Interested In Him

July 27, 2023

“You can only be as happy as you make your mind up to be.”

Reader Question: “Don’t you ever think your guy friends want to be with you?”

I actually get asked this a lot especially when I mention my guy friends in my topics. So here's the run down. With the guys I grew up with and I'm still friends with, there has never been that awkward unspoken interest for one another, we always just been friends and nothing more. With some of the guy friends I made as an adult and I've become close to them, they've never shared with me they want anything more so when we hang out it’s just really simple. Now, in relation to that there is a select group of guys who I've become friends with through someone I was involved with and with them, they never have crossed a certain threshold with me. I’m not going to mention the guy's name, but with his friends who I’m now also friends with, in their minds I’m “that man’s Raya". Even though right now, I’m just “Raya” but how they met me and things that have occurred since then, to those guys, I’m still “so and so's Raya.” And I don't have a problem with that because I love having male friends who I can have fun with, feel safe around, and not worry about being taken advantage of. That is a great feeling to have and I value that. 😊 Don’t get me wrong, ALL of my guy friends do flirt with me in some way or will hang their arm around me, or kiss my cheek or my forehead, but it's all out of love and never uncomfortable.

The Misconception

Don’t confuse my comfort or friendliness towards someone with being interested in anything other than a good conversation.

Let's move on…

In one of the recent topics I let you know that I've never told a man I was interested in him and many of you had very strong opinions agreeing and disagreeing with what I said. The main reason I don't do it is because I don't want things to be awkward if the man doesn't feel the same way in return because then the dynamic of our communication changes and then it’s like, “We'll, damn. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all.” Especially, if it's a guy I like hanging out with.

I know men sometimes like women to be a little forward, but is it too much to ask for a heads up that you have some interest in me before I take that step? You don’t have to come out and say it, but in some way let me know that you are attracted to me intimately and open to seeing what more can happen, even if it’s just for fun, give me some clue. I’m not the one night stand type of woman, if you are my intimate partner, I want it to happen more than once. So, you can very much be my temporary lover or my fun partner, but just know, I’m not a one time girl.

This is why I say that I need to be comfortable with a man before getting in bed with him. I want to have the understanding that if we are going to be involved, even if it’s casual, that we still have consideration for one another and make adjustments that appease us both. I like a busy man, I don’t need a man who has too much time on his hands, because then he may want a lot of my time and what if I’m not available? He goes off any starts getting involved with someone else until I am available? I don’t need that mess.

I also like a man who understands the importance of self-care and solidarity. Because I know I have mentioned many times that it can seem like I’m being distant when I need to just be alone. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be involved anymore, it just want time to myself and I would like for a man who gets that. For me to be a better me, I need my me time. For me to be the sociable, charismatic, giving, and caring person that people know me to be, I need that alone time. And I want him to take time to himself too. Unless I tell you I want out or you tell me you want out, then my interest in you is still there.

There can also be times that we may be in the same room and just not have an active conversation, we can just lay on each other and watch tv, or he can be on his laptop and I’ll be on mine. If we just want to be in each other’s presence and not really do much, I’m okay with that. I guess what I am trying to say is that I do not always need that constant dialogue to keep my interest peaked.

Here’s the other side to this. If I am not interested in someone, I do not need to be pressured into being interested. For instance, if I tell you that nothing intimate is going to happen between us and I give you my reasons, don’t try to have ulterior motives to get me to change my mind. And if I share with a friend that I have my reasons for not getting involved with someone, that friend should not be pushing me to be involved with that person. It doesn’t matter if you do not agree with my reasons, they are MY Reasons, so respect the fact I do not want to get myself in a situation that I am already not comfortable being in.

But here is the realistic part I need to talk about. With a man who I have never been involved with or intimate with, it is much harder for him to get to me than a man who already knows me in that way. I’m not saying that every lover I have ever has still has a chance, I’m just saying they already know some details about me that they can utilize to their advantage. Thank goodness I do not have a lot of previous lovers. I think I said before, I can drive several hours outside my front door and count on LESS than one hand how many men have been in my juices.

If we are both interested in each other, let’s not play these cat and mouse games and just let each other know. I am willing to be more vocal with a man who gives me the feeling that he’s interested rather than a man who I am not sure if he’s even worried about be in any way. But remember, I’m not a one time woman, if we’re just having fun, then we’re going to have fun a few times and make the most of it. And if you have me, don’t leave me wondering if you’re still interested, just let me know if you want to stop or if your feelings have changed.

Be safe out there.

Let The Juices Flow

July 21, 2023

“Be good to ‘Her’ first, before being good to him.”

