Set The Tone

November 18, 2021

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I’ve had this website for a long time now. It started off on Blogger in 2008 and has changed names a few times since then (IamRayaL, TheStyledMa, and currently, LoveRaya). Over the years, I have shared style tips, recipes, experiences, and learned how to monetize this site. These days I share my thoughts on life topics that include family, relationships, business, and finance. It’s also like leaving breadcrumbs so I remember what I used to do and how I used to think before becoming who I am today. With these last few weeks, remembering things (major and minor in the last few months) has been a little difficult for me to do.

I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am to my readers…especially when you notice my absence from time to time. My faithful readers know that I value my privacy and only share but so much with the public.

I use Squarespace as my website host and one of the benefits is I get certain analytics and reports on the traffic on my website, what people search for, keywords, and what the most popular content is. I don’t know if my visitors are men or women or any of their background details unless I do an advanced research (that’s too much) but interestingly, the most popular content in the last 60 days have been 2 posts:

Don’t Give Everyone Access (published Jul. 2020)
- I talk about being exclusive and how everyone does not deserve to be around you and being aware of people who are takers.
- It’s not selfish to want to be alone or to not want to talk about certain things with certain people.
Men Set The Tone (published Oct. 2018)
- I talk about how women set our standards on what we accept from a man, but a man still is the one who sets the tone in a relationship and how it will continue. The tone he sets may be influenced by the woman, influenced by his family or friends, or the tone is just his own preferences. I read somewhere that love is a chemical reaction that comes and goes, the challenge is being disciplined enough to not hurt someone when the feeling goes or reminding yourself that losing the person will hurt you just as much.
- The emails I’ve gotten about this post reveals that no one disagrees with this logic….So fellas, you decide what type of leadership you are going to show a woman.
- Speaking for myself, I love when a man is clear on what he wants with me and doesn’t confuse it with conversations or behaviors that contradict what he wants. He doesn’t treat me as one of his many options, he treats me as the reason. I cannot stand for a man who will not answer a direct question and leaves it open for interpretation. This tells me that he’s putting me aside to see what else is available and if he can’t find better, he’ll come back around. — Nah playboy, just keep going and take that bs elsewhere.
- I also love for a man to take control in a way that's protective and not demeaning in the sense that he cares about me, wants the best for me, wants me to be better, and will keep me safe. Or if we are meeting at the restaurant and he gets there first or I’m running behind and he goes ahead and orders for me because he knows I'm not a picky eater. He also orders my drink because he knows what I like or wants me to try something different…yeah, that's the type of “Take Control” I like.

With both posts, the main thought is that no one can take your value from you unless you allow them to. It’s a cliché thought, but it’s absolutely true. You cannot depend on someone else to make you feel whole no matter how much you care for a person and want to hold on to them. You have to hold on to you and set your own parameters with everyone in your life.

Don’t be mistaken, I am not void of men problems or letting my emotions get the best of me. My issue in any of those types of situations is that I thought too highly of a person, higher than I thought of myself and it backfired. The reality is you will never know what someone is thinking or truly feeling and you cannot always go off of actions because those can change too. With every new experience we go through, there is a new perspective we gain and with the new perspective it can change what we do, what we say, and how to act around others.

For Laughs

Extra Income

August 7, 2020

Keep studying.
Keep researching.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.

As promised in my recent post about stocks (HERE), I am going to give some information on other ways to make extra income. — And this is not me telling you to do something without experience, all of these options are checked off on my list and then some. I enjoy doing it. — Plus, I refuse to outgrow or become too good for certain frivolous habits, so I need a little more play money….my people know how I am.

(NOTE: This list is the bare essentials of information, to put action to any of these items, you will need to put in the effort to research further and do the work.)

With most of these avenues, you barley have to leave your house. So you can be anywhere in the world and still make money daily…which is why I'm rarely far from my laptop and if I’m looking at my phone too often, it’s mainly because I set up a way to manage my extra income in the palm of my hand.

