Guardian Angels

“Being spiritual is believing beyond yourself. When our loved ones warn us of our poor decisions, maybe it's one of our Guardian Angels speaking through them.”

I don’t know what you guys believe in and I am not pushing you to believe in anything I believe in, so please do not think I want pushing my own agendas onto you.

So my origin belief is Buddhism which is a karama based religion where you put out into the world what you want back and you do on to others what you want done to you, things like that. The religion also believes in reincarnation and what you do in this life determines who or what you will become in the next life. With me being raised in an American society, I have adopted some Christian beliefs, which I think all religion ties into each other in some form. “Love thy Neighbor” - is that not one of the 10 Commandments that are supposed to help us shape our character? But I am not going to get into that tyraid of how people should be, or at the very least, how I think they should be.

I fully believe in an afterlife, whether that is Heaven or Hell or whether I become someone else in another life, I believe we go somewhere. But I also believe that while I am here now, there is purpose for me even if I don’t know it. Not neccessaily purpose in what I do for a living, but purpose in my interactions and connections with people I come across. Think about your life. Can you think of how many people you have spoken to? How many people you learned from? How many people you taught something to? Don’t just think of the positive outcomes, think of the latter too.

In my life, I know I have affected people. I know I have made people happy, feel important, and feel loved. I also know that I have hurt people, dissappointed them, and made them feel like an afterthought. I know I have people who will defend me, no questions asked, there’s people who will support me under certain conditions, and then there’s people who instantly get upset when my name is brought up. But with everything I have done or said, I have learned something about myself. What about you? Do you learn something about yourself periodically or are you perfect? In which case, why are you here?

And in believing what I believe, I also believe I have a team of Guardian Angels who are designated to me to guide me through my different obstacles in life whether it’s dealing with work, business, family, friends, or matters of the heart. Maybe one of them is my grandmother, or maybe they were sent by my granddmother or other people who have passed that want me to be taken care of. I had a previous lover who passed traggically and who has appeared in my dreams a few times. Before his passing, our very last conversation with each other was catching up about our lives, how we were both doing and what goals we wanted to achieve. Each time he shows up in my dreams we have those same types of conversations and I wake up feeling a sense of hope and love. I have no doubt he looks in me from time to time. ❤️😇

To My People Who Care For Me…

I am not perfect. I am always learning and going through changes. For those who see me from a distance and those who stick by me even when I not being my best, I pray you have the same types of people watching and caring over you too. - Love, Raya L. ❤️

I have so many people who love and care about me, who think about me, who ask about me, and who keep track of me even when I don’t know it. 📌 So anything that is poorly perceived of me is a judgement someone made because they felt a disadvantage from me being present. I have no control over that. My confidence exudes, I am not apologetic about it. 📌 If you believe what you hear about me, go hear it again. If you know me and if you pay attention to how I carry myself, you will know if what you heard is real or something people assumed who also want you to assume the same things. I do not make assumptions, I observe and make calculations and I have learned that people tend to get very defensive when I am right, or at least when they don’t like being wrong or called out, I notice that too. I watch how people move. People are creatures of habit and do not stray too far away from their instinctive behaviors.

I listen to my intuition a lot, but what if it’s not all my own intuition? What if it’s a divine source that’s giving me notice or warning? Letting me know I am heading the right direction OR I need to rethink my moves. There’s been many times I do not listen to warnings and still carry on with not so great decisions, but I still remain here, intact, and a stronger individual. Is that the work of my Angels? Do they have a plan to carry out for me? Because I have been in circumstances that could have broken me to pieces and turned me into an person no one wants to be around, but I am not.

So we may not know why we are here or why we meet the people we meet, but I am certain that everything happens for a reason and the universe always knows what it’s doing. I also know that my Gaurdian Angels sometimes grow weary of me and my antics, but I am confident I am still around and still have the connections I have with people because either they have purpose in my life or I have purpose in theirs, or a mix of both. 😇 Or in someway, we are living Guardian Angels for each other.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽


The Partner Prayer

“The Universe always knows what it's doing even when we don’t.”

So I've been getting into deep topics with you guys lately. Let keep in this vibe a little longer. So amongst some women, they've been talking about a "Partner Prayer" that is supposed to bless them with a good man. Where God is going to hear what they want an need and send them a man who will make their lives full and abundant.

Now I don't you if you all pray or are devoutly religious, but I don't believe in that "Partner Prayer". Let me tell you why, if praying for someone it's not going to be praying for someone to love me, rather I'm praying for someone's peace and happiness because when I pray for my friends and loved ones, that's what I pray for because that's what I'll be praying for myself too. One of the friends who I caught up with the other day,I let him know I think about him and his family a lot because they're still healing from something and I pray for them alot. Another friend's mom had a major loss in her life and I think about her a lot too and their family is in my prayers. The thing about pain is that it never goes away, we to learn to cope with it better. So why would I pray for a man to love me fully if there's so many other people I can be praying for to help heal their hearts, I want God to hear those prayers.

