The Prenup

PSX_20200819_153234.jpg

What do you feel about prenuptial agreements? Do you feel someone loves you less or does not have faith in your relationship if a prenup is presented?

Here is my take on it:

I agree with prenuptial agreements. I do not feel it deals with matters of the heart, but more of matters of security. If you have built something on your own, you did the research, you put in the hours, you threw up the capital for it, then how would you feel if you’ve gotten into a married that is ending and the judge says you owe HALF of what you earned to someone else?

  • I am not referring to something you created or developed while you were married, I am talking about something YOU planned and executed before getting married.

Prenuptial agreements can be a simple as writing out what is shared or protected during a divorce. The documents can be very detailed in explaining specific ‘Do’s & Don’ts’: infidelities, children, new businesses, already established businesses, obtained properties, stipends, living costs, etc. It may sound like a business proposition because a marriage IS a type of business, it’s a PARTNERSHIP. — There was a time when girls were only bred for marriage in exchange for some type of payment to her family, such as farm land.

BeautyPlus_20200822214547204_save.jpg

  • I’ve seen agreements be as specific as outlining if a wife delivers a son during the marriage, she will get an added 20K a year until the son turns 18 if they get a divorce before then. Another one stated that if the husbands commits infidelity, the wife can earn additional monies if they get divorced. (I would definitely want an infidelity clause included to address any children born outside of my marriage or transmitted diseases. — Bitch, you get nothing from me if you have babies elsewhere or give me a disease and if you are a well to do man, then in YOUR prenup, there should be an appendix that details some sort of accommodation for my pain and embarrassment.)

I do not believe it has anything to do with how much you love a person. I fully believe is has more to do with protecting your assets and both people have a say on what goes into the agreement. You can request an amendment to better benefit you if there is something you feel is unfair, of course all this will have to go through lawyers, but if you want something done, do it right and be thorough especially with things like this. Prenuptial agreements are best discussed with two people are “Happily in Love” because the details may be more generous as opposed to being in divorce court and you hating the way your ex-partner breathes.

My whole outlook on it is, If you weren’t shooting with me at the gym, why am I going to hand over the reward from all the training and hard work I put in just because we don’t want to be with each other anymore? — I’m not saying what’s mine is ONLY mine, I’ll share will you, but I am drawing a line with what you get from me if we decide to go our separate ways.

And think about this: If you are choosing to be with someone whom has not already created their own stability, then that person is going to look to you to provide that for them.

But one thing I know for sure, if I get married again it will be my last. Even if I’m fed up with him I'll still fix his plate, “You want potatoes or not, jackass?!”

PLUS, My Daddy says:

If he can’t take care of you as good as you take care of yourself, don’t waste your time and don’t start matching your first name with his last name.

Screenshot_20200817-191431_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200825-155042_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200808-101247_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200824-195813_Instagram.jpg
 
Screenshot_20200823-041256_Instagram.jpg
 

Being Dominant vs. Being Abusive

PicsArt_08-09-05.20.57.jpg

I started and stopped writing this piece several times because I wanted to make sure I was clear about the differences in behaviors with this topic. People can easily misunderstand and run with that misunderstanding. I decided to keep this as short as I could to allow your own thoughts and interpretation to develop.

I briefly mentioned in a previous post that there is a difference between being dominant and being abusive. — One is desired and the other is damaging. I’m not talking about the physical aspects of this topic, just the mental.

A dominant man is confident and secure with himself, knows who he is, what he wants and goes after it. An abusive man struggles with his identity, his wants, his needs and transfers his frustration to others.

Can a dominant man also be an abusive man? Of course. That’s the uncertainty of it because the line between the two can be easily blurred, but understand this, being abusive is not the route anyone should take and can really cause harm to people especially the ones close to you.

Let me give some examples:

  1. A man is dating a very attractive woman, they are at a party together and the woman is making friendly conversation with another man

    • Dominant: The man appreciates his lady is making her own way through the party and may walk up next to her to either join the conversation or just to check on her

    • Abusive: The man gets a sense of jealousy and pulls her away from the conversation to scold her for talking to another man

  2. An argument occurs with the couple

    • Dominant: The man identifies there is an issue that needs to be addressed, but with tempers flaring, he knows nothing will get resolved this way. (He is also aware that women can be very emotional and irrational when they are upset.) He takes a step back and suggests they give themselves a few minutes to cool off and then come back to discuss the issues.

    • Abusive: He continues to argue back and forth with his lady and saying very hurtful things towards her or about her.

  3. A man knows that his lady has had a long day or week at work

    • Dominant: He empathizes that his is not the only one bringing something to the relationship and helps takes charge with cooking dinner, attending to the kids, cleaning up, etc. He knows it’s not only a woman’s job to maintain a household or that there is any gender specific duties in the home.

    • Abusive: He continues to expect his partner to attend to him and the home or gets irritated if she asks for assistance. (Sometimes subtle behaviors can cause friction or resentment that can lead to compounding problems.)

Let me further explain that a Dominant man takes charge of a matter in a way that is logical and possibly the best route for everyone involved. He does not dismiss the feelings or input of others, he listens intently and then makes a sound decision.

The below image caught my attention. It is another version of the topic and I just want to point out…still….the difference with pleasure and unwanted pain.

Screenshot_20200331-043210_Instagram.jpg

Someone’s comment was, “It’s sad that this has to be explained.” And let’s be very clear, when referring to being “hit” it doesn’t mean getting knocked out with a fist.

And another thing about being dominant…and I’m so serious about this one, you can even say I'm stubborn over it….I WILL NEVER approach a man. That is NOT my place. I understand Women's Empowerment, Women's Liberation, Equal Human Rights, all of that, but if a man expects me to approach him….Sir, you can call ME ‘Daddy’. Ladies, if you're one of those who wants to make the first move, by all means I’ll clear the way, but don’t expect me to do the same. I personally feel it can set a confusing tone to a possible relationship.

Refer to Related Topics:

My Lovely Readers, please share this thought with others:

“Don't allow your loneliness or desperation to be loved be the guiding motivation of how you choose your partner.”

Home Cooking Meal Suggestion: Turkey Meatloaf

processed_PSX_20200816_192830.jpg

What I Did:

  • 2.5 lbs of ground Turkey

  • 2 Eggs

  • 1.5 Cups of Bread Crumbs

  • 3 tbs mince garlic

  • 1 tbs garlic Salt

  • 1 tbs black pepper

  • 1.5 tbs Greek Mix from Vom Fass

  • 3 tbs butter

  • 2 tbs ground Thai chili peppers

  • 4 tbs spicy ketchup

(I did not chop up any bell peppers or onions this go round)

Mix all in bowl and place mixture in a loaf pan. Let cook in the oven for 1 hour on 350° (I didn't put any ketchup on top of the meatloaf, but it is an option)

For the gravy:

Take the meatloaf drippings and put in a separate pot. Add cream or milk and flour to thicken. *I also added garlic salt, ground pepper, Greek Mix, and ground Thai chili peppers for added flavor. Stir until thickened.

I Ghosted My Skeleton...Twice

I get a lot of praise for being a strong woman, for being confident, fearless and having no man problems - “got 99 problems but a b*tch ain’t one” - Thanks Jay, but it wasn’t always this way. I too have done foolish things for a man I thought I loved. We all have skeletons in our closet, I have just one and I ghosted him many years ago.

Dress: Toxic Envy

Dress: Toxic Envy

Ghosting is a fairly new term the kids are using these days to describe an action when someone stops all communication with you without notice or warning. So when I “ghosted” my skeleton, it was just considered “disappearing” out of his life.

I was in high school. I was young, naive and thought I had my whole life figured out. (Like many high schoolers, huh?) I met a man who was several years older than me, an athlete (played overseas), he was gorgeous, tall, smooth, beautiful hair, great smile, amazing lips…everything shallow that I loved. We began hanging out all the time, I became infatuated with him. I wanted to be around him every moment of every day, but I still had school and work.

It quickly became toxic. Anytime he called, I went running. I missed so many days of school for him that I almost failed a grade due to my absences. I cancelled outings with my friends and I made excuses to not be available for anyone else other than him. When I didn’t hear from him, my mental anguish became physical in the sense that I wouldn’t eat, I’d stay in bed all day, I’d be moody, and I wouldn’t talk to anyone. He was my drug. I would have done almost doing anything for this man, I even slightly supported him financially. When I couldn’t come through on a request he had of me, he would get angry and make me feel guilty for not caring about him enough and I actually began believing that I really wasn’t doing enough, my self-esteem was bruised.

He was very needy…and I wanted to be needed by him. If he was upset, I had to find a way to make him smile. If he was in a good mood, I had to find a way to make it last. [Later in life I realized he is one of those people who resented not being granted certain opportunities that he felt he deserved in life, but not admitting that his own behaviors and decisions held him back.] He would compliment me when he wanted something and he’d make promises to coax me, but rarely came through with those promises. He was in and out of my life for at least 2 years. And the behaviors were always the same. He didn’t once think about all the efforts I made to adjust to him.

