The Partner Prayer

“The Universe always knows what it's doing even when we don’t.”

So I've been getting into deep topics with you guys lately. Let keep in this vibe a little longer. So amongst some women, they've been talking about a "Partner Prayer" that is supposed to bless them with a good man. Where God is going to hear what they want an need and send them a man who will make their lives full and abundant.

Now I don't you if you all pray or are devoutly religious, but I don't believe in that "Partner Prayer". Let me tell you why, if praying for someone it's not going to be praying for someone to love me, rather I'm praying for someone's peace and happiness because when I pray for my friends and loved ones, that's what I pray for because that's what I'll be praying for myself too. One of the friends who I caught up with the other day,I let him know I think about him and his family a lot because they're still healing from something and I pray for them alot. Another friend's mom had a major loss in her life and I think about her a lot too and their family is in my prayers. The thing about pain is that it never goes away, we to learn to cope with it better. So why would I pray for a man to love me fully if there's so many other people I can be praying for to help heal their hearts, I want God to hear those prayers.

I'm not going to pray for a companion, I am going to pray for my love to be abundant. I'm praying for patience, for strength, for understanding, for empathy, for better days. I pray that I stand firm in my values. I pray that I can let go of what's hurting me. I pray that pain doesn't taint me. I'm praying for the goodness to be vibrant in me even after I'm disappointed. I'm praying to accept people's love and affection for me even when it doesn't seem like a lot, but to just accept that maybe that's all they can give. I'm not praying for God to bring me a man. And I don't know any of you ladies who do pray for that, I just won't do it.

Remember when I said to start telling yourself: "I CANNOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T MEANT FOR ME."

I can't miss out on men who don't see me for me and want to see me for what they want me to be like. And I don’t like anyone pushing into a relationship that I don’t find conducive to my happiness and well-being. If I want to be involved with someone, that is my choice along with his, not because of what others think may be good for me. So you guys can pray for whatever you want to, but I am going to pray growth within myself and love for those who I care about.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

“I feel loved and blessed. I pray for others to feel loved and be blessed too.”

Relationships: A Wise Investment?

“Love is just a word we attach to a feeling that we don’t really understand until we look back on it.”

Someone told me, the best thing you can do is make solid relationships that benefit both people. This includes friendships too. You invest in people and cultivate a type of understanding and communication with one another that gets your through certain things in life. I pour into a lot of my friendships because the friends I’ve made are free-flowing and I have friends who I talk to about serious topics and I have friends who I talk to about lighthearted topics, they all bring value into my life one way or another.

The Older I Get

The more I understand what works for me and that it may not work for others, but I can’t rely on others to make things work for me. ✨️

The types of relationships I'm not pouring into is a partnership. A colleague mentioned that partnering with someone can be a good personal and financial investment, but I feel like that all depends on your partner. Say if your partner is bad with money or doesn't have a good paying job, then you carry the bulk of the financial responsibility which can also affect your communication with the person. But if you have a stable person who can carry the same weight and articulate adult responsibilities, then yes, that’s a good partnership. 👍🏽

I was talking to one of my good friends a few days ago…he is a damn fool, I have so much fun when I talk to him, well, I have a lot of fun when I talk to any of my friends. I just have good people in my life. Anyway, with this friend, we've both been married before, we have children and don’t want anymore, we make good money, and we can do whatever it is we want to do, so I was telling him I don’t need or want a partner, but I like having companionship and I would like to be involved with someone who understands the difference.

We don’t always have be around each other. If he wants to go grab a drink after work and not invite me out, I'm fine with that. Or if he is going out with his friends and doesn't ask me to come, I'm okay with that too. I’m not going to ask invasive questions, I may just ask what you did the other night, but don't treat me like I’m the opposition or like a stranger, communicate with me. And also, if we so happen to run into each other somewhere and you're out with friends or whoever, don’t act as if you don’t know me, especially if we’re sleeping together. I'm grown, I don’t play those silly games. You don’t need to be all up on me, but don’t treat me like some random person that you just know.

I like hanging out one on one with someone, but I don't always require it. We can hang out with a bunch of people or we can just talk on the phone or text. And I don’t always want to talk of superficial things, I want articulate and intrinsic conversations where we learn significant details about our values and backgrounds. There’s other forms of intimacy other than sex. And I want a companion who understands all of this.

