“Men these days want to be pursued like women.”
I've gotten a lot of questions a out the men from my last topic. Anytime I say "My Ex" I'm referring to the father of my children. And he is the only one true ex relationship, we shared a home together, our finances were linked, and we had children together. We were building a life together. And of all the 4 men, the ex, Chicago, Poppa, and Athlete, the ex is the only one that I meets my standard the least. Nothing about him has changed or improved. And I think its a combination of his environment and him being too comfortable in it and not having enough better thinking people to encourage him to do or be better. But hey, he has not been part of my worries for over 10 years, so he lives how he wants to, my kids are still thriving. That's what important in this scenario.
Standards are important, because you need to know what you're willing to accept and not accept. With Chicago, there’s a few things I cannot accept, but the main thing is his age. He can't empathize with all the things I have going on in my life because he hasn't reached that point yet. I want to be able to have critical conversations with someone I'm intimate with. I cannot do that with Chicago.
With Poppa and the athlete, there particular nuances about them that are somewhat similar to mine which you would think being alike is great and it can be, but at times the similarities can make it difficult to keep things balanced. I'm not the common woman, I have a portfolio of business and multiple income avenues. I manage those things everyday, plus my family and what the need of me, so I feel my time is just as valuable as any man's time who is doing the same things.
All of us have a minimum standard. And our standards can change depending of what we want vs. what we need. Our standards also change through different milestones we reach in life. We are not exactly the same person we were 15 or 20 years ago, right? Our core values may be the same, but our character has developed in that time in regards to how we act, what we think about, who we choose to entertain, and how we make decisions.
And part of having standards is also understanding you're too good for something and that you don't have to deal with someone's nonsense or what they decide to do. I don't like a man who gossips or talks badly about women. I don’t like a man who thinks he's always right. I don’t like a man who doesn't listen to my concerns. I don't like a man who doesn't have direction in life. And these dislikes shape my standards.
I don’t think anything that's worth it is easy, but I also don’t believe it should be a daily struggle either. Which leads to another standard I have which is communication. You've got to talk to me about things that may be bothering you, on your mind, or changes you want to make. For me, if we're playing in each other's bedsheets, the activities and interactions don't stop there. Sit down, relax, talk to me, even if it isn't about anything important, let's just hear each other's voices. That's the part of intimacy that keeps me interested.
I know how I have my life setup,i want to know how you have your life setup or in other words, your standards. I like to keep my personal spaces cleaned and organized, I'm very particular about that. It makes my feel calm when my space is clean and aesthetically pleasing.
Setting a standard is also saying you have requirements and limits. It may not be a lot, but you still have them. Otherwise you're for everyone and everyone is for you. And I'll tell you right now, I'm not for everyone and everyone is definitely not for me.
And ladies, please stop creating your stadards based on what other people tell you or what you see on social media. And stop comparing your relationship to what these so-called "love experts" say. Who tell you things like:
If he's not calling you everyday, he doesn’t care.
If he's too busy to text you then he's not the one.
If he really loves you he'll show you everyday.
He should be ignoring all other women for you.
Listen love is not one size fits all, what works for you works for you. Just be clear on your standards. Men this goes for you too, not every woman loves the same way. And you may feel different things for different women, and if that's how you want your life, then you need to get good at juggling or you need to decide who you want to focus more love to.
Be safe out there everyone.