Ok ladies, let’s talk about this. In a pervious topic I briefly talked about keeping your Hello Kitty healthy. I gave you an oil mixture recipe to use on Her and I talked about how important it is to maintain your pH balance.

Fellas, this might be TMI for you, but I can't force you to go, but we are going talk some lady business.

I’m pretty in tuned with my body and my health especially the Hello Kitty, I know right away when something isn’t right. I’m not currently sexually active or have been intimate with anyone in a long time, but I still have to pay attention Her. Even the clothes you wear or certain fabrics can throw you off balance. Those tight jeans may look cute on you, but it’s not giving enough air for your Kitty to breathe and sometimes textured or rough fabric can irritate her too. And if you have high moisture levels, you have to be more cognizant of these things. Wetness and tight clothes don't always mix well. Also, wetness and no underwear don’t mix well because of the chance of drippness down your inner thighs. 😅🫠

The main thing is keeping yourself clean. Pick up some vaginal soaps that can help maintain that pH balance and of course staying hydrated is good for your overall health. And just like using moisturizers on your face, do the same for the Kitty. I use natural oils on both my face and my Girl.

And of course we know the things you eat impact all parts of our bodies, but ladies we have to pay attention to how certain foods affect our Kitties. Any type of citrus fruits are great for your girl like grapefruit, oranges, limes, kumquats are all great because of the vitamin C component. Other things such as pineapple, different types of berries, apples, and pomegranate contain great antioxidants. 🍊🍋🫐🥝

Take Care Of Your Kitty

Treat your body how you want him to treat “*Her*”

If you have any issues with dryness, dark greens can help you out with that. Think more kale, collard greens, spinach and broccoli is good to put into your regular diet 🥬🥦. Also, if you didn't know this, then I’m about to tell you, Avocados help boost not only wetness, but also you libido! 🥑😺

Let me tell you, whoever my next partner is…SIR, YOU'RE WELCOME! 💋💦

But for those of you who have an active sex life, here are some foods to stay away from before you do the do because they can cause a lingering odor, garlic, asparagus, onions, and brussels sprouts. Depending on certain meats and how it’s seasoned can also leave an unattractive smell, just let your nose pay attention to all of that. But always, ALWAYS, drink plenty of water 💧.

Now lets talk about sex a little. You should know by now that other people's fluids affect our Kitty fluids. If he’s not a clean person, what do you think that will do to your balance? Just think of UTIs and how uncomfortable they are. That's why no matter your partner, you should always have a healthy routine to get your Girl back on track. And after sex, make sure at the very least, you have a warm wash rag close by and wipe down the Kitty. 😻

Here are your takeaways:

Eat fruit
Eat your green veggies
Keep it clean and moisturized
Let her breathe
Drink water

“V” Oil Mix (use it as often as you want)

Sesame Oil
Argan Oil
Jojoba Oil
Tea Tree Oil

Today's Generation of Men is NOT Yesterday's

July 20, 2023

A few of you asked me about my thoughts on the Carlee Russell situation. When the story broke, I had concern. When the story continued, I had questions. When the press conference aired, I was more confused.

Initially, my thoughts mirror Tristan Marsh’s thoughts (video). We’ll never know what really drove the young lady to decide to do what she did, but I do believe in accountability and owning up to your behaviors and actions. Not everything is a mental ailment. But, hey I am not medical doctor. Whatever the underlying issue was, I just hope something was learned from this situation.

“As a man, be just that. A gentleman.”

❗️DISCLAIMER: This is a summary of many of your thoughts over the last few months.

❗️❗️Please Note: Men, before you get upset, this is not a direct attack on any of you, some women just notice a few nuances here and there: Don’t lose your greatness to those not so great.

Sometimes I look at these young people today and just think…Where did it all go wrong? The way they think, the way they act, the music the listen to, and Oh GOD the way they dress! It’s almost like they are so influenced by one another that they won’t listen to anything or anyone that makes sense. To be fair, there are a few young people who have good direction, but for the most part….No. 😐

Be Distinguished

Never be ashamed of your age and try to prove to these youngers that you can still fit in with them. You fit in with YOUR people. Remember that.

