To Be A He Or Not To Be A He?

May 5, 2023

“Sometimes we gotta do bald-headed hoe sht.” - (😂 My friends just say anything to me, but I was never one of the girls who was grinding on a man at the club. Or bending over to shake my a**. This generation is the generation that seeks validation on being seen and the men want to be treated like women.)

Some of my friends are starting to get on me about putting myself out there. I told them I went on a few dates some months ago, but I guess that doesn’t count because I really wasn’t into to who idea in the first place. But, my thing is, WHAT AM I PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE FOR? Half these men come with bullsh*t while the other half want to take advantage of that fact that I am busy and laidback. Okay, just because I do not have a lot of time to spare and that I am very easy-going doesn’t mean I’m just going to accepted any type of treatment. Now remember one of the gems that my friend told me to start putting into my daily affirmations? “I AM THE CATCH” ‼️ So yeah, you’re not going to treat me as if I’m a second-hand discounted option.

The Effort Series

This was taken in 2015. If nothing else, one thing I’ll always do is show some THIGHS & LEGSSSS!

I prefer someone who I’m comfortable with, who knows my personality, who won’t get upset when I’m not available, who I can go grab food with or cook with, and someone who I can just sit with and enjoy his company even if we aren’t doing anything. I feel like that’s simple, but it may still be a tall ask for some men. Remember when I was mentioning the guy I refer to as “Poppa” and how when we want to be alone, we kind of shut off the world around us and it can seem like we are being distant when really, that’s just how we like to decompress sometimes and reflect on things. I don’t want a guy to misinterpret that and think I’m off doing something with another man, yes I do have guys friends and I do hang out with them time to time, but if I am being intimate with you, then you are the only person I am intimate with. Like, I would love for a man to come volunteering with me or meet some of my mentees and give them some wisdom for his perspective. 👀

The question is, should I put myself out there and entertain multiple men? One of my friends told me that if a man isn’t asking me to be his girlfriend that I need to go all dates with all the different men who are interest in me. But I feel like that brings down my stock. And the more ahead in life I am, the more my stock goes up. If I make myself available to any man then what does that say about my value? 👎

In my eyes, to be intimate with someone is also to be very vulnerable with them, physically and emotionally. And I am very strict about who I am vulnerable with. Plus, do you ladies remember when I talked about our pH Balance and how sexual partners effect that? Yeah, I like my pretty kitty to be healthy. 💦 As of right now, I could drive 30 minutes to an hour away from my front door and I can count LESS than five fingers how many men I have been intimate with. Listen, I take pride in that; my Hello Kitty is precious, any man who has had the privilege to lay with me should feel special, because I don’t just give it up to any one. 💦

So no, by today’s definition, I cannot be a hoe. I’ll sit and spark up a conversation with anyone, but not anyone can have me. So if you were to see me sitting next to a man laughing and enjoying my time, it doesn’t not mean I am sleeping with him or have a romantic interest in him. I think that’s the main reason I like hanging out with my guy friends because with them, I have a male presence, they enjoy me and I enjoy them, but nothing occurs after the night is over.

And I do not have anything against women being sexually free with men, you know what you want. Especially with how social conventions have shifted with the boom of social media apps and reality tv, everyone wants to be seen and exposed and they always want to show what they are doing or tell their friends about it. That’s all fine and dandy, but hey, I know what I want too and that’s not how I want to be. I have a great social personality, but for the most part, I like to be more simple and low-key, so the hoe life ain’t for me. 😶‍🌫️

Single Does Not Equal Lonely

June 18, 2022

To all the ladies who email me to ask what is so amazing about being single or wonder if I ever feel alone or don’t understand my need for solitude, this post is for you….

Let me start with saying my solitude is my safe space where I relax and reflect on my decisions, my future, and just go through my thoughts. My solitude cannot have distractions. I do various things on my own that is considered being in the confines of solitude: catch up on shows or watch movies, spend time with my kids, read, head to a coffee shop to work, go to a happy hour, or just fully rest and pamper myself. Solitude does not mean there are no people around you, it just means you take the time for yourself and do things you enjoy. The distraction would be if I adjust my enjoyment for someone else’s enjoyment.

Secondly, I do not ever feel alone or lonely. I have my groups of friends and each of them fit my life differently. The other night I decided to catch up with a very dear friend and we watched the finals (GS vs Boston), it was a great time, we caught up on new things going on in our lives, we laughed, we joked, and I was home before midnight. Then I have my childhood friends who I chat with every so often and we just share our currents thoughts throughout our day. And I have a few friends I sometimes run into when I’m out doing random things and we may sit and be in each other’s company for a while. Then of course I have my kids. So you see, I am never alone or even feel alone. — That’s a mindset.