I rather invest into this kind of relationship rather than a partner who wants to combine every aspect of our lives. I don’t want to live with anyone, but I do want to see you and spend time with you when we can. I like going out and doing things and sometimes I like to have intimate company. Someone who is interested in me and talks to me in ways that my friends don’t speak to me, I’m sure you guys know the difference.

But for now, when I want company, I just call one of my friends, and don’t get me wrong, I love catching up with them, but vibe is different with someone you're intimate with and that's the main reason why I like companionship because the synergy is different. Again, I don’t need a partner, I just want to share energy with someone who likes to embrace me and the moments we have together. I think that would be the wise investment, at least for me, I can't speak for all of you.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Interested In Him

“You can only be as happy as you make your mind up to be.”

Reader Question: “Don’t you ever think your guy friends want to be with you?”

I actually get asked this a lot especially when I mention my guy friends in my topics. So here's the run down. With the guys I grew up with and I'm still friends with, there has never been that awkward unspoken interest for one another, we always just been friends and nothing more. With some of the guy friends I made as an adult and I've become close to them, they've never shared with me they want anything more so when we hang out it’s just really simple. Now, in relation to that there is a select group of guys who I've become friends with through someone I was involved with and with them, they never have crossed a certain threshold with me. I’m not going to mention the guy's name, but with his friends who I’m now also friends with, in their minds I’m “that man’s Raya". Even though right now, I’m just “Raya” but how they met me and things that have occurred since then, to those guys, I’m still “so and so's Raya.” And I don't have a problem with that because I love having male friends who I can have fun with, feel safe around, and not worry about being taken advantage of. That is a great feeling to have and I value that. 😊 Don’t get me wrong, ALL of my guy friends do flirt with me in some way or will hang their arm around me, or kiss my cheek or my forehead, but it's all out of love and never uncomfortable.

The Misconception

Don’t confuse my comfort or friendliness towards someone with being interested in anything other than a good conversation.

Let's move on…

In one of the recent topics I let you know that I've never told a man I was interested in him and many of you had very strong opinions agreeing and disagreeing with what I said. The main reason I don't do it is because I don't want things to be awkward if the man doesn't feel the same way in return because then the dynamic of our communication changes and then it’s like, “We'll, damn. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all.” Especially, if it's a guy I like hanging out with.

I know men sometimes like women to be a little forward, but is it too much to ask for a heads up that you have some interest in me before I take that step? You don’t have to come out and say it, but in some way let me know that you are attracted to me intimately and open to seeing what more can happen, even if it’s just for fun, give me some clue. I’m not the one night stand type of woman, if you are my intimate partner, I want it to happen more than once. So, you can very much be my temporary lover or my fun partner, but just know, I’m not a one time girl.

This is why I say that I need to be comfortable with a man before getting in bed with him. I want to have the understanding that if we are going to be involved, even if it’s casual, that we still have consideration for one another and make adjustments that appease us both. I like a busy man, I don’t need a man who has too much time on his hands, because then he may want a lot of my time and what if I’m not available? He goes off any starts getting involved with someone else until I am available? I don’t need that mess.

I also like a man who understands the importance of self-care and solidarity. Because I know I have mentioned many times that it can seem like I’m being distant when I need to just be alone. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be involved anymore, it just want time to myself and I would like for a man who gets that. For me to be a better me, I need my me time. For me to be the sociable, charismatic, giving, and caring person that people know me to be, I need that alone time. And I want him to take time to himself too. Unless I tell you I want out or you tell me you want out, then my interest in you is still there.

There can also be times that we may be in the same room and just not have an active conversation, we can just lay on each other and watch tv, or he can be on his laptop and I’ll be on mine. If we just want to be in each other’s presence and not really do much, I’m okay with that. I guess what I am trying to say is that I do not always need that constant dialogue to keep my interest peaked.

Here’s the other side to this. If I am not interested in someone, I do not need to be pressured into being interested. For instance, if I tell you that nothing intimate is going to happen between us and I give you my reasons, don’t try to have ulterior motives to get me to change my mind. And if I share with a friend that I have my reasons for not getting involved with someone, that friend should not be pushing me to be involved with that person. It doesn’t matter if you do not agree with my reasons, they are MY Reasons, so respect the fact I do not want to get myself in a situation that I am already not comfortable being in.

