Be Strong For Them, Be Soft For Him

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead. *My voice is still not 100%. 🤒

Being a woman of several achievements I have to maintain a strong presence in front of people, but I also have to show softness because….I am a woman. But you have to be selective with who you show your vulnerabilities to. You don’t want to get into a situation where you shown all your vulnerabilities to someone and they turn it against you to make themselves look better. You never know who has your best interest at heart or who even really is sharing their heart with you. Of course I'm talking about men in this regard. I’ve published many topics on what I want from a man and although most men may fit the standard they become complacent after some time and forget all the things they did you catch your interest. 😒

Dress | toxicenvyboutique.com

The last man I was involved with, we would sort of phase in and out with each other for over a span of many years and there were at least 2 points where we were really into each other like investing into what we both like and wanting to see each other and that was when we first met which was very unexpected because neither one of us anticipated keeping in touch for so long and the second time was when we reconnected after not speaking for a period of time. We would have our highlight moments and our mellow moments and I can admit there were definitely times when I was extremely vulnerable with him especially when there was a point where I had to make a decision that affected both of us and I was almost in pieces during that time. A lot of people don’t know or have never known my weakness or seen any or all of my weak moments, not even to my family. — Now that I’m really sit here and think about those times, it’s like, “What the fck was I doing?” 😵 Because that is always a concern of mine is letting someone see my vulnerabilities and fearing that they treat it like it’s nothing. But you know what? I do not regret showing him my weaknesses and being vulnerable to him in different ways because at those times, I felt completely comfortable with him, I trusted him, and I believed in him. And even though we are no longer involved in the same way now, we are civil, and regardless of what he thinks of me, I’m okay with him knowing that part of me because he was who I was sharing myself with at that time.

I told a friend that I don’t know how to act when I bring the “girls” out.

This is why I do not treat sex as just sex. I am allowing you into my life, I’m sharing my time with you, my personal space, my thoughts, my visions, my moods, my whole personality. I can’t just close off parts of me and still let you sleep with me. I can close myself off to others because they are not experiencing me the same way. Where I may have to maintain a certain persona for others, I should be able to let my guard down to someone I’m intimate with, right? Who I am in my professional life, my work life, my family life, and even my social life is different that who I am as a lover. I want to be able to relax around someone and not feel like I still have to maintain a rock exterior because he doesn’t want to embrace my softer side.

Ladies, you don’t want someone who wants you to fit his mold, you want to show your softness to someone who doesn’t have a mold. Someone who knows your day was shitty and still finds a way to make you laugh or feel better in some way. You don’t want someone who dismisses your vulnerabilities, but yet still expects you to understand when they’re feeling low. I told you earlier the last man I was with we were very much into each other in the beginning, talking to each other frequently, excited to see each other and would just completely enjoy each other. This is how you want it with someone, but not just in the beginning, you want it throughout the whole duration of your time together. You want someone who still shows they care after the first few weeks or months, for instance, I’ve been under the weather the last few days, I would have loved for a man to come bring me food or warm up my comforter or even simply asked if I needed anything just to make me feel better. I love it when a man wants to be present for me…I mean he’ll need to fight past my initial refusal for help, but after he conquers that, he may as well just go ahead an conquer me. — I’ll admit it, I’m on some bs when it comes to asking for help or saying I need someone. I’m working on it, never said I was perfect. 🥺

No, it won’t be rainbows and sunshine everyday with someone, I’m sure I’ve said that before, but if you both make it a point to clear the clouds for each other, then being vulnerable with that person should feel natural, don’t fight it. I had to learn this: when you avoid opening up and not showing your softer side to someone who wants to care, it can cause people to become closed off to you. So you don’t want to be destructive and block your blessings by feeling like you still have to be strong when you have someone who is willing to hold you when you’re not.

I want to end with this thought: Sometimes what we want isn’t what we need and I think this is a lesson we just keep having to learn because with what we want, it is what motivates us and pushes us; what we want is a goal, but what we need tends to humble us, keeps us grounded, and reminds us that we don’t have to be so hard all the time. And if you think about it, sometimes the people we butt heads with the most are the people who are more like us. Either that, or it’s people who want us to be our best and tries to get us out of our comfort zones, but we keep going back and forth with them because we don’t want to go out of our comfort zones.

