“What if I want to love you? Over and over again.”
I want to open your minds a little and it’s ok to be hesitant about thinking this way. I am still mind blown about this. I was speaking to a college professor who teaches sexuality, but she uses European theories. If any of you are familiar with how some European ideologies about sex then you’ll be able to follow this. The prof. said not to get jammed up about someone who is sexually liberated with someone who is promiscuous. She said Americans tend to view sex as an act that only should happen between someone you are in a long term commitment with. That’s why there is a feeling of rebellion and being promiscuous because people don’t want to conform with American ideologies. But she also says that many American adults view sex as an either an empty act to appease themselves or an act to confirm a right to someone. Prof. says that’s now how it should be.
She says the only one that owns our bodies is us and sex should be regarded as something healthy. Something our bodies need and something that we should not be ashamed for wanting. She also claims that having several partners is also healthy…this is what blew my mind. She explains that many of the French and the Italians and other cultures have open sexual relationships. They will have one long-term partner, like a spouse, but they also have several other companions that not just fill their sexual needs, but also their companionship needs. Say if a man has a wife who doesn’t like to go to concerts, he’ll have another partner who will attend the events with him. And if that partner doesn’t like to go to museums, the man many have a third partner who does. These are all fluid relationship that have love and affection, but each relationship has different purposes, including the sexual nature of these relationships. Your body feels different sensations from different activities and interactions. For instance, after your partner cooks you a great meal, or takes you away on a weekend trip, or presents you with a sentimental gift.
There is still emotion connected to these separate partners because you have a unique connection with one that you do not have with the other and vise versa. When the Prof. was explaining all of this to me what was in awww. I was intrigued. I was like, “OMG, this makes a lot of sense!” Then I thought of my friend who does have a wife and a couple of girlfriends. I kind of want to talk to him about this, but I don’t like to know too much of my married friend’s extramarital activities. But the Prof. gave me something to ponder on. Could I have several companions? I like to travel, could I have a travel companion? I like to eat and try new foods, could I have a foodie companion? The Prof. also said that you don’t want too many partners, because you still need time for yourself, your family, your work, and your personal goals. She says 2 or 3 is a good number and reveals that she has 3 people that she is currently dating and they are all aware that she is dating other people because she was very honest with what she wanted.
Of course I asked her what happens if she is with one of them and they run into another one. She said it’s happened a few times, but because she has been honest with all of them, there is no element of surprise. She introduces them just like she would introduce a friend or family member and continues her time with the one she’s out with. She says a lot of people want to be like this, but they are not as transparent as they should be with their partners. To make it all work, there has to be honesty. She also advocates that single women who have high levels of success should adopt this ideology. Which then I realized why she was having this type of discussion with me.
Could I do something like this? Men can be resentful when they feel they are not the only one that has your affections. They may try to play it off, but they’ll end up doing or saying something that lets you know they are not happy about your choices. And I do not want anyone I am involved with to feel that I do not have real feelings for him. My feelings run deep. Obviously, if you been here the last few months, you know how much I expressed my rollercoaster of emotions with my previous lover. When I care, I care a lot, sometimes too much and sometimes it’s not enough.
If I were to consider having several lovers, he could not be anyone who I’ve already known for many years, because I want to keep my friendships as they are. I’d want to present this to someone new because the idea is that the relationship only feeds a certain purpose so they are not going to be integrated with all the other parts of my life. I don’t know, it seem complicated, but the Prof. says people need to stop limiting their happiness to one person. She says you can have more love for one person, but you can have equal happiness with other people without damaging the love for that person. I did ask her if she loved one man more than the other two and she says it changes constantly because she is not married to any of them or live with any of them so she really has not emotional obligation to any one of them.
Of course we talked about the sex and she says they all fulfill her needs because she has different things in common with all of them so they arouse different emotions in her. This is a lot to think about. I’ve always maintained one lover at a time. I don’t know how I would incorporate another one, if in fact that is something I really want to explore. To me, I guess it would be more realistic to have one main partner and then have another partner who provides another element of interest. I guess that’s what some people do anyway, but like the Prof. said, it should be treated more as a decision of personal wellness and not a decision of ego and pride. Will these partners give you the factors you want or need to where you feel fully satisfied in your life or current state of mind? Do they appeal to you where you can still be your true self and be the best version of yourself.
I think I shared before that one of my married friends says he needs to have girlfriends because he needs to have those connections outside of his marriage for him to be the best husband he can be. And ever since I’ve known him, he’s never been shy to mention his wife and family; they have always come first before any girlfriend and he’s had to breakup with a few of them because they didn’t understand or wanted more of him. And as wrong as all of that may sound, I stand by my friend. His wife and his home is happy and I know he would do anything for them, so I don’t have anything bad to say about his extra activities. He even put me before his girlfriends at times. So whatever his ideology is or however he’s doing it; he’s handling it very well and he is still a great friend to me.
Is this something you could do? Or if you are already doing something like this, could you be better at doing it? I’m on the fence with this, but let me know your thoughts.
Be safe everyone.