Let me start with music because music can change anyone’s mood from good to great or from bad to worse. That song “Act Bad” is a no for me, the lyrics, the tempo, all of it, not for me. What are you doing Puff? You come from “All About the Benjamin’s” to this??? Make it make sense! Megan the Stallion, beautiful woman, has hit songs, but overall her music is not for me and it’s the same with Cardi B, love her charisma, but her music isn’t for me. And don’t get me trying to figure out who’s song is who’s because I do not know half the people who’s making these supposed hits now. I think most of this generation has the sheep mentality and they just go with what everyone else says is good as opposed to having their own critical thoughts and saying, “This is trash.” If I am out and the songs are playing, I go with it, but when I am in my car or at home, none of that is on my playlist. Look I’m not saying this is ideal, but I grew up with music about making love, treating women good, and dealing drugs, this generation's music is about doing drugs and being careless. We are not the same. 🚫

Next is the mindset and I think the current pop-culture has a lot to do with this especially with reality tv and this generation looking up to these salacious behaviors. It has warped people’s way of thinking and of course how you think is how you act. 💡

So let me get into the men. Sometimes I witness the older generations get influenced by the younger generations maybe because they want to still feel young, validated, important, or want to prove something, I don't know. But baby just act your age, we accept you just like that. My friend says men like that look like Daddy Daycare. Don’t have these kids out here having you look like Daddy Daycare.

Even for me, I don’t want to be out here looking like I’m babysitting. That 25 year old I told you about before, I told you I kept my boundaries strong with that one. Because I have to think, he’s closer to my daughter's age then my own, and what would I look like bringing him around my kids? I can't be serious with someone who has more in common with my children than me. 👀🤪

Be Proud

Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for achieving your goals and doing well. We don't all make the same decisions because we are not clones of each other, so just make certain YOUR Life is Gucci.

Listen, I love a distinguished man. Who comes with experience and knows how to separate what's no longer for him from what helps him maintain humility. I guess when I was younger, I never wanted to be everywhere with everyone. I didn't feel I needed to know everybody and I didn't care to fit into anyone's clique. I moved at my own pace. I like being low key and in my own elements. The big difference is, the people who I decided to be around has to have purpose to me. Either they have a similar mindset as me or they have a more experienced mindset to teach me something. I don’t like to be around “Yes” people, who don’t tell me their true opinions and just go with whatever anyone else says. Baby, you're not growing or helping anyone grow. 🌱

At my age now, the only young people I communicate with often are my kids, my mentees, and a few people I may see in passing often. That’s it. For the most part, I stick to my caliber of people. And I'm so disappointed with the men coming out of this generation. It’s like they have adopted so many feminine traits and wanting to be treated like women. I completely understand the concept of catering to your man and making him feel loved, but these men want that treatment from the start without showing you they are worth your affections. They want you to be fully vulnerable towards them, but they're not willing to do the same with you. 🤨

I like it when men aren't afraid to tell me they want me. They're not afraid to reach out to me and they don't get upset if I’m not available. I like a grown man, not just grown in age, but grown in mentality. To know that I’m a woman of standards, I’m a woman that has come up in life. I’m a woman that has emotions and a woman who still likes some traditions like a man approaching me and asking about me.

Today's generation is all about instant gratification and what's quick and what feels good to them. The problem is, without going through and processing what doesn't feel good, you don’t learn to build up your comprehension and understanding towards different real life scenarios and you become sensitive to everything you feel is an inconvenience or barrier to you. And men have become more susceptible to being like this.

Let this all sit. Be safe out there.

Make Money Online

July 16, 2023

“I don’t know about you, but paying for convenience is worth the cost.”

I am not one of those people who will have an Only Fans page 🚫 or any page where I have to put aside my values, dignity, or morals to make money . If you have a site like that, hand claps to you, I can’t do it. I still won’t wear certain things around my dad. For instance, if I am going to visit him, but right after I am going out with friends, I am not going to wear what I’m going out in around my dad. I won’t even change at his house, I’ll change in the car if I'm crunched for time just to avoid my dad seeing my revealing outfits. ⛔️

And I also have that mindset of everyone doesn’t need to see what I’m doing all the time. Sometimes I’ll snap a picture and share it to certain people, but I was never on the bandwagon of showing the world where I am at, who I am with, and what I am doing. Although, I am an advocate of sharing information that could be useful to others.

A lot of you ask me about different ways to make money. I make money in several ways. I am a W2 employee for one company and I am a 1099 employee for several other companies. I also have a few investment ventures that include properties and the stock market. And of course I make some change from this site. Lisssennn…I like nice things and I like treating myself very good. 💅🏾Now if a man comes along and wants to take over all my major expenses, which is really my living expenses, such as home and auto, then BABY, tell me what you need from me, you can have it all! I’m still going to make my own money, but Sweetie, let me know what you want me to do and I’ll do it! 😉

But here’s a little tip from Auntie Ray: “Fellas, find you a woman who adds income to your household and not a woman who just depletes yours ❌️. And ladies, don’t be that woman who can only by drinks and a t-shirt every now and then but, can’t buy your man anything else.” ❌️

To make good money on the side or even with your own business, the best thing I can tell you is to learn a skill, be great at that skill, package it up, market it, and put a price tag on it. And if you are partnering with someone, make sure they know the same things you know or more. Below is a break down of different revenue possibilities.