THIS WAS ALL WHILE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Sweatshirt: Backseat Love | Skirt: Fendi

Sweatshirt: Backseat Love | Skirt: Fendi

I was mentally drained. I was emotionally depleted. I hated feeling like someone had complete control over me. I felt empty…all the time. Finally, one time he called while out of town and needed me to wire him money to get a ticket back home along with a phone card (telling my age here), I said “Okay, I’ll get it done.” then the call ended. I didn’t wire him any money and I didn’t get him a phone card. It was the last time I spoke to him. It took me months to get him out of my system. I still thought of him daily — “What if I just call once to check up on him?” “Maybe I can just talk to him without anything more.” — I forced myself to go out and enjoy missed time with my friends and I prepared myself for college.

I went on with my life, met the future father of my children the summer before my freshman year and didn’t think of that man again…until my divorce.

Yup, through a mutual acquaintance he heard I was newly unattached and found a way to reach me. We chatted and caught up over the years that passed. The itch for him started to come back. I foolishly looked over our past issues and eagerly allowed him back into my life thinking things would be different….and it was for the first few months. He was still gorgeous, the same as I remembered him looking. — The years weren’t bad to him. It wasn’t too long after that it became reminiscent of my high school years. This time, I was practically supporting his entire life, but also this time I now had two children to support. I don’t know how I did it, but I found a way to appease everyone. For some reason he still had that same hold on me, even after all these years. The father of my children didn’t have that power over me. What I felt for this man was different. It was unhealthy, but I didn’t care. I just wanted him to be happy and to be happy with me. This time it didn’t last for 2 years, not even a full year.

I was sitting by myself thinking of different ways to cheer him up because he had been feeling down due to not being able to find stable work. — Then I began to think beyond him. I thought about all the money I spent on him that I could have placed into my savings. I thought about the house I was going to purchase BY MYSELF for US to live in together. I thought about what type of father figure he would be for my own children. And then I thought about what type of relationship could I really have with this man since he was so used to me catering to his every need not just emotionally, but also financially. I didn’t know who I was becoming. I was supposed to be restarting my life after my divorce, not reopening an old wound. How did this man have such a choke-hold on my soul? The only benefit to him was that he was beautiful. NOTHING ELSE. Was I that vain???? It’s like he was a trophy, but not really a reward.

After thinking about all of this, my conversations with him became different. I started to slowly step away. He notice. At first he was concerned, then it turned into battle and placing blame on me for not being “supportive”. The very last conversation I had with him was when I had just got off a flight, I was extremely tired and driving home. He called demanding me to do something for him immediately, telling me that it would be very simple and that I could sleep after I was done….I WAS PISSED. I yelled at him and told him that he was being inconsiderate and that I was not going to do anything for him anymore. Then he had the audacity to spit out the words, “I need you to take care of everything right now.” That was it for me. I was done. I hung up, blocked him from all forms of contact, went home and got some sleep. Never spoke to him again. — If he wasn't such a disappointment….or if I was really so moronic, he would have probably got some sons out of me….then again, my ex got a son out of me and he…never mind.

You see, I’ve done stupid things. And I always joke that I have lived many lives before today, which isn’t entirely false since most of my friends only know about my ex-husband. Well, surprise! I was once a dumbass too! I’m so grateful I was still young enough to recover from it and caught myself before I dug too deep of a hole that I couldn’t get out of.

I want to conclude with this: As strong as some people may be, they also get tired, they also need a break, they also need a helping hand. The problem with strong people is that they don’t make excuses, they don’t allow their weaknesses to hinder them, they exceed expectations and people always hold them to that standard not considering their human need for mental rest. Disconnecting is healthy and it’s not encouraged or applauded enough. — Let this sink in.

f836041332c511aa473fb8bd749ff1db.jpg

  • There was one time I needed a break from everything, it was granted to me, but during my break I was still thrown tasks to get completed and the reason was “I don’t trust anyone else to do it but you, Raya.” ….which translated to me that I will never truly get a break.

Extra Income

  • Keep studying.

  • Keep researching.

  • Keep learning.

  • Keep growing.

PSX_20200123_235435.jpg
 
Screenshot_20200731-104016_Instagram.jpg

As promised in my recent post about stocks (HERE), I am going to give some information on other ways to make extra income. — And this is not me telling you to do something without experience, all of these options are checked off on my list and then some. I enjoy doing it. — Plus, I refuse to outgrow or become too good for certain frivolous habits, so I need a little more play money….my people know how I am.

(NOTE: This list is the bare essentials of information, to put action to any of these items, you will need to put in the effort to research further and do the work.)

With most of these avenues, you barley have to leave your house. So you can be anywhere in the world and still make money daily…which is why I'm rarely far from my laptop and if I’m looking at my phone too often, it’s mainly because I set up a way to manage my extra income in the palm of my hand.

Plus, if you do your due diligence, all of these options are PANDEMIC PROOF!

1 - Sell your skills/knowledge - Utilize what you know, package it up, develop an audience and sell (this is one of the big money makers).

86ff1d3a2a540ffade551a33ec5054ef.jpg

  • What do you know how to do? If you are highly educated on a topic say for example, real estate, you can create a course that teaches people how to market, promote, and sell homes. You can also have a subscription membership where only paid members get the extensive insider details about real estate. Another example, if you have spent years in the corporate industry and have developed tools to help companies become more efficient, effective and more profitable, SELL WHAT YOU KNOW. Put together a package on what you can do in a specific field, organize it in a way that someone who is entry-level will be able to understand it. Then create advanced or follow-up lessons or courses.

    • It’s the same concept if you want to sell a service. In early 2019 I opened a photo studio. I had tiered prices for different options. I used a scheduling program to manage appointments and payments online. I even rented out my studio space to other photographers and to people who wanted to use my setups for their own needs. Towards the end of the year I was in the midst of looking for a larger space before the pandemic happened, so I decided it was best to put that task on pause for now (which has worked out in my favor by allowing me to focus more on other ventures.)

  • To promote yourself, link with other people in your field and BRAG about what you can do and keep bragging about it. Create social media ads/flyers about your skills and knowledge, and engage with people. Building your network goes hand in hand with building your audience which can turn into clients.

 
what-are-soft-skills-2060852-Final-7408e9ee0a2b458f91f082d9e8add6f2.png
 

2 - Monetize your website - Use tools like Adsense, Google Analytics, and Amazon features to make money when people visit your site. These features take a little IT knowledge and some thorough research. I began developing websites in the early 2000’s, so I know some basics about HTML coding and where to find the header/footer sections to paste tracking codes. (These days I use a unified platform host for my website that has all the features I need….no more extensive coding.)

PicsArt_08-06-02.14.26.jpg

  • Adsense is a feature developed by Google that create ads on your website and anytime someone clicks on an ad, you earn money. You can even get paid for the amount of clicks your website gets.

  • Amazon Ads are like Adsense Ads, they populate on your website and when someone clicks on the ad, you earn money.

    • Neither Adsense or Amazon shares the person’s information with you if they click on an ad.

    • Free eBook: Amazon Ads Unleashed

  • Google Analytics is something I am still learning. This is great for active marketers, it gives you reports on how well your website performs and what people are looking at the most. (It gives you more comprehensive data than this, but I am still figuring out how to use this information to my benefit.) The whole purpose is you want more traffic to your website which will increase the potential of people clicking on Ads or Links that get you paid. So, if you can create popular content, you can achieve this goal.

3 - Referral Links - Take advantage of special links that pay you a commission when someone signs up or purchases through your link

Click.gif

  • Referral Links can be use to send to people or published on your website or a social media post. Just like the ads, when someone clicks on the link and either signs up or purchases (depending in the link destination) you earn money.

  • I use this feature A LOT. Many times when you see a word or phrase on my site that is hyperlinked, it most likely leads to a page that gives me commission.

    • Again, just like the ads, these tools do not share anyone’s information with you if they signup or purchase through your link.

4 - eCommerce - Create a store and sell online. With so many user friendly eCommerce apps, there are many ways to sell almost anything you want online (this can be a big money maker too). You can sell on platforms as big as Amazon or more designate engines like Poshmark or Etsy.

  • We are a CONSUMER economy, which means we buy things…ALL THE TIME. Creating an online store can really help you rake in the dollars. Just like with selling your skills/knowledge above, you have to develop an audience. — What are you selling? Who are you selling to? How can you get their attention? How can you keep their attention so they come back to buy more?

  • You also what to make a profit, so I suggest making a spreadsheet of all your costs: inventory, packing supplies, marketing items/tools, any learning resources you had to purchase to advance your knowledge, and LABOR…YES, pay yourself too! Once you get that number, calculate what your selling prices should be.

For instance, I have a Vintage and Preloved shop on Mercari. It started out as a way for me to clean out my over-packed closets, but now it has turned into a very lucrative mini business where I sell vintage/preloved items from other sources and I even partner up with different small businesses and vendors to showcase their products as well.

Mercari is a very simple setup (you may have seen their commercials recently). But, I don’t just take photos of things, stick a price tag on it, and list it. No. Not only do I detail each item a best as possible, I also created a marketing and customer service/engagement plan. I made business cards, thank you notes, and discount flyers to place with each item that’s sold. I also curate collection of pieces and styles. Right now the most popular features in my shop is the “His to Hers” Collection where I re purpose mens shirts into women's fashion. (See images)

Aside from my Mercari shop, I have another store embedded into my website. With both, I am able to manage everything online. I even have a small team to assist with packing and shipping orders.

