GENTLE-Men

Raya L.
Gentlemen
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21 Year Differences
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Discretion and Propriety
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Acceptable vs. Unacceptable
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My Elite Gentlemen
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Brain Matter
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Fellas, we expect a lot form you at times, don’t we? You know, we want you to be respectful, honest, dependable, and not hurt us. That’s a lot for some of you, no? I’ve come across all types of different men. Here’s what I’ve learned. The men have good character and values are genuinely gentle towards women in how they treat them and speak to them, even when they are upset with them. These men also know that there’s all types of women too and that all women do not deserve their time and attention. That’s not to say those women are bad people, it more in regards to a man knowing the types of women who compliment their character and ways of life. We talk about the whole age gap thing a few times here and that is one of the factors to consider if you are a man of honor, value and distinction. I heard there’s an equation distinguished men use when calculating the acceptable dating age of women. The equation is 1/2 your age plus 7. So fellas, take how old you are now and, divide that by 2, and then add 7 to that number. The number you end up with the the youngest age you should consider appropriate when dating a woman. Of course this is up for debate, especially for those of you who say, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” - Again, OK R.Kelly, go ahead and be out here looking crazy chasing after these young girls and getting caught up in those antics. I know some men who made their lives more difficult because they decided to go inappropriately younger with the women they entertain, but hey, do what you want.

The equation is also subjective if the woman is already into her 30s and has reached certain milestones. That’s what my second audio clip is about. That clip is from a previous topic after receiving some feedback from you guys. But let’s move on for that and keep going with how there’s a difference between men and gentlemen.

The third audio clip was also from a previous topic about how certain men know how to be private and discreet. Remember, I used the words discretion and propriety. Men of class and distinction practice these qualities in their everyday activities. This helps them avoid any flack or negative feedback they may get from other people. I admire my guy friends who are discreet in the way they move. They are not secretive because they do deny or lie about anything they may be doing, but they just share simple information without going into the details. For instance, if I ask one of my friends if they are dating a particular person, they will admit to it, but they won’t go into the detail of that relationship no matter if it’s serious or casual. And with my guys friends, those relationships are all casual. But this also allows them to be gentle to the women around them, because they are not sharing too many details about other relationships they may be involved in, they are not pigeonholed to behaving rudely, disrespectfully, or distantly towards other women in their company. Men who are in this category know exactly what I mean.

Now going back to the types of women who compliment a man’s character and way of living. There’s a lot of men who do not know how to distinguish the difference. With my guy friends, I think I’ve said this to them in so many words, maybe not exactly like this, but I’ll make sure they know this is what I think of them. My guy friends are one of a kind. They may welcome everyone to sit with them, but they are also aware that not everyone fits with them. Does that make sense? I am the same way. I meet people all the time and I am friendly and welcoming, but I am also aware that not everyone is going to fit into my mode. Like to my guy friends that have their girlfriends, those girls can sit with us, but that doesn’t mean they fit with us and many times they sense that too. My friends and I, we are top tier, we’re all on our shit, we make moves that you don’t forget about. And again, we’ll allow you to come hangout with us, but that doesn’t mean we believe you match our synergy. And I’d say most of my guy friends make sure their female companions are respectful of me otherwise, they keep them away from me. And I’d do the same for them if I had a male companion that has any issues with my guy friends.

The term gentlemen doesn’t emulate all men. A true gentleman has a certain finesse about him and believe me, I’ve had men approach me with no finesse and they keep trying and trying with no luck. Like it’s great you are persistent, good for you, but when you have no mack and no game, it’s just embarrassing for all of us. A gentleman knows how to see a woman, observe her moves, and approach her in a way that captures her attention, even if he’s not approaching her with a romantic interest. And even though my guy friends know me and have spent time with me, they still speak with me with gentleness, and yeah, they flirt with me and get fresh, but they never cross the line. Their finesse with me is more about seeing me as the female friend who they can relax with, and who can roll with them without any issues or judgement. They are my GENTLEmen.

So ladies, depending on how you are, what you are about, and how you carry yourself, you’ll attract men who will naturally be gentle with you and are protective of you. I don’t think that I have any man in my life who I call a friend who won’t want to help me in some way if I asked for it. So yeah, another part of men being gentleman is a woman being the type of woman she is.

Be safe everyone.


