Relationships: A Wise Investment?

“Love is just a word we attach to a feeling that we don’t really understand until we look back on it.”

Someone told me, the best thing you can do is make solid relationships that benefit both people. This includes friendships too. You invest in people and cultivate a type of understanding and communication with one another that gets your through certain things in life. I pour into a lot of my friendships because the friends I’ve made are free-flowing and I have friends who I talk to about serious topics and I have friends who I talk to about lighthearted topics, they all bring value into my life one way or another.

The Older I Get

The more I understand what works for me and that it may not work for others, but I can’t rely on others to make things work for me. ✨️

The types of relationships I'm not pouring into is a partnership. A colleague mentioned that partnering with someone can be a good personal and financial investment, but I feel like that all depends on your partner. Say if your partner is bad with money or doesn't have a good paying job, then you carry the bulk of the financial responsibility which can also affect your communication with the person. But if you have a stable person who can carry the same weight and articulate adult responsibilities, then yes, that’s a good partnership. 👍🏽

I was talking to one of my good friends a few days ago…he is a damn fool, I have so much fun when I talk to him, well, I have a lot of fun when I talk to any of my friends. I just have good people in my life. Anyway, with this friend, we've both been married before, we have children and don’t want anymore, we make good money, and we can do whatever it is we want to do, so I was telling him I don’t need or want a partner, but I like having companionship and I would like to be involved with someone who understands the difference.

We don’t always have be around each other. If he wants to go grab a drink after work and not invite me out, I'm fine with that. Or if he is going out with his friends and doesn't ask me to come, I'm okay with that too. I’m not going to ask invasive questions, I may just ask what you did the other night, but don't treat me like I’m the opposition or like a stranger, communicate with me. And also, if we so happen to run into each other somewhere and you're out with friends or whoever, don’t act as if you don’t know me, especially if we’re sleeping together. I'm grown, I don’t play those silly games. You don’t need to be all up on me, but don’t treat me like some random person that you just know.

I like hanging out one on one with someone, but I don't always require it. We can hang out with a bunch of people or we can just talk on the phone or text. And I don’t always want to talk of superficial things, I want articulate and intrinsic conversations where we learn significant details about our values and backgrounds. There’s other forms of intimacy other than sex. And I want a companion who understands all of this.

I rather invest into this kind of relationship rather than a partner who wants to combine every aspect of our lives. I don’t want to live with anyone, but I do want to see you and spend time with you when we can. I like going out and doing things and sometimes I like to have intimate company. Someone who is interested in me and talks to me in ways that my friends don’t speak to me, I’m sure you guys know the difference.

But for now, when I want company, I just call one of my friends, and don’t get me wrong, I love catching up with them, but vibe is different with someone you're intimate with and that's the main reason why I like companionship because the synergy is different. Again, I don’t need a partner, I just want to share energy with someone who likes to embrace me and the moments we have together. I think that would be the wise investment, at least for me, I can't speak for all of you.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽


Convos With The Fellas

“My latest whip, my latest chick both foreign…I ain't left the city once, still travel abroad.” - J. Cole

I reference my guy friends frequently. We talk about all things from social bs to business bs and they are very unfiltered with me, which I greatly appreciate. Here are some insightful tidbits from conversations I have had with the fellas:

I AM THE CATCH: My friend and I were talking about dating and he said if he dates a woman who has not accomplished some of the same things he has, then HE IS THE CATCH. In summary, he said: “If that girl is a sales clerk, working at McDonalds, or waiting tables, she can’t fuss at me about anything I’m doing because I AM THE CATCH. You just worry about making sure people get their food on time. And if you ask me if I am talking to other people, YES TF I AM, because you don’t match me. You ain’t bring nothing to the table, I am the table.“ — Now, ladies, please don’t be hard on my boy here or me because I completely agree with him, if you’re not matching me in what I’ve got going on in my life then Yeah, you just worry about you. And if you are working in retail that’s not a bad thing if that’s the field you want to stay in and you’re moving up to be in management or own your own store or even work in luxury stores like Chanel, that’s great. That is a goal! It’s the same if you are working in the restaurant or bar business and you are learning to move up in the industry. Baby, you do that! One of my favorite bars I go to, with some of the bartenders that’s their passion and skill, some of them are in school and just making some pocket money, and other are learning the field to start their own businesses. There is nothing wrong with that, just have a vision and make the move to make is a reality.