  • But here is the realistic part I need to talk about. With a man who I have never been involved with or intimate with, it is much harder for him to get to me than a man who already knows me in that way. I’m not saying that every lover I have ever has still has a chance, I’m just saying they already know some details about me that they can utilize to their advantage. Thank goodness I do not have a lot of previous lovers. I think I said before, I can drive several hours outside my front door and count on LESS than one hand how many men have been in my juices.

If we are both interested in each other, let’s not play these cat and mouse games and just let each other know. I am willing to be more vocal with a man who gives me the feeling that he’s interested rather than a man who I am not sure if he’s even worried about be in any way. But remember, I’m not a one time woman, if we’re just having fun, then we’re going to have fun a few times and make the most of it. And if you have me, don’t leave me wondering if you’re still interested, just let me know if you want to stop or if your feelings have changed.

Be safe out there.

My Man My Man

“Saying ‘I Love You’ can cost you more than your heart can afford.”

PRE THOUGHT: The reality is, other people don't improve or ruin your relationship. Your choices do that.

Some of you ladies send me messages about your relationships. Many times it’s in response to one of the topics and you either affirm you have something great going on or you have your concerns.

One reader wrote how her boyfriend is so catering to her and how she feels special and safe around him. My dear reader, I love that for you. I don't come across many messages like this unfortunately.

So many other readers share heartache about men and how they can't understand why their relationships fail. I've learned some men can have odd ways of expressing themselves. The constant arguing is not healthy. The best thing I can tell you is to give him space to figure things out. Men harbor thoughts and emotions, I don't have an explanation why, they just do, so give them time to sort through their thoughts and keep letting them know you still care.

One of my guy friends always seem to have the same issue with women he gets involved with and I always ask what is he doing the same and what is he doing differently to avoid going in circles. Sometimes a relationship isn't really what we want, we just like the idea of having someone to spend time with. — And this is where things can get complicated because you transfer comfort into romance and you convince yourself this is a great idea without assessing your lifestyles, your goals, and your values.

I take my personal relationships seriously and anything that occurs between me and another person is between us two. Meaning the things we talk about or do in private is not privy for everyone else unless we are both present to discuss the matter with others. I am not only at a certain age, but also at a mindset that casual encounters hold no value to me. You are either a significant part of my life or you are not and being significant to me doesn’t necessarily mean being a lover to me, but it can mean just being there for me or being a good friend.

Nothing is ever simple and expect the unexpected. Every single one of us has our uphill battles as well as our downhill battles and our focus should always be to understand our own emotions and getting ourselves into a space where we can still be good to others even when we are facing issues in private and not treat others as if they are a road block in our lives. Never speak poorly about someone even if they are speaking poorly about you. 99% those people always regret their words.

Women like to be sure of the man they're dating and it can be a hard road to navigate if the man has female friends. If a woman approaches me about my interactions with a man and trying to see what my involvement is with him, whatever I say is going to have her more confused and I don't like being interrogated. I’m not one who does the whole, “I’m coming to you as a woman” type of thing and if someone starts to ask me questions here's how I answer:

  • Yes, I am a part of his life

  • Whatever else you want to know you'll need to discuss with him

  • I won't say anything bad about the man

  • I won’t say anything bad about the woman either because she's already upset

And this isn’t a reflection of the man, it’s more keeping myself from going back and forth with another woman. Her concerns don't stem from me so I’m not the person she should be having the conversation with. Again, that's why I like to keep things private even with people I’m just friends with especially men. I never know what their dealings are with other people, I only know what their dealings are with me and there can be a misconception of what that is so I don't explain my connection to people with anyone I’m not fully comfortable with.

The Effort Series

Blue or white are usually my go-to colors. I play around with other hues here and there.

One of my friends who I grew up with is constantly going through relationships phases. One month he’s so in love and the next month he's dealing with someone new. And with some of the women I met and they'll ask me questions, but I don't ever give them too much information because at the end of the day, I stand by my friend and I was here before any of these women, I here now, and I’ll still be here after them. And I don’t mean that in a foul way and this friend and I have never been romantic, but I just know how he is, I know his patterns. So I don't ever get too close to his women.

