Today's Generation of Men is NOT Yesterday's

A few of you asked me about my thoughts on the Carlee Russell situation. When the story broke, I had concern. When the story continued, I had questions. When the press conference aired, I was more confused.

Initially, my thoughts mirror Tristan Marsh’s thoughts (video). We’ll never know what really drove the young lady to decide to do what she did, but I do believe in accountability and owning up to your behaviors and actions. Not everything is a mental ailment. But, hey I am not medical doctor. Whatever the underlying issue was, I just hope something was learned from this situation.

“As a man, be just that. A gentleman.”

❗️DISCLAIMER: This is a summary of many of your thoughts over the last few months.

❗️❗️Please Note: Men, before you get upset, this is not a direct attack on any of you, some women just notice a few nuances here and there: Don’t lose your greatness to those not so great.

Sometimes I look at these young people today and just think…Where did it all go wrong? The way they think, the way they act, the music the listen to, and Oh GOD the way they dress! It’s almost like they are so influenced by one another that they won’t listen to anything or anyone that makes sense. To be fair, there are a few young people who have good direction, but for the most part….No. 😐

Be Distinguished

Never be ashamed of your age and try to prove to these youngers that you can still fit in with them. You fit in with YOUR people. Remember that.

Let me start with music because music can change anyone’s mood from good to great or from bad to worse. That song “Act Bad” is a no for me, the lyrics, the tempo, all of it, not for me. What are you doing Puff? You come from “All About the Benjamin’s” to this??? Make it make sense! Megan the Stallion, beautiful woman, has hit songs, but overall her music is not for me and it’s the same with Cardi B, love her charisma, but her music isn’t for me. And don’t get me trying to figure out who’s song is who’s because I do not know half the people who’s making these supposed hits now. I think most of this generation has the sheep mentality and they just go with what everyone else says is good as opposed to having their own critical thoughts and saying, “This is trash.” If I am out and the songs are playing, I go with it, but when I am in my car or at home, none of that is on my playlist. Look I’m not saying this is ideal, but I grew up with music about making love, treating women good, and dealing drugs, this generation's music is about doing drugs and being careless. We are not the same. 🚫

Next is the mindset and I think the current pop-culture has a lot to do with this especially with reality tv and this generation looking up to these salacious behaviors. It has warped people’s way of thinking and of course how you think is how you act. 💡

So let me get into the men. Sometimes I witness the older generations get influenced by the younger generations maybe because they want to still feel young, validated, important, or want to prove something, I don't know. But baby just act your age, we accept you just like that. My friend says men like that look like Daddy Daycare. Don’t have these kids out here having you look like Daddy Daycare.

Even for me, I don’t want to be out here looking like I’m babysitting. That 25 year old I told you about before, I told you I kept my boundaries strong with that one. Because I have to think, he’s closer to my daughter's age then my own, and what would I look like bringing him around my kids? I can't be serious with someone who has more in common with my children than me. 👀🤪

Be Proud

Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for achieving your goals and doing well. We don't all make the same decisions because we are not clones of each other, so just make certain YOUR Life is Gucci.

Listen, I love a distinguished man. Who comes with experience and knows how to separate what's no longer for him from what helps him maintain humility. I guess when I was younger, I never wanted to be everywhere with everyone. I didn't feel I needed to know everybody and I didn't care to fit into anyone's clique. I moved at my own pace. I like being low key and in my own elements. The big difference is, the people who I decided to be around has to have purpose to me. Either they have a similar mindset as me or they have a more experienced mindset to teach me something. I don’t like to be around “Yes” people, who don’t tell me their true opinions and just go with whatever anyone else says. Baby, you're not growing or helping anyone grow. 🌱

At my age now, the only young people I communicate with often are my kids, my mentees, and a few people I may see in passing often. That’s it. For the most part, I stick to my caliber of people. And I'm so disappointed with the men coming out of this generation. It’s like they have adopted so many feminine traits and wanting to be treated like women. I completely understand the concept of catering to your man and making him feel loved, but these men want that treatment from the start without showing you they are worth your affections. They want you to be fully vulnerable towards them, but they're not willing to do the same with you. 🤨

I like it when men aren't afraid to tell me they want me. They're not afraid to reach out to me and they don't get upset if I’m not available. I like a grown man, not just grown in age, but grown in mentality. To know that I’m a woman of standards, I’m a woman that has come up in life. I’m a woman that has emotions and a woman who still likes some traditions like a man approaching me and asking about me.

