sure to check on me and I always appreciated that. And the one thing that the Athlete did that I loved was anytime we make plans with each other, before meeting up, he would ask if I needed anything or if I wanted him to stop anywhere to pick up something for me. I just think that’s a very loving gesture.

I think my idea of companionship is centered around how I like my life to be and I cannot remember is I said this to my friends or if I was thinking it, but many of my friends and I have reached a point in our lives where we have a certain level of freedom to do what we want to do, respectively. And I think man of woman, the issues we face with relationships is that we know what we can offer and what value we can add to someone, but we don’t like to change too much of our routines for anyone, we may make adjustments here and there, but if we start to feel unappreciated or misunderstood, it becomes a problem that we either address or we just walk away completely. And I know I am not making this up because I’ve done it and I’ve seen my friends do it. For instance, all my guy friends, I do not know if I tell them this enough, but all of my guy friends are handsome, they’ve done well for themselves, and regardless of how they may handle certain situations or the decisions they make, in their core, they are decent men and I think the women they involve themselves end up wanting them to change things they are not ready to change or even want to change. And at the end of the day, people are going to do what they feel is best for then even if it hurts other people. With my previous lover, regardless of whatever issues there were, I think initially he wanted to be good for me, but I think there were other elements that kept him from making decisions that considered my feelings. I don’t know this for sure, this is just my opinion.

I know there’s things about me that could be better, just like what my Auntie said, how I don’t need to be so independent all the time especially around a man who cares about me and who wants to help me. And a few of my guy friends have mentioned this to me too, it’s just hard for me to break that wall because I am so used to not having anyone. And again with my previous lover, I do remember having previous conversations that could have played out better had I said things differently. That doesn’t mean anything would have changed, I’m just saying words can be very powerful. My Auntie also said to careful of men who think you're being a problem because you are pointing out where they can be better. She says people who aren’t ready to face their demons are too comfortable with having them and will think you're being too critical of them. And I know my words can sound critical and demoralizing. That is something I am continuing to improve.

Overall in my opinion, nothing beats a considerate and helpful man, but I am very aware that I need to be open to allow a man to be there for me.

Be safe everyone.

Don't Bash Someone's Wins In Life

December 1, 2023

“We win for our own personal reasons and we show it in our own personal way.”

Sometimes we do not realize it, but we can be biased towards people. Let’s say you criticize me for something I do, but then admire or praise someone else for doing the same thing, what is the reason for that? Either you don’t want to give me credit, either you are not paying attention, or you have a personal issue with me. Say if we are supposed to be friends and you avoid praising me for doing my best and reaching my goals, but you praise someone else for reaching their goals…yeah, you have personal issue with me, my dear. Let’s say for instance a man is telling me that he admires another woman he knows for still finding a way to make things happen while dealing with a lot of hurdles…then that man is avoiding to acknowledge what he knows about me.

So, I am on this body wellness kick, my mind and my soul are straight, but physically, there is a way I want my figure to be. I already have an hourglass type of shape, but I want it to be more defined and toned. A few weeks ago I started doing sculpting massages where I am starting to see more definition in my mid section and I altered my diet a little. I also pulled back on my alcohol consumption and detox my liver every other week. All of these are little adjustments and I am noticing slight differences, but I’m interested to see on who else notices a change.

Anyway, let’s get back to the main topic. Psychology suggests that when you scrutinize someone for celebrating their accomplishments there’s evidence of bias and even insecurity. Let me give you an example, women do this a lot: When a woman makes comments about another woman’s way of fancy living, say she says something like, “She’s always dressed like she’s going somewhere” or “she ain’t better than me” or “she’s always showing off her stuff”…does any of that sound familiar? In my perspective anyone who say things like this, man or woman, has issues within themselves. If someone seems to always dress nice, maybe it’s because they take pride in how they look. If you think that someone else thinks they are better than you, well in theory they probably are because of your current mindset of being negative. And if someone seems to be showing off their stuff, is that what they are really doing or is that what you first see because you lack having the same things or that’s not how you would do things? Either way, maybe someone is proud to be able to live the life they worked hard for, why be bothered about it? Like I’m not into the big medallion chains and necklaces, but I know some people wear those things because it’s their style and it’s a token of their success. The quarterback of my football team wears one and even though that’s not something appealing to me, I still applaud him because he’s worked hard and deserves to live how he wants to. Plus, he’s such a sweet kid. I don’t mean to call him that, but I first met him when he was earning his undergrad. He has a very resilient mindset. I love watching him play and I know he’s going to do just as well off the field too.

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And in a previous post, when I mentioned how a sports commentator now has his own personal platforms and really showing his character and status, the photos of him don’t phase me, it’s what he chooses to talk about that leads me to think he’s really allowing all the hype and publicity influence what he’s doing. I applaud him for shifting to other types of platforms, but the content just doesn’t do it for me, but that’s me. And I do have friends who are very familboyant in the way they showcase their lives, they are not at all low-key and laidback, but I still praise them because I know where they came from and what they sacrificed. I just hate when people judge or talk about other people as if they themselve don’t have things to improve upon. Usually when I hear people talking like this, I navigate the conversation in a more positive way of thinking.

Even when someone’s values do not exactly align with mine, I still find ways to compliment them. For instance I was talking to one of my friends the other day and he was sharing how so many women are trying to be involved with him — and this friend does his fair share of entertaining women, sometimes I bear witness to it, other times he just tells me about it, but he meets women everywhere. So in our conversation, he says more affluent women are interested in him, like high professional women and women who have their own. Instead of telling my friend he needs to calm down, I told him that is a great testament to his character given that high caliber women see something in him that has peaked their interests. And you know what he said to me? “I’m not fcking with bum btches or young btches that just look good.” And again, instead of talking him down, I told him that’s because you have a mature outlook on things and then he says, “Yall independent btches don’t listen, but you know what you want, and I like that sht.” So my friend is the kind of guy that whoever he gets involved with, she has to have other things going on in her life because he can’t be her main focus. And then he proceeds to tell me to stay focused on my academics and not to be like him, and I cannot even fathom being like him, but I love this friend wholeheartedly. I love how honest he is about who he is and his intentions with women, so I will always defend his nonsense because he knows how to compartmentalize the various parts of his life. He is a family man first and foremost, he is a businessman second, he is a friend third, and everything else is at his discretion.

So regardless of where you are in your life or what you believe, there is no reason for you to discredit someone else’s wins and happiness in life.

Be safe everyone.