No New Friends/Problems

We're too adult for the love games, do what makes your heart beat an extra beat.

And when that extra beat stops beating, carry on.

I caught up with a dear friend the other day who I haven't hung out with in about a year. We talked about a few serious topics, including some details about my personal life and details about his personal life. Through a few of my friends over the years, I learned a lot about how different relationships can work and that there's never really been anything traditional after you meet someone and start being involved with them. Even marriages have different ways of managing.

Just like in the last post, I talked about not wanting partnership, but companionship instead. Because with what I do and don't want to do, I'm only going to go but so far with a relationship no matter what we say to each other.

Think of it like this, say I'm married but my marriage isn't a traditional one and my husband and I don't live together and we're still married for undisclosed reasons. But I do meet people. If I get involved with someone, there's only but so much I can invest into that person because on paper I'm still legally tied to someone else. So even though I may love this man who isn't my husband and he may love me, there’s nothing I can offer him other than companionship UNLESS I decide to go through a divorce which can be a long and expensive process.

See sometimes people don't know all the elements of divorce proceedings especially when there’s many years and assets involved or you're making more money now then when you first got married so you have to go through all your finances and you may have to give up a big portion of your portfolio to end your divorce. It can be a stressful ordeal.

So no I'm not married, but there's a part of me that doesn't desire a partnership type of relationship, no matter how much I may love you, and there's a lot of people who won't understand or accept that. I don't want attention all the time, sometimes I want to come home and just sit, I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything, I just want to be in my space, by myself. I'm grown.

I want to have good conversations and spend time with someone, but I don't need it everyday. And I don’t want to be made to feel guilty for that. If I'm involved with you, I'm solid with you, I'll check on you, see how you're doing and see if you want to go do something, but I don't need you and that's the part that can hurt or bother people. If I have to let someone go because they are not leveling my happiness or my growth, "You need to go baby" 💔

So my friend asked me about my dating life and if I've met anyone I wanted something significant with and I said no. I told him I've met a few people, but no one vibed with me in a way that I wanted to be closer to them. And he said something to me a kind of made sense....

"How about don't connect with someone new. Because then you don’t have to go through the process of them getting to know your ways and you getting to know theirs."

I understand the notion on this because I think I've even mentioned on here a few times that there's nothing wrong with rekindling an old flame ❤️‍🔥. You may be "newer" because some things about yourself may have changed, but you're still familiar with someone you once were linked with. I don’t know if that's something I'll do, not like I've not done that before, but if I do rekindle anything with some, I'm going to be more clear with what's not comfortable for me and what types I problems I don't need to have.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽


Girl Cliques

“ALFA women don’t travel in packs. Or don’t always need someone with them.”

Some of you noticed that I really do not mention my girl friends a lot and that I speak of my guy friends more and you’re right, I do. That’s because I do have more guy friends than I do girl friends and I hang out with my boys more. I think as far as my demeanor goes, I mesh a lot better with my guys, but I also have great times with my girls. I just don’t always move the same way many women. Let me explain…

There’s been a few scenarios where I am hanging out with some girl friends and some of them seem to focus on finding a man to pay for our drinks, food, etc. I’m not like that, if I am stepping out, I can afford to do what ever it is I decide to do. I don’t seek out making an acquaintance with a man to talk him into covering a tab. I also don’t invite guys out with the motive of getting him to pay for my stuff. Or I know some women who will tell their friends to come hang out because they are going to meet a guy who is going to cover everything. It is generous if a man is willing to do that, but that should be the main reason why women go out. And I hate for women to encourage their friends to talk to men simply because the men have money or are wealthy. I HAVE MONEY. I’M GOOD 👍🏽. And a lot of women like to travel in groups or do not like to be alone. I LOVE coming and going by myself. I am not on anyone’s time and I can leave whenever I want to. I’m not waiting on anyone and no one is waiting on me.

Being Happy With Me

And not feeling like I need to be part of a group or needing someone around me all the time.

I love the women I have become friends with, but my relationships with them are completely different than my relationships with my guys. I feel like female friends require more time and attention. They require a lot of engagement otherwise you're not part of their “clique” or you're acting funny 😐. Sometimes I like to hang out, sometimes I don't. And sometimes I like to talk about things and sometimes I don’t.

And another thing about women is that they seem to always want to know the specific details in your personal life. Do you ever listen to what women talk about with each other? Most of it is just fluff when it’s not about anything substantial. And some of it is also just gossip. I don’t even tell my best friends everything, so I definitely won’t share a lot with those who I’m not too close to. For example, only a few people know about the Athlete and even fewer people know about Poppa. And I rarely ever say their first names.🤐

Like one of them could be sitting next to me and if I’m talking to one of my close friends, I’ll use their nicknames and I won’t say that I'm actually talking about the man next to me! 😝

I may speak about many topics on here, but there's still a level of privacy I like to keep. Even when I talk about the men I’ve been involved with, I never share specific details about them for a few reasons, 1. I want to respect their privacy too. 2. I don't owe the public any details. 3. I really don’t know who all visits my site. There may be people who know me personally looking for certain information, I don’t know. Yeah, I have a public platform but there's still a veil I like to keep over my life.

Some friends know some details about me and other friends know different details about me. I don’t share the same information with everyone I know. And I don't show people everything I’m doing. And I am not one who feels the need to take pictures of everything I’m doing when I’m out (Well except when I'm eating, I like taking pictures of my food 😝). Other than that, I like to just enjoy the moment. I don’t always need pictures every minute. Sadly, I know some men are like this too, posting pictures or videos of their outings. No, I’ll pass.