I embrace every year that I age. I’m so happy I didn’t get into any drugs or smoking, or damaged my organs, and that I took care of my skin because I have seen people younger than me look like they surpass me by at least 10 years. And I love a man who appreciates a woman aging gracefully.

Sometimes people can see when we are not living up to who they know we can be, those are the people who pay attention to us. I tend to question my friends when I see them doing things or surrounding themselves with people who don’t highlight their best traits. One of my friends has people around him that he has know for a few years and I’m not too keen on them, I don’t really share my opinion on it because he considers them as friends and he has fun with them and that’s great, but I do feel like those people kind of drain him and I know people who have known him for 15 plus years and they are the caliber of people who can attest to his character because they’ve been around him and seen him in many scenarios. Although, those fun, free-loving people are cool to pass the time with, there is a limit to how much we allow them into our lives. No matter what type of a connection I may have with someone, if they don’t have the same types of things going on in their lives that I have to account for or be responsible of, then there is only but so much I can relate with them.

Friends should not have to tiptoe around each other when we are making questionable moves. I want you to be great because I know you can be better than what your are showing me right now. — No reason to get upset or defensive with people when they are just trying to open up to you because they see something that isn’t good for you, they are just trying to look out for you because they care. So in this sense, allow people who care about you to point out your vulnerabilities and weaknesses because they just want you to be the best you can possibly be.

---

Appearing Acts

Ever have someone just pop up in your life unexpectedly. Someone new or maybe someone you've already met before who you haven’t seen or spoken to in a long time? But either way, they just appear and make you rethink so many things. - Things you never considered before, things you've avoided, or things that no one else has made you think about. Who was it, where is this person now, and what's his name? 😆🤣

I'm referring to the person as a man because it's usually someone of the male persona that gets us women outside of ourselves. Sometimes for good change and sometimes…well, just for change. Get it?

If you recall a recent post ‘Men Are Demons’ then you were introduced to my distain of when men just pop up and halt your whole world and then when you make adjustments for them, they turn around and act like they never asked you to do any of it. — No Sir, you did not ask me, but as a person who wanted to make you feel comfortable in my life and around me, I made changes to accommodate you. Here’s the thing, anytime there is someone in your life who you spend any time with, you are actively making changes because you are making space for them in your life, whether it is a temporary space or long term space, there are still actions you take to welcome them. And they should be doing the same for you especially if you both want to continue to be significant in each other’s lives. *There are people who need many special names in their phone; I only need 1 that keeps me company from time to time. For instance a man inviting a different woman out rather than inviting the same woman. What would be more foolish of the man is when the women know each other. At that point you’re dealing with someone that doesn’t have direction or still wants to live in his youth and hides behind the thought of “just being nice”.

Men Are Stupid

-

Men Are Stupid -

Women don’t have a problem submitting. You’re just not the one she wants to submit to.

I don’t always like surprises, but I like to be surprised, does that make sense? For instance when someone exceeds my expectations or does something I did not think that were capable of doing, or goes against what he would normally do just to see me smile. Like when I am having a bad day and there’s flowers at my door when I get home with a sweet note, or better yet, he’s shows up with dinner in hand. Or if I am out at happy hour and I feel a random hug embrace me or when he reaches out for my hand to help me out of a car, in a car, out of a chair, walking into a room…whatever. To be honest, lately my expectations for men are very low. I’ve seen so many versions of them that it’s hard to believe who they really are. They may behave one way with you, but then you see them shift with other people. And when you ask about it, they feel you are being invasive. — I’ve been told that when a man is fully for you, he won’t have you questioning your place in his mind or heart.

I think in all my years of witnessing men in different scenarios, there is no making sense in what they do or say, they just…exist. And sometimes they think they are doing something admirable, but in reality, it’s inconsiderate. You just have to figure out how their existence benefits your life when they casually stroll in to it. A man is an option, not a definition for a woman and once you realize that, you also realize your worth. There is always a lesson in everything, people can change you, You decide how that change develops.

