I'm Fresh, Not Fast

“Some of these people out here sound like they read at a 3rd grade level and can't think passed 8th grade. 🥴”

*The Lil Jon song I’m talking about is: THIS SONG (I’m sorry to anyone who has innocent ears).

I was having a conversation with someone the other day and we were talking about today’s music and I said that a lot of the hype music that is being put out today is “Hoe Music” and both men and women are putting it out. My playlist doesn’t have any type of that music. I listen to it when I am out, but when I am in my own space, No. And I do listen to newer artist, like Coco Jones. I LOVE that woman. I love the way she carries herself and her delivery. Like she’s not on social media bent over showing her goods to the world, like to me she doesn’t come off “Fast” like a lot of these everyday girls. I’m telling you and I’m sure many of you see it, these girls out here are showing almost everything they can, and for WHAT? But anyways, I don’t personally know Coco Jones, she may be a whole different way in private, but how she presents herself is very admirable, AND SHE’S ONLY 25. So if I am right about how she is and she keeps on the mode of classiness, I hope she reaches more success in her career. Now, if I see a video of her in the club having a twerk contest, I may rethink my thoughts about her. I’m all for people have their fun especially in their 20s, but showing it to the world is not something I advocate for.

But back to the “Hoe Music”. I don’t listen to it on my own time. One of my friends laughed at me when we were hanging out and a song came on, the beat was nice, so I was vibing to it, but then I listen to the lyrics, and I stop vibing and kind of made a face and my friend just could not stop laughing at me! The lyrics were very explicit and sexual. I’m not saying the music I grew up on was pure, I mean Nas came out with “Oochie Wally” and Lil’ Jon came out with “Ooh Na Na Naa Naa”, but songs like that were far and few in between, now it’s almost like every song that comes out is like this and it’s changing the way the younger generations think and act. Casamigos, hookah, and vape pens really got these kids in a choke hold!

I Know What I Can Offer…

But I'm not giving it to you that easily.

I’m not going to sit up here and say that I am a Saint, I am FRESH, I fully admit that, but I am not FAST. And many of you probably know what I mean when I say that, at least I hope so. I’m easy to talk to and you can pretty much talk to me about any topic, but if I am not sleeping with you or don’t want to sleep with you, then it’s just a conversation. I don’t get excited when random men compliment me or give me special attention. I’m not new to it, so many times I just go with the flow when men approach me, I laugh and I engage in the topics, but I have a limit to how far I’m going to go with someone. One of my friends told me that sometimes men think they are doing better then they actually are with a women because she seems to be having a good time and enjoying your company. And I can understand that, but my friend also said that a Gentleman notices if a woman isn’t receptive to him and doesn’t do or say anything to make her uncomfortable. And I like that, I think I have met a lot of men, but I’ve not come across a lot of GENTLEMAN. And a gentleman knows when a woman is not FAST, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t entertain the fast women every now and again, he just treats them differently. Only the men who lack emotional intelligence treat fast women as if they are classy women because they only pay attention to the external and not the woman's values. I said what I said. And women can go through phases of being fast and get past it, but until she get over the phase in her life, just know her actions and attitude isn't going to be where it needs to be for a healthy relationship.

When I go out, I'm not out to be FAST. In other words, I’m not out to meet anyone or to go home with someone or to take someone home with me. I’m not going out for attention or to boost my ego, my self-esteem, or validation. And I have days where I’ll go out and be out for hours, but then I’ll be in the house and not seen for weeks. So if you know me and see me out, you'll have to take advantage of that time because there's no telling when I’ll be in the streets again. 😁

Remember when I mentioned Method Man in the post titled, “The Grown Attitude”? Where he shares his sentiments of getting older and accepting your reality, not being tainted by it or wanting to avoid it, but welcoming your more mature life and what comes with it. Being FAST is not fitting to my life or even fitting to who I am. But I am single, unattached, and I guess I’m attractive to some people, so being FRESH is enough fun for me.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Why Do Men Do This?

Next: Watch this video.

Now I'm not saying all men are like this, but I am going to say that too many women have made men to believe they can treat you any way because you make it too easy for them. WHY?! There's 8 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. So unless you have self-esteem issues or plan to stay in your little town and not explore the world, I’m not talking about going to Atlanta or Miami or any of those superficial places where all you do is get meet strangers and drunk. I’m talking about taking trips that open your eyes to all the possibilities life offers. There is no reason for you to let a man walk all over you. Some of you women stress me out with this nonsense. And some of you men do too because you know what you're doing with these girls. 😮‍💨

Why are men so hard to communicate with? Anytime you ask them about something or call them out on something their go to line is usually something like, "Believe what you want." And then they turn it on you like you're the problem. The craziest thing to me is men are always saying women never admit they are wrong when men too have an issue admitting to their wrongs. The thing is, women may say or think the wrong things, but men actually do the wrong things.

