The Prenup

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What do you feel about prenuptial agreements? Do you feel someone loves you less or does not have faith in your relationship if a prenup is presented?

Here is my take on it:

I agree with prenuptial agreements. I do not feel it deals with matters of the heart, but more of matters of security. If you have built something on your own, you did the research, you put in the hours, you threw up the capital for it, then how would you feel if you’ve gotten into a married that is ending and the judge says you owe HALF of what you earned to someone else?

  • I am not referring to something you created or developed while you were married, I am talking about something YOU planned and executed before getting married.

Prenuptial agreements can be a simple as writing out what is shared or protected during a divorce. The documents can be very detailed in explaining specific ‘Do’s & Don’ts’: infidelities, children, new businesses, already established businesses, obtained properties, stipends, living costs, etc. It may sound like a business proposition because a marriage IS a type of business, it’s a PARTNERSHIP. — There was a time when girls were only bred for marriage in exchange for some type of payment to her family, such as farm land.

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  • I’ve seen agreements be as specific as outlining if a wife delivers a son during the marriage, she will get an added 20K a year until the son turns 18 if they get a divorce before then. Another one stated that if the husbands commits infidelity, the wife can earn additional monies if they get divorced. (I would definitely want an infidelity clause included to address any children born outside of my marriage or transmitted diseases. — Bitch, you get nothing from me if you have babies elsewhere or give me a disease and if you are a well to do man, then in YOUR prenup, there should be an appendix that details some sort of accommodation for my pain and embarrassment.)

I do not believe it has anything to do with how much you love a person. I fully believe is has more to do with protecting your assets and both people have a say on what goes into the agreement. You can request an amendment to better benefit you if there is something you feel is unfair, of course all this will have to go through lawyers, but if you want something done, do it right and be thorough especially with things like this. Prenuptial agreements are best discussed with two people are “Happily in Love” because the details may be more generous as opposed to being in divorce court and you hating the way your ex-partner breathes.

My whole outlook on it is, If you weren’t shooting with me at the gym, why am I going to hand over the reward from all the training and hard work I put in just because we don’t want to be with each other anymore? — I’m not saying what’s mine is ONLY mine, I’ll share will you, but I am drawing a line with what you get from me if we decide to go our separate ways.

And think about this: If you are choosing to be with someone whom has not already created their own stability, then that person is going to look to you to provide that for them.

But one thing I know for sure, if I get married again it will be my last. Even if I’m fed up with him I'll still fix his plate, “You want potatoes or not, jackass?!”

PLUS, My Daddy says:

If he can’t take care of you as good as you take care of yourself, don’t waste your time and don’t start matching your first name with his last name.


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Getting a Divorce is NOT the Same as Being Divorced

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I follow a female social group on Instagram (@the_socialtea) They host fun-filled educational and empowerment events for women in different cities. Sometimes they encourage discussions online such as the one I am going to emphasis in this post.

"Is Dating a Married Man Who’s Going Through a Divorce Acceptable?”

As I read through the comments, it was a mix of “Yes, sometimes divorces can be prolonged.” and “No, it’s not okay, he needs time to heal…karma is real…and he is still married.” I didn’t place any judgment on any of the women, but I will admit I was a little disappointed with some of the comments. I do know of women who willingly and actively date married men, but those women are not any of my good friends.

I am on the side of NO, it is not acceptable no matter the state of a man’s marriage, he needs to close that chapter and sort out his emotions before seeking another companion or even dating. Even if you are just “talking” it’s still wrong. Don’t feel like you need to be his comfort, you are his diversion. The second you know a man is married, he is UNATTAINABLE. I do not care if you have history with this man or whatever he is telling you about his wife or their marriage (btw, a man who discusses his personal issues about his woman to other women is not honorable.) He chose to marry a woman who is NOT YOU and he should address any matters about their marriage with her, especially if they are going through a divorce. A woman who entertains a married man is THE OTHER WOMAN. Your fight in the triangle is not balanced. You have NO Legal, Financial, or Emotional Claim to him. Yes, I mention emotional because although he may be a “nice” guy but his true emotional barrings are not practical towards you. Here is an article about 5 Things to Expect When You Get Involved With a Married Man.