Ladies, if you are having issues with your man or special friend, that's something you’ll need to work out with him or yourself. And again sometimes men need time to sort things out too. (Fellas, I’m trying to go to bat for you on this). Figure out what you want and then have the necessary conversations.

For those of you whom are in healthy relationships, maybe I’ll need to set something up where you can tell us how you're making it work. 😀

Check On Me Tonight

“Say hi today. It could bring a brighter tomorrow.”

I don’t know how I'm going to explain this topic because I can't always determine why people do what they do. Do you ever check on people just to see how they are or what they've been up to? What about when you indirectly check on them? Like instead of talking to them directly, you're seeing about them through other ways whether it be through other people or looking on their social media page. Have you ever done that? Why? Why not just call the person?

Let’s go through the different possibilities of why you would keep tabs on someone.

  1. You want to know what's going on in someone's life because you want to know where you fit in. Maybe it’s someone you used to be with and you're seeing if they've moved on with their lives.

  2. It’s someone you've seen go through a lot of struggles and you like seeing them do well.

  3. It’s someone from your past who you're not sure if you should reach out to them or not because maybe things didn’t g so well the last time the two of you spoke you want to avoid any possible conflicts.

No matter what the reason is, you care about this person in some way. So what's keeping you from talking to them? So I started thinking about this whole transparency thing because I mentioned in the post “Love Isn’t Enough” that a guy I used to be involved with, we were not always transparent with one another and it affected the way we treated each other. So one of my newer goals is to be more fluid with people and I think if you are thinking about someone, you should reach out to them. What could it hurt? — Don’t put any expectations on it and go in with an open mind.

Sometimes I wonder if there's a guy checking for me from a distance. Would that be creepy or romantic in some way? I guess that would all depend on how I know the man and if he has good intentions for me. OMG what if the athlete I use to be serious about was keeping tabs on me? Actually, no he would have popped up on me somewhere by now. He would've found out who I do business with, the places I like to go and somehow just walked his way into my life. How do I know this? Because he’s done it before. He’s one of the reasons why a few years ago I started going to extra lengths to keep my name out of certain things, although it’s not always easy to do that in my field of business and investments. The athlete isn’t dangerous, let me be clear about that. He just always causes problems anytime he’s in my life, and bless his heart, he doesn’t mean to. I think his heart is in the right place, but he challenges any other man around me. We both don’t act right when we’re around each other. But I doubt he's checking on me. Last I heard he was married with a few children now. People who’ve happily moved on usually don’t look back.

The Effort Series

Over the next few topics I'm going to share how I really used to put effort in my looks: hair, makeup, clothes

It would be kind of nice to know that someone is frequently thinking about me, not just for their own person gain, but to genuinely be happy to know where I am at in life and how well I’m doing. And maybe just waiting for the right time to say something to me. — Hey, we’re on a new year, clean slate, make something happen.

Love Isn't Enough

“Learn to walk away when something is no longer serving your peace.”

THE CHALLENGE: So during this term, my professors are encouraging us to do a 30 for 30 challenge where we write for 30 minutes a day for 30 days to better identify our writing styles and voices. Of course no one in my cohort knows about this site, but I am slightly taking the challenge. If you've noticed, I’ve been publishing more topics more frequently, although I don't have enough topics to write out a new post each day. #FutureDrRay

There has been a phrase that I noticed I hear more often nowadays, in movies, shows, books, captions…every where. And the phrase is “Love isn’t enough.” - What do you guys think about this?

I can count on one hand how many men I’ve said “I love you” to in a romantic way. I told you guys, I don’t have a trail of relationships behind me. The last man I said those words to, it was a surprise to me and I think it was a surprise to him too, but he felt it and one night he gazed into my eyes and gently said, “Tell me”. And when the words came out he says, “I never heard you say that before” and he said it to me and also said, “Raya, You have no idea how much I love you.” To this day, I still don’t know what he meant by that. A little background, we had known each other for a few years already and fooled around on and off, went on different small trips together, but we never gotten that close until that time. And we were so into each other and I was hesitant at first, because it was unexpected and it felt great (I think I even wrote about it, actually I can probably go back to the older posts and narrow down when we started getting close and how I was feeling about it. But it fizzled out and I am not too sure why maybe I was too busy or he was too busy or we didn’t make enough time for each other, I don’t know. So I guess love wasn’t enough. Where is this man now? Ummm…we still speak to each other, but he is figuring things out with someone else…I think I am not too certain about that. He still hasn't officially confirmed anything. Maybe they want to have a baby first. Joking.