---

Women and The Sum of All Fears

There has always been and unfortunately may always be a stigma of women not being held to the same regards as men even if we hold more leverage. The importance of our value and safety is considered but not always sought through. Women don't like to be limited in what they can do and we also don't like to be regarded in less significant categories. Sometimes when I speak to my male friends about these concerns, I get shut down. I don't blame them because in truth, it's not their reality.

It's no secret that we women share advice and tips amongst ourselves on how to achieve goals and sadly, on how to be safe. For instance, what to be mindful of if we are getting into an Uber or Lyft alone, where not to walk alone at night, how to be aware of the people around us, etc. I'm sure men do all the same but, between a man and a woman, there is only one who is seen as the easier target.

Here is a loaded thought for you, sometimes when men feel a woman can handle things on her own, she becomes a less concern for him, he doesn't get too involved, and he doesn't offer much comfort...does this make him admirable or should he always express some type of support?

Even doing simple routines like going to the gym can ward off women. Two years ago I did not renew my gym membership because more times than not, a man would try to drum up conversations with me while I was in the middle of a workout, wanting to know about my life and ease in some type of way to ask me to dinner. I got more annoyed every time. It was a 24 hour gym and I never went at night. I'm not saying you cannot find meaningful relationships at the gym, but that isn't why I signed up for one. It is not much different when I dine alone or head to get cocktails on my own. I learned most men do not read body language all too well, whether they don't want to feel rejected or they are just oblivious. And sometimes we are called names when we don't show equal interest in a man. I'm also not saying that all men have ulterior motives, but as a woman we can never be too sure.

Sometimes I get so disgusted with the male race that I do not understand the purpose of being attracted to them other than to procreate and open a jar. They don't listen to us, they gaslight us, they call us crazy, they turn their backs on us, they confuse us, they take us for granted, they underplay our value, they lie to us, they put us against other women, and sometimes they hurt us. When Lizzo sang, "I got boy problems, that's the human in me" -- pretty sure every woman felt that line for every reason, good, bad, and in between.

On a more dim angle of this topic, you will most likely lose count on how many times you have seen news reports of women being mistreated, attacked, disappearing, and worse. Several years ago, I read a college student was getting groceries at night and while walking to her car she was abducted. Luckily she was able to be saved but imagine the thoughts going through her mind during that time and how she may be traumatized anytime she is somewhere by herself. Another report I read was about a mother of three from my hometown who disappeared and still has not been found. How about the many reports of women being attacked while running in a public park. I once overheard a woman telling her friend that she did her jog later in the day and a man she did not know remarked, "This isn't your normal time." -- That's a little scary, huh? It's one thing if someone I've known for a long time knows my routine and the places I frequent but, it's a little odd for a stranger to keep tabs on you. So, for our own safety we can't be predictable and we can't always rely on men to protect us.

Here are some statistics on crimes against women:

• now.org

• ncadv.org

• statusofwomendata.org

Maybe the reason why most of us women overthink is because we've been conditioned to and it bleeds into everything else in our lives -- because our first instinct is to protect ourselves (body, mind, and heart): Am I safe?, Can I trust him?, Am I comfortable with this?, Is this right?, Should I go?, Who should I tell? And maybe the reason some women advocate for other women to succeed is because we know what it means to be a woman. A friend said men are capricious, I think that is only partially accurate and men are not as vocal as women are which may be why they see us as being dramatic or even problematic. I truly believe men could not handle our lives and I would not want to be anything other than a woman.

---

Selfish Acts

I had a difficult time organizing my thoughts on this one. I didn’t want to make anyone feel “selfish” but I also didn’t want to avoid the notion that how we act can affect others.

At different times in our lives we go through transformations, when something changes our way of thinking also impacting our way of living. When we make these changes for ourselves, Is it being selfish?