Plus, if you do your due diligence, all of these options are PANDEMIC PROOF!

1 - Sell your skills/knowledge - Utilize what you know, package it up, develop an audience and sell (this is one of the big money makers).

What do you know how to do? If you are highly educated on a topic say for example, real estate, you can create a course that teaches people how to market, promote, and sell homes. You can also have a subscription membership where only paid members get the extensive insider details about real estate. Another example, if you have spent years in the corporate industry and have developed tools to help companies become more efficient, effective and more profitable, SELL WHAT YOU KNOW. Put together a package on what you can do in a specific field, organize it in a way that someone who is entry-level will be able to understand it. Then create advanced or follow-up lessons or courses.
- It’s the same concept if you want to sell a service. In early 2019 I opened a photo studio. I had tiered prices for different options. I used a scheduling program to manage appointments and payments online. I even rented out my studio space to other photographers and to people who wanted to use my setups for their own needs. Towards the end of the year I was in the midst of looking for a larger space before the pandemic happened, so I decided it was best to put that task on pause for now (which has worked out in my favor by allowing me to focus more on other ventures.)
To promote yourself, link with other people in your field and BRAG about what you can do and keep bragging about it. Create social media ads/flyers about your skills and knowledge, and engage with people. Building your network goes hand in hand with building your audience which can turn into clients.

what-are-soft-skills-2060852-Final-7408e9ee0a2b458f91f082d9e8add6f2.png

2 - Monetize your website - Use tools like Adsense, Google Analytics, and Amazon features to make money when people visit your site. These features take a little IT knowledge and some thorough research. I began developing websites in the early 2000’s, so I know some basics about HTML coding and where to find the header/footer sections to paste tracking codes. (These days I use a unified platform host for my website that has all the features I need….no more extensive coding.)

Adsense is a feature developed by Google that create ads on your website and anytime someone clicks on an ad, you earn money. You can even get paid for the amount of clicks your website gets.
- With the right ads and the right target audience you can make anywhere from a few hundred dollars a month to several thousands of dollars a month.
- Free eBook: Turn Your Computer into a Money Machine
- Free eBook: Google Adsense - Everything You Need to Know
- Free eBook: Adsense Secrets
Amazon Ads are like Adsense Ads, they populate on your website and when someone clicks on the ad, you earn money.
- Neither Adsense or Amazon shares the person’s information with you if they click on an ad.
- Free eBook: Amazon Ads Unleashed
Google Analytics is something I am still learning. This is great for active marketers, it gives you reports on how well your website performs and what people are looking at the most. (It gives you more comprehensive data than this, but I am still figuring out how to use this information to my benefit.) The whole purpose is you want more traffic to your website which will increase the potential of people clicking on Ads or Links that get you paid. So, if you can create popular content, you can achieve this goal.
- Free eBook: SEO 2020

3 - Referral Links - Take advantage of special links that pay you a commission when someone signs up or purchases through your link

Referral Links can be use to send to people or published on your website or a social media post. Just like the ads, when someone clicks on the link and either signs up or purchases (depending in the link destination) you earn money.
I use this feature A LOT. Many times when you see a word or phrase on my site that is hyperlinked, it most likely leads to a page that gives me commission.
- Again, just like the ads, these tools do not share anyone’s information with you if they signup or purchase through your link.

4 - eCommerce - Create a store and sell online. With so many user friendly eCommerce apps, there are many ways to sell almost anything you want online (this can be a big money maker too). You can sell on platforms as big as Amazon or more designate engines like Poshmark or Etsy.

We are a CONSUMER economy, which means we buy things…ALL THE TIME. Creating an online store can really help you rake in the dollars. Just like with selling your skills/knowledge above, you have to develop an audience. — What are you selling? Who are you selling to? How can you get their attention? How can you keep their attention so they come back to buy more?
You also what to make a profit, so I suggest making a spreadsheet of all your costs: inventory, packing supplies, marketing items/tools, any learning resources you had to purchase to advance your knowledge, and LABOR…YES, pay yourself too! Once you get that number, calculate what your selling prices should be.

