Today's Generation of Men is NOT Yesterday's

A few of you asked me about my thoughts on the Carlee Russell situation. When the story broke, I had concern. When the story continued, I had questions. When the press conference aired, I was more confused.

Initially, my thoughts mirror Tristan Marsh’s thoughts (video). We’ll never know what really drove the young lady to decide to do what she did, but I do believe in accountability and owning up to your behaviors and actions. Not everything is a mental ailment. But, hey I am not medical doctor. Whatever the underlying issue was, I just hope something was learned from this situation.


“As a man, be just that. A gentleman.”

❗️DISCLAIMER: This is a summary of many of your thoughts over the last few months.

❗️❗️Please Note: Men, before you get upset, this is not a direct attack on any of you, some women just notice a few nuances here and there: Don’t lose your greatness to those not so great.

Sometimes I look at these young people today and just think…Where did it all go wrong? The way they think, the way they act, the music the listen to, and Oh GOD the way they dress! It’s almost like they are so influenced by one another that they won’t listen to anything or anyone that makes sense. To be fair, there are a few young people who have good direction, but for the most part….No. 😐

Be Distinguished

Never be ashamed of your age and try to prove to these youngers that you can still fit in with them. You fit in with YOUR people. Remember that.

Let me start with music because music can change anyone’s mood from good to great or from bad to worse. That song “Act Bad” is a no for me, the lyrics, the tempo, all of it, not for me. What are you doing Puff? You come from “All About the Benjamin’s” to this??? Make it make sense! Megan the Stallion, beautiful woman, has hit songs, but overall her music is not for me and it’s the same with Cardi B, love her charisma, but her music isn’t for me. And don’t get me trying to figure out who’s song is who’s because I do not know half the people who’s making these supposed hits now. I think most of this generation has the sheep mentality and they just go with what everyone else says is good as opposed to having their own critical thoughts and saying, “This is trash.” If I am out and the songs are playing, I go with it, but when I am in my car or at home, none of that is on my playlist. Look I’m not saying this is ideal, but I grew up with music about making love, treating women good, and dealing drugs, this generation's music is about doing drugs and being careless. We are not the same. 🚫

Next is the mindset and I think the current pop-culture has a lot to do with this especially with reality tv and this generation looking up to these salacious behaviors. It has warped people’s way of thinking and of course how you think is how you act. 💡

So let me get into the men. Sometimes I witness the older generations get influenced by the younger generations maybe because they want to still feel young, validated, important, or want to prove something, I don't know. But baby just act your age, we accept you just like that. My friend says men like that look like Daddy Daycare. Don’t have these kids out here having you look like Daddy Daycare.

Even for me, I don’t want to be out here looking like I’m babysitting. That 25 year old I told you about before, I told you I kept my boundaries strong with that one. Because I have to think, he’s closer to my daughter's age then my own, and what would I look like bringing him around my kids? I can't be serious with someone who has more in common with my children than me. 👀🤪

Be Proud

Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for achieving your goals and doing well. We don't all make the same decisions because we are not clones of each other, so just make certain YOUR Life is Gucci.

Listen, I love a distinguished man. Who comes with experience and knows how to separate what's no longer for him from what helps him maintain humility. I guess when I was younger, I never wanted to be everywhere with everyone. I didn't feel I needed to know everybody and I didn't care to fit into anyone's clique. I moved at my own pace. I like being low key and in my own elements. The big difference is, the people who I decided to be around has to have purpose to me. Either they have a similar mindset as me or they have a more experienced mindset to teach me something. I don’t like to be around “Yes” people, who don’t tell me their true opinions and just go with whatever anyone else says. Baby, you're not growing or helping anyone grow. 🌱

At my age now, the only young people I communicate with often are my kids, my mentees, and a few people I may see in passing often. That’s it. For the most part, I stick to my caliber of people. And I'm so disappointed with the men coming out of this generation. It’s like they have adopted so many feminine traits and wanting to be treated like women. I completely understand the concept of catering to your man and making him feel loved, but these men want that treatment from the start without showing you they are worth your affections. They want you to be fully vulnerable towards them, but they're not willing to do the same with you. 🤨

I like it when men aren't afraid to tell me they want me. They're not afraid to reach out to me and they don't get upset if I’m not available. I like a grown man, not just grown in age, but grown in mentality. To know that I’m a woman of standards, I’m a woman that has come up in life. I’m a woman that has emotions and a woman who still likes some traditions like a man approaching me and asking about me.

Today's generation is all about instant gratification and what's quick and what feels good to them. The problem is, without going through and processing what doesn't feel good, you don’t learn to build up your comprehension and understanding towards different real life scenarios and you become sensitive to everything you feel is an inconvenience or barrier to you. And men have become more susceptible to being like this.

