Successful Kids

I love how everyone has a say on how to raise kids, but what is it we really want out of our children? To grow up and be positive and progressive functioning members of society. Yes?

There are tons of books written by "experts" advising you on how to be a good parent and raise perfect offspring. Those books did not see a penny from me. Although, every now and then I come across articles that give me insight on "good parenting".

  1. Want to Raise Successful Kids? Science Says These 5 Habits Matter Most

  2. 7 Tips on How to Raise Successful Children According to Science

  3. Science Say Parents of Successful Kids Have These 24 Things in Common

First, let's point out the obvious in each of these titles, science. But don't let that steer you away, it's more of studies and interviews than pills and potions. Each of the articles address reflections of behavior from adults. -- Human behavior is a studying science.

How we parent will affect how our children become. Teaching your children patience, kindness, acceptance, empathy, and encouraging them to explore their interests promotes a healthy relationship between parent and child. That is the goal, right? Being able to talk with your children through life's major and minor obstacles. We also should remember that just as we made mistakes growing up, our kids will too. So allowing them to fall is not bad parenting. Let them learn about faults and failure and teach them to be aware of their decisions instead of overreacting towards them because...are YOU perfect?

Yes, we want are kids to be great, do good things, get high marks in school, win, and stay out of trouble, but how realistic is that? When we put too much on the youth, they can develop mental wellness concerns that hinders their views and understanding of the world. Stress, anxiety, and depression are not void of taking hold of people under 18 or 21. If your expectations are too high to or not even practical, your kids can become overwhelmed to appease you.

Display the expectations you want your kids to mirror, but you won't be their only role model and that's okay. The relationships you build with your children will reflect on the types role models they chose to admire. Even when you are not directly interacting with kids, they see and hear more than you may perceive. The way you speak to strangers, the way you treat service workers, the way you handle a conflict, the way you act towards loved ones, the way you take care of yourself, the way you express your thoughts or emotions, the types of relationships you foster, the kinds of people you bring them around -- children are either going to strive to be like you or look elsewhere for what you have not shown them.

I raise and treat my kids in a way where they know I love and support them, but they also know there are kinds of behaviors I will not tolerate. I am not blinded by the love I have for my kids; I know they can be in bad form at times. My kids do challenge their elders, most time it is when they want more clarity, which is acceptable, but other times it's an observation they made hidden under sarcasm and sass; that is something they see from me. I speak to my kids as if they are inexperienced adults because in actuality, that is what they are; young people who will grow up to have a life with little or without my direct influence. -- Hopefully, my guidance remains with them. They are surprisingly quick-witted for their age of knowledge and they can articulate understanding within their own world. But what is it that I do? I help bridge the gaps of ignorance, pain, loss, judgments, misfortunes, and misunderstanding to the bigger world.

 
 

Are Mothers Ruining Their Sons For Future Relationships?

 
 

Let’s dwell on this a little.

When he was 6 months old.

When he was 6 months old.

My youngest is a boy and I’m always doting on him. When he was a toddler, I would rub his back until he fell asleep. I’d go out of my way to get him the toys he wanted and anytime I am out of town, he requests that I come back baring gifts and I do. He is not really a picky eater, but he likes what he likes and if he asks me to make his favorite meal, I comply — his PopPop (my father) does the same for him. There is a particular dish he likes that I make and he won’t ask or allow anyone else to make it for him. I always tell my son how handsome he is, how smart he is and I hug on him all the time. I allow him to take over my bed or change the channel if I am watching a show…Am I doing too much?

About a year old.

About a year old.

My daughter who is a teenager got the same treatment when she was his age, but I am aware boys and girls mentally develop differently. Both kids have debit cards connected to my account and anytime they ask, I transfer money to them, we have family dinner or bunch dates and there are times when only my daughter and I head out to do things together, so don’t think my son is getting the upper-hand over my daughter. I am teaching my daughter to grant herself the life she wants and not to accept anything less than she deserves, so no Applebee’s dates for that young lady, she likes scenic patio dining. There is a difference in how you love each of your kids, but for a boy, am I teaching my son this is how a woman should treat him?

My father claims both my children are high-maintenance especially my son. (Yet, my dad doesn't like it when I remind him that he raised me and my siblings the same way. Even now, anytime I get sick, guess who I'm calling?)

Hold on though, I also teach my son to open doors for girls and compliment them. Every now and then he’s say to his sister, “You look beautiful.” and sometimes when getting in the car, he’ll open my door first before getting in himself, and he LOVES my sister (probably more than me), their relationship is very tight. All his teachers at school say how sweet and caring my son is, so I must be doing something right, Yes?

Once when my son was 2 years old, I was out of town and my sister sent me a picture of him playing on his piano with a picture of me propped up in front of him. — He missed me. My boy still acts the same way when I am gone and with how he has been growing, I am so proud of my little man…even though he’ll be taller than me in a few years, I’ll still pinch his cheeks and tickle behind his neck. You should see how he looks now, he’s passed my shoulders and can practically pick me up.

When he was about 18 months old.

When he was about 18 months old.

I just feel like since he is still so young, that I need to cater to him the way that I do. He is very self sufficient for his age, but I want him to be comfortable and to feel loved…is this too much mom-ing? I don’t want him growing up and dating a girl and expecting her to do all these things I do for him (I’m going to have to teach his future wife how to make his favorite meals). His father used to make comments, “my mom did this, my mom did that, my mom, my mom…” and there were certain reasons why he said such things, but at times it was unnecessary. Yes, a woman has her place in the relationship, but so does a man.

It used to toil in my mind when men would ask, “Can you cook?” and I’m like, “Bitch, can YOU cook? Feeding yourself is a survival skill, not a gender role. And can you build a house? A dining room table? Can you put together a shelf? Do you know how to clean a bathroom? How about using a lawnmower? Do you know when trash day is in your neighborhood to put out the cans the evening before? Can you change a tire or the oil, do you even know how to check the fluids? Because I know how to all of that.” — So you see, I can spoil my son and still embed into him what he should also bring to a relationship. But I cannot be sure what type of man he will be until he reaches those stages in life.

Goodness, if he becomes like any of these men I know today….I am in so much trouble!