Website, Videos, Podcasts

Having a website, creating videos, and having a podcast are great ways to make money. They key is knowing your audience and gravitating the topics relative to them. With this site, it took me about 2 years before I saw some decent revenue and the income is not steady nor is it the same each month. It all depends on of of you. 🥰

There is another website that I have been working on the last 2 years. It is more geared towards business topics and working professionals. The site actually began as a project while I was studying at University of Alabama 🤓. I got a lot of good feedback from it that I decided to make into a little baby business for right now. I write HR and employment related articles and I provide professional development downloads at different costs 📂. I have earned some revenue already from the site, but I still consider it a little prototype site because there’s still a lot I want to do with it. I could hire about 2 people to help me get it to a certain level, but I want to make sure it meets a certain standard first before I hire people.

📌 Here is a peak at my some of my Professional Articles (it looks a lot different from this site. Yes, Auntie Ray knows her shit!) And here is a peak at the Professional Development Downloads I offer. Look, I didn’t get this far in life to be inefficient with my knowledge.

Professional Ray

I talk back and I talk a lot of BS, but I also talk a lot of business.

eCommerce: Esty, eBay, Amazon, Mercari, etc.

Selling online another great way to earn some extra cash. During the COVID lockdown I was still working, but I was stuck in the house with a lot of downtime, so one day I decided to go through my closet and clean out anything that I no longer wear or have never worn. Trust me, I had a lot of clothes with the tags still attached. Judge me later, just hear me now. I sold my clothes on Mercari and within 3 months, I made a good amount of pocket money, just from things I don’t use anymore 💵! Ebay is a good platform for this too. Esty is great if you are crafter or creator. You can also sell digital products on there too. I know a lot of teachers sell generic lesson plans on there. For other platforms to sell digital items or virtual services Fiverr and Upwork are good. With Amazon, they have a sellers program and I know of a few people who do well with that. *Mind you all these platforms do charge some sort of selling fee. 📊

Investing

Investing is one of the best ways to earn passive income. I have 2 avenues of investments. The one I enjoy the most is the stock market. The market can be unpredictable and volatile, but in my experience, I have never lost more than I put in 📈. Even when I lost some money last year, I already made all it back this year and then some. 📕 I even published a beginners guide in 2020 that covers all the basics of the stock market. I offer the eBook on my business site and even though it’s almost 3 years old, I still get multiple downloads from it each month. Link to my eBook HERE. 📍

Do what you will with all this information, but don’t say I never gave you some pointers on where to start! I don’t believe in scaling back because of finances, I believe in making more money. Like I said, I like nice things and being able to afford convenience in not cheap. 💸

Looking For Trouble

July 12, 2023

A little revelation about my 2 dreams, if you need to catch up with what I’m talking about go to the post right before this one. There's a few audio clips in there. I still keep having the dreams, except the recent nights, I now think the person I’m calling and the person standing next to me is the same person. With the phone dream, instead of calling the person, I am texting the person and this time the person sent a message back. What was said in the message was the same thing the person in the other dream said to me, but I can’t make out his voice. Sometimes my dreams have a funny way of keeping me wondering until it actually happens in my waking life. Seems cruel, huh? 😏 But at least now I know the two dreams are connected!

Also, another thing I should mention is the whole Keke Palmer fiasco with her partner. I know, I just hyped those two up and now the Usher thing happened and things seem to be iffy between them, but hey I did tell you guys….forever doesn't last a long time! I do see both sides to it, for Keke, she’s out with her friends, she’s feeling good, and she’s just enjoying herself. For her partner, he sees the woman he is with who is also the mother of his child wearing a very revealing outfit and in the face of another man. Look, I wear things all the time that show parts of my body, but I am very conscious of how close I am to a man, even being single. I do hope they find a way to communicate and be cordial even if they don’t stay together.

“There's such things as good trouble.”