A friend of many years whom is now engaged (about a year, after 4 years of dating) disclosed to me that he made an act of indiscretion. I didn’t judge him or tell him he was wrong. He did express to me that him and his fiancé have been rocky for a while and when the pandemic hit, things did not get much better for the pair. They seem to have been arguing about the same issues over and over again. When my friend confided in me, I said to him that maybe he needs to see what else is out there, just to be sure this is the person he wants to spend his future with. I wasn’t making those statements to go against his fiancé, but rather I wanted my friend to understand that he doesn’t need to go through the same headaches. I don’t deny that he loves his fiancé, but how healthy is a relationship if you are constantly arguing about the same things? — Sometimes we need to let go of things we’ve gotten used to because we overlook how poorly it’s affecting us. I want my friend to be happy, he deserves it, but I also don’t want him saying Yes to a marriage that may not be healthy for him long term.

Another friend of mine is a bit of a workhorse, long days, longer nights with very few hours of sleep. It’s hard to have conversations with him sometimes and I do most of the talking when we do converse. I can always tell when he is half listening because tiredness takes over his brain and he disengages. Honestly, it pains me to see him so depleted at times, I just want to send him off to a remote island so he can shut down and close his eyes, but knowing him, he’ll fight me on that and refuse to go. I even once told his brother how worried I was about him. I think by default it impairs his communication in his personal life because he doesn’t have the energy and that so many occurrences are happening businesswise that he is unable to equally balance his relationships outside of work. I don’t want to be so bold and say it impairs his judgement, but I’ve seen him not make so great decisions because his awareness was lacking. I’m sure he receives flack here and there from other friends and family members. Yet, in this regard, he is getting more value from his ventures than what is being drained from him, so I can empathize with his want to keep doing what he does. Whether his behaviors are selfish, right or wrong, he has to make that call on himself.

Even in my personal life, I sometimes have to step back and assess if what I am doing is healthy. If my life is being influenced by someone else, if my actions portray good behaviors that I want people to show on to me, if I am being patient enough with people, and if I am really walking a path that will bring me everything I want for myself. I know my pride and my stubbornness interferes with how I act with people. Sometimes when I’m hurt, my pride won’t let me show it nor will it always let me admit when I’m wrong. I do try to make changes where I see fit. And sometimes those changes are disconnecting from people who no longer fit in my good space. You don’t have to keep everyone in your life and it’s not selfish if you cut ties. Some people are not meant to be with you long term, they are only there to show you what you need or don’t need. If you have been reading, then you will recall that earlier this year I walked away from an 8 year friendship because it was giving me more grief than peace. Instead of telling her that her choices were hindering how I think of her and how it was contradicting to what she was showing the world, I just let go. I didn’t give notice of my decision, I just stopped accepting calls and messages. It hurt to do it because she was one of the first friends I made when I relocated and also my best foodie friend, but it was necessary for me to realize what types of friends I want to keep in my life.

It’s not selfish to have standards. You have to set boundaries with friends and family and you definitely have to set boundaries with romantic relationships. It vexes me how some people resort to claiming that being in a meaningful relationship will solve a lot of problems and that you just have to let your guard down…WHY??? Time and time again people will tell me I am in danger of never getting into a serious relationship because I’m too head strong, I’m too smart, I’m too successful, I’m too determined, I’m too independent...blah, blah, blah.

• First of all, what do any of those reasons have anything to do with being in a serious relationship? Because I have focus? Because I take care of myself? Because I don’t want to be a dumb woman? Because I don’t want to pass myself around or waste my time with men who don’t know what they want? This makes me ineligible to be in a meaningful relationship?

  • SIDENOTE: I’ve been back and forth in a small town and one of the acquaintances I made said to me, “All they do out here is just sleep with each other and go on to the next one.” WHAT??!! Yeaaaa, let me continue to keep my standards up and be selfish with myself.

• Secondly, I wouldn’t want to be with a man who is intimated with who I am, who doesn’t match my ambitions, and who doesn’t support my goals. I am not for the weak.

Yes, I agree that people should be willing to open up to one another so they can get closer, but let me remind you, I still stand firm on a the fact that MEN SET THE TONE in relationships, how he approaches a woman, how he courts her, how he continues to show his interest, and how he relays information to her. I’m not about to chase down any man…tf I look like doing that? I make time where I want to and there are people I give grace to and who I am more patient with, but I am still not going to alter my life for anyone who doesn’t meet me at least half way. — Selfish? Okay, I’ll take that.

