Does counting to 10 work for you? Because it sure as hell doesn’t work for me. And telling someone to “Calm down” has NEVER worked.
Sometimes we get pulled into a situation we cannot control and we have a choice on how to react. The first best thing you can do is Breathe. Drown out the noise if you can and take deep breathes for a few seconds, allow your mind to go blank, then you respond.
We cannot help ourselves every time and none of us are beyond “flipping all this shit over” (I'm definitely not, just ask anyone whose seen me in my worst behavior) but at least we can know how to be better by learning to identify what to do in an uncomfortable scenario or headspace.
The second best thing to do is remove yourself, physically or mentally.
If you are in a space you can control, here are some tips to help to clam down and stay calm. After taking a few deep breathes…
Think it Through
Have a mantra to use in critical situations. Make sure it’s one that you find helpful. Ask yourself, “How important is this?” This helps shift the focus for you to “reality test” the situation.
On a level between 1-10 of frustration or confusion we become hyper-focused on the cause when we are on 10, and rational thoughts leave our mind. Having a good mantra give us an opportunity to allow rational thought to come back and lead to a better outcome.
Break Away
Take a walk, get some fresh air. A bad situation can make you feel confined. If you’re feeling tense and the space you’re in feels like it’s getting smaller, hot or stuffy, it can trigger a panic attack or effect your anxiety levels. Remove yourself from that environment as soon as possible and take a moment just for you, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Not only will the break away help calm you down, but also the change of scenery can sometimes interrupt your anxious or angry thought process
Relax Your Body
Everything can feel tense when we are upset. Practicing progressive muscle relaxation can help you calm down and center yourself. Drop your shoulders, comfortably turn your neck, and if you can, lie down. Don’t use a pillow and don’t cross your arms or legs. Lay flat with your arms to the sides, close your eyes and focus on your breathing.
Eat Something
Sometimes when your body is drained of food or water it effects your thinking and rational behavior. Even grabbing a snack can make you feel better or focus on what to do next.
Other Techniques that can Help:
Massage Therapy - Let someone push out your tension
Therapy - Talk to a professional
Call a Friend - Have at least one person who you can confide in and who just won’t “okay” you but also give you some insight from a different perspective
Listen to music - Music does heal, put on something relaxing (I have jazz vinyl records and specific playlists for certain moods).
Turn off the World - Sometimes you just have to give yourself time and block out everything around you for a few hours or even a few days
Take a Trip - Go away for the weekend, whether by yourself or with someone/people you enjoy (I specifically put money aside for small getaways, because fck, life can be too much sometimes).
Supplements - Sometimes there is a chemical imbalance in your brain and you can take supplements to help you ease yourself. Below are links to a few vitamins that may help (consult with a medical professional for more information)
How you calm yourself has to be healthy and effective. I used to have the issue of allowing what people think of me to determine how I act or the decisions I make. For instance, I would not get close to certain people because of what others may say or I would not doing certain things because of what someone may label me as. Eventually, I had to learn to choose what keeps me afloat and sailing. Those who care about me will have to accept that if it makes me happy and gives me good energy, then there should not be any flack (although, people will always have an opinion on what you do, so just do it anyway).
The key to calming yourself is taking your mind away from a matter so you can refocus and make the best decisions for you. And the great thing about free will is that you can always change your mind too. What you feel isn’t good for you today can maybe be good for you tomorrow. 🤷🏽♀️