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Love Delicately

“Loving Hard Isn’t Always The Best Way”

Raya L.
Love Delicately
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Let’s break down this concept. We usually hear people say, “I love hard”, but is that really a good thing? I’m one of those people who used to say it and here’s what I’ve learned about this concept in my experiences with relationships.

What do we mean when we say we love hard? I supposed it means we have strong feelings towards someone, but let’s translate that a little bit further. Having strong feelings is not necessarily a problem, although it can become a problem if the other person doesn’t share the same sentiments. Loving hard roughly translates to the idea that you are all in on a relationship and you would do anything for a person, that doesn’t sound to bad, right? But let’s keep diving deeper. Loving hard could also indicate someone being very possessive, controlling, insecure, and jealous. Are any lightbulbs going off in your heads right now?

It’s great if you deeply care about someone, but it’s unhealthy if you constantly need to be updated on their whereabouts, what they are doing and what they are planning to do, or what decisions they are going to make. Of course there’s some gray area here if the two of your share a home, have children together, or make financial decisions together, then yes, you should be informed of decisions surrounding those topics. Outside of that, you really just have to rely on what you know about the person.

If I am dating someone, I don’t expect him to tell me every move he’s making. Maybe in conversations with him, he may give me a heads up on what he may do, but I wouldn’t expect him to give me all the details. Here’s my thing, if you are living in the wrong, there’s nothing you can do right by me (that statement is more for deeper thoughts). If you are just playing games with me or keeping important information from me that I would need to know, then your moves are going to be hurtful to me in one way or another. But if you lay out who you are and your intentions, I don’t have to wonder about anything or feel like I need to be reassured all the time. My love is now delicate. I can love the flaws you have or the imperfections in our relationship as long as you are also aware of these things and keeping them in mind when you interact with me or make plans with me.

I can be invested in you without needing to know everything about you, but I do need to know things that may affect our connection or our availability to each other. For example, if you are a father and you take your kids to soccer practice every Saturday, then I know those days are unavailable to me, unless to tell me differently. I’m not going to take advantage of that time to go be cozy with someone else, that’s unfair to you, and doesn’t speak highly of my character either.

I am going to love someone as delicately as they allow me to. I’m not an advocate of going through someone’s phone or telling a man to show me his messages. If a man leaves his phone around me and it’s facing up, I’m turning that damn thing over. I don’t need to see anything that’s not for me to see or anything that he has not voluntarily shared with me. I’m not competing with anyone. I am in my own league and in my own lane. What you love about me or what you hate about me is your prerogative. I am a woman of value and means. You can accept what I bring and communicate with me what isn’t working for you or you can completely shut me out. As an adult, I would hope you know how to use your words by now, but I cannot expect everyone to have the same levels of maturity.

I have my life, you have your life, we can blend certain parts of our lives, but I don’t expect anyone to expose me to each inch of their world if we have not tangible connections such as a marriage, children, and financial assets. If I can only enjoy you on those small areas where our lives are blended, then I want to focus on that time. Anything outside of that, if it doesn’t affect me or have a negative impact on me, then it has nothing to do with me. It’s on us to keep the drama low or non-existent and big contribution to that is communicating and being transparent about of our intent with each other. I’m grown, I can’t deal with half ass conversations. We have to be good a talking to each other, otherwise, we are left to our own perceptions and sometimes our perceptions aren’t clear or 100% accurate. So ladies and gentleman, just talk to each other, so we don’t have to experience any unhealthy “love hard” type of relationships.

Be safe everyone.


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I'm Just A Girl

“I Don’t Want To Be Anything Else Other Than A Woman.”

Raya L.
I'm Just A Girl
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My Young Babes
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It is women’s history month so let’s just embrace being feminine. Women just have this allure about them. My friends keep claiming there's such thing as pretty privilege and double down that I have it. But I firmly believe that my persona is what grants me grace. Don’t get me wrong, I know how I look and I do lean into my features, but those aren’t my best qualities. My loved ones may say different things if they were asked what they love most about me, but the one common denominator is that I show up for them. I’ve learned that people avoid you when they know they've hurt you and there have been times where I still show up for those individuals. I guess what I’m saying is having heart is the best quality someone can have. I know I care more than I should at times. I know I give to much grace to people at times. I know I allow people to disappoint me at times. But I also know that with any difficulty I face, and what broken pieces are left behind, I will always preserver.