You should be selfish with yourself, your space, your time, and your energy. YOU are the one who is living YOUR life, you are the one making choices for yourself. You are the one who know you the best. So, if you have to make a decision that may not be understood by others, it’s okay…I mean, don’t be an ass towards people, but definitely do things that are in your best interest.

---

Receipts

Today’s climate for women has drastically changed since 50 or even 15 years ago, but for some reason many of us still feel the need to be dependent on someone else. If your whole purpose in life is to be a wife or someone’s arm candy then let me not sway you any different. Some women are good at using their looks to live good in life….I’m not one of those women, trust me I look a hot mess in the mornings and I am not about to rush to get up in the morning to make myself beautiful just to fit someone else’s standard.

Social media tends to drown out female powerhouses who hustle hard and reach the top on their own. And even then, you’ll have critics who will say, “She slept her way into money.” Some people just cannot separate the fact that women CAN do things without a man’s aide. We can do the research, we can request for information, we can call meetings, we can organize. Many things you see around us is Pretty, Sexy, or Visually Pleasing in a way that it dilutes your sense of reality, but there are very intelligent women who use more than their looks to make a living.

• Let me be transparent, I know how I look, I know I’m a bit easy on the eyes, that I appeal to many races because of my “exotic” features, and I sometimes dress in a way that invokes interest, but don’t get it twisted, I’m not gallivanting with several men, asking for handouts, or showing myself to get attention. And even if I share my number, doesn’t mean I am interested, I’m just social. — There are so many unnamed numbers in my phone, I couldn’t even begin to pinpoint what number belongs to who, most times the conversations end after I close out my tab.

I didn’t earn multiple degrees and certifications, and develop more than one stream of income for someone to take care of me. I didn’t start entry-level and pulled evening and weekend hours to meet deadlines just for people to only say, “She’s just a pretty girl.” — Nah fam, I’m more than that. And I also didn’t do all this for someone to come in my life a take away all my accolades because he rather me sit home and wait for him. (No reference to anyone in particular…I know how some of your minds work.)

You may be wondering why the title of this post is “Receipts” or what it has to do with what I am talking about. Well, because there are different categories of women and some of us are in the category of collecting our own receipts. Let me elaborate, I am not one who expects a man to financially take care of me. If he is capable and he offers, that’s one thing, but I will not expect someone to do for me if I cannot do for myself first. SIDENOTE: I do like fresh flowers in my home at least once a week, so if he goes out of his way to get me a bouquet, it’ll mean a lot.

Even if I am seriously involved with a man, he will not have the sole responsibility of carrying us both, I am bringing plenty to the table too. My partner will not be the only one who comes out of pocket, I’ll pick up the tab for us and our company if we are entertaining people, I’ll pay a few expenses, I’ll put money down on a business venture. I may be careful with my finances, but I’m not stingy with my wallet. I can’t take money to the after life with me, so why not do what I can with it while I’m here? One of the benefits of being with someone is that they make your life more enjoyable. I want for my partner to be proud to have someone like me, proud that I am not just a face, that I have my own ambitions and motivation to be great in life and to look over at me and say with confidence, “Yeah, that’s my lady.” We still have our masculine and feminine roles, but on paper, we bring the same efforts to each other. Although, this isn’t about being in a relationship, it’s about being a woman who can stand on her own and mind you, You cannot control who you attract, but you do control who you entertain, who you have interests in and what types of interest you have in a person.

I applaud any woman who strives to obtain and maintain the life she wants and feels she deserves without being co-dependent on someone getting her there. One of the main reasons women throughout history fought for our rights was/is to be seen as equivalent beings to men. — So how can we fight to be equal and to make our own decisions for our lives if we still want to have our hands out waiting to be saved?

---

Extra Income

• Keep studying.

• Keep researching.

• Keep learning.

• Keep growing.

---

As promised in my recent post about stocks (HERE), I am going to give some information on other ways to make extra income. — And this is not me telling you to do something without experience, all of these options are checked off on my list and then some. I enjoy doing it. — Plus, I refuse to outgrow or become too good for certain frivolous habits, so I need a little more play money….my people know how I am.