Again, I love the women I’ve made friendships with, but I don’t prefer to be in anyone's clique. 🤷🏽‍♀️


Convos With The Fellas

“My latest whip, my latest chick both foreign…I ain't left the city once, still travel abroad.” - J. Cole

I reference my guy friends frequently. We talk about all things from social bs to business bs and they are very unfiltered with me, which I greatly appreciate. Here are some insightful tidbits from conversations I have had with the fellas:

I AM THE CATCH: My friend and I were talking about dating and he said if he dates a woman who has not accomplished some of the same things he has, then HE IS THE CATCH. In summary, he said: “If that girl is a sales clerk, working at McDonalds, or waiting tables, she can’t fuss at me about anything I’m doing because I AM THE CATCH. You just worry about making sure people get their food on time. And if you ask me if I am talking to other people, YES TF I AM, because you don’t match me. You ain’t bring nothing to the table, I am the table.“ — Now, ladies, please don’t be hard on my boy here or me because I completely agree with him, if you’re not matching me in what I’ve got going on in my life then Yeah, you just worry about you. And if you are working in retail that’s not a bad thing if that’s the field you want to stay in and you’re moving up to be in management or own your own store or even work in luxury stores like Chanel, that’s great. That is a goal! It’s the same if you are working in the restaurant or bar business and you are learning to move up in the industry. Baby, you do that! One of my favorite bars I go to, with some of the bartenders that’s their passion and skill, some of them are in school and just making some pocket money, and other are learning the field to start their own businesses. There is nothing wrong with that, just have a vision and make the move to make is a reality.

AGE GAPS: This is actually a common topic with most of the fellas mainly because they are of a certain age, but they are still attractive to younger women because they are handsome AND because of the first bullet point: They ARE the catch and listen, I would not want any of my guy friends making a fool of himself chasing after a child that’s not their own, what sense does that make? And all of my guys have said these something similar to this: “WTF am I going to talk about with a 25 year old? If we are just hanging out at the lounge that’s one thing, but there’s no reason to take it further than that.” One of the fellas said, “These girls talk too much and bring around their friends and they sit and gossip and be petty with each other and trying to be Instagram models and dancing on TikTok, you can keep that over there.” — Again, I agree with my guys. But the funny thing is, they also know about the 25 year old that’s been trying to get me and they all tell me to go have my fun with him and then send him home because apparently when they were all younger, they fooled with older women and said that experience taught them a few things about how grown women like to be and do things.

There Is No Reason For You To Not Be Successful: Now you already know I agree with this. One of the fellas said, “You have the internet where you can learn anything you need to make money, ain’t no reason for anyone to be broke and struggling.” He is so right. If you’re in college or just starting to work, yes it’s going to take time to make the money you want, but if you’re getting older and still relying on other people to get you right, then baby, you are a DEPENDENT and going back to point 1. I Am The Catch and you need to focus on building yourself up to be the catch too.

I’m Going To Tell The Truth Because I Can Deal With The Consequence: Two of the fellas have told me that they are very honest with women and their intentions. They let them know they are dating around or talk to other people. If they are out with one woman and another woman they are seeing comes around, they don’t ignore her, they will get up and greet her and show her love. And if it starts to get uncomfortable they will take the time to speak to each woman separately and be honest about what is going on with the other woman. — Ladies, with this one it is kind of a hard pill to swallow because there is not a large pool of decent men who mark off all the things we are looking for and when we do find that man our naturally instinct is not to want to share him and I said that to both of these guys. If I really like someone, I don’t want to see him with another woman regardless if our situation is casual or not, but I understand their point of view too and they both have said that they don’t go to the same place with the different woman so it limit the chances of running into each other and having any issues. So they do make a conscious effort to keep their ladies separate from one another.

“Hoes Balance Society”: These are the wise words from one of craziest fellas. He says look, you can be married, dating, focused on work and have a lot of things going on, but every now and then you just need to let loose, drink, fck, do some crazy shit, and get home safe. I love this man.

Don’t Bring Any Corny Dudes Around Us: Now this one is specifically for me. They strong on me not dealing with any nonsense from any man. Because no. 1, they are guys so they know how other guys are. No. 2, they are going to size him up to make sure he is good enough for me and No. 3, regardless if he is good enough for me or not the fellas are still going to hug on me, be fresh with me, talk shit to me and be how they normally are with me so if I man I bring around a man, he’s going to have to be very confident, otherwise he’s going to be upset with me and assume that I have something is going on with one of the guys. Yeah, I’m just not going to bring anyone around them. And they told me that I better not be on any dating apps. Another funny thing is if I am out with one of them and they see a guy trying talk to me but the guy doesn’t seem up up to their standard or my standards they will act like my man. The last friend I hung out with he went to the bathroom and another man came up to him and asked if I was with him. So I guess my friend knew he wasn’t for me told the dude, “Yeah, that’s my wife.” And this type of thing has happened a few times where one of the fellas will block a guy from talking to me because they knew it would be a waste of time for me.

One of the main reasons I love these guys is because they tell me how it is, they don’t water anything down for me, there is no bs-ing with them, and they are so supportive of me living how I want. So yeah, those are my fellas. I rock with them.