“My standards are too high to be out here doing what I see these girls doing for validation and attention.” - My Daughter
Finishing schools for girls used to be widely popular decades ago. They also stir up a little contravousey because some people believe these types of schools set women back and only groom them to be a man’s perfect companion and not anything more. I beg to differ. I honestly believe finishing school teach girls how to be demure and a proper lady. For instance, and call me stuck-up if you like, but I am not a fan of gum chewing. I think it’s distracting and meaningless.
To be clear, I never attended a finishing school, but I was raised by a father who taught me to be a lady and taught me to always present myself to the world as such. And trust me, when I am around my father, that’s what he sees…now, when he’s not around, that’s a different story, but I still maintain a level of class, and I know he’s be proud to know that 90% of the time, I am carrying myself like a proper citizen of society…I won’t speak too much of that 10%! ….Because some of the outfits I wear, I would NOT want him to see!
My father raised me to have confidence within myself, whereas my mother’s lessons were more about obtaining my confidence through men. Luckily, I leaned more on my father’s words than that of my mother. And almost all of my guy friends have mentioned at least once that the way I carry myself is admirable. One of them said that they know they’ll never see me bent over on a man or giving him a lapdance or being provocative in public…he ain’t wrong!
One of my guy friends was telling me that a girl approached him and wanted to go home with him and she didn't care if he knew her name or not. He said she was very forward. I was actually there and I noticed the interaction but, I know what the girl was saying. When he told me about it I said to him that some men like that, but he said NOT HIM. 🤣 He said that does not appeal to him and he ignored her advances. We both had a laugh about it the next day. Another friend said that birds of a feather flock together and if she is like that, her friends are most likely like that too and don't think twice about sleeping with any men and probably have a history of doing things like that. Ladies, this may seem fun and exciting, but that is NOT the look!
I know the music today does influence some of the extreme behaviors with these types of lyrics and how the artists are being advertised and promoted. They are preforming to keep a certain image, but me and you, we’re not getting paid to be over sexualized or to part of a hoe brand so Nah, baby, you've got to be better than that. And just think about the types of men who are turned on by women like that. Simple minded. 👀 To be fair, when things are done tasteful, it can be attractive, but the problem is too many people don't know the difference.
But let’s not focus on that, let’s go through a few points on how to exude class and confidence. This is mainly for women, but if you men see it fitting, then so be it. We don’t discriminate over here.
First and foremost, NEVER walk into a place with your arms crossed. Body language is EVERYTHING! When you walking into a bar, lounge, office building, stadium, wherever, keep a straight posture, shoulders relaxed, and arms down. When you have your arms crossed, it minimized you, and it can show a type of insecurity. Also, if you are going somewhere to meet people and you are not familiar with the place, walk in, stop, and quickly scan the room to look for your people. Also, never enter a place looking down on your phone. Look at your phone after scanning the room, but not when you first arrive.
If you are by yourself, do not be shy to speak to the people around you. If I am going out to eat or going to a bar by myself, I usually will sit at the bartop and if it is a little crowded, I find an open seat and softly smile at the people sitting nearby and I may say hello. Always give a welcoming presence. The other evening I was at a bar that I go to all the time and a man who goes there often too, but has never spoken to me, was sitting nearby and we struck up a conversation. He had mentioned that he noticed me a few weeks prior and noticed men approaching me and how I entertained the conversations, but still maintained a level of independence, as in “Yes, I am here alone, yes, I am friendly, but no, I am not a woman who is easily impressed or a woman you’re going to take home.” It’s always flattering when people notice things like this.
Also, if you are going to buy a drink for someone, no matter if you are a man or woman, just buy it, BUT there’s a way to do it without making anyone feel uncomfortable. Usually, if I am having a good conversation with someone and I notice them order another drink for themselves, I tell the bartender to put that drink on my tab. Or if I notice people I am familiar with, I tell the bartender to put their next round on my tab. And if I get myself any food, I offer to share it.
With physical contact, I don’t put my hands on anyone other then reaching out to hug someone. Or if I am in the middle of laughing, I may rest my hand on someone’s shoulder or arm, but I do not let it linger. Although, I have been known to gently keep my hands on someone’s back, but that’s only if I feel completely comfortable with the person. It’s the same if I hold someone’s hand. Sometimes if the conversation is getting sentimental, I hold out my hand for the person to hold as a gesture of consolation.
Confident people do not take in bad energy. If there is someone who is being rude, petty, or trying to intimate others, we don’t partake in that. Continue to enjoy yourself and the people who are enjoying themselves too. Women tend to do this often when they see other women who make them a little insecure about themselves. They tend to say things to their friends or whisper foul things under their breath. Ladies, we don’t get bothered by that. Actually, you should find amusement in people like that who rather have a bad attitude over a good time. Being happy in the moment will always outshine those who want to be callous.
Having class is having a behavior that shows people you cannot be affected by malicious people. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it just means you know your value and worth to not succumb to tasteless acts. This also doesn’t mean you should always stay quiet and not defend yourself or other people, but it’s all in how you conduct yourself. If someone is speaking poorly towards me or about someone I care about, I don’t initially respond with aggression, I simply point out that they are entitled to their feelings, but I am not going to engage in whatever bad emotions they have of me or others. When you talk down on other people, it more so takes away from you because you are putting out negative energy that isn’t warranted or necessary. What’s that saying?…
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.
Even if I come across someone I am not in favor of, at the very least, I will say hi, but nothing more needs to be said. Why would you waste your time holding a conversation with someone who you do not have pleasant feelings about? Part of having class is having good characteristics. And the thing with confidence is that it doesn’t just come out of nowhere, it’s a portfolio of interactions and experiences with people, and it’s not just about people complimenting your look, it’s more so people affirming your character. And the weight of people affirming me is very heavy. So if someone is trying to make me feel small, it will be an instant failure on their part. I take the high ground as much as I can because taking that high ground separates me from people of less integrity and if you do the same things, be proud of yourself for it.
And ladies, if men lose interest because you're not easy or think you're boring because you hold yourself to a standard and won't break that standard for them, then that man go be with silly girls because he has a silly mind. A man of distinction is going to recognize a woman of distinction even if nothing ever happens between them, he’ll still admire a woman who sets herself apart from what everyone else may think is appealing. Because a man like that acknowledges and appreciates a woman who sets her own path and wouldn't want her to be less than what she is. So don’t feed into the nonsense. It never lasts. And you're better than that.
Be safe everyone…and stay classy.
