“You entertained someone half of me. Now I look at you and think: Where’s the other half of you?”
Sorry for the background noise in the below audio, I was still in the coffee shop and wanted to share the run in.
It's no secret I have a lot of male friends. All of them are different, respectfully, and in some way, they are also all the same. It's also no secret that I love my fellas dearly...but they're still men and I still look at them sideways sometimes.
Many of you ladies have shared your stories with me and I love that you feel comfortable enough to share personal parts of your lives with me. So I came up with a summary of things men do that either makes no sense, or just completely foolish. Ladies, this one is for you. I’ve collected all your thoughts from the last few months and we are going to walk through them together. Fellas, we love you, let me say that first, but sometimes you are too all too common without any sense. I also need to mention this topic is not a dig, but there is value in sharing this because it may give all of us different perspectives on how we handle and communicate with each other.
So let’s go…
Afraid to show feelings: Fellas if you like for us to let you know what we feel or think of you, give that same energy back. If you like us to tell you how great you are, compliment you, and make you feel noticed and appreciated, do the same for us to.
Tell her you miss her: If you miss someone, SAY IT! Men, when you tell a woman you miss her there’s no telling how she will perceive that, but if you just miss her energy, conversation, and presence, there’s no shame in letting her know. You CAN tell a friend you miss them without anything being misunderstood. I have serval guy friends who I tell that I miss them, I told one them the other day and told them I wanted to plan to hang out with them soon.
Not apologizing: This one is a big one. If you have done something to hurt her, APOLOGIZE for it. Now I cannot speak for every woman, but sometimes that is all I need to hear, nothing else, no explanation, no long conversation, just an “I’m sorry for everything” or “I’m sorry for how I made you feel.” is good for me. My friends who are husbands always tell me they if their wives are upset, they find a way to make it up to her or feel better, even if it means apologizing. And sometimes they tell me that they apologize for things that they are not even clear about 😆. But it comforts their wives so they do it. I mean that's your wife, you took the highest vow for her.
Avoiding her and giving another woman attention: This one can be a little hard to navigate for some of you men. If there is a woman you think about, admire, or have some type of feelings for, don’t make her feel the latter or make her feel insignificant by giving more attention to another woman. I’m not sure if any of you are able to pick up on this, but sometimes you can feel when someone has something for you (good or bad), but if it’s good, why would you make them feel unseen? For me, small gestures mean so much like checking on me, saying something kind to me, or asking to see me….I love things like this. Just like with telling someone you miss them, it's similar here, if you like her, don’t make her believe that you don’t.
Saying things out of frustration: I hate this one and I have been more cognizant of what I say when I am upset with someone. I try not to say anything that hurts them or makes them feel less of a person, but some men still need to learn self awareness in the aspect. But when you do realize the things you said that were hurtful, APOLOGIZE. One of the truest acts of an honorable man is recognizing he did something wrong or shameful and making a mends for it. Don't claim to be a good man or at peace with everything if you’ve not made peace with those you have acted poorly towards. Fellas, get it together. If you know better, do better. 🤷🏽♀️
*Don’t put a lesser woman higher than a whole woman: I wasn’t sure how to label this one, but many of you ladies have shared similar stories of men seeking women who are half the woman they are and there may be many reasons for this. Ladies, do get upset, but this is some the the things my guy friends have told me:
Sometimes a lesser woman is just there for fun because there’s nothing significant he can really have with her.
Some older men seek younger women to make themselves feel younger and if you recall in a previous post, a friend explained that the younger generation “go after it more”, so they tend to do more for the attention and affections of a man and can be reckless in doing so, while older woman are more established in their value and confidence and require equal efforts from a man. So a man who isn't able to give equal effort will resort to a lesser woman.
In conjunction to that, a lesser woman folds more to a man’s requests. Now, I believe in treating a man good, but you don't get top quality treatment from the start. Just like you don't automatically get a degree or a successful business, you have to work for it. And trust me, we know some men don't like that, so let those men run around with their foolishness.
✨️ But ladies, let me give you some light to all of this…
My fellas also tell me that a lesser woman cannot provide a man with the same infrastructure of companionship. This might go over some of your heads (especially the men who may have felt slighted from this topic), but basically what my guys are saying is that, don’t make yourself lesser when you worked hard and have went through a lot of experiences to make you MORE. Actually, you should take pride in being the kind of woman who doesn’t fold for a man who has lesser values in the women they decide to entertain. Think more on this, all of you.
Fellas, if you fall into any of these things, you're not the worst, especially if you realize you can do things differently. And if you are entertaining a lesser woman for thrills, then have your fun times, but don’t put that woman above a woman who you know is so much more. That's just disrespectful, not only to her, but to your persona as well. But aye, do what you want.
Be safe everyone.
