“Don’t ask him if he’s single, ask him is there are any women who think they are with him.”
Before I begin, you know what I've noticed? Some people will applaud and praise people for doing the same things you've been doing or less, but they won’t applaud and praise you. For instance, they'll speak highly of a person for finding a way to get to work everyday, but won’t acknowledge you when you work hard, have side businesses, raising a family, able to take nice trips, and continue to achieve beyond normal standards. 😒 Why are some people like this? Do you not think that higher achieving people don’t like getting praised too? Or are you so amazed by mediocrity that you don’t recognize when people are beyond just doing good? Think about that and ask yourself if you're this type of person.
Moving on…
What is a lie? It’s a notion, an idea, a conscious act of hiding the truth, yes? Why do people lie? Here's some reasons I came up with:
They don’t want to hurt someone they care about
They don’t want confrontation or to be in trouble
They don’t think someone will understand the truth
They are afraid that if they speak the truth they'll be thought of differently
Is any of this hitting home for you? Look, it’s one thing if you are trying to protect me or my feelings, but it’s another thing if you are continuing to tell me things that don't equal up to your actions.
Here is a concept I want you to think about, most people lie more to the people closest to them, it maybe little white lie, but a lie nonetheless. And what about romantic relationships? Have you ever been in a situation where you can feel when someone is keeping something from you? I know I have. Like in one instance I keep noticing the same girl come around and the guy I was talking to kept downplaying it when I started getting the sense that either she was trying to start something with him or he was giving her the impression that he was fully available to her. I don't like those games.
And something else I want to throw at you, sometimes when a man is upset with the woman he’s with, he leans on another woman. Even if he's just reaching out to her without intimate intentions other than a friendly conversation, if he doesn't put boundaries around it, then the woman he reaches out to may start to think something is developing between them and then he’s going to get wrapped up in it and then it's going to be some bs for all of them. If I’m upset with my guy, I'm not going to call another man for comfort. If I can’t deal with the issue with my dude, then I’m not going to go looking to deal with it with another man.
Like I said before, at this point in my life I want to enjoy my time with someone without feeling like there's someone else who can have the same love and attention I’m getting. I’m not for the young and dumb nonsense. We’re not in high school and the college shenanigan years have come and gone. I’m not reliving those years or trying to prove I still got it. I know I still got it even after 2 kids, a failed marriage, resetting my life and starting from the bottom. So I’m not trying to sneak around or act like nothing is going on between me and someone else. People don't have to know all of our business to know that we’re involved especially other women, but it shouldn't be a secret or make either of us feel like we can let be know we’re seeing each other.
My friend calls any extra curricular activities outside of a relationship, “fuckery”. So if I’m are involved with someone don't bring any of that fuckery back to me or around me. If we’re going to be upset about anything, don't let it be about any of those extra curricular activities. We need to be solid. So don't flirt with me or get fresh with me with the intention of something happening between us if you're just going to bring bullshit behavior and excuses when I ask certain questions. Because as a man, I still expect you to lead, but I’m not going to follow blindly. There has to be a circle of trust that we stand in that involves showing grace, understanding, support, empathy, and love for one another even if we don't last a long time because remember, I talked about forever not lasting forever? If we walk away from each other, I still want to walk away knowing we did our best to enjoy each other.
No one likes the feeling of being lied to. When someone lies to me, I feel like you don’t think highly of me enough to want to listen and try to understand you. It also makes me feel like you don't want my input because you don’t want to make any changes. If you're not ready to make adjustments for me, that’s fine, but if you want to keep our connection intact then if you're going to lie to me or keep certain pieces of information from me then what you show me has to be worth more than those lies. I want and deserve that effort. Don't I? Don’t you?