And if I go further back, I did love the father of my children at one point, but again it wasn’t enough for me to still want to be with him. It did hurt to leave, but I wasn’t getting what I needed in that relationship and I was tired to hurting and him not putting our family first.

There is an author named Mark Manson who wrote an article titled the same as this topic. Here is a little exerpt from what he wrote, he lists 3 truths about love:

The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us.

1. LOVE DOES NOT EQUAL COMPATIBILITY

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process. Compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.

The other two things he lists are Love does not solve your relationship problems and love is not always worth sacrificing yourself for. I think this is very eye opening for many of us and can help us look at relationships differently and can guide us to weed out the idealistic thoughts about what love is and isn’t and focus more on relationship types of behaviors that withstand the test of time.

Back to Life

Let me tell you all how I really used to make an effort to BE A STATEMENT! I really used to take time to do my hair, makeup, and put together looks. One of my goals for 2023 is to start doing this again. ❤️

So the guy I mentioned first, it’s hard to say what is definitive between us. I believe we have always treated each other slightly differently then how we treat other people and I won’t get into those details and I don’t think we have always been very forthcoming with one another which has lead to multiple misconceptions of each other over the years. We are opposite and similar in several ways, but I do believe we care about each other in some regard even though we may not love each other the same way we did when we gotten close at one time. And I don’t ever like to say for certain how something will be because we never know how things will play out. Like I said, we weren't always for forthcoming with each other and I think if we had been a little more transparent then our communication would be different today. Although, with my ex, I am very certain we will not be close or become good friends and the only reason I say that is because he has blown away so many chances to do right by our children, that I cannot fathom putting the distance away between us. There’s just some things I will never accept.

Now matter how much you may love someone or think you love someone, I think Mark Manson is on to something and it’s not just him, if you do a web search of this title “Love Isn’t Enough” you will find many articles about this topic. I guess people have come to realize emotions fade in and out, but it’s what we continue to do or show people is what keeps a relationship going and hopefully moving forward in a positive way.

Full Article by Mark Manson HERE.

Change Of Heart

I decided to step out of my comfort zone and agreed to go on a date. It was setup by someone I do business with. The date was nice, it was an early dinner, nothing over the top or fancy, we were both wearing our professional attire because I met him after I got done working. He was wearing a tailored suit and I was wearing a pencil skirt and blouse. We had a nice conversation, we talked about life, families, childhood experiences. But there was one thing he said that made me decide this was only going to be a friendly dinner and nothing more. He mentioned his previous relationship and how he talked about her is what made me hesitant about the man he possibly is. You have to understand, when there is two people in a relationship, there is more than one side of a story and I don’t like when people are so adamant they didn’t have any faults when a relationship ends. And the man mentioned a few things that triggered memories of what I went through in previous situations. I declined a second date with the man.

We go through different experiences with people. Sometimes they are great, sometimes they aren’t and it leaves on imprint on us. When we are starting something new with someone. Our hearts are in a flutter, you’re spending time with them, getting to know them better, and talking about the possible future. But at any given moment, all that can change and there is no way to properly explain why other than a change of heart. And sometimes we try to hold on to the good memories to avoid the reality of needing to move on especially when we thought everything was going smoothly. And another weird thing is we can change our hearts back. Like have you ever rekindled something with an old flame…maybe more than once? — I’ve been there. And there is nothing wrong with that because you won’t know if something works until you try it and sometimes you have to try it more than once.

Emotions our fckd up and they fck us up sometimes. Men have loved me, told me they loved me, and have told me I’m the best thing in their lives, and when things were coming to an end, they have turned around and said bad things about me. Friendship and relationships can be complicated because sometimes it takes a little more work to maintain them. Again, you can have a change of heart about them. Sometimes we look at people and think nothing could ever happen, but later on you think there is a possibility. And there’s nothing wrong with reconnecting with people, just because it did not work out the first time, doesn’t mean you won’t have a better view of things this next time. As long as you are being honest with yourself and what you want and being transparent with the person, that’s all you can do. And there is not guarantee of anything; we never know what we are going to do until we are doing it and all we can do is hope that we are making the best decisions for ourselves.