Let this all sit. Be safe out there.


When You Love Someone

When you love someone you just don't treat them bad.” - Donell Jones (Where I Want To Be, 1999)

There’s been a lot on my mind the last few days, people, situations, circumstances, everything. But you know what I still take time to reach out to people because I either love them or have love for them. And I am noticing more and more people don’t do the same. It’s a bit disappointing, but it still doesn’t deter me from still caring and asking how people are. Especially during this time of year where studies show how people are more prone to stress, anxiety, and depression for various reasons.

I read somewhere that over 50% of people have no internal dialogue…like no personal or original thoughts. If this is true, some people I know are starting to make a lot more sense to me…just completely dense.

Even in my writing I mention or reference people and sometimes I talk about hurtful experiences with some of them, but I really have not ill feelings towards anyone in my life. We are all very different and we interact with people differently. Even the last man I was sleeping with, I do not have any issues with him, we are harmony…well, the best harmony we can give each other. And even the 20 something year old who I mentioned is very sweet on me I have nothing bad to say about him. He has severely irritated me recently. He’s just young and really doesn’t grasp the concept of what I occurs in my life. He keeps sending me text messages saying “Hey” — That’s it. That’s all he says.

The first few times, I entertained it and responded in kindness because I figured he did not have much to say want just wanted to say Hi. But then he kept sending that one word message and I’m just like….See this is why I can’t be with anyone young. There is no substantial dialogue and when there is some sort of conversation it is very dense and superficial. I don’t really follow today’s music, I stopped watching those stereotypical reality shows and dramas years ago, I don’t like discussing other people or getting into their personal business, so I can talk to you about the simple things, but it can only go so far. Either way, I don’t have anything bad to say about that young man, he’s sweet, and I said before he is farther in life that most of his peers, he’s not in a dead-end job, he has his own place, he doesn’t waste money, and he’s on a good path. I’m just can’t mentally keep taking a few steps back just to carry a conversation.

Someone asked me if I am noticed my conversations with people are not as stimulating as they used to be because I am in a doctorate’s program. I have noticed that mood becomes a bit stale when someone isn’t saying anything intrinsic, but it’s been like that for a while now.

Anyway, let’s get off of that, this topic is about love.

I know we all define love differently and sometimes we do hurt the ones we care about, but is there a limit? Like is there a moral compass on what lines we should not cross? I think so. Say if you are involved with someone and you tell them you love them, is it odd that they don’t share to others that they deeply care about you? Like how can you love me, but you downplay your feelings about me to other people? I completely understand not letting people into your business, but if you have strong feelings for someone, shouldn’t that at least be known?

Love does make us do unexpected things. It’s an odd emotion. Love makes me drop everything and take a flight to comfort a friend. Love makes me defend people even when they don’t deserve my support for them. Love sometimes keeps me quiet in order not to cause a conflict. Love also sometimes has me accepting that people will never understand who I am when I am willing to understand them. Love is happiness and love is pain.

This is one of my Godsons. His mother and I have been friends since grade school.

When the love is good and genuine, you never what to let it go, but everything doesn’t last forever. You just have to enjoy while you have it. Remember when I said I got put my shoes back on after getting comfy in the house just go catch up with a friend I rarely see? That is the type of genuine love I have for several people in my life…getting uncomfortable to go towards comfort. — I hope that makes sense.

But when love is pain, it can tear us down and eat away at us. I told someone that “Pain never really goes away, we just learn to manage it better.” And that goes for any type of hurt we experience because pain is pain and none of us is immune to it and there is not a way to categorize what type of pain is worse. You cannot tell someone what they feel isn’t as bad how someone else may feel. Again Pain is Pain, just like a sin is a sin, whether it is lying or stealing, it is still a sin, correct?

The hope is that we get through any pain and become stronger and still be able to show and give love to people. And I want to believe that people do not intentionally seek to hurt anyone that’s why I tend to give people more grace than they may deserve, but sometimes people make decision to just appease themselves and you’re just in the crossfire.

I want to keep being happy

I am not in love, but I have love and give love and I think that is the best thing we can do for others and ourselves.


SIDEBAR: If you guys partake in watching adult entertainment, then you know who Mia Khalifa is. I did not bother to watch this show/podcast, the headline just caught my eye because it’s been a hot topic here and everyone has their own views on it. If any of you watched it, let me know what the conversation was about, is a man really lacking something if he is dating someone who is 10 or 20 years younger than him? (I know the last man I was involved with was over 10 years, not over 15, but at least 10 years older. Our communication wasn’t awkward because I had already experienced a few major milestones in life and our paths were parallel to one another, so we were able to discuss things that were relative to each other). But is a man lacking something mentally, emotionally, or something that he see it better to impress a younger woman than a woman his age?