(Comments enabled until Sunday Jan. 16th, 6pm.)
This first paragraph has nothing to do with the topic, but it is not enough for me to create a separate post about it. — You know what I learned recently? Being a free spirit can be also considered as being hoe or participating in hoe-like activities. Huh? When did this happen? I bring this up because one of the things I want to do differently is to say “Yes” more, not to anything that jeopardizes my health or my values, but saying yes to new experiences (this may be hard to do right now since I spend much of my time studying and working and I’m inside by or before 8pm and asleep by 10pm. Lol, I told you my personal life is not that exciting, it’s all emails, deadlines, books, writing, editing, and online shopping 😁). The idea of saying Yes more is similar to being a free spirit which is now apparently a vague term, it can mean so many things. It still mainly means being fun loving, right? But what’s fun for one person may not be fun for the next, so I guess the definition is unique to each person. I am still going to stay grounded; I can make mistakes, I just can’t make major ones that drastically change the dynamics of my life. So hopefully saying yes to things doesn’t land me on the questionable line between right and wrong.
Moving on: I told you previously that I would ask this question…
At what point do you decide the person you are fighting with is the person worth fighting for?
So we talked about make up sex recently and other things pertaining romantic relationships, I still cannot get over some of your messages and I completely appreciate your openness to share it with me. I don’t know if I can be so comfortable being very open talking about my…ummm… “Oochie Wally” 👀 with people who are not touching my…ehem…“Oochie Wally” 🤐. But thinking beyond the physical yearning for someone, the mental yearning is just as strong, Yes?
With the stories and scenarios you guys shared with me, it made me think about what makes a functional relationship and what makes a person hold on when things are difficult? Aside from that, what makes a person worth telling people “Yeah, I'm talking to someone.”? Because there are so many opportunities to do anything with anyone these days and I just can’t get on board with it. I’m practical with how fluid people are with each other these days but, I’m traditional in wanting someone to protect what we share together. And trust me, if you're having sex with someone, the relationship is beyond what you think or say it is. So don’t downplay it or hide it, because at that point you’re just trying to challenge people's intelligence.
Relationships are a risk, aren’t they? You are making adjustments in your life to fit this person in. You are compromising, you are thinking of not just you anymore. How and when do you know it’s worth it?
Misguided: Search “Plisse Long Shirt”
I don’t know if I can properly answer the any of these questions. When I fought with my ex I fought for loyalty and respect to our home and family. In hindsight I think the only times I was fighting for Him was when we first got together. - When I genuinely wanted to be around him, hear him, touch him, smell him. We were very young and I had different goals then, my mind was not the same. As time when on, we grew to want different things, the fighting became normal and my opinions about him changed…Yes, I can admit I changed. But isn’t that what we all do eventually? Especially when we want something different.
One of you made a comment that maybe the reason I refuse to stay over a man’s house is because I’ve not met anyone I wanted to spend my nights and mornings with. That comment sat with me for a while, maybe you’re right. Someone else said that a man who really cares about you will keep updated on you and sometimes support you in silence because he waiting for the right time to be everything you need him to be. That sounds good, but I don't think men wait very long. I think if you're not interacting with them frequently, then they don't think much about you. Although, it is a nice feeling to know that someone is thinking about you.
So how do I decide if someone is worth the hassle? What is the checklist or criteria for someone to still get the best of me especially when they pull out the worst in me? No relationship is simple. My best friends and I have even had our fallouts. I’ve had fallouts with family too. I just can’t always go along with something I don't fully agree with and that’s where the conflict begins. I don’t like conflict, but I’m not afraid to be heard either and I don’t like being mistaken for soft, because when I speak out, then narrative about me changes and I’m not longer soft, instead I’m a problem, even though you’ve been benefiting from my “softness” and took it for granted. What sense does that make? It’s the same story every man spins when a woman is upset and a man doesn’t acknowledge the part he played. One of my girlfriends just had a blow up with her guy and the first thing out of his mouth was telling people she was being “crazy”. Oh, okay sir, you obviously have low emotional intelligence. It takes at least two people to create a problem and neither are 100% right.
So what is the answer here? Who is and isn't worth it? I guess it will be different for everyone; what feelings are still there, what experiences were shared, what are the challenges, can it be fixed, etc. With my friends and family, anytime there was an argument, we’d just give each other space and just casually start speaking again, “Want to meet for brunch on Saturday?”, “Do you need anything from the store?”, “How was your day?”, “How have you been?”. Every relationship we have is different, although if the same things keep occurring, you have to consider that the common denominator is You. What is it that you keep doing or not doing? And if that is the case, are You worth someone’s fight?
