What Has Staying at Home Taught you?

April 18, 2020

Before we begin, let's keep giving thanks to Essential Workers, You guys are the real MVPs!

Grocery Store Workers
Gas Station Attendants
Medical Staff
Emergency Response
Police and Security
Mail Carriers and Delivery Personnel
Real Estate Professionals
And ANYONE else I missed who are still getting up to help us stay “normal”

DISCLAIMER: I know I say a lot in a little space -- imagine actually sitting in front of me or speaking to me when I have all these thoughts in my head (I love my friends who tolerate my multicolored personality). I'm forever thankful for all of you who continue to entertain and read my charades whether on this platform or other platforms; some of you have been with me from the start in 2008 to now and have witnessed the changes in my writing style. All of you, new and veterans, are so ill and I pray that we see each other again on the other side. <3

Here is my list of 10 things Quarantine has taught me...or at least reminded me about myself:

1. I miss people-ing but, I don't miss it enough to be around people too soon. I'm sure I mentioned this before — I'm social but, I've never liked to give everyone access to me because I want peace more than attention; let me repeat, I want peace more than attention.

Side Bar 1: I get criticized by a few of my friends about my distant nature and even some family members who don't agree with my preference to keep pieces of information private from the world...and them. My dear father still thinks I'll only go to fancy places and 5-star restaurants -- little does he know about his "professionally classy and high siddity" daughter is that I may always be prissy and well put together but, some of my favorite places are the back alley, hole in the wall, mom and pop businesses and that I'm acquainted with a few of society's "less approved" people. Not to mention I've been involved in several unsafe incidences that would have my Daddy Dearest looking into getting my own personal security detail. For his protection, my father doesn’t need to know everything — nor does anyone else.

Side Bar 2: Have you ever heard the notion that not one person knows everything about you? Some will call me caring, giving, and supportive while others may call me callous and unemotional. People will have different perceptions of you, whether you positioned each of them differently in your life, whether they lack information about you or whether you kept the better parts of you away from them. You cannot tell people how to narrate their experiences with you.

2. I like being outside when it's not crowded. At times I've enjoyed walking on a trail and there is no one in sight. It's just me and the air. After this is all safe and done, can the stores keep the personal space markers please? And can we keep the alcohol deliveries going?

3. I don't like virtual happy hour. I accept video chats and conferencing, but don't expect to see me during any wine infused webcam hangouts. It's just us over talking at the same time and laughing nonstop about the most inappropriate topics. I need this in real life. Some activities can't be duplicated over web calls.

Side Bar 3: Anyone else been playing DJ D-Nice's live mix in the background while they are doing other things around the house, especially on Sundays? He really makes you remember how true DJs work the tables and the crowd. Let the kids (maybe 30ish and under) listen too -- bless them with good music and talent. (See clip at the bottom)

4. I still don't want to be on a phone call with people more than 5-10 minutes. There's an exception to a few reasons and people who I'll speak on the phone with for 15-20 minutes or more, but for the most part....let's just say what you want to say and do this again in a few weeks.

5. I have neighbors! — And they're friendly! Maybe because this is the south; I did notice that when I relocated below the Mason-Dixon line, whether I went east or west, people were really happy to see me and speak with me — while I’m just looking at them with my Northeast imprints and ‘why are you talking to me’ body language ….or maybe because of the pandemic people are craving human interaction. The neighbors seem to be normal functioning people who are trying to figure it out day by day, instead of having weird personalities and dangerous secretive lives that I made up in my head while noticing different cues about them in passing. (Yup, I'm the weird one in this complex). Some of my neighbors can cook pretty well too and volunteered themselves to keep me fed (they think I'm younger than I truly am so they baby me). Hello pounds I lost last year, welcome back, please stay away from the stomach area and be gentle with my thighs. I Love thy neighbors, they are now my "Quarantine Family" and I'm the adopted child who needs structure in her life.

6. I'm still waking up between 6:30-8am. My body doesn't know how to sleep late. Even on the weekends, I still awake early and before the alarm. Although that doesn't mean I get out of bed at that time. I'll check emails from my phone, catch the news, and go through a few thoughts before I'm ready to start my morning routine. I did stop bringing my laptop to bed so that I must leave my room to do work. It's funny when people ask me if I have a partner...Yeah, my Husband is my work. It gives me back everything I put into it. My sleep patterns hasn't change too much; some nights the Sandman does forget about me and I'm still having worrisome dreams.