Let's talk about trouble. I do believe if you're looking for trouble, you will definitely find it, no matter what it is. I also believe there's such things as good trouble. We’ll talk more about that in a minute. If you are looking for something to be wrong about someone, you will find it, guaranteed, but don’t go looking for something that doesn’t need to be found, let that sit for a bit, that may mean something different to each of you. For instance, don’t look for something to justify anything you did wrong or could have done better. Like don’t try to pull out someone else’s flaws when you still need to work on yours. Don’t call-out someone else, if you can’t accept being called out. But, if your gut is telling you something is not right, listen to it, because you are probably correct. And at that point you need to decide if what you are feeling is something you can deal with long term.

So let’s talk about “good trouble”. Good trouble is what I call taking a risk, but it’s not causing harm to anyone. Like complimenting someone who you may have some history with, but what makes it “trouble” is not knowing where that compliment will get you, you guys following me here? Will it get you to a happy ending or will it just be words that stood in one place?

So let me share something really quick: Every now and then, I say some suggestive things to a guy I know, I’m not sure if he’s noticed it because I always say I’m joking and the reason I do that is, I am not sure if I want what I say to go any further than just a statement. I’m so cory, I know. I just don’t want to get into any BS with anyone and I’ve been good on my celibacy kick, even though I don’t refer to it as that because my purpose is not to abstain from sex, but more so abstain from getting involved with someone who is going to bring me down as opposed to being considerate to me. My Goods are GOOD right now and I want to keep it that way and I am only willing to share my good with someone who is transparent with me….BUT HELL, I don’t know, one of these days someone might just say the right thing at the right moment…and that’s all she wrote!

Ideally, there is nothing wrong if you want a little trouble here and there, just be careful with how much you may be rocking the boat and don’t do anything that may put you in a compromising situation. Be careful out there everyone.

The One Who Got Away

July 6, 2023

“I like when people show a side of them that they’ve never shown me before.”

One of my lovely readers asked me this question:

Have you ever been the one who got away for someone?

Honestly, I really don’t know. And to be even more honest with you, I don’t think that is something I want to know. I feel like if I were to know something like that it would linger in the back of my mind and I don’t need those extended thoughts swirling around in my head. Would you want to know if you were someone’s the “one who got away'“?

What makes someone the “one who got away”? Because every separation or breakup cannot be that person. So here is my opinion on what would classify a person for that title and you can let me know if you agree or have anything to add. I think the “one who got away” is someone who met all your expectations for instance:

You were physically attracted to them
They cared for your well-being
They showed their consideration for you
You felt comfortable around them
You felt you could talk to them about anything
They motivated you
They encouraged you to do amazing things
They supported your ambitions
They talked to you about any concerns or troubles they had
They listen and gave you constructive feedback
Your friends and/or family liked them
You were not ashamed of who they were in any way
You were proud of what they have accomplished or what they did for a living

Does this list seem accurate? Although, on the other side of it, I think what also make a person the “one who got away” is YOU. As great as this person was, there was something they could no longer accepted from you. So we have to look at ourselves too. Were we or ARE we the ideal partner for someone? Do WE meet all the items on the list?

I know for me, I am the oldest of my siblings, and I’m a mother, so many times my motherly instincts kick in with my lovers and I develop concern for things they do or tell me about. Even when I am upset, I still worry and care and I do not think a lot of people are receptive to that because I may come across overbearing and they just lean more on being distant while they are upset. But, in the same breathe, I also become distant at times when I just need a moment to decompress, not from the relationship or connection, but just over all, because remember, when we reach a certain level or status in life, our romantic connections are NOT the only things on our minds. I’m passed the period of being in a man’s shadow and not seeing about my own wants and needs, including the wants and needs of other people in my life. There’s responsibilities I have for my family, responsibilities for work, responsibilities for my studies, etc. Someone cannot expect me to be 100% available to them. In fact someone said to me that it seems like I want to be more with myself than with someone and that it won’t work with anyone who wants something serious with me. I didn't know how to take that and I still don't know how to take that. The reality is, how I saw my future when I was younger is not how I see my future now.

Back to the topic, no I don't know if I am someone's the “one who got away” and I don’t want to know. Or even if someone still has strong feelings for me, I'm not sure if I want to know that either. What would I do with that information? I don't want to take advantage of anyone's feelings. With all of my previous lovers, there's still some emotional ____________ with them. Some of it is good and some not so good 😕. But it’s still there. And if there's ever a mutual reconnection with any of them, we’d be approaching each other as different individuals than when we were last together or at least I hope so. I hope that we’ve become more conscious of our flaws and made attempts to improve ourselves. I think it be best going into it just having an open discussion with one another. So if I were to rekindle feelings for someone, I wouldn't be the “one who got away” because he’d have me again. Or I wouldn't be the “one who got away” for him, but maybe someone else? 🤔