First, A Reader Question: “Would you swap your current age to be in your 20s again?”
Me: Absolutely not. My 20s were great. It holds many reasons why I make the decisions I make today. Not everything in my 20s was all rainbows and sunshine, it was the dark days that remind me how I got through some tough battles. Even with my trials now, I have to keep telling myself,
What was yesterday is yesterday. You can carry it into today, but remember, what you keep carrying from each day puts more weight on you. We have to learn to process and talk about pain to let it go.
On to the topic….
This post from July 2020 for some reason keeps getting searched and it has the most views out of all my posts and I am not sure why? I’ve not written anything Noble Prize worthy, just an idea that not everyone should have all privileges to you, whether it be friend, family, or partner.
It is also a bit of a coincidence that this post is most popular because it fits my current mindset even more than previously. There are elements around me that I’m unsure of and I am taking my time to observe it all to decided what is right for me right now. You see the thing is, what you decide today may not be what you decide tomorrow. Everyday the mind changes, the heart changes, our needs change and we decide on what is best for us even it just in the moment. I may decide to give someone access to me this week and next week, I want to be left alone. — No, it may not be fair to the other person, in which case I still have to be aware of the decisions I make and how it may affect others.
Full post below.
Let’s talk a moment.
Let’s agree that not everyone is deserving to be around you. That doesn’t mean shutting people out completely, but rather being aware that there are people who are not for you and just want to take from you…
Your energy
Your confidence
Your hard work
Your finances
Your rewards
YOUR PEACE OF MIND
…without giving anything back in return.
If they can’t meet you where you stand or even come half way, then don’t you dare go all the way for them. We all have an intuition and all of our intuitions tell us when someone is not right for us. Many of us do ignore this because we want to be wanted, we want to be needed, we want to be loved. — That’s the human in us.
Although, we have to accept that sometimes it takes people longer to be the best version of them and maybe they are the best they can be at this time, but that doesn’t mean you have to fully welcome them in your life. People can go through metamorphosis at any age, sometimes more than once. Love and care at a distance. You can still have a good heart and not fall victim to someone else’s demons.
Years ago a friend and I fell out for reasons that are no longer important, we were at different places in our lives. Later on, he ended up getting very sick and a mutual friend called me to let me know what was going on. I hopped on the first flight out to see about my sick friend. We didn’t talk about why we stopped speaking to each other, we just carried on and caught up on the missed time and learned about the growth we both went through.
We needed to deny access to one another in order create different paths for ourselves and we became better friends after it because we became more willing to listen and understand each other better…and our fall out wasn’t a “be all, end all” we still had an abundance of love for each other. This doesn’t mean all relationships that dissolve will come back together, it just means that sometimes the difference between two people is the distance that needs to be had and what becomes of it afterwards depends on the pivotal points in your life.
I’ve said this many of times before, I want my peace more than I want attention. — I’m so comfortable with myself that I refuse to allow someone to destroy what I’ve created. Or exhaust my warmth to someone who won’t reciprocate my affections.
Many of us get into relationships (platonic or romantic) and make compromises which is expected, but when those compromises start to turn you into someone you don’t recognize, then there is a problem. LOVE is not folding every time just to make a person feel more comfortable, stable, or secure. LOVE is understanding each other’s weakness and helping to make them stronger. If your weakness is an element of insecurity and your partner doesn’t help you overcome that, then you are either misunderstanding who your partner/friend is OR this person is not the partner/friend for you. Yes, sometimes you also have to deny yourself access to people.
Not everyone is capable to travel with you in life. You are not blocking blessings by keeping people out, you are protecting yourself from being drained by someone or people you are unsure of. YES, let them prove they can stand by you and with you. Some people are there temporarily, some are there for the lesson. Then there are some people who need more time to reach you, give them that time, but keep your focus forward. YOU are the decider of your well being. And yes, it’s hard to separate yourself if you are a giver, but you have to grip on to what keeps you at peace. You cannot give if you are depleted. I am meticulous with how much energy I give and to whom I give it to and I change the levels when necessary.
You can interact with many people and still not allow all of them access to the whole you.
I have at lease 5 different groups of friends, some from my past, some I met in passing, some I frequently see or interact with; all of them know a different part of me, some of them know a different version of me, but only a select few know all of me. — I made it that way.
I love and enjoy ALL of my friends and family, I appreciate that we are not the same. Each of them ignite different pieces of me, but I know all of them cannot, will not, or are not equipped to take the same road as me. It’s no one’s fault. It also wouldn’t be right of me to take (possibly carry) someone on a journey they are not ready for. Therefore, access to me remains selective and limited. I trust what I know about each person in my life…read that again.
Everyone doesn’t deserve access to you.