I'm not going to pray for a companion, I am going to pray for my love to be abundant. I'm praying for patience, for strength, for understanding, for empathy, for better days. I pray that I stand firm in my values. I pray that I can let go of what's hurting me. I pray that pain doesn't taint me. I'm praying for the goodness to be vibrant in me even after I'm disappointed. I'm praying to accept people's love and affection for me even when it doesn't seem like a lot, but to just accept that maybe that's all they can give. I'm not praying for God to bring me a man. And I don't know any of you ladies who do pray for that, I just won't do it.

Remember when I said to start telling yourself: "I CANNOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T MEANT FOR ME."

I can't miss out on men who don't see me for me and want to see me for what they want me to be like. And I don’t like anyone pushing into a relationship that I don’t find conducive to my happiness and well-being. If I want to be involved with someone, that is my choice along with his, not because of what others think may be good for me. So you guys can pray for whatever you want to, but I am going to pray growth within myself and love for those who I care about.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

“I feel loved and blessed. I pray for others to feel loved and be blessed too.”


When You Love Someone

When you love someone you just don't treat them bad.” - Donell Jones (Where I Want To Be, 1999)

There’s been a lot on my mind the last few days, people, situations, circumstances, everything. But you know what I still take time to reach out to people because I either love them or have love for them. And I am noticing more and more people don’t do the same. It’s a bit disappointing, but it still doesn’t deter me from still caring and asking how people are. Especially during this time of year where studies show how people are more prone to stress, anxiety, and depression for various reasons.

I read somewhere that over 50% of people have no internal dialogue…like no personal or original thoughts. If this is true, some people I know are starting to make a lot more sense to me…just completely dense.

Even in my writing I mention or reference people and sometimes I talk about hurtful experiences with some of them, but I really have not ill feelings towards anyone in my life. We are all very different and we interact with people differently. Even the last man I was sleeping with, I do not have any issues with him, we are harmony…well, the best harmony we can give each other. And even the 20 something year old who I mentioned is very sweet on me I have nothing bad to say about him. He has severely irritated me recently. He’s just young and really doesn’t grasp the concept of what I occurs in my life. He keeps sending me text messages saying “Hey” — That’s it. That’s all he says.

The first few times, I entertained it and responded in kindness because I figured he did not have much to say want just wanted to say Hi. But then he kept sending that one word message and I’m just like….See this is why I can’t be with anyone young. There is no substantial dialogue and when there is some sort of conversation it is very dense and superficial. I don’t really follow today’s music, I stopped watching those stereotypical reality shows and dramas years ago, I don’t like discussing other people or getting into their personal business, so I can talk to you about the simple things, but it can only go so far. Either way, I don’t have anything bad to say about that young man, he’s sweet, and I said before he is farther in life that most of his peers, he’s not in a dead-end job, he has his own place, he doesn’t waste money, and he’s on a good path. I’m just can’t mentally keep taking a few steps back just to carry a conversation.

Someone asked me if I am noticed my conversations with people are not as stimulating as they used to be because I am in a doctorate’s program. I have noticed that mood becomes a bit stale when someone isn’t saying anything intrinsic, but it’s been like that for a while now.

Anyway, let’s get off of that, this topic is about love.

I know we all define love differently and sometimes we do hurt the ones we care about, but is there a limit? Like is there a moral compass on what lines we should not cross? I think so. Say if you are involved with someone and you tell them you love them, is it odd that they don’t share to others that they deeply care about you? Like how can you love me, but you downplay your feelings about me to other people? I completely understand not letting people into your business, but if you have strong feelings for someone, shouldn’t that at least be known?

Love does make us do unexpected things. It’s an odd emotion. Love makes me drop everything and take a flight to comfort a friend. Love makes me defend people even when they don’t deserve my support for them. Love sometimes keeps me quiet in order not to cause a conflict. Love also sometimes has me accepting that people will never understand who I am when I am willing to understand them. Love is happiness and love is pain.

This is one of my Godsons. His mother and I have been friends since grade school.

When the love is good and genuine, you never what to let it go, but everything doesn’t last forever. You just have to enjoy while you have it. Remember when I said I got put my shoes back on after getting comfy in the house just go catch up with a friend I rarely see? That is the type of genuine love I have for several people in my life…getting uncomfortable to go towards comfort. — I hope that makes sense.

But when love is pain, it can tear us down and eat away at us. I told someone that “Pain never really goes away, we just learn to manage it better.” And that goes for any type of hurt we experience because pain is pain and none of us is immune to it and there is not a way to categorize what type of pain is worse. You cannot tell someone what they feel isn’t as bad how someone else may feel. Again Pain is Pain, just like a sin is a sin, whether it is lying or stealing, it is still a sin, correct?