(NOTE: This list is the bare essentials of information, to put action to any of these items, you will need to put in the effort to research further and do the work.)

With most of these avenues, you barley have to leave your house. So you can be anywhere in the world and still make money daily…which is why I'm rarely far from my laptop and if I’m looking at my phone too often, it’s mainly because I set up a way to manage my extra income in the palm of my hand.

Plus, if you do your due diligence, all of these options are PANDEMIC PROOF!

1 - Sell your skills/knowledge - Utilize what you know, package it up, develop an audience and sell (this is one of the big money makers).

• What do you know how to do? If you are highly educated on a topic say for example, real estate, you can create a course that teaches people how to market, promote, and sell homes. You can also have a subscription membership where only paid members get the extensive insider details about real estate. Another example, if you have spent years in the corporate industry and have developed tools to help companies become more efficient, effective and more profitable, SELL WHAT YOU KNOW. Put together a package on what you can do in a specific field, organize it in a way that someone who is entry-level will be able to understand it. Then create advanced or follow-up lessons or courses.

  • It’s the same concept if you want to sell a service. In early 2019 I opened a photo studio. I had tiered prices for different options. I used a scheduling program to manage appointments and payments online. I even rented out my studio space to other photographers and to people who wanted to use my setups for their own needs. Towards the end of the year I was in the midst of looking for a larger space before the pandemic happened, so I decided it was best to put that task on pause for now (which has worked out in my favor by allowing me to focus more on other ventures.)

• To promote yourself, link with other people in your field and BRAG about what you can do and keep bragging about it. Create social media ads/flyers about your skills and knowledge, and engage with people. Building your network goes hand in hand with building your audience which can turn into clients.

2 - Monetize your website - Use tools like Adsense, Google Analytics, and Amazon features to make money when people visit your site. These features take a little IT knowledge and some thorough research. I began developing websites in the early 2000’s, so I know some basics about HTML coding and where to find the header/footer sections to paste tracking codes. (These days I use a unified platform host for my website that has all the features I need….no more extensive coding.)

• Adsense is a feature developed by Google that create ads on your website and anytime someone clicks on an ad, you earn money. You can even get paid for the amount of clicks your website gets.

  • With the right ads and the right target audience you can make anywhere from a few hundred dollars a month to several thousands of dollars a month.

  • Free eBook: Turn Your Computer into a Money Machine

  • Free eBook: Google Adsense - Everything You Need to Know

  • Free eBook: Adsense Secrets

• Amazon Ads are like Adsense Ads, they populate on your website and when someone clicks on the ad, you earn money.

  • Neither Adsense or Amazon shares the person’s information with you if they click on an ad.

  • Free eBook: Amazon Ads Unleashed

• Google Analytics is something I am still learning. This is great for active marketers, it gives you reports on how well your website performs and what people are looking at the most. (It gives you more comprehensive data than this, but I am still figuring out how to use this information to my benefit.) The whole purpose is you want more traffic to your website which will increase the potential of people clicking on Ads or Links that get you paid. So, if you can create popular content, you can achieve this goal.

  • Free eBook: SEO 2020

3 - Referral Links - Take advantage of special links that pay you a commission when someone signs up or purchases through your link

• Referral Links can be use to send to people or published on your website or a social media post. Just like the ads, when someone clicks on the link and either signs up or purchases (depending in the link destination) you earn money.

• I use this feature A LOT. Many times when you see a word or phrase on my site that is hyperlinked, it most likely leads to a page that gives me commission.

  • Again, just like the ads, these tools do not share anyone’s information with you if they signup or purchase through your link.

4 - eCommerce - Create a store and sell online. With so many user friendly eCommerce apps, there are many ways to sell almost anything you want online (this can be a big money maker too). You can sell on platforms as big as Amazon or more designate engines like Poshmark or Etsy.

• We are a CONSUMER economy, which means we buy things…ALL THE TIME. Creating an online store can really help you rake in the dollars. Just like with selling your skills/knowledge above, you have to develop an audience. — What are you selling? Who are you selling to? How can you get their attention? How can you keep their attention so they come back to buy more?

