You Can't Let Life Happen To You

January 17, 2021

So 2020 is done and the only thing I did differently last year was stayed in more and saw friends less. I still thrived personally, professional, and financially…got another degree, a certification, a raise, etc.

The last quarter of the year was a bit draining, because of the pandemic we had to do things differently and I was swamped with tasks and deadlines so coming into the new year I am a little lethargic and no so enthused 2021.

It got me to thinking of a statement I heard from a colleague as we were discussing an unreliable employee…”You can’t let life happen to you.”

What does this mean? Well, here’s my take…

We all go through life facing different challenges: being a woman, being a single parent, coming from a poor home, not thinking there’s any opportunities beyond what we know, being a black man in America, being black in other foreign countries, being white and misunderstood by your empathy towards other races, being rejected, losing a loved one, loving someone who doesn’t love you back the same, suffering mental health issues, having physical disabilities…the list goes on but, we are either going to allow our experiences to hinder and break us or we are going to allow ourselves to push through the obstacles becoming more educated and build character.

Have you ever noticed some of the best people to converse with are the ones who seem to have many life levels? Their philosophies are usually a resemblance of…”Everything happens for a reason. You just have to make the best of it.” And this is the best thing I can continue to tell people.

There is nothing in the living world that is perfect. As critical as we can be towards others and even towards ourselves, we cannot change everything. The only we can change is our perspective of life and find ways to laugh through the pain without suppressing or avoiding the healing process. Also, sharing our smiles onto others without ego and narcissism.

2021, here’s to you and what we can make of you. Cheers.

Adieu 2019

December 22, 2019

Dress: JluxLabel | Tote: The Little Market

What did 2019 teach you?

Did you begin a new job, career, relationship, family…or did anything end for you this year?

Before we start, take a look HERE to review what current events happened this year. Remember anything? How did any of it effect you?

Personally, there were two and a half months that were my gut wrenching with still some residue today. I made some choices against my heart and allowed my head to take the lead…let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. Would I have been okay with choosing the latter?…Yes, of course, I would have made sure of it. But, those few assholes of months were mentally and emotionally challenging and since I am not one to point all blame towards others, it was some of my subconscious decisions that put me there…even if others are not aware of their choices, I’ve still got to take ownership for mine; self awareness.

Although, those months also opened different opportunities for me which are coasting into the new year…I see myself hosting many dinner parties. So yeah, 2019 and I had some battles but, not without a few blessings in between, and I’m still pulling my weight through.

To be fair, I am in good health, I didn’t lose any good friends, my career has not had any hiccups, my cars have all good tires, and my bank card never declined, so okay, this year wasn’t terrible. I suppose maybe nothing AMAZING happened to where I can write off this year as one to speak highly of. Don’t get me wrong, I had good moments but, the not so good moments won the gold medals.

Top: Forever21 | Skirt: Shein | Bag: MCM

When I speak with others, 2019 was not a best year for them either. To those of you who had a spectacular 12 months, drink a glass of sour milk! Just kidding, congratulations, you did everything right, sprinkle some pixie dust on me so I can fly through 2020. But for the rest of us, why did 2019 treat us like this? Did the planets not align correctly with the stars? Did I pick up the wrong crystals? Because I didn’t burn sage throughout my house? Because I missed moisturizing my face with rosehip oil each night? I curse too much? What is it?

Some people I know took some major loses this year, personally and financially and others didn’t go through any change at all; like my one friend who keeps going in circles with his relationship knowing his ladylove won’t change but, hoping one day she may. He just keeps trying and holding on even though they break up every 2-3 months…I don’t know why some of you men are so intelligent but yet, so fckn stupid at times. And my friend is a very successful, highly attractive, well-spoken, no baggage, dresses nicely, good teeth, and comes from a good family. Yet, I’ve seen him go through at least 2 failed relationships over the years while working on this third one (the first one, he messed up and admits to it but, his pride won’t let him go back. The second one, she was too young; in her twenties and still focusing on her studies. My dear friend is in his late thirties, not a large gap in age but mentally, they are at different stages in life. Although, I do like the second girlfriend the best and there is a good chance she may come back around after she’s lived a little more, but he has to be rid of his current situation first.) I just want to pluck that man’s forehead sometimes.…and WOMEN are supposed to be the confused ones??? I have another friend who counts the time that has passed since she last spoken with her…whatever he was. Listen folks, if you come to me with your relationship concerns, I’m first holding You accountable for your behaviors before I consider assessing your partner’s behaviors. Don’t waste your coins calling me if you don’t want to discuss your bad habits.

…I’m not perfect and when people ask me why I’m single, I’m going to start responding with this: “Coaches don’t play, now do they?”

It’s almost like 2019 was a dud for some of us. It was present just to be present which forced us to do or not do, ya know what I mean? Yet, we cannot have made this trip around the calendar without taking something from it, right?

Hmmm….

Let’s mention the basics, we cannot dictate what happens to us or around us but, we can control how we react to what occurs and what we do not change, we are accepting. Do you know why great comedians are great? They learned to laugh at their pain. They learned to take what tried to break them down and turn it into humor to help offset the disappointment. Some claim it to be a form of therapy. I’m not a comedian, but I do try to make light of dark matters. I…we, have to, otherwise we continue to be burdened and tormented by the heartache. Who wants to keep doing that? I hate feeling sad and I hate for others to see me in that state as well, I rather laugh at my own expense than not to laugh at all.

Honestly, 2019 taught me what I already knew and known, I just needed a hard reminder and a choke hold of reality.

Okay, so what if you didn’t face any turmoil this year and you also didn’t have a great year, what happened? Did you just…exist? If so, is that what you are planning to do in 2020? We are starting a whole new decade. How do you want the next 10 years to be? What can you do differently? Short term goals vs. Long terms goals, yup they are still a thing. I write mine down and make adjustments when necessary. Don’t change the goal, change the path that takes you there.

Look at your life/future in three different categories: Money, Love, and Career/Business. Are you making enough to live the life you want? Be realistic. Is your relationship fulfilling and going in a direction you feel is conducive? Or if your are single, does being in a relationship even make sense for you right now? And are you happy professionally? We have to take a hard look at ourselves and reflect. Don’t expect others to make the changes you want to see happen.

One major thing I did differently this year, I created a finance/expense/net-worth spreadsheet….Ouu chile, lemme tell you! The biggest trips I took this year was to Neiman Marcus, Saks 5th Ave, and Happy Hours. When I saw the number of what I spent this year, I was ashamed! My broker told me at the least, I need to stop buying out VIP Sections…Ummmm, sure okay. Look, as hard as I work, I play even harder, so keep up…but I agree, I do have to clam down a bit. (Friends and Colleagues, if you love me, don’t leave me unattended with my card or cash. Thank you in advance. )

Even if you have a financial adviser, it is still a good idea for YOU to review your finances often. I created my spreadsheet from scratch with knowing how to create certain tables, charts, and formulas. If you are not familiar with excel, here is a Net Worth Calculator tool that will give you an idea of your financial stability. Another tool I use frequently is a Money Management App that I have downloaded on my phone. It’s called “Expense Manager” by Bishinews (image shown above). You can set up the app where reoccurring expenses and income is automatically recorded, or you can do it manually each time you spend or make money. The app takes the data and creates charts and spreadsheets separating your expenses by category (if you set it up that way). This tool is wonderful at showing me what I am spending each day, week, and month. Lastly, Credit Karma is very helpful. I’ve been using CK for years. It gives you updates on your credit score and will notify you with changes in your credit report. I also have a credit monitoring through my bank, Hey, money may not always make you happy, but it certainly buys things that can.