The hope is that we get through any pain and become stronger and still be able to show and give love to people. And I want to believe that people do not intentionally seek to hurt anyone that’s why I tend to give people more grace than they may deserve, but sometimes people make decision to just appease themselves and you’re just in the crossfire.

I want to keep being happy

I am not in love, but I have love and give love and I think that is the best thing we can do for others and ourselves.


SIDEBAR: If you guys partake in watching adult entertainment, then you know who Mia Khalifa is. I did not bother to watch this show/podcast, the headline just caught my eye because it’s been a hot topic here and everyone has their own views on it. If any of you watched it, let me know what the conversation was about, is a man really lacking something if he is dating someone who is 10 or 20 years younger than him? (I know the last man I was involved with was over 10 years, not over 15, but at least 10 years older. Our communication wasn’t awkward because I had already experienced a few major milestones in life and our paths were parallel to one another, so we were able to discuss things that were relative to each other). But is a man lacking something mentally, emotionally, or something that he see it better to impress a younger woman than a woman his age?


What is "WYD" and "WYA"

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

I’m sure all of you have gotten a text message that reads, “WYD” and “WYA” and for the most part it may come from someone you are either talking, seeing, sleeping with or are fooling with in some way. Granted I’m not getting any of those messages because I’m not giving up my goods to anyone 🔒. But when would get those messages from someone I was sleeping with, I wouldn’t get irritated because it was kind of this unspoken understanding of what those messages meant.

I’m not fully tight just yet, still have a little belly pouch to work off.

But if you are getting those messages from someone you are not seeing, then do the messages have a different meaning? For me, I think I would only accept a “WYD” from someone I’m seeing. I do feel like communication has become very remedial these days and we’re trying to find the quickest way to get a message across, but sometimes messages can be misinterpreted or misleading, so how do we clarify what we want to relay without using so many words because sometimes sending too much can be confusing too. And sending a three letter text message can be taken the wrong way especially with someone who you are still kind of feeling out and getting to know or you are not sure of the status of you two, but why do we have to confuse things and can't just say exactly what it is we want?

The biggest distance between two people is what isn’t said. 🤐

You also have to be careful with your words towards someone who is sweet on you or believes that something could possibly happen between the two of you. Ladies and Gentleman, you know when someone likes you and if given the opportunity, that person will show up at your door at any time you ask, and if you feed into their hopes, then you are the one that’s in the wrong. Sorry to say it, but you are. If you are continuing to entertain the conversations or make plans to hang out with them, then your actions are allowing them to think that something more could develop. Let’s be realistic here.

There’s people who I message and it’s a few words, then there are other people I message and it’s like a book, but my relationships with everyone are fairly the same, just because I say more to someone else via text doesn’t mean another person isn’t more important to me. Someone’s importance lies on who they are to me in my life and what I have experienced with them. Right now I have a few friends whom are dealing with something big and I try to make a point check in on them regularly and to let them to know that I am here if they need me. Unless you have done something that goes completely against my morals, then you are still a part of my life and I will continue to extend my care to you. Although, I am starting to notice that I am more caring to certain people than they are to me, but I still believe that you should be good to people for no reason at all. 🌸 — You cannot force anyone's kindness, you can only show your own. 🥰

When weather permits, the thighs and cleavage are out, and I do wear form fitting clothes at times, but how I carry myself doesn’t always speak to what I’m wearing, you get what I’m saying?

And remember in my last post I mentioned that it is sort of bad manners to not answer someone? Even if there is a lot going on or you are extremely busy, it’s good form to at least say something in return, although I know every scenario is different. Say if I am seeing someone, I would appreciate some sort of response, but since I’m not I have noticed that I get a little antsy when I do not hear back from people that I frequently communicate with, I guess it is may be because I make a conscious effort to response in a timely manner. This is how I picture it in my head: Someone sees my text and looks at it, doesn’t respond. They get a text from another friend and responds right away. I get it, you have different connections with different people, but if I’m simply asking how you are as a friendly gesture, then you can’t say, “I’m good.” even if you don’t want to say much? Takes you less than 2 seconds and most of us constantly have our phones nearby. I guess it’s the feeling of being ignored and nobody likes that.

Anyway, why is it that we have become so simpleminded with our communication. Even at work, I’ll get emails that is filled with text language. YES PROFESSSIONAL EMAILS with slang acronyms and emjojis! If it’s an applicant, I toss their info out, but if it is someone already employed, I redirect them about email etiquette. I was taught to have a professional vernacular and a casual vernacular, and we don’t mix the two.

But if you think about it, as a society we do tend to adapt to modern times, so is this “Short Language” something that we will begin to accept in professional settings? It’s like people don't want to retain good communication skills anymore. I’m going to tell you right now, if I get a “WYD” or “WYA” from an executive or CEO or a colleague that I have no personal relationship with, I’m not answering. 🚫