The thing most of you may be jammed up on is the intimacy and companionship of being romantically or casually involved with someone. I don’t really require that, but what I do require is protection…protection of knowing I am loyal, but I also need my “me time” and with that, it does not mean I am giving what I share with you to anyone else, and not to hold it against me or be upset or speak down about me because I want a few days alone or to do other things…that for me is the intimacy I want. I’ve not had my fair share of relationships, I can count one 1 hand the number of people I’ve been serious about. I never felt that a relationship defines who I am or who I can be. Although, I do empathize with many of you women and I do like some elements of companionship. Remembering little details about me, what I like and make an attempt to see me smile. Yes, check in on me frequently and if I am involved with you in any way, I won’t ignore your call/message. I have no issue with saying I’m just relaxing for a few days or I’ll say that I have plans to go catch up with friends or if I’ll be out of town, or whatever I have in line that may keep me for spending time with you. Don’t get upset or use it against me to become distant. I am also not the kind of woman to be with any and every man, so I will never be involved with more than one person at a time and if a man thinks that of me, especially if I’m not behaving in that way or displaying poor values, then that is a sector of his doubts and insecurities, not mine. I like giving reassurance because I appreciate that too, calling me crazy or being dismissive of me when I ask about something/someone is a red flag I cannot ignore (and it may awake certain demons that don’t need to be up and who aren't pleasant to have around.) Have your fun and have your solitude too, but don’t minimize and discount what we share.

I am not against relationships, I love seeing people happy with someone and going through life together. And the parameters of a relationship is different for everyone. The only thing I like about my solitude and privacy is that no one really knows all the details of my life, they see what they see and may assume certain things, but if I am involved with someone, the one thing I won’t do is discuss the specifics of what we do or say with any outsiders. And I also won’t say anything foul against you if I am upset. — I surely won’t rally people not to speak to you or befriend you because I believe in people deciding for themselves how to communicate with others. I am here and stand by you until we decide different…that’s part of my loyalty along with many other values. Like I said in my last post:

What comes fast also goes fast. If it’s simple, you won’t be challenged. And nothing that is worth it is easy.

I don’t want fast, I don’t want simple. I don’t want easy. I also don’t want someone who is accessible to any and every woman. I am willing to go through the motions, but someone has to be just as willing too. — And any form of relationship with me isn’t going to be normal or what you may expect.

Then What Good Is He?

February 10, 2022

(Commenting enabled until Fri, 02/11/2022 at 6pm.)

Common Topic Among Women: Why are men flakey? In other words, why are they so into you the first few weeks and then treat you like you didn’t matter the rest of the time?

Here are some of your comments.

1 - “I dated a guy a few years ago and he was great the first month. He would send me cute text messages everyday and make plans with me. He introduced me to his friends and we always had fun when we were together. But then the next month it was like none of that ever happened. I was hurt. I hate when a man make you think he is interested but then turns on you.”

I think sometimes men are so oblivious to what they do that they don’t realize how damaging they can be because there is always going to be another woman who has yet to know how this man is and she’ll get all the same treatment until something in his mind tells him that he wants something different, but nothing changes except the women.

2 -”I meet guys like this all the time. They chase you and when you give them a chance they fuck it up. You can have everything, the looks, the attitude, the smarts, the money, but they still will find a way to make you feel basic. Men like this are trash.”

I will continue to say this: BOYS. ARE. STUPID. — I have a son and I already see certain things in him that will frustrate some women.

3 - “Men who get all excited about a women in the beginning and then start to shade her later on are still boys and don’t know what they want especially when they realize the woman is on her shit and won’t put up with the nonsense. I delt with a guy like this and when he started to switch things up on me, I started asking questions and then he started to call me paranoid and told me I don’t know what I’m talking about and he tried to use that against me. THIS IS GASLIGHTING!”

This is definitely gaslighting. Anytime someone makes you feel crazy for trying to find logic in someone’s actions or behaviors is an act of narcissism and gaslighting.

4 - “Men think that they can discard women and just get a new one whenever they want. The problem is there are so many thirsty women willing to give men what they want and women like us suffer because we have standards.”

It does seem like when we set a standard that isn’t convenient for men, they kind of slip back into the shadows and make it seem like we are being too much.

5 - “I think when women become too understanding that’s when men take advantage and think they can keep skating by with their bs. If a man isn’t willing to see his ways and know it’s toxic, then he ain’t no good for any woman. They will flirt with every woman and hug on her and make her think he’s a good one but then he acts like he didn’t do anything to give mixed signals.”

I feel like a lot of men are like this. I think they like attention more than women do at times. It feeds their egos to know women want them and sometimes they act on impulses and don’t think about the woman who really cares about them. Again, BOYS. ARE. STUPID.

6 - “Men pull the ookie doke on women. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing. They ask a woman what she likes and then he plays the part to get her, but after that they lose interest and go and do it again with someone else.”

I feel like I know guys like this. They claim to “want to understand you” but then act like they don’t understand you at all. For instance, men who say they don’t mind for a woman to have a social life or hang out with friends, but later makes snide comments about it trying to make her feel bad for being out to doing things without him. Huh?

Here’s the thing, I feel like if you are going to give me great energy in the beginning, then keep it going, otherwise don’t waste my time because all the love I gave you could have been going to someone who is really worthy of it. And it seems like most of you ladies feel the same way. If a man cannot be consistent or treats you like a stranger after a few weeks, then what good is he?

But let me add something else: I have just as many married friends as I do single friends so all connections don’t go sour. Or maybe the married ones just have a certain understanding in their relationship about what is and isn’t accepted. — All healthy relationships have compromise.