Today's generation is all about instant gratification and what's quick and what feels good to them. The problem is, without going through and processing what doesn't feel good, you don’t learn to build up your comprehension and understanding towards different real life scenarios and you become sensitive to everything you feel is an inconvenience or barrier to you. And men have become more susceptible to being like this.

Let this all sit. Be safe out there.

Look Out For Her When She Doesn't

Yes, postings are still off schedule and this is being published a few days early. I've got a few deadlines this coming week and had to get this done sooner. 😉

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

All of my posts are pretty relative, of course, they are based off my opinions, perspective, and experiences. It usually takes me a week, sometimes two to complete one post because I brainstorm a topic once day and then come back to it few days later to add more, to edit, to review, to add photos and voice overs, so it does take me some time. This topic in particular is very relative because even though this post has been drafting for over a week, a few nights ago I went out to a bar that I’ve never been in an area that I’m not familiar with and of course I was by myself. I very much enjoyed my time and the people in the bar were very welcoming and catered to me. I am always impressed with the hospitality I get at random places, I’m not sure if it’s just charisma or that I am very personable, but I am always grateful that I meet nice people and that I get home safely because the reality of it is I do put myself in situations that could potentially be dangerous.

———

I’m going to be a little transparent with this post because I am aware that my personality isn't always very welcoming when people try to show they care, especially men, because I instantly think there's another motive for their kindness. I need to stop that. You can still accept a man's affections and keep your boundaries intact.

I decided to make a little change, let’s see if my MALE friends notice. 😏

Several years ago a group of friends and I went to an outdoor concert. We all went separately, so we all parked in different areas. At the end of the concert I could not exactly remember where I parked, but I recalled the direction of the parking lot. My male friend volunteered to help my find my car, but I was adamant that I could do it myself, so when he was off asking security where the different parking lots were, I walked off towards my car. I did locate where I parked, but shortly after my friend drove around and kind of yelled at me for walking off and lectured me about safety. Instead of pushing back, I just dropped my guard and accepted what he was telling me.

Another male friend, whom I grew up with and do not see very often, does not like it when I wear revealing clothes. His concern is the type of attention I attract and how he may need to shield me from men being too aggressive or rude. And although I like to wear what I like, I understand his sentiment for me and our overall safety. So, on the rare occasions that we do hang out I keep my attire more modest. If we lived in the same city and state, he would be the one to make sure he gets me home safely even if he wasn’t out with me that evening. But I wouldn't take advantage of that.

There was also a time when I went on a trip with a group of friends, it was a mixed crowd, men and women. I traveled there by myself and got my own hotel room. Of course we all went out on the town, had fun, was drinking throughout the night, and a few of us got into the same Uber to go back to our rooms. I was the only one who booked a different hotel from everybody and when it came time for me to get out of the car, one of the guys in our group suggested he walk me to my room. I initially declined and started to ramble on about how I’m okay to go in alone, but he interrupted me and said that I’ve been drinking and that it wasn't safe for me to walk in by myself. Before I could decline again, he told the driver to wait for him and then he proceeded to take my hand and walked me through the hotel, to the elevator, and down the hall to my room. He stayed outside of the room and then told me goodnight and to lock the door.

If you’re uncomfortable with this, then you’ve never seen a woman in a swimsuit or seen lingerie ads. My girl friends get bothered with these types of images all the time. I always send them random boobage pics. 😝

In these three mentioned scenarios, I love it when a man looks out for me, especially when I don’t expect it, argues against it, and on top of that, does not want anything in return other than knowing I’m ok. There's not a lot of men like this. Remember the “I’m Not Like Other Guys” post? Yeah, this falls into that subject too. And to add a little more to that, even if a man isn't in a formal relationship with a woman, but sleeping with her, he still should protect the connection he has with her and not show out around other women otherwise, he is like most men.

