Forever Doesn't Last A Long Time

“Foreva-eva?…eva-eva?”

I used to think it would be great if everything lasted forever, but now I believe in reality. Even if you are in a committed and long-term relationship, time passes so quickly that forever can seem so short and you're left with memories and if your relationship does withstand the test of time, then memories are the best attributes to your love for one another. But this isn’t about that…

Whether you are married, single, in between relationships, or just dating around, I think we can all agree that our emotions are unpredictable. What we feel today might not be what we feel tomorrow and changing our minds is at our discretion because it’s our emotions. The tricky element is someone else's emotions may not align with ours. And that’s where feelings get hurt. I wrote about change of hearts earlier this year where I mentioned that at any given moment a relationship can change course because of one or both people. And I think when that happens it's the result of wanting different things. You may have started out having the same visions, but eventually something shifts and if the person isn’t shifting in the same direction then the relationship begins to break.

Happy, Blessed & Highly Favored

I Love It Here.

I think with where I’m at in life I completely understand the concept of forever not lasting a long time. Say I decided to start something with Chicago (the young man who I met last year), I would already know going into it that it’s not going to be long-term. Even if I get so wrapped up into him, in the back of my mind, I’d still be cognizant that this love affair temporary. And let’s say for instance, the guy I call Poppa calls me up and suggesting we start getting close again. I’d have to chose who I want to have a love affair with because I won’t be with both if them. And just because I choose one over the other doesn't mean one is the better man because even with Poppa, I wouldn't go into it thinking it will last forever. So let’s say I choose Poppa and then out of nowhere the Athlete from my past pops up and wants to start spending time with me again. I’d have to make another decision between the two because if no man is contributing to my home in one way or another, I am a single woman. And it's the same for a man. We have no obligation towards each other except for our feelings. So in any event you have to decide how deep your feelings are for someone. And emotions can run strong. They can also run hot and cold. That's why I don’t like to have any expectations too high about anyone. I can love someone and not be with them because loving someone and being in love are two different characters.

Any man who I’ve been with, I don’t ever speak ill of them, I may mention things I didn't agree with, but I don’t strip a man of his qualities. I think right now, I just want to enjoy who I enjoy no matter how long it lasts, but I also want a heads up when feelings change and when our forever is coming to an end. I don’t like being left in the dark when it comes to that, but here’s the other side of it and ladies I know most of you hate my mindset about this. If I’m involved with someone and he has strong feelings for me, but when he goes out he makes little connections with other women my only requirement is don’t let those little emotions outweigh your feelings for me. Don’t let those situations effect how you act towards me. If your feelings are strong for me then protect that. Because I’m still firm on the fact if I’m fooling with you, then I’m for you and I’m going to protect my feelings for you too. This isn't one sided and it's not just about me, so I am going to give you the same love. If you feel differently about me then say it because that’s when I feel I am being played with, when a man isn’t honest about his feelings towards me.

I’m not going to go through a man's phone and nag him about where he's going and who’ll be around him. No, I chose peace. I’ll be honest with you, I used to be like that when I was with my ex. I chose chaos over peace, actually we both did and it just blew up so much that I had to walk away. And I’m not trying to say that I welcome a man to make a fool of me, no. I am just giving him the option to be careful with what he does when he's not with me OR he can choose to be sloppy and cause problems for us. But the biggest hurdle he’ll have with me is that my intuition is 99% on point. I can feel the slightest difference in someone's behavior, so he’s got to be a master at whatever he does when it comes to keeping our connection going.

When I’m around, those silly girls aren’t and they have no leverage over me and no one is trying to be in your face or push up on you. And you know who has spoiled me about that??? ALL OF MY GUY FRIENDS. Anytime I hang out with my guys, there may be some women looking their way or want to talk to them, and my friends may chat with them for a few minutes, but they don’t take their focus away from me. And I’ve never asked them to do that. And that might have made me overly confident, but why shouldn't I be? I’m not perfect, but I’m the only one who’s me. And I’m not sorry that my fellas set the bar high. Catch up. So if a man can't meet that requirement I have, then our forever is going to be very short. So forever-eva? Nah…maybe just forever-for-now.

My Man My Man

“Saying ‘I Love You’ can cost you more than your heart can afford.”

PRE THOUGHT: The reality is, other people don't improve or ruin your relationship. Your choices do that.

Some of you ladies send me messages about your relationships. Many times it’s in response to one of the topics and you either affirm you have something great going on or you have your concerns.

One reader wrote how her boyfriend is so catering to her and how she feels special and safe around him. My dear reader, I love that for you. I don't come across many messages like this unfortunately.

So many other readers share heartache about men and how they can't understand why their relationships fail. I've learned some men can have odd ways of expressing themselves. The constant arguing is not healthy. The best thing I can tell you is to give him space to figure things out. Men harbor thoughts and emotions, I don't have an explanation why, they just do, so give them time to sort through their thoughts and keep letting them know you still care.