Coat: Express | Scarf: Burberry | Cream Sweatsuit: Rehab Couture | Shoes: Adidas

And Ladies, I get it, if you like a guy you want to do anything to have him, but Baby, let's not limit your worth for a man who isn't half worthy of you. You're parading around here trying to be all he wants you to be and getting influenced by everything he’s telling you, but your not seeing how he's using your soft spot for him to only benefit himself. STOP THE DUMB SHIT. Because when men like that get around me, I'm apply pressure. I’m not just going to sit here a let you manipulate my emotions to second guess what I want and what I deserve. I’m as reasonable as they come and I keep telling you guys, whatever foolishness you are getting into out there, don’t let it affect what’s going over here. For us not to have drama, don't do something that catches my attention and causes the dramatic.

I don’t care what our situation is, if we are together or just talking and bonding, don’t let your past or whatever you may still be doing in your present to upset my peace and joy with you. Read between the lines of what I am saying. Ladies, I know most of you hate my mindset on this because you think it goes against loyalty, but you have to think about it like this, loyalty isn’t just about not cheating. Loyalty is partly about maintaining a strong understanding of things that you will and will not tolerate and making sure your bond with a person is protected. I like to be practical about men.

So practical that if I see a young lady who always finds a way to be near you and you let her get affectionate with you and I ask you if you're fooling with her and you look away or down when you're answering and you keep skip around my question…Ummm Fam, you're telling on yourself. There's no reason to hide it from me, you are literally displaying it, so just answer the question. 😐 I really don’t understand why men get like this. You either are currently fooling with her or something intimate happened that you don't want to say because you keep telling me you two are just “friends”. Okay 😒 I hate when men try to say they aren't doing anything extra with a woman when they're actions say differently.

Black Turtleneck/Legging Set: The Daileigh Shop

I like having guy friends who openly talk to me without any filters. I have friends who are amazing husbands, but I know some of them do things their wives don’t need to be stressed over. So they are careful and strategic with keeping any nonsense away from their marriages. They are not making more families or homes, they are doing what they do outside and still taking care of their families and keeping things stable. I don’t agree with it, but I respect them for how they do that. Men like this definitely do not display narcissistic behavior towards their wives or the main woman in their lives because that woman applied pressure and set the standard of what she will not tolerate.

What I don’t respect is men making women believe he’s going to leave his family and women holding on to the idea that if he does leave, they are going to have a worry-free life together. I told you I stopped being friends with a woman like this, right? That girl had severe self-esteem and moral issues. I can't be close to someone like that because that’s just going to bring me down.

But it’s a mix of woman being closed minded, not knowing their worth and men taking advantage of that, but when you question them about things they're doing they feel like you're being too invasive and that they are being unfairly judged or you don't understand them, because apparently people like this are never wrong. 🤨

Marriage

A reader asked if I would consider marriage again and the topic has come up a few times amongst my friends. The simple answer is, No. But, it's not because there aren't any men worth marrying, there's plenty. For me it’s more of the idea that I have already accomplished so much in my life that I would have to slow down my ambitions in some way to accommodate a partner, not that I cannot have a supportive partner, but rather will there be a imbalance of power in the relationship.

I’m pretty headstrong and once my mind is set on something I see it the whole way through. I have my life arranged in a way that fits my wants and needs, so anyone who I am serious about would need to have the same mindset, not the mentality of going out frequently and wanting attention. Don’t get me wrong, I give myself time to enjoy the nightlife — I need that break every now and then — but I don’t have the tolerance to do it all the time and I don’t need him thinking that I’m lacking something because I rather be home or that he needs to find someone who wants to roam the streets with him, if that is the case, go right ahead sir, knock yourself out. — I'm for the sheets, not the streets (😄 I saw that written somewhere.) There's plenty of females who like to drink, smoke, and party every week, I’m not one of them.

When I am not working or studying, I am usually partaking in a happy hour and getting in the house before dark. When I am home, I clean, lounge, and relax (if I am not responding to emails or calls.) My life is tailor fitted, if I were to include a man there would need to be necessary conversations about how to tailor fit each other. Ya understand? For instance, living arrangements: We can purchase a new shared space like a family home or vacation property, but I don’t want him moving into a space I’ve already setup for myself and to be fair, I am not too keen on moving into a space he’s already setup for himself too. — We can still keep our individual properties.

With that being said, a man would have to be emotionally mature, well accomplished, and be very confident not only with himself but also with me to understand that any distance I show or disagreement we have does not equate to me not thinking about him or being disloyal to him.

One of my closest guy friends says: “You want someone whose life aligns closely with your own as far as achievement and ambitions, because if they are at the beginning of figuring out themselves, their careers, their finances, or even their surroundings, then they are going to look at you and see all that you’ve done and they are going to look to you to provide that same life to them.

Say life is a race and each mile of that race is an accomplishment, a degree, career, house, etc. and there’s three types of people: The ones who help you prepare, the ones who cheered you on while you were running, and the ones at the at the end of the finish line. One person can be 2 of these types or all 3 of these types, but you have to be careful of the person who only shows up at the end; are they trying to help you become better or are they trying to reap your benefits? — We see this scenario a lot with men who become wealthy or well accomplished and get their eyes caught up on the young lady who’s scantly dressed and always ready for a party.

“Oh you have nice things, I want nice things, you can give me nice things too.”

So, do you see my hesitation on the marriage topic? I don’t mind taking on a long-term lover, but even then there needs to be some understanding and set boundaries so that both of us feel appreciated, thought of, and protected.