I've said this time and time again, who you choose to entertain or who you choose to partner with says something about you and where your head is at.
Remember a few topics ago, I told you I have a friend with the PhD in psychology and that she's digging into adults who choose partners over 15 years younger than them and her theory is that those people have the same thought patterns as people who engage in inappropriate relationships with children or people under 18. She's actually started pulling together some case studies that confirms her theory such as how those people try to defend their choices by not taking accountability of their actions, or having identity issues within themselves, and not being completely honest with themselves about who they really are, and part of that is not having good self-awareness. She doesn't want me sharing too many details right now until she does more research, but what she has so far will really open your eyes. And you don’t have to be an academic or high degrees to follow her findings, you just have to have some decent common sense.
Again, you have to be cognizant of who you are involved with because whether you agree with this or not, that person is a representation of you. Not just how they look, but how they present themselves to the world, what their goals are, what their accomplishments are, if they have stability, if they have good people around them, what they talk about, and so on. No that person isn't a complete reflection of you, but they represent a marker of who you are at this moment in your life.
Just like me, my ex-husband was a marker of who I was at a certain time in my life. He represented a part of who I was, but not who I could be and thankfully, I evolved from the person I was because I knew I wanted better and I knew I wanted more and in order to do that I had to make decisions that would lead me to what I want. Even the Athlete, he represented a different marker in my life. There's still parts of who I was when I was with them that’s still within me, but I’ve learn to pivot those characteristics to something better. Are you guys following me or is this too cerebral? I know sometimes I can go off on a wild tangent, but the point is, your choices impact a lot of things, including who you choose to be with.
Let’s take it a little further. Let's look into monarchies, how royal people only marry other people who are of similar class or status or better. My friend always told me, “You either date across or you date up, but you don't date down.” What he meant by that is when you date someone who is adjacent to your wheelhouse there isn't an underlying struggle or barrier that's already present. This doesn't mean you can't have things in common with anyone outside the wheelhouse, it just means those commonalities aren't enough. Just like love isn't always enough, having a few things in common isn't either — I mean we all breath and we all like to eat, those are things everyone has in common, I’m just saying don’t always rely on what you have that is similar to someone else. And going back to my PhD friend, she says much of those older partners in relationships with highly younger people rely on those common factors to defend their choices.
Let's put this in another perspective. The presidential race is at foot, but before we got here and with any presidential campaign, we get to find out who the candidates elect as their running mate. And are you all aware of the selection process? The running mate has to align and compliment the candidate so together, they make a stronger force. Does this make more sense? Now put this into the perspective of relationships. This is very similar to what I’m saying.
Of course if you're just out here having fun and not trying to get serious with anyone, then hey do what you want with whoever you want. But if that's what you're doing, don't be out here parading that person around like it is something serious. Remember, we don’t treat bottom shelf like it belongs on the top shelf. Keep your toys where toys belong.
But if you are like me who is for the fun, who isn't looking for marriage or to share your life with someone, but who also isn't for the bullshit and the nonsense, then we still have to be mindful of who we chose as our lovers. I can't be with just anyone and anyone can’t just be with me. No matter how long or short it lasts. Any one who has been involved with me, consider it a high compliment. - Aye you guys like it when I talk my shit, so here you go. - I am the flower that continues to bloom. I’ve always been that, even when a man is looking the other way, he still feels my presence. I don’t know if any of you have studied Greek and Roman mythology, but under my birth sign and the stars, the Roman Goddess, Aphrodite, who rules under the planet Venus is known to be a lover of pleasure, luxury, and sensuality. And I do not follow astrology too closely, but I do embody those hallmarks. And if those are some of the characteristics I represent, I’d want someone who has traits that balance me. The thing is you can be opposite from a person and still align with them as long as you two are in the same vortex, but that’s a deeper conversation we’ll have to save for another day.
You have to be a certain kind of man for me to be interested. Especially now, because if I introduce you to the people I love including my friends, if they don't see a part of who I am in you then you will not gain their favor and you’ll just be someone I brought around a few times. And I already told you guys, there's one group of friends that I’m not bringing anyone around to unless I am for sure he'll mesh well with them. Because this group of friends won't hesitate to tell me, “Nah, Raya, you need to get rid of this clown.” And if they say that, then you are out of sight, because this group isn't going to adjust to anyone who doesn't align with us. We'll tolerate you to a certain extent, but you're not part of us. If my friends represent me better than you represent me then guess what? I’m going to defend them over you.
Some of you may say that's wrong, but remember, I’m not looking for a husband. At best maybe long-term lover who understands my need for space and discretion and we come together when we can and people may know there’s something between us but they won't know all the details or even how it works with us, I’m on board with that and realistically there's a certain caliber of people who can really do that and those people would be adjacent to my wheelhouse. But, if you are seeking a marriage, then yes, make bigger efforts for your person, but still keep in mind that person becomes a reflection and representation of you.
Be safe everyone.