For instance, I have a Vintage and Preloved shop on Mercari. It started out as a way for me to clean out my over-packed closets, but now it has turned into a very lucrative mini business where I sell vintage/preloved items from other sources and I even partner up with different small businesses and vendors to showcase their products as well.

Mercari is a very simple setup (you may have seen their commercials recently). But, I don’t just take photos of things, stick a price tag on it, and list it. No. Not only do I detail each item a best as possible, I also created a marketing and customer service/engagement plan. I made business cards, thank you notes, and discount flyers to place with each item that’s sold. I also curate collection of pieces and styles. Right now the most popular features in my shop is the “His to Hers” Collection where I re purpose mens shirts into women's fashion. (See images)

Aside from my Mercari shop, I have another store embedded into my website. With both, I am able to manage everything online. I even have a small team to assist with packing and shipping orders.

….Yah, ya girl here stays occupied.

SIDE NOTE: You know what I would like to see? “Adult Ice Cream Trucks” but instead of ice cream, it’s cocktails…well, I suppose you can do infused ice cream too. Just drive through neighborhoods playing Gin & Juice on the speakers and watch all the eager adults line up. Someone get the licensing together on that, I’ll be an investor.

5 - Rakuten - There is nothing you need to research or develop with this option. This is for anyone who shops, especially online (me). This service used to be called “Ebates” and it give you cash back when you shop at one of their participating retailers. Because I shop online A LOT, I have a Rakuten Extension next to my search bar in Chrome and it will flicker or a message will popup if I am shopping where I can earn money back through their link. (You may earn a small percentage, but trust me, it adds up when you spend too much!)

Lastly…

6 - Rental Properties - If you have some capital to invest or buy proprieties, I HIGHLY suggest this option and starting out, there is going to be a lot of paperwork and knowledge you will have to consume. Brace yourselves.

Before buying, research the area, taxes, HOA, schools, demographics, etc. Speak to the realtors often so they are fully aware of what you are looking for and the proposed plan for the property.
- You also want to know about city ordinances and regulations about placing a property for rental. (Business licensing, Fire Marshall Inspections, Lease Length Protocols, etc.)
If you have the resources, elect purchasing foreclosed properties. You’ll buy at a lower cost and gain much turnaround in capital….and mentally prepare for renovations.
If your are purchasing outside of your residential city or state, opted for a local management service or someone you trust who lives in the area to help oversee the place for you. They can aide in any issues your tenants may have.

[I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that you may need to pay taxes on any extra income; reference 1099 Tax Form. — Two things we’re not immune to is death and taxes.]

Don’t limit yourself when you are capable of so much more.

Men, this next part is for the women, but you can stick around and learn something.

Somebody’s MommaSomebody’s “The One Who Got Away” — Somebody’s Momma
Somebody’s “The One Who Got Away”

Ladies, let me tell you something….

You are the REASON of life. You are CREATIVITY. You are CHAOS and PEACE at the same time. You LOVE harder than any man can understand. You SACRIFICE more than the world will ever know. Warriors have SLAIN for us. We have birthed KINGDOMS. We sit on a desired THRONE. Do not accept anyone who does not value ALL of you.

Now, I’m not one to hop in and out of relationships or have a concern about being single for the rest of my life, but if you are actively seeking one, stick to your standards….And good luck, I hear the Lord is running out of husbands, so it's slim pickings out there. 😄 (My potential future husband is probably out here being a dumbass and running around with all the wrong women.)

And remember:

“If you’re a rider for him, make sure he is one for you too.”

Don’t create excuses on why he can't love you adequately…If you cannot value all of me, then you don’t deserve the most personal parts of me.