AGE GAPS: This is actually a common topic with most of the fellas mainly because they are of a certain age, but they are still attractive to younger women because they are handsome AND because of the first bullet point: They ARE the catch and listen, I would not want any of my guy friends making a fool of himself chasing after a child that’s not their own, what sense does that make? And all of my guys have said these something similar to this: “WTF am I going to talk about with a 25 year old? If we are just hanging out at the lounge that’s one thing, but there’s no reason to take it further than that.” One of the fellas said, “These girls talk too much and bring around their friends and they sit and gossip and be petty with each other and trying to be Instagram models and dancing on TikTok, you can keep that over there.” — Again, I agree with my guys. But the funny thing is, they also know about the 25 year old that’s been trying to get me and they all tell me to go have my fun with him and then send him home because apparently when they were all younger, they fooled with older women and said that experience taught them a few things about how grown women like to be and do things.

There Is No Reason For You To Not Be Successful: Now you already know I agree with this. One of the fellas said, “You have the internet where you can learn anything you need to make money, ain’t no reason for anyone to be broke and struggling.” He is so right. If you’re in college or just starting to work, yes it’s going to take time to make the money you want, but if you’re getting older and still relying on other people to get you right, then baby, you are a DEPENDENT and going back to point 1. I Am The Catch and you need to focus on building yourself up to be the catch too.

I’m Going To Tell The Truth Because I Can Deal With The Consequence: Two of the fellas have told me that they are very honest with women and their intentions. They let them know they are dating around or talk to other people. If they are out with one woman and another woman they are seeing comes around, they don’t ignore her, they will get up and greet her and show her love. And if it starts to get uncomfortable they will take the time to speak to each woman separately and be honest about what is going on with the other woman. — Ladies, with this one it is kind of a hard pill to swallow because there is not a large pool of decent men who mark off all the things we are looking for and when we do find that man our naturally instinct is not to want to share him and I said that to both of these guys. If I really like someone, I don’t want to see him with another woman regardless if our situation is casual or not, but I understand their point of view too and they both have said that they don’t go to the same place with the different woman so it limit the chances of running into each other and having any issues. So they do make a conscious effort to keep their ladies separate from one another.

“Hoes Balance Society”: These are the wise words from one of craziest fellas. He says look, you can be married, dating, focused on work and have a lot of things going on, but every now and then you just need to let loose, drink, fck, do some crazy shit, and get home safe. I love this man.

Don’t Bring Any Corny Dudes Around Us: Now this one is specifically for me. They strong on me not dealing with any nonsense from any man. Because no. 1, they are guys so they know how other guys are. No. 2, they are going to size him up to make sure he is good enough for me and No. 3, regardless if he is good enough for me or not the fellas are still going to hug on me, be fresh with me, talk shit to me and be how they normally are with me so if I man I bring around a man, he’s going to have to be very confident, otherwise he’s going to be upset with me and assume that I have something is going on with one of the guys. Yeah, I’m just not going to bring anyone around them. And they told me that I better not be on any dating apps. Another funny thing is if I am out with one of them and they see a guy trying talk to me but the guy doesn’t seem up up to their standard or my standards they will act like my man. The last friend I hung out with he went to the bathroom and another man came up to him and asked if I was with him. So I guess my friend knew he wasn’t for me told the dude, “Yeah, that’s my wife.” And this type of thing has happened a few times where one of the fellas will block a guy from talking to me because they knew it would be a waste of time for me.

One of the main reasons I love these guys is because they tell me how it is, they don’t water anything down for me, there is no bs-ing with them, and they are so supportive of me living how I want. So yeah, those are my fellas. I rock with them.