Shuler King Message

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

One of my friends sent me this YouTube link. It features Shuler King (comedian) discussing his views on older men dating young women. His response was prompted by another man making the claim that he rather date younger women because they “go with the flow” and are “moldable”.

I figure I’d share this with you since it has been a recent topic here on the site. And to add a little more on my point of view on this: Men above….say 35 or even 40 who date women under 30 either do not like to be challenged or do not want to be challenged so they choose to go younger. The whole pill thing that’s mentioned in the video isn’t really anyone’s business but that man’s and his doctor’s suggestions. Some older men still have a good libido. — Hey, I’m trying to give you men some credit here because this video is criticizing you for some of your personal choices. But hey, in the words of Shuler King, “You like what you like.” (I can choose not to deal with you and I can choose how close I am to you.)

Also, if you surround yourself with young people or even surround yourself with like-minds, you’re going to attract those same like-minds. One of my good guy friends who is my age is always getting involved with 20-something women, although he himself has a 20-something way of thinking. I would call him out for it, but he won’t get it. Granted, I don't hang out with him or communicate with him often. Some men are just set and there's not much you can say to them without them getting offended and defensive.

And it’s not about dating younger, it’s more so about dating someone who still needs to establish some things in life and in your 20’s there is a good chance you’ve not done so yet….like having insurance which was mentioned in the video.

If you like the attention, that’s fine, but you don’t have to take it any further and make “friendships” that becomes questionable to your character. Another friend (male) used the phrase, “the weird old guy hanging around college aged girls”…again, I’m just the messenger. If you are this man, your life doesn't have to be mixed with mine, hey do what you like. Good luck out there, Fam.

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Confidence Looks Good On You

Short Set - Leo’A The Label (Sweet Tooth Set)

Low self-esteem is not attractive. Yup, I said it. And there are different levels to low self-esteem. Anytime you make a choice that takes from your happiness, from your peace, or from your self-worth by telling yourself to believe that it will be the best decision when deep down you know something isn’t right, you are displaying a lack of confidence in yourself and with how you think of yourself…and it shows. Before you think I am attacking anyone, let me remind you of my own examples:

1. Did you read about when I Ghosted My Skeleton? - Yeah, that was a form of low self esteem because I did not know my own value to know that who I was involved was not the best for me.

2. The relationship with the father of my children. - I stayed longer than I should have because I felt that there was nothing better for me. I conditioned my mind to thinking that I had to stay with him, to fix our relationship, to forgive and forget, to accept his ways, to give my kids a life with both parents, to fight for something that I thought was worth fighting for. And if you know me now, then you know how WRONG I WAS.

I’ve learned. As far as my relationships with my friends, my boundaries are catered to each individual and how I know them. If any friendship gets to a point where it’s one sided, I digress from it. If I am losing confidence in a friend then I am losing confidence in our relationship and I can no longer enjoy it. It’s best for my mental health to let go (this also is the case for romantic relationships)

Being confident isn’t being arrogant or big-headed, it’s knowing your value and creating boundaries or standards to protect that value.

When you get into a situation where you find yourself changing, not for the better, it’s because you allowed something or someone to cross your personal value lines. It happens to all of us, we try to adjust ourselves to someone's low confidence or little pride — but let’s make it known that insecurity is usually partnered with other concerns such as unwillingness to understand, lack of experience, personal issues within ourselves. Insecurity is a weakness I detest, especially within women who find themselves in relationships they keep questioning or gets uncomfortable when another woman walks in the room — and the thing is, insecurities have to be resolved within the person themselves. It’s one of those things that you have evolve from. (Ladies, if you've not read my message at the bottom of “Extra Income”, I suggest you hop over there really quick and take a look.)

I’m not breaking down any woman, but if we’re being honest here, men seem to get more scrutiny about not being ready to be committed, but WOMEN too have their own flaws with figuring out what they want in relationships. Sometimes people are so scared to be alone that they allow their desperation to decide on their partners and willing to accept less than they deserve.

If you’re uncomfortable with me showing my legs, then you’ve never partied with me. I dress according to the environment I’m going to be in.

We ALL have our insecurities…yes, we do…whether it’s our looks, our financial status, our family dynamics, past traumas that still affect us, decisions we made in private that we don’t want others to know about, whatever it is, we all have something that we are not truly proud of. But we cannot let our insecurities hinder us from being the best version of ourselves, treat people good, and find serenity within our surroundings.

I think the equation for confidence is not only knowing your worth but, also not taking yourself too seriously and becoming offended anytime you feel someone is challenging you (I make jokes about myself all the time.) And comparing yourself to someone is the worst. When you look at someone and you automatically get feelings of insecurity or jealousy by instantly making criticisms about the person, that shows your lack of confidence…and need I say, poor character.

You ever walk into a place and you notice someone who everyone seems to have their attention towards them? The person is laughing, lively, and engaging with everyone. — That’s called confidence. — It doesn’t mean that is person is perfect or that their life is perfect, it just means that this person wants to enjoy themselves and likes for other to enjoy themselves too…it’s the energy that is exuded from confidence, an energy that not everyone possesses. It’s the same when a confident person walks into a room and you feel a shift in energy as if the room got brighter and everyone is a bit more alive.

I cannot really explain it, you either have confidence or you don’t, but it shows either way. It’s not how you look, how you dress, or how much money you have. It’s the way you speak, the way you treat others, the way you carry yourself — it’s a mindset. Remember in my post about My Preference is regards to men? That is a type of confidence I expect for a man I’m involved with to have, not flaky, not unsure, CONFIDENT in who he is and CONFIDENT in me…I can’t have a chump by my side.

You don’t have to be the best person, you just have to appreciate who you are, be comfortable in your skin and not accept others to mishandle you.

MOOD: When you missed the chance, don’t expect another.