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Let me give you some background on me and my previous life of being someone’s wife: Still in my 20’s and after 9 years, I finally came to realize I was not in a healthy home or relationship. In the 9 years, we did have a time of separation where my partner did see other people as did I. When we decided to reconcile, everything was good for a short period but, as any toxic relationship, the same issues were still there. Instead of confiding in me, the father of my children decided to lean on other women because it was too much for him to face me and resolve issues with me, so he chose to go where the less tension was. It was a nasty time in my life, I did not like who I was and my state of mind was unrecognizable. Even though I knew I needed to let go of this man, it did not help matters knowing that other women wanted him and did not care that he was with me. For some reason they felt “entitled” to him because they had developed a type of relationship with him. And these women were very adamant with telling me everything my partner was telling them and the times they have spent with him. Well guess what, I didn’t give a damn what they were saying or that my husband was making the worst decisions for himself and our family, the fact of the matter is we were still together and these women were on the outside wanting to come in. It was a different level of anger and it wasn’t towards my husband, it was towards these women who thought they wanted my position. (Let me tell you a secret that is not so secret, all of them are not fully happy with result of their choices.)

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Here’s is a reality check for women who want attention from a married man: He chose to marry HER, not YOU. It does not matter if you knew him before he was married or met him afterwards, you are now making yourself be a second option. You want what you think is great because you see or speak to him in a limited capacity. You only see your point of view and want what you think someone else took from you or is keeping from you, but you are not seeing the toxic nature of what this man is doing to his wife and to you. And Sis, he most likely is reaching out to you because he knows you want him to and you let him. It doesn’t matter if he tells you he loves you and wants to be with you; he is still in a relationship that he needs to end before moving forth with a new one.

Yes, much of my distaste for this is due to my own real life experiences, but I have also not been the character to want, need, or crave the attention of a married man. I have married friends, some of which I am only friends with the husband or was friends with the husband first, but I never cross the line, and the biggest reason for that is I HAVE STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES FOR MYSELF. The fck I look like going after a married man? I have great fun with my married friends and respect their unions with their chosen partners and all marriages are different from the next, but I will never be The Other Woman.

There may be scenarios of women finding love in a married man and having happiness with him at the end or hearing of women putting up with a man’s emotional dysfunctions and eventually it works out. These are your “safety nets” and not very common, but if those safety nets make you feel better about your decisions, then hang on to them. Although think of this, if you have to adjust your wants and needs to shift how a man acts or responds to you, then you have shown him that you are willing to compromise yourself for him, so what else wouldn’t you do? You already blurred the lines of your independence and if you are that woman, never say things such as, “I wouldn’t let my husband do….” Really Sis? You are already letting him affect your good judgment and if you want him badly enough, you will continue to suppress reality and compromise yourself for him. Remember the saying, “How you get him is how you lose him.” and will you be okay with him being your partner if this is the behavior his is displaying with you? How confident are you in this married man of yours?

Now if a man did not tell you he was married, that is a different type of turmoil and again, if he’s married, he’s MARRIED. Get out now and get out quickly. Therapy will help. I can emphasis that I cannot dictate what others do; it’s your life and you do as you will with it, BUT if you are my friend who is doing this, I don’t have to agree with it or continue to accept you the same way in My life. I cannot speak for another woman or of her feelings towards a man, but I do have higher expectations for women than I do of men, especially for my friends. If you know a man is married and continue to want to develop a courtship with him, that’s fine for you, but I need freedom from that energy because I cannot look at you the same anymore. There is an insecurity there that I cannot help you through.

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Ladies, there are so many ways to fulfill your life with happiness but, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, you will struggle with finding that happiness with anything or anyone. After leaving my ex, it took me a long time to find myself, recharge my core values, and be reminded that….

“I AM THAT BITCH! I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m funny, I don’t take myself too seriously, I can dress to the nines, I’m a damn good mother, and I’m a great friend. I’m there for you if you need me and if I can’t be there, I make it up later on. BUT, I am not going to deplete my energy for you or because of you; that is where I draw the line. It doesn’t matter if you are a lover, a friend, or a family member. I KNOW MY VALUE. I AM A TREASURE.

My ex has tried to come back into my life a few times. We have children with together, so I cannot completely avoid him, but my communication is limited and rare. I do not play on his advances or give him any opportunity to think I am open to rekindling anything with him. I’m at peace and I’m going to remain here.