….Yah, ya girl here stays occupied.

SIDE NOTE: You know what I would like to see? “Adult Ice Cream Trucks” but instead of ice cream, it’s cocktails…well, I suppose you can do infused ice cream too. Just drive through neighborhoods playing Gin & Juice on the speakers and watch all the eager adults line up. Someone get the licensing together on that, I’ll be an investor.

5 - Rakuten - There is nothing you need to research or develop with this option. This is for anyone who shops, especially online (me). This service used to be called “Ebates” and it give you cash back when you shop at one of their participating retailers. Because I shop online A LOT, I have a Rakuten Extension next to my search bar in Chrome and it will flicker or a message will popup if I am shopping where I can earn money back through their link. (You may earn a small percentage, but trust me, it adds up when you spend too much!)

Lastly…

6 - Rental Properties - If you have some capital to invest or buy proprieties, I HIGHLY suggest this option and starting out, there is going to be a lot of paperwork and knowledge you will have to consume. Brace yourselves.

  • Before buying, research the area, taxes, HOA, schools, demographics, etc. Speak to the realtors often so they are fully aware of what you are looking for and the proposed plan for the property.

    • You also want to know about city ordinances and regulations about placing a property for rental. (Business licensing, Fire Marshall Inspections, Lease Length Protocols, etc.)

  • If you have the resources, elect purchasing foreclosed properties. You’ll buy at a lower cost and gain much turnaround in capital….and mentally prepare for renovations.

  • If your are purchasing outside of your residential city or state, opted for a local management service or someone you trust who lives in the area to help oversee the place for you. They can aide in any issues your tenants may have.

[I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that you may need to pay taxes on any extra income; reference 1099 Tax Form. — Two things we’re not immune to is death and taxes.]

Don’t limit yourself when you are capable of so much more.

Men, this next part is for the women, but you can stick around and learn something.

Somebody’s MommaSomebody’s “The One Who Got Away”

Somebody’s Momma

Somebody’s “The One Who Got Away”

Ladies, let me tell you something….

You are the REASON of life. You are CREATIVITY. You are CHAOS and PEACE at the same time. You LOVE harder than any man can understand. You SACRIFICE more than the world will ever know. Warriors have SLAIN for us. We have birthed KINGDOMS. We sit on a desired THRONE. Do not accept anyone who does not value ALL of you.

Now, I’m not one to hop in and out of relationships or have a concern about being single for the rest of my life, but if you are actively seeking one, stick to your standards….And good luck, I hear the Lord is running out of husbands, so it's slim pickings out there. 😄 (My potential future husband is probably out here being a dumbass and running around with all the wrong women.)

And remember:

“If you’re a rider for him, make sure he is one for you too.”

Don’t create excuses on why he can't love you adequately…If you cannot value all of me, then you don’t deserve the most personal parts of me.

Screenshot_20191111-165247_Instagram.jpg
 
To all you graduating teens and 20 somethings, life is just beginning, have your fun, make lasting friendships, make mistakes, but keep your focus. There are so many things now that can distract you from achieving the best version of you. Everyone w…

To all you graduating teens and 20 somethings, life is just beginning, have your fun, make lasting friendships, make mistakes, but keep your focus. There are so many things now that can distract you from achieving the best version of you. Everyone wants to party, be seen and look their best all for the attention. Stay keen on those around you and trust your instincts. Be mindful, fast money and fast men are just that, FAST…they come and they go. If a man is for you, he’ll show you. In the meantime, protect your peace, Sweetheart.

Screenshot_20200730-074054_Instagram.jpg
P.S. - I flex better than some of you men.

P.S. - I flex better than some of you men.

This year isn’t over yet. There is still so much you can do to at least give 2020 three stars.

This year isn’t over yet. There is still so much you can do to at least give 2020 three stars.

 
20200803_081716.jpg
PicsArt_08-03-10.33.11.jpg

Try some of these SUGGESTed items:

Book: How to Make Sh*t Happen

Burn Sage to cleanse your personal space

THe aroma of essential oils can help mental wellness

a diffuser for your essential oils

 
 

Don't Give Everyone Access

😮 After almost 2 years, this is still the most viewed and searched post throughout my entire site. I hope those of you who keep coming back to this is finding something useful within my words.

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

Let’s talk a moment.

You know you are awesome, right? So let’s agree that not everyone is deserving to be around you. That doesn’t mean shutting people out completely, but rather being aware that there are people who are not for you and just want to take from you…

20200219_153706.jpg

  • Your energy

  • Your confidence

  • Your hard work

  • Your finances

  • Your rewards

  • YOUR PEACE OF MIND

…without giving anything back in return.

If they can’t meet you where you stand or even come half way, then don’t you dare go all the way for them. We all have an intuition and all of our intuitions tell us when someone is not right for us. Many of us do ignore this because we want to be wanted, we want to be needed, we want to be loved. — That’s the human in us.

Although, we have to accept that sometimes it takes people longer to be the best version of them and maybe they are the best they can be at this time, but that doesn’t mean you have to fully welcome them in your life. People can go through metamorphosis at any age, sometimes more than once. Love and care at a distance. You can still have a good heart and not fall victim to someone else’s demons.

  • Years ago a friend and I fell out for reasons that are no longer important, we were at different places in our lives. Later on, this person ended up getting very sick and a mutual friend called me to let me know what was going on. I hopped on the first flight out to see about my sick friend. We didn’t talk about why we stopped speaking to each other, we just carried on and caught up on the missed time and learned about the growth we both went through.

    • We needed to deny access to one another in order create different paths for ourselves and we became better friends after it because we became more willing to listen and understand each other better…and our fall out wasn’t a “be all, end all” we still had an abundance of love for each other. This doesn’t mean all relationships that dissolve will come back together, it just means that sometimes the difference between two people is the distance that needs to be had and what becomes of it afterwards depends on the pivotal points in your life.

s_20180722204328616_save.jpg

I’ve said this many of times before, I want my peace more than I want attention. — I’m so comfortable with myself that I refuse to allow someone to destroy what I’ve created. Or exhaust my warmth to someone who won’t reciprocate my affections.

Many of us get into relationships (platonic or romantic) and make compromises which is expected, but when those compromises start to turn you into someone you don’t recognize, then there is a problem. LOVE is not folding every time just to make a person feel more comfortable, stable, or secure. LOVE is understanding each other’s weakness and helping to make them stronger. If your weakness is an element of insecurity and your partner doesn’t help you overcome that, then you are either misunderstanding who your partner/friend is OR this person is not the partner/friend for you. Yes, sometimes you also have to deny yourself access to people.

Not everyone is capable to travel with you in life. You are not blocking blessings by keeping people out, you are protecting yourself from being drained by someone or people you are unsure of. YES, let them prove they can stand by you and with you. Some people are there temporarily, some are there for the lesson. Then there are some people who need more time to reach you, give them that time, but keep your focus forward. YOU are the decider of your well being. And yes, it’s hard to separate yourself if you are a giver, but you have to grip on to what keeps you at peace. You cannot give if you are depleted. I am meticulous with how much energy I give and to whom I give it to and I change the levels when necessary.

You can interact with many people and still not allow all of them access to the whole you.

  • I have at lease 5 different groups of friends, some from my past, some I met in passing, some I frequently see or interact with; all of them know a different part of me, some of them know a different version of me, but only a select few know all of me. — I made it that way.

I love and enjoy ALL of my friends and family, I appreciate that we are not the same. Each of them ignite different pieces of me, but I know all of them cannot, will not, or are not equipped to take the same road as me. It’s no one’s fault. It also wouldn’t be right of me to take (possibly carry) someone on a journey they are not ready for. Therefore, access to me remains selective and limited. I trust what I know about each person in my life…read that again.

Everyone doesn’t deserve access to you.

 
Screenshot_20200701-225638_Instagram.jpg
IMG_20200701_234211_599.jpg
Screenshot_20200725-225206_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200727-222345_Instagram.jpg
 

Stock Market For Beginners (E-BOOK)

If you did not get a chance to catch this post when I shared all the basics about the Stock Market for FREE…

You can still get all the research I gathered when I began investing in the UPDATED 2021 eBook for just $12.

Stock Market.gif

Here are some key topics from the E-Book:

The are 2 major stock exchanges in the U.S.

  1. The New York Stock Exchange (NYSE)

  2. NASDAQ

Here are the basic Stock Terms: (There are 9 more listed in the E-Book)

  1. What is a STOCK? A stock is a type of investment that represents an ownership share in a company

  2. What is a SHAREHOLDER? A person who purchased a stock and now owns that stock which is a portion of a company.

  3. What is a STOCK PORTFOLIO? A portfolio is a grouping of financial assets such as stocks, bonds, commodities, currencies and cash equivalents, as well as their fund counterparts, including mutual, exchange-traded and closed funds. A portfolio can also consist of non-publicly tradable securities, like real estate, art, and private investments

Other Topics I Cover:

  • Conservative vs. Aggressive Investing

  • Stock Order Types

  • User-Friendly Apps for Beginners detailing features of each app

  • Book Suggestions

  • Author’s Notes

The eBook covers all the basic information to help you gain stock market knowledge so you can feel more comfortable about starting your investment portfolio today!