But back to this topic, a lot of men would avoid the hassle of trying to look out for a woman when she's being difficult or if he believes she doesn't need his assistance. NEWSFLASH: You always make sure a woman is safe. I appreciate the men who do this for me and don't act differently about it when other people are around because they know I normally go places by myself. It would be different if I always had at least one friend with me, then of course my friend(s) and I are going to look out for each other, otherwise what good of friends are they?

But there's always women who linger on to a man even when she’s out with her friends and finds a way to separate herself from her friends and convinces the man to drive her home. I never had that mindset. Whoever I’m arriving with, is the same person or people I'm leaving with, although this is easy for me because 95% of the time, it’s just me. But I knew a girl who always came out with her friends, yet would have a certain guy drive her home. The guy made it seem like he was just being nice, when he probably just wanted to be alone with her too and not realizing how it’s making her feel special for going out of his way or maybe they had something going on. Now that I think about it she did always seem to be where he was and certain things he would say let me know they had many personal conversations together, so maybe he invited her to wherever he was? And she always sent her friends off and waited for him to take her home. Either he was oblivious to it or he knew what she was doing and again wanted to be alone with her. Who knows, not my business.

But I do love it when a man takes the time to make sure nothing happens to me even if I’m just walking around the corner or down the street. Like I said, I’m not always accepting of a man’s help or concerns for me, but sometimes I do need to be reminded that the world does have evil people in it and bad things can happen at any time especially to a woman who is by herself. See the dangers that I don’t see. So with that being said, I don’t think highly of every man, but I do think highly of every Gentleman.

Marriage

A reader asked if I would consider marriage again and the topic has come up a few times amongst my friends. The simple answer is, No. But, it's not because there aren't any men worth marrying, there's plenty. For me it’s more of the idea that I have already accomplished so much in my life that I would have to slow down my ambitions in some way to accommodate a partner, not that I cannot have a supportive partner, but rather will there be a imbalance of power in the relationship.

I’m pretty headstrong and once my mind is set on something I see it the whole way through. I have my life arranged in a way that fits my wants and needs, so anyone who I am serious about would need to have the same mindset, not the mentality of going out frequently and wanting attention. Don’t get me wrong, I give myself time to enjoy the nightlife — I need that break every now and then — but I don’t have the tolerance to do it all the time and I don’t need him thinking that I’m lacking something because I rather be home or that he needs to find someone who wants to roam the streets with him, if that is the case, go right ahead sir, knock yourself out. — I'm for the sheets, not the streets (😄 I saw that written somewhere.) There's plenty of females who like to drink, smoke, and party every week, I’m not one of them.

When I am not working or studying, I am usually partaking in a happy hour and getting in the house before dark. When I am home, I clean, lounge, and relax (if I am not responding to emails or calls.) My life is tailor fitted, if I were to include a man there would need to be necessary conversations about how to tailor fit each other. Ya understand? For instance, living arrangements: We can purchase a new shared space like a family home or vacation property, but I don’t want him moving into a space I’ve already setup for myself and to be fair, I am not too keen on moving into a space he’s already setup for himself too. — We can still keep our individual properties.

With that being said, a man would have to be emotionally mature, well accomplished, and be very confident not only with himself but also with me to understand that any distance I show or disagreement we have does not equate to me not thinking about him or being disloyal to him.

One of my closest guy friends says: “You want someone whose life aligns closely with your own as far as achievement and ambitions, because if they are at the beginning of figuring out themselves, their careers, their finances, or even their surroundings, then they are going to look at you and see all that you’ve done and they are going to look to you to provide that same life to them.

Say life is a race and each mile of that race is an accomplishment, a degree, career, house, etc. and there’s three types of people: The ones who help you prepare, the ones who cheered you on while you were running, and the ones at the at the end of the finish line. One person can be 2 of these types or all 3 of these types, but you have to be careful of the person who only shows up at the end; are they trying to help you become better or are they trying to reap your benefits? — We see this scenario a lot with men who become wealthy or well accomplished and get their eyes caught up on the young lady who’s scantly dressed and always ready for a party.

“Oh you have nice things, I want nice things, you can give me nice things too.”

