Him: Can I take you out to dinner?
Her: No, I don’t have time.
Sound familiar ladies?
Over the years a certain breed of women have stopped waiting around to be “saved” and decided to save themselves. What does this mean exactly?
It means we have prioritized our lives to put our needs first. Although, please understand that the needs of each woman differ from one to the next. Some of us want to be head of major corporations, some of us what to invest in start-ups, some of us want to travel the world and help others. A post on PsychCentral details 6 Reasons Women are Too Busy. The post was published in 2014 but, it still holds relevance and lets just go ahead and pile on the reasons for those of us wanting to make waves in business.
I’m not sure how it happened but, something just clicked in our brains that the Cinderella stories are far and few in between. This does not translate to all busy women being single women. No, a married woman can still have just as much drive especially if her husband encourages her business spirit. There are not too many men who understand the scope and reasons why a woman wants to be proactive with making her own lane in life, even if her lane is beside his. Some men just prefer woman to stay in the shadows, but there are women who want to be more than just a man’s wife. So ladies, if you have a partner who supports your ambitions without him creating an overcast on you with his own goals, hold on to him, that’s a rare specimen. Yeah, he may want to protect you, but he should also hear you out.
It’s funny, at times when I am at networking events or if I stop somewhere after work to decompress before heading home, I get approached by men who seem to have a preconceived notion of what type of woman I am.
The Kept Woman (A rich man’s wife)
The Gold Digger (Looking for a rich man)
The Spoiled Naive Daddy’s Girl (The temperamental woman who must have her way)
I humor their ignorance on occasion, but for the most part, if I tell you about myself the first time and you do not get it, I’m not likely to have the tolerance to explain myself several times, nor should I, especially when I did not come out to meet a suitor anyway. How you perceive a woman will not necessarily change because she tells you differently; you are either open to understanding her or you are not.
However, I will admit I do appreciate it when men want to be of assistance like when a passersby offers to load my groceries into the car, hold his umbrella up for me even if it means he gets rained on, gives up his chair for me, sees me putting air into my tires and comes to take over the task, help me reach a high item, or lend a hand to carry my bags (luggage, backpack, laptop bag) into the building. I guess that is part of the “Damsel in Distress” ideal and a man wanting to be the hero, can’t complain, but gestures like this are quick and usually without expectation of anything more than just being a decent human.
Busy women juggle many thoughts that lead to an infinite number of tasks. Our brains can be a souffle of madness at any point of the day. Let me give you a quick rundown of what occurs in our silence or stillness:
Careers: Where am I, Where do I want to be, How do I get there, What do I need to reach that level, Am I highlighting my skills, Am I keeping myself valuable to the company, Am I meeting expectations
Entrepreneurs/Small Business Owners: What is my vision, What is my business structure, How much do I want this to grow, Do people clearly understand what I do, What marketing tools do I need, What team do I have, Is my licensing in order, Am I putting aside enough for taxes, Who is my accountant, Do I know the legal perimeters, Do I have the correct insurance
Education: What do I still need to learn, How much is needed, What is the cost, How long will it take, What needs to be adjust to complete this, What do I plan to do with this, When is that paper due, What day is that exam
Kids (if applicable): What are the children’s schedule, Where do they need to be on what days, When are their check-ups, Are they eating enough, Who are their friends, What activities are they involved in, What are they understanding or not understanding, What types of choices are they making
Husband/Spouse (if applicable): What is his schedule, When are we able to have time to ourselves, Is he overwhelmed, What kinds of decisions is he making for the relationship or family, Does he feel supported, Am I communicating well enough
Meaningful Friendships: Am I reaching out often, Am I being empathetic, Am I being supportive, Am I listening
Finances: What has to be paid, When is payment due, How much is due, What’s in the budget, What needs to be recalculated, What amount needs to be set aside, What are the stocks doing, What does the retirement fund look like, What is the savings plan
Health: Am I eating enough, Am I eating the right foods, When is my next check-up, How much am I exercising, How often do I need to exercise, Where do I go, When can I go
For single women - With all this above, what time do we have to entertain men who want us to appeal to their lives and not consider what we have already created. For critics who say, “You find time for what you want.” Okay, that’s fair but, I am going to get my to-do list done first because he’s not going to be the only one who brings something to the table.
For non-single women - If you are doing all this alone, get yourself a new partner. I prefer a busy man, but if I’m married to one, I expect his level of busy to match mine and we will share some of these responsibilities If I mention to you that my car is making a weird noise, you know where the key is, take the car to the shop and get it checked out, and it would be nice if you get it washed on the way home.
By no means am I discrediting a man who may be just as busy; I was raised by a single father of three with me being the eldest. I know some of you men can have a lot on your plate too, but remember the expectations of what a woman should do and what a man must do is contrasting. We are held to separate standards and we are not placed on leveling pedestals. This may be a bias statement but, women hold the burden of taking care of those around her on top of what she still needs to do for herself.
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If you feel you do not have the patience for a busy woman, she probably did not send for you anyway, so step aside, you are blocking her path.