So ladies, no matter what your status is or where you're at in life what is something that makes you feel uplifted and unbreakable? I really want you to pull out your confidence. I’m strong in that area and there's no reason you can't be either. Well unless you're just mindless girl who lacks direction and value, then I highly suggest you start making better decisions for yourself. Someone who isn't on a path of prosperity, love, and growth will always feel intimidated and insecure around someone who is on that path. I’ve come across plenty girls who are intimidated by my presence, but I keep in mind that’s not something I can control, it’s something that is internal within those people. So again, ladies what is your motivation, your determining factors that gets your mind going and your feet moving? Don’t just be beautiful on the outside. And if you do get insecure around another woman, look into yourself and figure out what you think is lacking in your self-esteem or your life. Then make a plan to change directions.

My thing is, I try to welcome everyone, but if I'm not really friends with you or well acquainted with you and you do something to spite me or try to show me up, you’ve lost all grace from me. I’m a very likable person, I’m usually smiling and laughing when I’m around people and I will continue to smile and laugh around people who don't favor me, because my confidence doesn't come from them. It comes from the ones who love me and stand by me. There's a blurred line with confidence that you get from within yourself and the confidence you gain from others. My confidence doesn't come from anyone who doesn’t consider me or anyone who disregards me or takes my kindness for granted.

I’m a woman, even though I have a strong personality, I’m soft and pink at my core. There’s still things you have to be delicate with especially since I love delicately (I’ll explain that more in another topic). Women are sensitive creatures. And we love people wholly even when the love is blind and we can’t see that we’re loving the wrong people. But hey that wrong love was right for that moment. Women are complex beings. We go through so much internally that it can be hard to express it externally. I don't think the men I loved really understood me and part of that was me not fully opening up to them. Because at times I felt I had to be what they wanted me to be. Yes, I was once the girl who let men become part of my identity, there's nothing wrong with that if you're in a healthy bond with someone. My bond with the men I loved had unraveling pieces due to things not being said or shared. And I think that's why traditional relationships just won’t work for me, I’ve become an untraditional woman. Even the people in my circle are untraditional, I mean the friends I mentioned, you can tell they are untraditional. I don’t believe that one person should know everything about you. I recently found out something about a friend that made me even be more impressed with them. I love when people have an element of mystery in them, especially women. We are the Sirens.

Plus, there’s something classy about a mysterious woman, even a mysterious man — but fellas this topic isn’t about you today. Although, I’ll include you in this little piece. If you believe yourself to be a good man, even a “Good Man” like Savannah had in Waiting to Exhale, then connect with a good women who aren’t about being easy, Connect yourself with women who embody the qualities you’d want your own daughter to have. Connect with a woman who still presents herself with dignity when people try to break her. Connect with a woman who you see other good people rally for. Connect with a woman who is more than what she can do for you, but also what she can and has done for herself. Fellas, in a world of superficial ideals, don’t be a superficial man, don’t be a low value man, and don’t be an ashamed man. You are entitled to your mistakes and bad choices, but you are also responsible for repairing the parts you broke. For instance, my one and only ex, in his heart I do believe he wanted to repair what he broke with me, but in practice, he just didn’t have the aptitude to do it and I no longer had the energy to be patient or any more chances to give. This is the case for a lot of men I noticed. What they want to do and what they actually do isn’t aligned.

Ladies, yes, it can be difficult to navigate these new aged men. Even the grown ones have seemed to slip into instant gratification mindset and getting easily sucked into these newer generation’s appeals, but don’t feel you and to adopt those attributes to be seen. You are worth being seen as you are. If you have some personality flaws, no worries, as long as you identify them and working on yourself to be better, that’s all you can do. Just please, don’t aspire to be one of these women whose ready to fight anytime someone looks at them wrong. That’s why I cannot watch most of these reality shows, it’s all about gossip, getting back at someone, and fighting with each other. Please don’t think this is how you should be. Refer back to these topics, Learn Some Class, Embrace Growth, and Our Options, if you need a reminder of how you can be unperfect and still be an amazing person. I am not a feminist, but I do believe women should be more supportive of each other, but again, if you are nasty towards me or anyone I love, yeah….you’ll have to do a lot to dig yourself out of that hole.

Be safe everyone.


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