One of my guy friends always seem to have the same issue with women he gets involved with and I always ask what is he doing the same and what is he doing differently to avoid going in circles. Sometimes a relationship isn't really what we want, we just like the idea of having someone to spend time with. — And this is where things can get complicated because you transfer comfort into romance and you convince yourself this is a great idea without assessing your lifestyles, your goals, and your values.

I take my personal relationships seriously and anything that occurs between me and another person is between us two. Meaning the things we talk about or do in private is not privy for everyone else unless we are both present to discuss the matter with others. I am not only at a certain age, but also at a mindset that casual encounters hold no value to me. You are either a significant part of my life or you are not and being significant to me doesn’t necessarily mean being a lover to me, but it can mean just being there for me or being a good friend.

Nothing is ever simple and expect the unexpected. Every single one of us has our uphill battles as well as our downhill battles and our focus should always be to understand our own emotions and getting ourselves into a space where we can still be good to others even when we are facing issues in private and not treat others as if they are a road block in our lives. Never speak poorly about someone even if they are speaking poorly about you. 99% those people always regret their words.

Women like to be sure of the man they're dating and it can be a hard road to navigate if the man has female friends. If a woman approaches me about my interactions with a man and trying to see what my involvement is with him, whatever I say is going to have her more confused and I don't like being interrogated. I’m not one who does the whole, “I’m coming to you as a woman” type of thing and if someone starts to ask me questions here's how I answer:

  • Yes, I am a part of his life

  • Whatever else you want to know you'll need to discuss with him

  • I won't say anything bad about the man

  • I won’t say anything bad about the woman either because she's already upset

And this isn’t a reflection of the man, it’s more keeping myself from going back and forth with another woman. Her concerns don't stem from me so I’m not the person she should be having the conversation with. Again, that's why I like to keep things private even with people I’m just friends with especially men. I never know what their dealings are with other people, I only know what their dealings are with me and there can be a misconception of what that is so I don't explain my connection to people with anyone I’m not fully comfortable with.

The Effort Series

Blue or white are usually my go-to colors. I play around with other hues here and there.

One of my friends who I grew up with is constantly going through relationships phases. One month he’s so in love and the next month he's dealing with someone new. And with some of the women I met and they'll ask me questions, but I don't ever give them too much information because at the end of the day, I stand by my friend and I was here before any of these women, I here now, and I’ll still be here after them. And I don’t mean that in a foul way and this friend and I have never been romantic, but I just know how he is, I know his patterns. So I don't ever get too close to his women.

Ladies, if you are having issues with your man or special friend, that's something you’ll need to work out with him or yourself. And again sometimes men need time to sort things out too. (Fellas, I’m trying to go to bat for you on this). Figure out what you want and then have the necessary conversations.

For those of you whom are in healthy relationships, maybe I’ll need to set something up where you can tell us how you're making it work. 😀

Change Of Heart

I decided to step out of my comfort zone and agreed to go on a date. It was setup by someone I do business with. The date was nice, it was an early dinner, nothing over the top or fancy, we were both wearing our professional attire because I met him after I got done working. He was wearing a tailored suit and I was wearing a pencil skirt and blouse. We had a nice conversation, we talked about life, families, childhood experiences. But there was one thing he said that made me decide this was only going to be a friendly dinner and nothing more. He mentioned his previous relationship and how he talked about her is what made me hesitant about the man he possibly is. You have to understand, when there is two people in a relationship, there is more than one side of a story and I don’t like when people are so adamant they didn’t have any faults when a relationship ends. And the man mentioned a few things that triggered memories of what I went through in previous situations. I declined a second date with the man.

We go through different experiences with people. Sometimes they are great, sometimes they aren’t and it leaves on imprint on us. When we are starting something new with someone. Our hearts are in a flutter, you’re spending time with them, getting to know them better, and talking about the possible future. But at any given moment, all that can change and there is no way to properly explain why other than a change of heart. And sometimes we try to hold on to the good memories to avoid the reality of needing to move on especially when we thought everything was going smoothly. And another weird thing is we can change our hearts back. Like have you ever rekindled something with an old flame…maybe more than once? — I’ve been there. And there is nothing wrong with that because you won’t know if something works until you try it and sometimes you have to try it more than once.

Emotions our fckd up and they fck us up sometimes. Men have loved me, told me they loved me, and have told me I’m the best thing in their lives, and when things were coming to an end, they have turned around and said bad things about me. Friendship and relationships can be complicated because sometimes it takes a little more work to maintain them. Again, you can have a change of heart about them. Sometimes we look at people and think nothing could ever happen, but later on you think there is a possibility. And there’s nothing wrong with reconnecting with people, just because it did not work out the first time, doesn’t mean you won’t have a better view of things this next time. As long as you are being honest with yourself and what you want and being transparent with the person, that’s all you can do. And there is not guarantee of anything; we never know what we are going to do until we are doing it and all we can do is hope that we are making the best decisions for ourselves.