7. Some people don't care about Social Distancing....the few times I have been out, I noticed groups (5 or more people) just out strolling and living the usual as if nothing has occurred. I read an article that an underground club in California was shut down because they were still operating. I wonder if there is more of this going on because people are desperate to be out or owners are desperate to make money. With some of the states lifting Stay at Home restrictions, people are ready to bolt out of the front door like animals running free from captivity -- Florida, please don't fck this up for us. Let’s keep in mind that we’ve not gotten a handle on this thing yet, so going out too soon to celebrate may backfire severely, but hey, what do I know? I don’t even like people-ing all too much.

Side Bar 4: With speaking to some business owners, they are planning to change the blueprint of their business models and adjusting a few protocols to enforce after all the restrictions are lifted such as, limiting the amount of patrons they'll allow at one time, getting rid of extra seating to provide more personal space, and having more effective pick-up and delivery services.

8. My sense of humor is becoming a little too much for me and it’s getting somewhat vulgar. Should I be worried? I'm pretty much laughing at almost every dark or offensive joke, even if it's towards me. Eh, I'm a serious person but I never take myself too seriously, ya know? Also, do I need to send for my guns?

9. Toilet paper hits differently when it's the cheaper brands. I can now understand why some people may say toilet tissue. Moving forward, I am going to start referring to Charmin and comparable names as toilet tissue and off-brands as toilet paper…emphasis on ‘paper’. I'm so ashamed to have this paper in my house, even if we weren't in quarantine I'd still not invite guests over until I get rid off all of this embarrassment. How can I make people feel comfortable if my bathroom doesn’t fully welcome them? (I know this is first world issues and I've come a long way from being born into a home with no electricity or running water, but when your derriere is used to certain comforts, it affects you. -- Don't have a cow folks, I'm being 65% facetious.)

10. Too much positivity can be toxic. This is an important one. Being encouraged to be active and to learn something new constantly can create adverse feelings. Yeah, some of us may have a lot of time on our hands now, but that doesn't mean we HAVE to do anything other than try to stay relaxed. I'm all for encouragement and staying active but honestly, sometimes I don't feel like lifting a finger, I just want to close my door and lay in the dark all day. I understand online entrepreneurs have to keep their income up, but don't force your sales pitch on us and don't judge us for NOT doing anything. Some of us are already "Dope AF" (<< awesome, this means awesome) and we have been resilient in creating meaningful outlets that we can rock steady on what we've already accomplished and sometimes we just NEED TO DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING PRODUCTIVE. Your routine is your routine. Suggestions are good and many times appreciated, but don't try to motivate me and then end it with "you're uninspired if you sit in bed all day".…Excuse me, if I decide to sit in my bed for several days, it's because this is MY own way of getting through this time. So No, I'm not getting up at 7am to run 3 miles then come back to prepare keto meals, meditate, read how to make money online, and give myself guitar lessons in the evening; I'm on pause today and possibly tomorrow too.

This pandemic is a new experience to all of us and each of us will process it differently. PhillyMag Journalist, Earnest Owens, spoke about toxic positivity in his article here. As he eloquently put it:

“Toxic positivity may come with good intentions initially, but it inevitably harms us because it attempts to divorce us from nuanced human feelings like sadness, doubt and pain....So if I choose to just spend the day lying in bed, washing my hands obsessively, and watching Netflix to help ease the sorrow, it’s not because I “lack the discipline” — but because I’m a human trying to survive in uncertain times.”

— Earnest Owens

Side Bar 5: I also keep seeing people post things such as “You’ll start to find out who your real friends are…” or “You’ll know who really cares about you during this pandemic…” — I think this is absurd and narcissistic to test people’s heart and loyalty during a global crisis. It’s not that I don’t have concerns, I’ve been praying for all my people from the moment they set foot into my life and well before this COVID-19 occurred but Shit, I’m trying to maintain too, we’ll talk when we talk.