GET THE E-BOOK NOW

Here is another download with information on certain tech stocks.

OTHER WAYS TO MAKE MONEY

Here are more options outside of stock trading to gain added income:

  • Sell your skills/knowledge - Utilize what you know, package it up, develop an audience and sell

  • Monetize your website - Use tools like Adsense, Google Analytics, and Amazon features to make money when people visit your site

  • Referral Links - Take advantage of special links that pay you a commission when someone signs up or purchases through your link

  • eCommerce - Create a store and sell online. With so many user friendly eCommerce apps, there are many ways to sell almost anything you want online

*Later on, I’ll provide more comprehensive information that will feature tips on how to earn extra income. This may be great for those who have been furloughed or feel they are not making enough with their current employer. But remember, nothing is earned without putting in the work.

 
Screenshot_20200724-170301_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200722-200246_Instagram.jpg
5c448dd6-f2ed-4101-b154-f59dbadbf7b3_text.gif
6cf8a235-0c4d-42fe-92d2-246b9287214d_text.gif
 

The Real Preference

So I got a lot of private messages and emails regarding a portion of my last post about my travels through PA/DE, specifically what I said about Northeast men. If you have not gotten a chance to read my last post, below is the snippet:

This is a Screen Capture, but if you want to read the full details, see HERE.

Blog Snip.PNG

Many of the message were asking me why I have such a bias against southern and west coast men or telling me that I haven’t met the “right” southern guy yet. Let’s be clear…I DON’T HAVE ANY BIAS. My interests with men have much to do with my personal experiences with them, what made/makes me smile, and how I would like for the dynamics of my romantic relationship to be. I just like the dominant nature that many northeast men exude, that doesn’t mean I only prefer them over all or that other men are weak.

This is what I want…

_20200719210119085_save.jpg

I want my partner to be as confidant and as hard working as I am which means we will have our own separate schedules, but we value each other enough to still put aside some quality time and close out the world just for us. I want him to respect me enough to be protective of me when I’m not around, even when he’s upset with me. I want him not shut me down and out when problems arise. I want him to know when I’m being beside myself and to correct me in private. I want him to brush my hair back and look at me with understanding. When we are out, I want him to subtly hold my hand to remind me…“Don’t worry, I’m right here with you”. I want him to know that I adore the forehead kisses and the quiet hugs. I want him to appreciate that I’m going to be beside him and will strive towards progressing together. I want him to admire that I am my own person and welcome my ideas. I want him to know that I bring my own benefits to the relationship and that he does not need to carry us both. I want him to make decisions not just for himself, but for us. I want him to be the man in our relationship and be proud that I am his woman and not shy away at letting people know he loves me. I want him to be protective of me and what we have…and I like getting flowers randomly. — I’ve yet to come across this or even the potential of this…and I refuse to settle for someone who thinks he can be cohesive with my persona, but disregards me when things get a little difficult for his convenience.

rihanna-rolling-up-window.gif

I’m pretty observant with people and their behaviors, especially men.

I hold men of a certain caliber to a higher esteem and when they fall short, it’s rather disappointing.

If I have high standards for myself, shouldn’t I have high standards for the people around me?

P.S. - If he doesn’t read anything I write, is he really into me??? My website is no secret, so if he doesn’t take even a slight interest in something that I created, then how much does he really want to be involved in my life??? I’ve had plenty of men like me and enjoy my company, but when I mentioned my different endeavours, I got little to no feedback. It would make me feel like I was only a face to them.

Meal Suggestion: Eggs in Purgatory

(During quarantine a few of my friends and I have been sharing meal recipes and cooking tips back and forth.)

Cook time is about 25 mins. Preheat the oven at 375 degrees F.

IMG_20200719_091847_245.jpg

  • 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

  • 1 small red onion - diced

  • 3 cloves garlic - minced

  • 1 can reduced-sodium chickpeas - (I didn’t add this when I made this meal)

  • 1 can  tomato pasta sauce - (24 ounces)

  • 1 teaspoon dried oregano

  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt

  • 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes

  • 5 ounces baby spinach

  • 3-4 large eggs (depending on how many people are eating)

  • 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

  • Chopped fresh basil

Heat the olive oil in a large, ovenproof, nonstick skillet over medium-high. Add the onion and cook, stirring often, until the onion is translucent, about 3 minutes. Add the garlic and cook just until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Stir in the tomato sauce, oregano, salt, and red pepper flakes. Bring to a simmer and let cook until slightly thickened. Stir in the spinach and let it wilt. With the back of a spoon, make 4 indentations in the sauce. Crack one egg inside of each, then sprinkle the Parmesan cheese over the whole dish.

Transfer the pan to the oven. Bake until the egg whites are set but the yolks are still soft, 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with fresh basil. Serve hot with baguette or garlic bread slices.

Screenshot_20200501-194810_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200720-083624_Instagram.jpg
 
20200215_204551.jpg
 

The (UN)Birthday Celebrations

 
PicsArt_05-20-08.13.47.jpg
 
PicsArt_05-19-08.41.15.jpg

2020 may not what we expected but, YOU still make it great.

The meaning and significance of the UN-Birthday is derived from Alice in Wonderland. I wrote several thesis statements about this novel. The story has many scenarios that reflect real life experiences and indistinct messages that translate into affirmations. I've pulled quotes from it and have made references to Lewis Carroll in my writings. Disney may have put their own touch on it, but it’s more than just a kids’ story.

  • There has always been a mystery to when my actual birth date is. We know it's in May, the day? Unsure, but most years, I honor what my Thai birth certificate has printed. (In my obstinate nature, I once honored my birthday in November…simply because I want to.) Celebrating an UNbirthday is celebrating a day that's not your birthday...it's celebrating anything you want to.

Those of us who had, have, or will have birthdays during this time, it's okay, just don't add this year to your age, you didn't use it anyway, right? Just kidding, you can still celebrate. Creative Minds, this is your time to shine and show us what happiness within a confined space can look like.

_20200523115106541_save.jpg

I used to have extravagant parties in my early years, spent beyond the budgets. Even in my teenage years, my childhood home had a renovated basement that housed a pool table, a ping-pong table, and a big screen with surround sound — You can image how great those birthday parties were among my peers. As of recently, I have toned it down and decided to only be opulent for major accomplishments (this year being one of them, but a global virus has paused my plans). New experiences I faced have taught me to more acknowledge everyday as a celebration.

When I schedule trips or make reservations, I’m usually asked, “What the occasion?”

My response, “Life.” — If you cannot find a reason to enjoy your day, pull the silver-lining, or see the glass as half full, then you are letting yourself down My Dear.

alice1.gif

I learned to care less about negative criticism and distance myself from bad energy, especially when I am living in a manner that promotes good health and personal progression. Although, that does not mean I’m 100% right or cannot make room for improvements. No matter what stage we are in life, there’s always opportunity for growth — to learn more, to apologize, to forgive, to let go. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s fine, but you have to ask if you agree with yourself?

Don’t underestimate that when you have concerns, others close to you can sense those apprehensions and develop prejudices on your behalf… or against you depending on the relationship you have with a person. If my loved one is bothered by something, I’m bothered by it too whether or not they share all the details with me…I stand front line for my people and have gotten into a bit of trouble in some scenarios, BUT there are limitations to my willingness and support. I do not mind helping someone maneuver through tough issues, but if those issues begin to interfere with my personal beliefs or impact my mental/physical health, I have to separate myself.

Don’t feel bad or have any woes over celebrating endings…

Recently, I stepped away from a friendship of many years because I could no longer emotionally support, agree, and be the “Yes” person to her repetitive questionable decisions and actions; it was affecting how I viewed her as a woman, as a friend and how I viewed myself as a woman and as a friend. Although, I enjoyed the close friendship we once had and there is no love lost on my end, I no longer wish to keep any closeness with this person. Cruel? Maybe. Necessary? Yes. (I am not bothered if I’m being considered the asshole in some situations.)

running away.gif

Wasn't it easier to walk away from people when we were younger? Back then when you called someone, you were calling their house phone and my father vouched for me if I didn't want to talk to someone, click. And the other way to reach me was through a pager where you could only send numeric messages...until a few years later when you could send alphabetical messages — [Yeah, I’m that old and I had to connect my portable CD player to the car's cassette stereo; it was agony anytime you hit a bump in the road.] Or you could confront me in school and have an all out brawl so everyone would know the friendship has been tainted. Then we'd get thrown into the principal’s office, suspended, and back to school with the student body divided into two sides; who was right vs. who was more right. Your peers celebrated you for your feistiness.

Adulting is a bit more complicated, stress ages you quicker, and throwing fists is frowned upon, and apparently it's also unladylike. I read a funny meme that said:

“Fighting is ghetto. I’m pressing charges.”

growth.gif

Yeah, when you come of age there's consequences when playing tough -- there's no celebration if you have aggravated assault charges pending against you and my skincare regiment doesn’t allow for that kind of nonsense. Even though I’m no Spring chicken, nor am I strolling the avenue for lovers half my age or less my caliber to help me feel young (topic reference HERE) — I refuse to look like life was hard on me or that others made it hard for me. Grow through what you go through…and honor that growth.

A celebration is simply an acknowledgment or applause of a succeeded act. Is everyday not an achievement? Why wait for a birth date to celebrate someone or time spent with them? Why wait to celebrate yourself and all you have done? I don’t know who raised me to think I need a new outfit every time anything minor happens, but there are such things a celebrating in private or celebrating in silence. I’ll just wear my new dress to the living room and for my mirror. Several times this year, I celebrated myself without including others; it’s my right to keep things to myself even if it’s good news — I don’t have an active marriage certificate with anyone and I don’t always want to parade myself for people.

At times I think: How important is the show of the celebration vs. the reason behind the celebration? It’s still a celebration nonetheless, right? Is the love different between a public marriage proposal vs. a private proposal? I suppose it depends on the individual(s). Of course if you wish to have a fireworks show, by all means spark the light. To each her own. I find value in intimacy. Have you ever heard the saying:

“A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies.”

20200519_220213.jpg

As I am growing in life, this simple sentiment speaks volumes when it comes to identifying what and how to celebrate. Yes, it refers to men (I frown upon men who lack relative sense and certain disciplines. Sir, have some decency and honor in your behavior.), but it also attributes to humbleness and humility…and that’s what I’m focused on celebrating these days.

Here's to all of you; for being here, there, or anywhere you are and living the best way you can. Triumphing through the uncertainties, helping those around you, not waiting for the storm to pass, but instead learning how to dance in the rain. Congratulations to all that you are.

Screenshot_20200521-123557_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200522-211514_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200521-123614_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200523-003624_Instagram.jpg

Welcome Back…Kinda

 
Travel Protection

Travel Protection

 

Hello Humans, welcome back to the outside. How does the air smell? First, let me get this thought out of the way, “Can somebody’s President PLEASE listen to his speech writers?! I don’t want to make this political because when it comes to politics, I pay attention to the policies not necessarily the person sitting in the seat. But c’mon now — Let’s word things a bit better. Can we at least seem like we have some of the top rated schools in the country?

[If you want to catch a good movie that pokes fun of political stereotypes, stream The Hunt. The movie stars Hillary Swank, but you don't see her until mid scenes. The film has a bit of humor and references George Orwell's Animal Farm which perked my ears when I heard one of the characters say, "She's our Snowball". For those who don't remember or did not study Animal Farm in middle school, the novel is a political satire about the Soviet Union during Communist rule; basically the oppression from government powers.]

Moving on, let’s do a recap:

Jumanji.gif

  • Quarantine orders are lifting (some of you didn’t adhere to them in the first place). Congratulations you’ve completed Level 4 of Jumanji. There’s still talks about us getting another round of the Virus near the end of the year that will couple with Flu and Cold Season — Alrighty then, let’s mask-on and do this! *Keep yourselves protected. (I am in no rush to risk getting sick.)

  • This is my sole opinion but, some people are just idiots when it comes to this whole pandemic; just making the most questionable decisions no matter who it affects. Yeah, not all of us can be heros and we may relate more to the villain, but we don’t have to choose that route. Remember my thoughts in “Everyone Loves the Hero, but No One Forgets the Villain.” Some people are already hard to forget but, others are just senseless.

  • A lot of people and companies are not planning to head back into the office or open their doors any time soon. — Me, I am people.

  • Many small businesses did not survive and were unable to get Relief Loans and yet, huge corporation received emergency funding…..hmmmmm, how did that happen? To the small businesses that not only had a physical location, but also an online retail service for goods and supplies before the pandemic hit, smart moves, you guys were ahead of the curve and already created a stable brand with loyal customers to keep you from plummeting. And credit to those small business owners who had a '“rain day” account and/or whom are deeply connected to their communities that this little setback didn’t hurt much. If you have a business and have not invested in marketing….ya might want to get on that.

  • Those of you who received some of the stimulus aid learned really quick it was not enough. Others are still waiting on their checks. And some people who are getting the extra Unemployment aid are making more money now than when they were working. — I hope you know about budgeting and managing expenses.

  • Mental Health has become a problem and the trauma of the pandemic did not help and within that issue, Domestic Violence cases has gone up (HERE is an organization that helps women financially to leave an abusive relationship.)

heartbreak.gif

  • Some relationships have been tested and facing the brink of failure. A good friend is set to be married this year and his fiance is now questioning their love for one another, but that's not my business to discuss. — Hang in there Homie, you’ll get through it. As I mentioned it in a previous post, Marry Your Bestfriend = Marry someone who you get excited to tell good news to, who you like being around even if you're saying nothing, who tries to understand you, who wants to stand by and work with you through life's changes, who makes you laugh on the hard days, who makes the best days even better, and who can lock eyes with you and you get the feeling of admiration.

  • I’ll keep this PG, but we may see an influx of newborns in DEC/JAN/FEB. -- Hey Babies, Auntie RayRay will be ready to dress you up next summer. We are doing 2 summers next year.

  • The Stock Market is a shit show. I guess I’m not retiring this year. Yet, that didn’t stop me from buying some energy stocks that are now under $10. (See more info on energy stocks HERE.)

  • So many people don’t know how to wear masks properly and I feel like I’m about to go rob a bank anytime I pull my mask up before walking into a building. — “Okay, park the car around back, leave the engine running, I’ll be out with the goods in 14.2 minutes. If I’m not out be then, just head to the meetup spot and wait for my call.”

  • Video conferencing platforms has skyrocketed and is the new phone call: Zoom, Google Meet/Hangouts/Duo, Microsoft Meetings, etc.

_20200506171642699_save.jpg

  • “Club Quarantine” has rescued many of us from going crazy. I added some more 70’s and 80’s songs to my daily playlist. — Don’t think too much on how old I may be, I’m old enough to see that your well-to-do son may be nice, but his well-to-do divorcee father would be a better fit to my life. #WhosYoDaddy

  • TikTok is this thing the kids are using to show off...whatever they like to show off these days. Also, if you were not aware, here is some trivia: TikTok was developed by ByteDance a Chinese corporation that headquarters in Beijing and averages about 7 Billion in revenue a year. ByteDance is valued at US$75 billion, making it the most valuable startup in the world. Zhang Yiming, founded the company in 2012 and is 37 years old. His net worth is 16.2 billion for 2020. WOW. How serious do you think a 16.2 billion dollar man is when conducting business meetings? (No, the company is not publicly traded, I already checked.)

A man once told me:

"The more successful you are, the more people you'll disappoint, the more promises you'll break; not to mention the hearts you'll shatter, and the more of a threat you become. When you are sitting at the top of your success, be prepared for the work that comes with managing the people around you.

He also said to me:

When you put your money away, keep the lower bills on the outside to hide your bigger bills, don't ever talk about how much money you have. Let them assume."

I like it when men give me useful life tidbits. The man who gave me this knowledge owns a NBA team. -- I’m pretty sure he knows what he's talking about.

  • Homeschooling is not for everyone. — Not sure if the case went anywhere but, a few Drexel University students have sued the school over the appropriation of their student loans since now they are tele-learning. When my current institution switched to 100% e-learning, to ensure all on campus students were aware of the procedures, all the faculty sent out emails giving set by step instructions on where to locate materials and how to complete assignments online. I giggled over this because, I’ve been e-learning the whole time with my program and some of the instructions seemed very grade school. Also, let’s see about my NEXT degree. Yup, might as well go back in for another round. Hey, why not? I hear Harvard has a good Business program or because of the rising issues with mental wellness, I may revisit what my first degree started. Don’t worry, I’ll offer a discount on your first therapy session.

  • Alcohol deliveries will continue indefinitely in some areas. — Goodness, I don’t know who all is raising the upcoming generations but, let’s try to be functional drinkers….for the kids.

  • Some of you are really good cooks, I applaud you. I've been taking extra time to make my plates photogenic.

  • I began curating Essential Packs for busy women in mid February and since then I’ve been working with nonprofits to get these packs to women involved in their organizations. Plus, I’ve been able to connect with new vendors for other essential items to include into your daily routines.

  • When I feel it’s my time to go out into the world, I may just disappear for 2 months. — Don’t send a search party and don’t tag my phone, the signal will be diverted. I promise I will be safe. I’ll mail out postcards; Wish you were here!

Lastly, I love all your emails. Thank you.

 
Screenshot_20200508-175520_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200507-095200_Instagram.jpg
20200509_095030.jpg
Screenshot_20200508-175443_Instagram.jpg
 

Mental Health During a Pandemic

 
 

Working from home is becoming the new normal for many of us. In a previous post, “Make it Work Anywhere” I discuss how important it is to stay productive when you are not in a traditional office setting. I cannot envision myself not working. Yet, the sentiment is slightly different because of the uncertainty around us and not knowing how soon we can get back to normal. T-shirts have become my new daily office look, but if I have a video call, I do make an attempt to be business friendly. I've not resorted to turning a pillow into an outfit, so we are all still safe.

Even though these are worrisome times, I find a bit of satisfaction thinking how the grocery store clerks are part of this under acknowledged group of HEROS. It hurts my heart when I see people mistreat customer service workers and belittle them or speak to them in condescending tones. You really have to be a descendant of evil to be so ugly towards people, especially people you don't know and are just coming to do their jobs and go home. Don't get me wrong, there are a few customer service workers who start off with bad attitudes and should probably just stay home, but different age groups from teenagers to elders are getting up to restock shelves or prepare to-go orders so WE can continue to eat and maintain our lives the best way we can.

And how are you processing your new lives? Did you create yourself a routine? Are you finding ways to connect with people from afar? Most importantly, how is your mental wellness? Even before the Stay At Home orders were made, I’m sure many of us faced certain issues with depression, anxiety, addiction, obsessive compulsiveness, etc., so it doesn’t help that we are restricted to mainly be in one place all day, everyday. I keep thinking about the short story by Edgar Allen Poe called, The Pit and the Pendulum. Although the story is much darker than what we are facing…and referencing Poe may give you a little insight on the levels that my mind can go to…it’s the idea of feeling trapped and not know what is to happen to us or what is to occur next. Our minds can really lead us to dreary places. Here is an article form CNN Health that talks about how long term isolation can affect us mentally.

Scooby Doo.gif

As Scooby-Doo has taught us, monsters are always humans in disguises. We can really become different people if we allow our struggles to get the best of us. I was speaking with my aunt who is a health care professional and she stated that being separated from the world can pose issues with mental wellness and exacerbate any existing conditions. This can be dangerous for yourself and for others around you.

Mental health also correlates with domestic violence. Here is a article from The New York Times that talks about how domestic violence has increased during this pandemic. People who were in abusive situations before the COVID-19 outbreak are now ‘ordered’ to stay in with their abusers. This is a scary thought and I pray for anyone who is in this predicament. I place no judgments on anyone who stays in troubled relationships; people will have reasons that may not make sense to anyone else. All of us think, behave, and react differently. Telling someone to leave an abuser is most of the time easier said than done, it reaches deeper than a physical fear; there is a dependency component that conditions the mind to excuse or accept pain. Even if it is not an abusive environment, an unhealthy relationship is also a problem. (HERE is an organization that helps women financially to leave an abusive relationship.)

marry your bestfriend.gif

I read a comment that said: “You will begin to understand why they said to marry your best friend.” As couples are spending more time at home with one another, tensions may rise, arguments may happen because stress levels are off the charts with us now trying to figure out how to manage our responsibilities within the same four walls everyday. But, your best friend will know you; know how to speak with you, know how to comfort you, know how to help you stay calm, and know how to still make you feel great during hard times. They won't turn their back on you and let you cope alone and they won't find ways to stay away from you because they feel your stress interferes with their stress…again, marry your best friend. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil of people out of work and/or people dealing with the virus directly. Thank you to all essential workers.

Let us not forget how the kids are being affected by all of this. They face stress, anxiety, and possible depression symptoms as well...and what if they are in abusive conditions? (Brain, don’t dwell on those thoughts.) Many schools have created meal distribution plans to provide families food; families who may not be able to afford several meals throughout all of the days for their children…How is this not heartbreaking to think about? When I can, I volunteer for organizations that help under-served families. I recall helping build a home for a single mother with three small children. I pray they are all doing well during this crisis.

With the younger generations, most of their lives are infused with some type of social activity or interaction. I spoke with a friend in Georgia and the school district in his area is remaining closed for the rest of the year (as many districts may be doing also) and the school board is automatically advancing students to the next grade. What about the seniors though? Proms and graduations are cancelled…I didn’t care much for things like that when I was in high school, I went to my prom for about an hour and was quickly over it. As extroverted as I can be, I have more peace with my introverted side.

IMG_20180912_072017_469.jpg

My godson is a senior this year, his graduation was supposed to be taken place at my previous university, University of Delaware, but his mother told me all ceremonies have been cancelled. That’s rough. I am still going to find a way to go visit him and celebrate him. I’m graduating with my next degree this summer and I’ve already gotten emails from the University that there will be an online ceremony…I wasn’t planning on attending or walking anyway, so this doesn’t bother me at all. I didn’t do it for the show, I did it for the accolade, so just go ahead and mail me my papers, Thank you.

Mental health should not be taken lightly. You know the saying, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste” but it is a wonderful thing to invest in. If you are long time readers of my words, then you know how much I emphasize about taking care of yourself and paying attention to your well being. If you are facing any form of mental concerns or fighting internal demons, it’s best to find a healthy outlet, practice new or different coping regiments. Do something or call someone who helps you feel calm.

PicsArt_04-09-05.01.53.jpg

DO NOT let this pandemic turn you into someone you cannot pull yourself away from. Our minds will be boggled with many thoughts….relax. My best advice is to have a personal mantra, something that keeps your aura positive. For me, I need to stay busy for the majority of my time, whether it’s working, ironing out the specifics of my businesses, playing with a hobby, or research/reading. I have my episodes of being overly stressed, anxiety kicking in, my breathing gets tight, I’m worrying about if the email to the staff was clear and if I should have revised it eight more times, then I’m panicking over quality of my work and if I executed with my full potential. What if I was in someone else's shoes and this pandemic severely affected me? What if I was someone who has been furloughed and doesn't know how they will pay all their bills. Even with the stimulus money and unemployment checks, it still may not be enough for many people...I would break down. And what if I had a loved one on a hospital bed with COVID-19? I’m not confident my strength would hold on to me through all that.

It is really hard for me to pull myself back when I’m spiraling through my mind and I have been at a stage where I needed outside help. My mental wellness was suffering. I learned to STOP whatever I am doing, I sit down, lean against a wall, or lay down and I close my eyes for a few minutes and tell my brain to go black. I breathe slowly in and out and I keep 'talking’ to myself, “Relax, breathe, be still, relax, breathe, be still.” I keep doing this until my heart starts beating regularly again and until I begin to feel less tense.

Then, I get back to what I was doing with a clearer mind OR I stop for the rest of the day, possibly a few days, and maybe a quick getaway if I can manage it. I don't do my best if I am not at my best; I’m no good when I’m no good, ya hear what I’m saying?

 
_20200411000337403_save.jpg
 

I truly believe what we are currently experiencing will change the shape of how we live, work, and communicate with one another especially with our friends, families and/or partners.

Stay Safe. Stay Healthy.

 

There is a serious message in this video but, it was mainly created for lighthearted humor.

 

Social Distancing

 
Shirt: Target | Blazer: H&M | Sweatpants: Sorella Boutique | Shoes: Steve Madden

Shirt: Target | Blazer: H&M | Sweatpants: Sorella Boutique | Shoes: Steve Madden

 

03/26/2020 Update:

  1. Senate approves $2 Trillion stimulus deal to help US. See HERE with live updates available.

  2. With how the economy looks right now, would this be a good time to discuss finances with your significant other or even revisit certain money topics with your spouse? (Sharing Finances Article)...Devil's Advocate?

  3. Anyone else having odd dreams during this crisis? (What Dreams May Come Article)

How is everyone? Crazy times huh?

This COVID-19 Pandemic has exploded much more than many of us probably anticipated. States are shutting down and implementing “Shelter in Place” or “Stay at Home” regulations, parks and streets are practically empty, we can only order pick-up or delivery from our favorite restaurants, some of them are even becoming corner stores by providing the essentials like milk, water, and other needs. Bars are resorting to creating “drink kits” to make your favorite drinks at home to keep sales going, entrepreneurs are taking to social media to push sales, schools and companies are closing doors and encouraging online interaction and remote work.

PSX_20200324_201516 cropped.jpg

HELPFUL TIP: Keep the camera off if you are going to do personal things like using the bathroom, and mute your mic if you are having a side conversation, and lastly be presentable if your are doing a video call. I’ve been video chatting and conferencing with people to keep some form of social interaction going. Although, I never had an issue with being distant, I enjoy my solitude…maybe a little too much…but since this has become my only option, I don’t like being told, “No, you can’t go outside.” It's like I'm grounded and being punished for something I didn't do. Yet, people all over are finding ways to stay entertained while being sanctioned indoors. Legendary DJ D-Nice made headlines when he hosted a live stream house party to encourage keeping spirits up.

Who could have imagined this is where we would be right now? I’ve set up my home office, organized my playlists and finished a few books. I also try to escape every now and then just to get some fresh air. We are facing something that our generation, younger generations, and many older generations have never faced before. It’s worrisome. I have been having a hard time sleeping just thinking about everything this virus is effecting and how our lives are basically placed on pause until this dies down.

With the Government grounding us…for our own good…a few days ago, I sent all my loved ones emails about tips and thoughts to stay “normal” during Social Distancing. For those who I did not have email addresses for, I sent a short text messages letting them know they were all in my thoughts. We have no clue how long this is going to last, but it will pass, Stay Positive.

Here is a little excerpt of the email I sent:

Keep Yourself on a Schedule:

PSX_20200324_223553.jpg

  • If you're working from home, this is really important. If you wake up, exercise, eat, etc. at a certain time, keep that same routine.

  • Keep your same work hours active.

  • DO NOT stay in your PJs all day.

  • Ladies, still maintain your beauty routines: hair, nails, facial cleansing, etc.

  • Men, same for you. I don't know what you guys do to stay appealing, but keep at it kid. 

  • The main thing is not to become too comfortable and be unmotivated to do anything. The air is still breathable, you can step outside for a bit, take a walk, ride a bike, make a store run. (Stay within your cities safety protocols.)

Keep Your Kids on a Schedule:

  • If you have small children, keeping them on a schedule will keep them mentally ready and active for whenever they return to school.

  • Some school districts are creating online learning resources which is GREAT, but parents, DON'T STRESS YOURSELF OUT trying to keep up with their lessons.

  • At best, READ to and with your children...everyday

  • Allot for time away from TV, tablets, and computers.

  • If you are home together, get them on the same eating and break schedule as you.

Another topic I added in the email was to not give in to reconnecting with people who are not good for you. You want to connect with people who mainly had/have a positive presence in your life. Don’t rekindle anything toxic. If you fell out with someone, think about who they were to you and if having them in your life makes you feel like they contribute to you being a better person. If yes, then by all means, mend that connection. Every relationship (friends, family, lovers) will have its ups and down, but what side out weighs the other and what type of communication do you want to have moving forward? A simple “How are you?” will suffice and depending on the response you receive, it will give you an idea on where their thoughts are.

PSX_20200324_194203 cropped.jpg

*This next bit is a little off topic, but a thought was triggered. Do you know what I miss? I miss being courted (see what I did here?), I miss getting butterflies because of someone making an effort to see me smile. I'm all for Women's Rights and independence, but I draw the line at tipping the scales or changing the tone of "boy meets girl". Before college, I entertained the idea of going into broadcast journalism. A young man who was sweet on me listened to how excited I was about this potential career and gifted me with a microphone with my name engraved onto it for my birthday. I don’t know where that young man is today, we didn’t keep in touch; we were kids then and our attention span for each other was limited, but I’ll always remember that gift and the thought he put into it. In elementary school I also remember my classmate, who was a really good sketch artist, drawing me pictures of Winnie the Pooh and all the characters in that cartoon as his way of saying he liked me. I don’t know where that young man is either. I hope both gentlemen are doing well, they had very caring hearts.

Back to real time, the government has pushed through a stimulus packet, see HERE for more information. Although, make sure to learn all the details, if you make above a certain salary, you may not get near $1000 and it’s likely that you may have to pay that amount back…In that case, you can keep my check, I’m good…. There will also be relief for companies and small businesses, but again, be sure to learn all the details because much of this relief will be in the forms of low interest loans.

PSX_20200324_230349.jpg

Remember in the start of the year when I reflected on how 2019 was a dud? (Reference Adieu 2019). Welp, 2019 was a dud, but 2020 has really shown it’s ass so far, especially for me with some of the things I faced before COVID-19 came to town. Like damn, 2020, who hurt you?! Can I make it up to you in some way? Do you need a hug? I want off this ride. If 2020 was a person, it'd be that kid who runs around the store screaming while his momma ignores the noise and just keeps shopping; why couldn't you just come in, sit down, be quiet and not touch anything?

Prayers to all the Essential Workers, such as medical staff who are still out here facing this virus head on. Prayers to those who are losing business because of this. Prayers to those who have family who are susceptible to contracting COVID-19. Prayers to those who do have this virus. Prayers to ease our concerns sooner rather than later. We will overcome this.

To bring some light, here are some funnies:

*By the way, the main thing that I am most interested in seeing when this is all over is how everyone is going to act. How many epic parties and social gatherings do you see yourself partaking in? Send me an invite, I may show up. I have so many dresses just waiting to get out of the packaging…Online shopping didn’t fully shut down.

Below is a video message from Philadelphia's King Hype Man, Jason Kelce (NFL Eagles Center).

 
 
Screenshot_20200319-211910_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200321-133334_Instagram.jpg
Covid 19 commute.jpg
Screenshot_20200324-152257_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200324-152337_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200324-152403_Instagram.jpg

Women

 
PSX_20200313_092645 wide.jpg
 

Women's History Month is an annual declared month that highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. It is celebrated during March in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia, corresponding with International Women's Day on March 8th.

PSX_20200222_202357.jpg

What does it mean to be a woman?

Does it mean we get the shorter end of the stick, that we eat last, that we support others before supporting ourselves, that we adhere to society's standards?

No.

Being a woman means we wield more power that what we realized. We are more needed than what some of our predecessors may have acknowledged. We are more intuitive, more intelligent, and more willing than ever before.

When we play by the rules, we're good. When we defy the odds we're better.

It's no longer the men who are dominant, women have taken the role of stepping forward and making a difference.

PSX_20200222_200954.jpg

At home, we manage our households and everything that’s included. In business, we keep climbing ladders and everything that’s included in that. In between those realms, we juggle our hopes, dreams, ambitions, right next to our friends, families, relationships, and inner peace. There's an abundance of expectations for women, especially when we're hard workers, dependable, and supportive. We are constantly at battle to prove that we can handle whatever life may throw at us. We deal with so many obstacles as women; some in public, some in private. That's why I can’t stand for people to say to me, "I can't deal with this." You can’t deal with what? Life? Especially, people who volunteered themselves to you in some way and now want to recant. Well, I'm sorry YOU cAn'T dEaL and I’m sorry I'm not as easy as you want me to be, actually, No, I’m not sorry about that but, I know a few places where you can pick up some easy women who don’t have a their minds full, should I send you some info? I have no patience for fair weather people whom are only around when things are good or just to feed their narcissistic needs.

You men aren't the only ones who do things around here, let's be very clear about that. Unless it's a young girl working entry level retail still finding her way in life and needs a little assistance, Women who've started laying down platforms have a lot to think about too. So save me the bullshit about you not being able to deal. I run circles around your life because I get my recommended six to eight hours of sleep so that my cognition and my consciousness stay healthy.

in need of leader loki.gif

People (men) who think they can just push through all the time aren’t taking care of themselves and are in denial of it. Having the discipline to wake up early at the same time everyday is a success move, but not getting enough sleep is foolish and becomes detrimental to your health which further affects everything you do. One of the books I’m reading called “Why We Sleep” by Matthew Walker PhD goes into extreme detail about why giving your body rest is important in our efforts to take on the world. When you don’t get enough rest, it affects your eating habits, your hastiness, your ability to hold constructive conversations, your patience to understanding, your memory, it can also impact mood swings and lead to depression, anxiety, or even long term neurological disorders. Your brain becomes ‘simple’ and it gets harder for you to handle complex thoughts, let alone complex situations. Ya see where I’m going here? I’m not pulling tricks out of a magic hat, there’s been extensive research on this. I wrote about getting rest last year and it is still relevant, see HERE. Why do you think women are such strong advocates of “Self-Care”? We didn’t make up this notion just to have an excuse to go to the spa and take vacations. There is a science behind it and we proactively study it. You need time for yourself? Take it. You want to just hang out with the boys? Do it. You want alone time with you and your kids? I encourage it. You can't be the best you if you don't give back to yourself. And if you are not the best You, then you're half-ass to everyone else.

With me being the type of woman that I am, I'm not for the weak, I want the best for people but, if you are not willing to help yourself, I can only take but so much until I need to save myself. My personality is strong, I don't always listen and I talk back more than I should, but I am aware of myself and agree that there are aspects of me that others find difficult to understand. I also don't ask for much and don't require much attention. I match energies, if you get bold, I get bolder. If you don't trust me, I definitely don't have much in you either. It goes to the old saying, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Don't expect something that you are not willing to give in return. And if you have someone who is always giving without asking for much back, consider them a blessing. I've learned that asking little of someone can be asking too much of the wrong person.

Women Support.gif

Women have always found a way. If not for themselves, then for others. We find the strength, the courage, the confidence, and the resources to shape what is needed for us to be well. Men may mock us for overthinking or being too intuitive, but many of us women like strategy and backup plans. Think of this, if women didn’t have so many options for birth control, how much effort would men really take to protect themselves? …………? …………..? When it comes to being taught about how to live and care for ourselves, girls are given different lessons from the boys. It's no secret that girls mature quicker than their counterpart, so when the older man is pursuing the younger woman, who should know better?

With many of us embarking into our own businesses or landing executive roles, we are paving the way for other women to do the same, but we hold the responsibility of setting the standards so that the next woman can achieve the same success. We can't get too comfortable. We can't give people reasons to lose confidence in what women are capable of. We also can't mix business with pleasure, that's one of the tops rules of success. And as far as dating goes, women should date across or up and never down, but dating where you work or do business....ummm, doesn't always work out for the best. Related post HERE.

As far as we have come and as much as we have accomplished, Women still have long roads ahead. Here's to us, the battles we've won, the battles we've lost, and the battles we've yet to face. Let the weak stay in the back to learn from our examples. Let the strong be our mentors and lead us up.

 
YES.gif
 
 
 

"Some of y'all ain't never had a real b*tch and it shows..." - Jhene Aiko

KB.Text.jpg

In loving memory of a supportive friend who was never anything less…

This is Not a Dating Place

Dress: JLux Label | Shoes: Calvin Klein

Dress: JLux Label | Shoes: Calvin Klein

There is all sorts of inappropriate behavior in the workplace. Many of us are immune to it because we are not offended by it although, it doesn't excuse bad behavior. Bad behavior...by policy guidelines.

I'm sure somewhere in your employment history, you've discussed religion and politics or have overheard coworkers immersed in conversation over those topics. And at happy hour, you may have gotten to chummy with someone in another department. Be very careful with what you say and do outside of the office, sometimes people will interpret the wrong message. As personable as I am, I keep my lines very defined between business and personal.

So then, what about dating in the workplace? Is it still a taboo topic? Do we not address it at all until it affects the business? More often than not, I hear of employees dating each other and it becoming a debacle. When the news gets to me, it's like an episode of Jerry Springer and I'm trying to separate two feuding children. I don't know who is right and who is wrong but, I know they can't work together or further cause disruption in the workplace.

Usually in many companies fraternizing with coworkers is frowned upon because it can lead to a shift in performance. Not to mention pursuing your employees is also a big risk and can do damage to your position. Keeping it professional is the expectation. Anytime I hear of a colleague take interest in someone at work, I voice my concerns and tell the person to be careful of their actions.

About 85% of the people I work with are married and the other 15%....No, thank you. Again, I don't mix business with pleasure and I certainly don't interfere with a marriage...for those of you who think little of someone's marriage, see my disgust on the topic HERE. (One should never be so voided of reality and morals to want the attention of someone's spouse. With all the people in the world, you want the one you can't have?) I understand people will do as they desire, but I don’t have to accept it for myself.

TheOfficeFlirting.gif

We've heard stories of the high power CEO making way at the young receptionist and the brawls between two women who are seeing the same executive. Humans, I tell ya, animals.

Is it worth it? I suppose I can understand that you see these people more often than you may see your friends or family and you become well acquainted with the people you work with. You have similar interests and joke with each other to get through the day. Maybe my thinking is too strict, but unless I was married to you before we began working together, than I have no interest in a relationship with anyone I work with. And how do you date someone who works for you? It's like you are paying them to be your companion, do they get extra benefits for good performance? Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm being facetious. I do however agree that women should date across and up, but not down, and for the sake of my argument, we should still date outside of workplace. Ladies, if you want him that badly, find another job or have thick skin for the scrutiny you may receive.

PicsArt_02-15-10.46.03.jpg

Now with so many dating sites that you can maneuver through right in the palm of your hands, you can sort through thousands of people in your area (Not me and don’t look for me. I signed up for one dating app for a few months in 2013, I got tired of it pretty quickly. I didn't have a bad experience, I also wasn't expecting much. I did meet some nice people, some of whom I've become friends with and still keep in touch with, others realize they weren’t getting anywhere with me and found their own exits. I'm currently not a member of any dating apps. If you see my picture, then my dear, you are being catfished. That has actually happened before. A story for another day.) You also run the chance of seeing your coworkers on these sites and other people you know from different places. A friend of mine once matched with his professor, awkward.

noNono.gif

But how do we separate our personal interests from our professional domains? Are some of us not able to control the chemical imbalances that urge us to act like primates? Am I the outcast here? Because I don't look for romance at my place of business? If I work with you, above you, or for you, I'm most certainly not interested in you. I feel it to be an uncomfortable notion. Although, there are people who've met at work, married one another, and....well, I don't know those endings for no one in my circle has married someone they worked with. But I'm just going to go on to say, it's a safe bet not to date people you work with.

Related articles: Business Woman to Business Wife | The Busy Woman | The Boys Club

No dating the in the Workplace.gif

Getting a Divorce is NOT the Same as Being Divorced

Screenshot_20200219-114201_Instagram.jpg

I follow a female social group on Instagram (@the_socialtea) They host fun-filled educational and empowerment events for women in different cities. Sometimes they encourage discussions online such as the one I am going to emphasis in this post.

"Is Dating a Married Man Who’s Going Through a Divorce Acceptable?”

As I read through the comments, it was a mix of “Yes, sometimes divorces can be prolonged.” and “No, it’s not okay, he needs time to heal…karma is real…and he is still married.” I didn’t place any judgment on any of the women, but I will admit I was a little disappointed with some of the comments. I do know of women who willingly and actively date married men, but those women are not any of my good friends.

I am on the side of NO, it is not acceptable no matter the state of a man’s marriage, he needs to close that chapter and sort out his emotions before seeking another companion or even dating. Even if you are just “talking” it’s still wrong. Don’t feel like you need to be his comfort, you are his diversion. The second you know a man is married, he is UNATTAINABLE. I do not care if you have history with this man or whatever he is telling you about his wife or their marriage (btw, a man who discusses his personal issues about his woman to other women is not honorable.) He chose to marry a woman who is NOT YOU and he should address any matters about their marriage with her, especially if they are going through a divorce. A woman who entertains a married man is THE OTHER WOMAN. Your fight in the triangle is not balanced. You have NO Legal, Financial, or Emotional Claim to him. Yes, I mention emotional because although he may be a “nice” guy but his true emotional barrings are not practical towards you. Here is an article about 5 Things to Expect When You Get Involved With a Married Man.

_20200219224501265_.jpg

Let me give you some background on me and my previous life of being someone’s wife: Still in my 20’s and after 9 years, I finally came to realize I was not in a healthy home or relationship. In the 9 years, we did have a time of separation where my partner did see other people as did I. When we decided to reconcile, everything was good for a short period but, as any toxic relationship, the same issues were still there. Instead of confiding in me, the father of my children decided to lean on other women because it was too much for him to face me and resolve issues with me, so he chose to go where the less tension was. It was a nasty time in my life, I did not like who I was and my state of mind was unrecognizable. Even though I knew I needed to let go of this man, it did not help matters knowing that other women wanted him and did not care that he was with me. For some reason they felt “entitled” to him because they had developed a type of relationship with him. And these women were very adamant with telling me everything my partner was telling them and the times they have spent with him. Well guess what, I didn’t give a damn what they were saying or that my husband was making the worst decisions for himself and our family, the fact of the matter is we were still together and these women were on the outside wanting to come in. It was a different level of anger and it wasn’t towards my husband, it was towards these women who thought they wanted my position. (Let me tell you a secret that is not so secret, all of them are not fully happy with result of their choices.)

wedding.gif

Here’s is a reality check for women who want attention from a married man: He chose to marry HER, not YOU. It does not matter if you knew him before he was married or met him afterwards, you are now making yourself be a second option. You want what you think is great because you see or speak to him in a limited capacity. You only see your point of view and want what you think someone else took from you or is keeping from you, but you are not seeing the toxic nature of what this man is doing to his wife and to you. And Sis, he most likely is reaching out to you because he knows you want him to and you let him. It doesn’t matter if he tells you he loves you and wants to be with you; he is still in a relationship that he needs to end before moving forth with a new one.

Yes, much of my distaste for this is due to my own real life experiences, but I have also not been the character to want, need, or crave the attention of a married man. I have married friends, some of which I am only friends with the husband or was friends with the husband first, but I never cross the line, and the biggest reason for that is I HAVE STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES FOR MYSELF. The fck I look like going after a married man? I have great fun with my married friends and respect their unions with their chosen partners and all marriages are different from the next, but I will never be The Other Woman.

There may be scenarios of women finding love in a married man and having happiness with him at the end or hearing of women putting up with a man’s emotional dysfunctions and eventually it works out. These are your “safety nets” and not very common, but if those safety nets make you feel better about your decisions, then hang on to them. Although think of this, if you have to adjust your wants and needs to shift how a man acts or responds to you, then you have shown him that you are willing to compromise yourself for him, so what else wouldn’t you do? You already blurred the lines of your independence and if you are that woman, never say things such as, “I wouldn’t let my husband do….” Really Sis? You are already letting him affect your good judgment and if you want him badly enough, you will continue to suppress reality and compromise yourself for him. Remember the saying, “How you get him is how you lose him.” and will you be okay with him being your partner if this is the behavior his is displaying with you? How confident are you in this married man of yours?

Now if a man did not tell you he was married, that is a different type of turmoil and again, if he’s married, he’s MARRIED. Get out now and get out quickly. Therapy will help. I can emphasis that I cannot dictate what others do; it’s your life and you do as you will with it, BUT if you are my friend who is doing this, I don’t have to agree with it or continue to accept you the same way in My life. I cannot speak for another woman or of her feelings towards a man, but I do have higher expectations for women than I do of men, especially for my friends. If you know a man is married and continue to want to develop a courtship with him, that’s fine for you, but I need freedom from that energy because I cannot look at you the same anymore. There is an insecurity there that I cannot help you through.

PSX_20200216_222533.jpg

Ladies, there are so many ways to fulfill your life with happiness but, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, you will struggle with finding that happiness with anything or anyone. After leaving my ex, it took me a long time to find myself, recharge my core values, and be reminded that….

“I AM THAT BITCH! I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m funny, I don’t take myself too seriously, I can dress to the nines, I’m a damn good mother, and I’m a great friend. I’m there for you if you need me and if I can’t be there, I make it up later on. BUT, I am not going to deplete my energy for you or because of you; that is where I draw the line. It doesn’t matter if you are a lover, a friend, or a family member. I KNOW MY VALUE. I AM A TREASURE.”

My ex has tried to come back into my life a few times. We have children with together, so I cannot completely avoid him, but my communication is limited and rare. I do not play on his advances or give him any opportunity to think I am open to rekindling anything with him. I’m at peace and I’m going to remain here.