So, do you see my hesitation on the marriage topic? I don’t mind taking on a long-term lover, but even then there needs to be some understanding and set boundaries so that both of us feel appreciated, thought of, and protected.

Disciplined Men

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The last post we talked about sex. Let’s go a little deeper (no pun intended for you freaks 😆). Let’s talk about the relationship you have with your partner and what makes a woman comfortable. I was afraid to do a survey on this topic because I’m still scarred from the last survey!

With everything you ladies gave me in your comments and stories, you like for a man you be about you. Even if on occasion you allow other people into your bedroom or you have an “open understanding relationship”, you still like to feel he still only chooses you at the end of the day. I get it, you guys are a unit, a union, a team, so it’s the two of you against everyone else. But with so many outside influences, how do you trust that a man isn’t being swayed towards something that does not involve you at all? Granted couples are still two separate individuals, so there are still things that you may do or decide without your partner’s input, and everyone’s relationship works differently, BUT at what point is what you do or decide to do go against any love and trust your relationship has?

If I am with someone, everyone else is for our entertainment and we are the ones who see eye to eye, we are the ones who look out for each other before we look out for anyone else. If we are at a social event, we don’t have to stand next to each other the whole time, but come around and check on me. If we are in the same room, I can look over at you anytime and you can look over at me, so I should not see any woman getting too cozy with you or touching on you like how I would. It’s not a matter of wanting control, it’s a matter of respecting each other and our bond or connection. Yes, there will be men who vie for me as their will be women who vie for him, but how we respond to those advances is very important in how the relationship is set. And if we are not public about our situation, don’t go on telling people there's nothing going on or there's no feelings between us, because then you are already setting things up to fall apart. People don’t have to know our business, but at the very least they should know that you're eyes are on me. And if a man feels he can’t do that, then he should be very honest about it.

I saw a post that read, “A man settles where he finds peace.” And I thought…Well, he needs to also offer peace and to do that he has to know what she finds peaceful. But if it’s only about him, then a man settles where it’s easy and that statement is misogynistic. Reminds me of the professional athlete I used to date when I was younger, gorgeous man, but a very selfish, narcissistic, and a bad attitude. — Also, what does a man consider peace? Not being mentally challenged? Not being questioned about his thoughts or emotions? Not being encouraged to live healthier? If a man considers peace to not be bothered when someone wants to better understand him, his actions, his moods, and wants him to be better, then he doesn't want growth, he wants contentment. And I’m too ambitious to be content, I want abundance.

Boys will be boys, even when they become men and carry and abundance of responsibilities, they are still boys. They like when pretty girls give them attention, it feeds their egos. They like knowing that they are attractive to women, it feeds their pride. But what sets men apart from reckless boys is DISCIPLINE.

The discipline of knowing he has someone who cares for him and who would be hurt if he did something to tarnish the relationship. The discipline of talking to the person he is with if something is on his mind. The discipline to learn his partner and know what she is comfortable with and what she isn’t. A progressive man knows discipline, especially if there are other women who want him. He doesn’t allow another woman to get too comfortable with him or confuse his pleasantness to be something more. He makes his boundaries very clear to other women.

This is the difference between a man playing games and a man who wants you. A man playing games either doesn’t know what he wants or he just wants what he wants from multiple people without being clear that he is not committing to one person. A man who wants you won’t make things confusing. You will know exactly where you stand with him and he’ll keep reassuring you that he’s not looking elsewhere. — That is an attractive man.

And here's is a PSA to all men, regardless if you call it dating, or seeing each other, or just being casual, what you do with a woman in private is still a type a relationship you need to be aware of, whether maintaining and growing it, or avoiding and destroying it. It is still something you consciously developed with her. — Be very mindful of that. Emotionally intelligent men are.

Listen, I'm not saying men who share their 🍆 around are bad men, trust me I have a few friends who are male whores (😒) and I accept them for how they want to be, but those type of men aren’t for me or women of a particular standard. If you have community 🍆 , good for you. That's just not my vibe. I think men who are low key and laid back are more my speed. I may have this website where I talk about many topics, but my personal life is still sacred and I like for a man to have the same sentiment; supports what I do but also trusts that I’m not allowing people in to damage our relationship.