• You also what to make a profit, so I suggest making a spreadsheet of all your costs: inventory, packing supplies, marketing items/tools, any learning resources you had to purchase to advance your knowledge, and LABOR…YES, pay yourself too! Once you get that number, calculate what your selling prices should be.

For instance, I have a Vintage and Preloved shop on Mercari. It started out as a way for me to clean out my over-packed closets, but now it has turned into a very lucrative mini business where I sell vintage/preloved items from other sources and I even partner up with different small businesses and vendors to showcase their products as well.

Mercari is a very simple setup (you may have seen their commercials recently). But, I don’t just take photos of things, stick a price tag on it, and list it. No. Not only do I detail each item a best as possible, I also created a marketing and customer service/engagement plan. I made business cards, thank you notes, and discount flyers to place with each item that’s sold. I also curate collection of pieces and styles. Right now the most popular features in my shop is the “His to Hers” Collection where I re purpose mens shirts into women's fashion. (See images)

Aside from my Mercari shop, I have another store embedded into my website. With both, I am able to manage everything online. I even have a small team to assist with packing and shipping orders.

….Yah, ya girl here stays occupied.

SIDE NOTE: You know what I would like to see? “Adult Ice Cream Trucks” but instead of ice cream, it’s cocktails…well, I suppose you can do infused ice cream too. Just drive through neighborhoods playing Gin & Juice on the speakers and watch all the eager adults line up. Someone get the licensing together on that, I’ll be an investor.

5 - Rakuten - There is nothing you need to research or develop with this option. This is for anyone who shops, especially online (me). This service used to be called “Ebates” and it give you cash back when you shop at one of their participating retailers. Because I shop online A LOT, I have a Rakuten Extension next to my search bar in Chrome and it will flicker or a message will popup if I am shopping where I can earn money back through their link. (You may earn a small percentage, but trust me, it adds up when you spend too much!)

Lastly…

6 - Rental Properties - If you have some capital to invest or buy proprieties, I HIGHLY suggest this option and starting out, there is going to be a lot of paperwork and knowledge you will have to consume. Brace yourselves.

• Before buying, research the area, taxes, HOA, schools, demographics, etc. Speak to the realtors often so they are fully aware of what you are looking for and the proposed plan for the property.

  • You also want to know about city ordinances and regulations about placing a property for rental. (Business licensing, Fire Marshall Inspections, Lease Length Protocols, etc.)

• If you have the resources, elect purchasing foreclosed properties. You’ll buy at a lower cost and gain much turnaround in capital….and mentally prepare for renovations.

• If your are purchasing outside of your residential city or state, opted for a local management service or someone you trust who lives in the area to help oversee the place for you. They can aide in any issues your tenants may have.

[I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that you may need to pay taxes on any extra income; reference 1099 Tax Form. — Two things we’re not immune to is death and taxes.]

Don’t limit yourself when you are capable of so much more.

---

Men, this next part is for the women, but you can stick around and learn something.

Somebody’s Momma

Somebody’s “The One Who Got Away”

Ladies, let me tell you something….

You are the REASON of life. You are CREATIVITY. You are CHAOS and PEACE at the same time. You LOVE harder than any man can understand. You SACRIFICE more than the world will ever know. Warriors have SLAIN for us. We have birthed KINGDOMS. We sit on a desired THRONE. Do not accept anyone who does not value ALL of you.

Now, I’m not one to hop in and out of relationships or have a concern about being single for the rest of my life, but if you are actively seeking one, stick to your standards….And good luck, I hear the Lord is running out of husbands, so it's slim pickings out there. 😄 (My potential future husband is probably out here being a dumbass and running around with all the wrong women.)

And remember:

“If you’re a rider for him, make sure he is one for you too.”

Don’t create excuses on why he can't love you adequately…If you cannot value all of me, then you don’t deserve the most personal parts of me.

---

To all you graduating teens and 20 somethings, life is just beginning, have your fun, make lasting friendships, make mistakes, but keep your focus. There are so many things now that can distract you from achieving the best version of you. Everyone wants to party, be seen and look their best all for the attention. Stay keen on those around you and trust your instincts. Be mindful, fast money and fast men are just that, FAST…they come and they go. If a man is for you, he’ll show you. In the meantime, protect your peace, Sweetheart.

P.S. - I flex better than some of you men.

This year isn’t over yet. There is still so much you can do to at least give 2020 three stars.

---

---

Try some of these SUGGESTed items:

Book: How to Make Sh*t Happen

Buy on Amazon

Burn Sage to cleanse your personal space

Buy on Amazon

THe aroma of essential oils can help mental wellness

Buy on Amazon

a diffuser for your essential oils

Buy on Amazon

Waiting for Who?

I don't date, not because there is not any suitable men.  There are plenty.  

I don't date, not because I'm secretly wanting my ex to come back around.  He already tried and it ain't happening.  

I don't date, not because I think I'm not worthy of a good man.   I'll make any man happy and proud.  

I don't date, not because my standards are too high or I'm superficial.  My wants fit the lifestyle which I've accustomed myself to.  

I don't date, not because I'm "waiting".  Waiting for who?

No, I don't date because I have a list of ventures I need to achieve before giving my time and attention to someone other than myself and my children.

I'm still BUSY.

And the audacity of some men to think or assume that a single woman is single because there is something wrong with her is asinine! Or that she is putting more strain on herself by remaining single is more ridiculous!  How about you fools SEE ME LESS!

What I've witnessed from the past 6 years of being single is that some men say they like a woman who is ambitious, keeps a steady schedule, and wants the most out of life, but when the man wants attention that isn't available to give, there is a problem.  I don't tolerate problems, especially if I'm not dating you and if I don't consider you any kind of friend then I don't owe you any of my attention.  And I'm not apologetic about it.

Don't get me wrong, there are men who are very understanding and I appreciate them, they applaud my growth and want me to be amazing; they accept me as I am and give me my space to be great, but these other men....need to stay out of my path.

Let me tell you something...."I'm not over here waiting to be rescued.  There is nothing wrong with my self-esteem, if anything, my self-esteem is too high!  I like my life and I like my progress.  Is it perfect? NO.  Is it easy? NO.  But, I'm not complaining and I'm surely not about to have some man come in and change or dictate everything that I've done and I also won't let him come into my life and reap all my benefits without providing equivalency or stability."

I don't ask for much because I'm getting it myself but, if you cannot ADD value, then don't try to take value from me.

Busy

I stay busy because I like to be busy. I do a lot of things alone.  Not because I am single or that I do not have many friends, no; because I like experiencing things on my own.  I like to be in my own space, in my own thoughts, and not be drawn into conversation or in someone's company all the time.  Many times I dine out alone, shop alone, go to the movies alone, and travel alone.

Because I am single, does not mean I am lonely.  And to be honest, I plan to still do things by myself when I do get back into a relationship.  I will still want my "me" time as well as I am sure he will want his...hence a reason for a "man-cave".

Recently, I was at a friend's birthday celebration and a mutual friend of ours approached me and said, "I do not understand why you are single."  My simple response to these types of questions are, "I'm too busy." or "I am not looking for a relationship right now."...which is how I responded.  For some reason this gentleman assumed that because I was "just one", that I was also lonely or missing out on something great telling me I needed to be a "plus one".  He made comments about being with someone to share you experiences with, and how it's not worth it if you are by yourself, and needing to find a good mate.  Then he hits me with the, "We should get to know each other more and hang out sometime."....yup, he tried it...automatic NO. 

#1: He approached me completely off key.

#2: He assumed without merit.

#3: He tried way too hard.

Why can I not openly state that I am single without someone thinking that I am just some lonely woman waiting for the right guy?  If I connect with someone, great, but I do not want to be forced into anything or coaxed into something without any form of understanding.

No, humans are not built to travel through this life by themselves, I get it.  We are born with mechanisms to intertwine with others and make links...but allow me to embrace the idea of a partner or give me a chance to speak my stance about my life before you just "attack" me with suggestions of my love life.