The Vision Board

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

This will be the last post of 2022. I am going to enjoy the last few days of this year and I hope you take advantage of that too. All of you have made this year very interesting, getting into 2022 was a little rocky, but we smoothed it out and keep the laughs going. By the time May came around, I let other people’s issues stay with them and celebrated myself and oh what a celebration it was because I was very choosey on who I surrounded myself with, no one new, no young minded people, no one who would make me feel uncomfortable, and definitely no one who has shaded me, flaked off or didn’t have good thoughts about me. — No, I didn’t want anyone like that around me while I toasted up to my happiness. You know, there can be much to say about the people you decide to celebrate things with. I know I chose well.

If you ever want to read through any previous topics, you can go to the top menu and can click on “All Blogs & Articles” (hyperlinked) or from this page, just scroll to the bottom and see all the topics by month. And you all contributed to the creations of these topics. - Thank you.

I don't get into the whole vision board fad where you cutout pieces of a magazine and glue them on a poster board to visualize what you want in the new year…yeah it's basically a school art project. I’m not discrediting the value in this activity, I've been told it can be very relaxing, inspirational, and encouraging. My 2 bestfriends hosted vision board parties where I of course chose to be absent from. — I tolerate doing many things more often than I actually like doing them, that sounds bad, it’s just sometimes I do for others to make them happy. I’m the same about people too, I tolerate a lot of people more than I like them.

And I guess I have to answer this one question I keep getting from so many of you…No, I did not get involved with anyone this year and even as this year is ending and as I write this up, no one has came through to change my mind. I see and hear things about some men and even though we should not believe everything we see and hear, I’m practical enough to come up with my own conclusions about people. This entire year, I did not have anyone playing with my emotions and I plan to have the same energy going into 2023. And with us having few more days left, I am definitely starting the new year very happy knowing that no one is taking advantage of how reasonable I can be with relationships and men. (I know…you ladies don’t see eye to eye with me on certain things.) Just be sure to have a man who keeps you feeling loved and knows how to protect you from any messes he might make. Okay? — There are 2 things I have added on to my list of standards for a man: 1. If it comes to light that he was fooling with someone he denied sleeping with, that is a no for me. We are adults, what is the point of lying about who you you’ve laid with? Guys, if a woman is asking you about someone, there is a good chance she already has an inkling about something. Lying to her about it not only avoids her emotions, but also makes her feel less valued to you. 2. A man who never sees his actions, behaviors, or how he handled something as being wrong is also a no for me. No one person is always right in everything they do, so what makes you think you are?

But, do I have a set of goals for the new year?

Well, I’ve got 2 and a half more years before I can add “DR.” to my name. I guess my goals with that is to not get overwhelmed and keep pushing through. I’m working on a prototype that is in line with my applied research about professional training and development, so that is an objective that is going to last for a few years. My career will be in the same field, I am going to expand upon it a little more and create something that is going to help others get to a professional level where they can develop universal skills and transfer them into various industries and markets. And I have been wondering if I need to step away from this site as to not dilute my professional goals. This is the casual side of me, but the business side of me is very different. I guess I will have to find a way to infuse my two worlds. I’d hate to have to shut this site down, because I enjoy doing this too…luckily it’s not something I have to think a lot about any time soon.

One of my biggest thoughts is my oldest heading off to college next Fall. That is a major accomplishment. I am 100% a single parent, I did not get the luxury of co-parenting, although my family has helped a lot over the years, but when it comes to actually raising my kids and teaching them good values, it’s just me. I take them to their appointments, I stay up with them when they are sick, I answer their questions, I pay for their school expenses, I speak to their teachers, I expose them to different experiences, I follow up with their progress, there is no one I can tag in to do this for me. Those of you who are single parents, but still has the other parent present, consider that a blessing and be grateful even if you do not get along with each other. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, just at the very least, be there. My kids are still thriving despite only having me, because they have my family and their fathers side of the family. I could sit here and say I wish things were different, but why? My kids are happy, healthy, smart, creative, funny, and becoming people who I know will do great in life. They are not products of what’s missing, they are products of what continues to be here.

That is no different from us being a product of our pains, pleasures, lessons, and defaults. — It builds character and we can always develop ourselves to be better. Happy New Year everyone.

What is "WYD" and "WYA"

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

I’m sure all of you have gotten a text message that reads, “WYD” and “WYA” and for the most part it may come from someone you are either talking, seeing, sleeping with or are fooling with in some way. Granted I’m not getting any of those messages because I’m not giving up my goods to anyone 🔒. But when would get those messages from someone I was sleeping with, I wouldn’t get irritated because it was kind of this unspoken understanding of what those messages meant.

I’m not fully tight just yet, still have a little belly pouch to work off.

But if you are getting those messages from someone you are not seeing, then do the messages have a different meaning? For me, I think I would only accept a “WYD” from someone I’m seeing. I do feel like communication has become very remedial these days and we’re trying to find the quickest way to get a message across, but sometimes messages can be misinterpreted or misleading, so how do we clarify what we want to relay without using so many words because sometimes sending too much can be confusing too. And sending a three letter text message can be taken the wrong way especially with someone who you are still kind of feeling out and getting to know or you are not sure of the status of you two, but why do we have to confuse things and can't just say exactly what it is we want?

The biggest distance between two people is what isn’t said. 🤐

You also have to be careful with your words towards someone who is sweet on you or believes that something could possibly happen between the two of you. Ladies and Gentleman, you know when someone likes you and if given the opportunity, that person will show up at your door at any time you ask, and if you feed into their hopes, then you are the one that’s in the wrong. Sorry to say it, but you are. If you are continuing to entertain the conversations or make plans to hang out with them, then your actions are allowing them to think that something more could develop. Let’s be realistic here.

There’s people who I message and it’s a few words, then there are other people I message and it’s like a book, but my relationships with everyone are fairly the same, just because I say more to someone else via text doesn’t mean another person isn’t more important to me. Someone’s importance lies on who they are to me in my life and what I have experienced with them. Right now I have a few friends whom are dealing with something big and I try to make a point check in on them regularly and to let them to know that I am here if they need me. Unless you have done something that goes completely against my morals, then you are still a part of my life and I will continue to extend my care to you. Although, I am starting to notice that I am more caring to certain people than they are to me, but I still believe that you should be good to people for no reason at all. 🌸 — You cannot force anyone's kindness, you can only show your own. 🥰

When weather permits, the thighs and cleavage are out, and I do wear form fitting clothes at times, but how I carry myself doesn’t always speak to what I’m wearing, you get what I’m saying?

And remember in my last post I mentioned that it is sort of bad manners to not answer someone? Even if there is a lot going on or you are extremely busy, it’s good form to at least say something in return, although I know every scenario is different. Say if I am seeing someone, I would appreciate some sort of response, but since I’m not I have noticed that I get a little antsy when I do not hear back from people that I frequently communicate with, I guess it is may be because I make a conscious effort to response in a timely manner. This is how I picture it in my head: Someone sees my text and looks at it, doesn’t respond. They get a text from another friend and responds right away. I get it, you have different connections with different people, but if I’m simply asking how you are as a friendly gesture, then you can’t say, “I’m good.” even if you don’t want to say much? Takes you less than 2 seconds and most of us constantly have our phones nearby. I guess it’s the feeling of being ignored and nobody likes that.

Anyway, why is it that we have become so simpleminded with our communication. Even at work, I’ll get emails that is filled with text language. YES PROFESSSIONAL EMAILS with slang acronyms and emjojis! If it’s an applicant, I toss their info out, but if it is someone already employed, I redirect them about email etiquette. I was taught to have a professional vernacular and a casual vernacular, and we don’t mix the two.

But if you think about it, as a society we do tend to adapt to modern times, so is this “Short Language” something that we will begin to accept in professional settings? It’s like people don't want to retain good communication skills anymore. I’m going to tell you right now, if I get a “WYD” or “WYA” from an executive or CEO or a colleague that I have no personal relationship with, I’m not answering. 🚫