“In some cases, telling someone they are wrong for thinking the way they think is premature, because you did not experience a situation from their point of view.”
I’ve thought about this over and over again and I have come to the conclusions that I don't want to be with someone just like me. It’s one thing if you have the same values or the same determination, but being similar in every aspect is not fruitful. Because there's parts about all of us that aren't great, so if you have someone just like you, they have those not so great parts too and how would that play out. Like if both of your are stubborn, one has to give, but who?
Or in another perspective, just because someone is a hustler, doesn't mean they're good at it. So to say you want someone who is a hustler because you're one, doesn't mean they know how to make the most of it. I speak so much about moving up in life and bettering your value of life, that I will not get tired of advocating for people to keeping reaching their best potential. And part of that is having people who challenge me, not having people to think and act just like me. Similarities may attract us, but differences grow us. And I may adopt good qualities I see in others and integrate them in my own personal practices.
Say I am not an outdoorsy type of person, but the man I am with is and he likes to go camping. I would want him to show me what interests him about being in the woods so I can maybe learn something new that I may like doing. Even with my friendships, I want people to point out a different way of thinking so I have another avenue to consider something. But, I don’t like to be pushed or pressured into thinking how you think, like Jahovah’s witnesses coming to your door to preach to you about living in sin. Don’t preach to me because my views don’t align with yours, just let me know what you think without being patronizing or judgmental.
To say I want someone who is the male version of me is a little narcissistic, because then I am saying there is nothing about me that needs to improve and I need a duplicate of me. How asinine does that sound? Even my two best friends have differences of opinions from me and I’ve been friends with them over 20 years. Our similarities mixed with our differences is what keep us friends for so long and also not getting defensive or being overly sensitive when there’s a difference of opinions. Yes, I like being around people who have the same life experiences as me, but that doesn’t mean I expect you to think just like me and just because you don't see things my way, doesn't make me wrong. It just means that I don't think like you.
You ever hear the saying, “If you are the smartest amongst your friends, then you needs new friends.” Same sentiment if you are the most established in your circle, then you need to reevaluate your circle because you can only learn but so much from people who are trying to align with you, so if they are trying to be like you, you're teaching more than you are learning and if that’s the case, those people aren't part of your circle, they're admirers and followers.
I want someone to balance me, not be just like me. Even with my friends, sometimes I see things they do or go through and it let’s me know not to make those same types of decisions, like getting involved with the wrong type of person or compromising my values and standards or treating people poorly.
A few of you ladies have asked me how to get a guy to act right and I told all of you the same thing: “You cannot change a grown man's way of thinking especially when he thinks there's nothing wrong with it.” Let’s all be realistic about this, if a man wants someone just like him or someone to act how he wants, there is no changing his mind on it. He has to be mature and intelligent enough to realize what he's doing isn't working and make the appropriate changes in himself.
The best thing you can do is decide how YOU want to move when dealing with a man who doesn't think he’s wrong. But you also have to consider that it goes both ways, maybe you are like this too and you're personalities clash or you're opposite from this and you need to find a better way of communicating. But men who transfer blame to you, or diverts the topic to avoid admitting he’s wrong is a man who still needs more growth.
Listen, I've experienced men being foul, insensitive, and disrespectful, but still feel justified in what they did or said because in their minds, they can't be wrong. And the reality is, I can't change what they think, I can only do my best not to be like that because those are qualities I don't want to adopt.
Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽
