Questions? Comments?

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A lot of you send me questions and comments. Remember, you can use the “Contact Me” option to anonymously send an inquiry. There's a few topics that keep coming up so let's address them.

Who takes your pictures? - I do. I have experience in photography and I offer services when my schedule allows it, so I have a lot of equipment that I use to take my own photos. Aside from that, I’m a fashion person and always trying to fine tune my personal style. I hate to admit this, but I am not financially responsible when it comes to shopping. I have about 4 closets that are jam packed with clothes and about 25% still has tags on it. Yes, I have a problem.

Why do think older men date younger girls? - This comes more and more I’ve noticed. I don’t think this is a new issue or if it is even an issue at all. Women are always quick to make jabs at men who are with younger women; making jokes about her age comparing what she knows and what she’s able to do since she doesn’t have the same life experience. I wrote about this topic a while back in, “She’s Too Young For You, Bro” but, I wouldn't get hung up on this too much. A good majority of men do this. I’ve seen it in ALL of my guy friends, none of them were unique in this category. Men in their 40s and 50s dating girls in their 20s. 😳

It’s always happened, no matter what decade we look into. I don’t really know the reason why. Maybe men like what the younger women are offering or how they are displaying themselves? From what I’ve seen, many of the younger crowd are very “ambitious” and “eager” for a certain type of attention. Social media has spawned an illustrious fantasy of partying and being wild and it’s an appealing attribute for much of the younger crowds and maybe the older men find that appealing too.

Remember when I mentioned there was a young man who took interest to me? He was very sweet, but I realized very quickly there wasn't much we could talk about. He was at a different place in life than I am. But I did give him some credit and was very impressed that he was much further in life than others his age. He had his own fancy apartment, no roommates, already a few years into his career and extremely focused on aligning his skills to achieving more goals. He wasn't in an entry level job or working at as a cashier at a restaurant or store where he was waiting on something better to come along. Not that there's anything wrong with working at those positions, but he knew early on what he wanted to do and he started doing it. Yeah, that was impressive.

Back to the older men, I’m sure they have their reason, as questionable as it may look, but you don’t have to be involved with a man like that. If you notice a man always with a younger woman in his face, he probably doesn’t possess the qualities you want anyway. Although, I did mention all my guy friends have entertained younger girls, sometimes it was just for the moment in a club or lounge setting, but others did try to make something serious of it. Hey, if they're comfortable meeting her parents, much power to them.

And, I’m not romantically involved with any of them, so I don't bother them about it. But here's some perspective, when I was in my 20s, I was interested in older men. Many times we think older men are more mature, stable, emotionally conscious, and make better partners, but many of us realized THAT WASN’T ACCURATE. 😐 Men can be disappointing at any age.

Why did you disable the comments? - For anyone who doesn't recall, earlier this year and part of last year, the comments section was getting out of control and I did not have the bandwidth to manage it every hour. The comments were offensive to others and some of them were offensive to me, so it was just best to disable them and keep the, disabled. In the Member Only Reads, comments are allowed.

What are you studying now? - Some of you know I recently got accepted into a Doctoral Degree Program. My concentration is on Educational Leadership and Organizational Innovation. The program focuses on applications in real word settings and developing ways to administer change for improvements. The best thing about the program I chose is that my studies include the dissertation as oppose to other programs that have you study for 3-4 years and then work on your dissertation.

Why are you always talking about privacy even though you have a public website? - Privacy is very important to me and I still have to be very mindful of what I share and how much I share with the public. Even when I post things to my social media accounts, there’s always a wall of ambiguity.

Even with my friends and family, I do not share everything with them. If you notice with your own experiences, when you share something, people begin to expect you to continue sharing with them or updating them with more details about yourself. There’s things I do not mind sharing, such as the fact that I am in Grad school, but I’m not going to share details of my coursework, who my classmates are, or the names of my professors. I share surface level information…I hope that makes sense.

With my personal life I am protective of it. I may share my experiences, but I won’t share identifying details of who, what, when and where. For instance, if I get into a relationship, you are most likely never going to see a picture of him, unless it’s a wedding photo. And with my friends and family, they may never even know his name if it’s not serious and I’m very tight lipped on what intricate details I share with them about my relationships. When I was with my ex he would share EVERYTHING that happened in our relationship with people, but me on the other hand, I wanted to keep our matters within our home and with any issues, I wanted us to talk about it to each other, not to the world. And I continue to have this mindset. — For years, my friends knew I was vaguely involved with someone who I referred to as “Alabama”. And anytime they would ask about him, they would use the same moniker I gave him, “How's Alabama?”, “When’s the last time you saw Alabama?” — I would directly answer their questions and move onto the next topic. I wouldn't linger or go into any further details. I wasn't keeping anything secret, I feel like secrecy is lying with a twist. I was open about the fact I was sleeping with someone, I just decided to keep everything else between us. I don't have problem with people knowing certain things about me, but I want to live my personal life according to me, not everyone else.

UnBirthday 2022

There is a lot of confusion of when my birthday actually is. My mother says one thing, my birth certificate says another, and I acknowledge my birthday on a different day every few years. So all of May is my “UnBirthday”. This year is a little extra special because I not only finally decided to celebrate my birthday openly, but I also decided to celebrate my recent accomplishments….three weeks long of celebrations in different states.

I am completely worn out! The last time I celebrated myself was maybe 8 years ago and since then, I’ve just been keeping life very simple. This year I wanted to be different. And I am so blessed with the people I have in my life who have celebrated me in private as well as in public. There are people that support you and then there are people who show their support for you.

My genuine readers have been amazing through the years. I will always keep a veil of privacy between what I do and what I share. The reason is for my peace of mind because I don’t always want someone else’s input on what I decide for myself. Not everyone will understand and that’s ok. As long as I am not causing harm to myself or others, then if I wish to keep certain things to myself, then so be it.

But when I celebrate, I want to celebrate with anyone and everyone who has imprinted on my life in a great way. There should not be any bad energy when all you want to do is smile, be grateful, be happy, and enjoy everything that you’ve accomplished, personally and professionally. I am overly ecstatic that in the last few weeks I was surrounded by people who were on the same groove as me. I could not have asked for anything better.

Two Sides to a Coin

Two thoughts…..

  1. People notice what they’ve done, but do not acknowledge when others do the same.

  2. People notice what others do, but do not acknowledge when they do the same.

The first one I think can be regarded when people do something in consideration for others like sending thoughtful messages or doing things that makes someone else’s life a little more pleasing. In a domestic sense, we can even say doing household chores without being asked is something we notice when we do it, but do not very much acknowledge it when others do it. The second one could be regarded when people do things we don’t like, but we do not acknowledge it when we do things others do not like. For instance when we notice people being argumentative, but when we are doing the same we justify it as “trying to make a point”. It’s easier for us to point out what we do not like about others, but fail to notice our own flaws. I know we are all guilty of this.

None of us ever likes to admit our faults, but if we are expecting others to admit theirs shouldn’t we lead by example? Yet, then again this goes back to thought #1. It’s a human cycle of underlying selfishness that we don’t like to think about, but the reality is, we subconsciously want people to make us comfortable without always considering how to make others comfortable because that would mean making ourselves uncomfortable — and not everyone is willing to do that.

Just think on it, your relationships with others, how many of them were you willing to adjust your comfort levels for? Why? And did or do those people adjust their comfort levels for you or have you even noticed?

I have a bad habit of saying everything is fine when it’s not and I know I’m not the only one who does this. — This is me not wanting to ask people to make themselves uncomfortable in order to make me comfortable. When someone tells me, “Let me prove it to you” in an attempt to convince me of a changed mindset or behavior, I tend to automatically respond, “No, it’s fine.” or “You don’t have to do that.”, when really, YES, I want you to prove it to me. YES, I want to see a change. I am more forgiving when I see a difference in someone that shows they are aware of what went awry and have decided to implement nuanced manners. Although, I also notice when people make no attempts of change. Ultimately, we just want to be happy without having to do too much and when we do too much we can become unhappy because we feel others aren't doing the same or don’t notice all of what we are doing.

On another note, I graduated…again. It’s always a great feeling when you reach a new goal and new level in life and an even greater feeling when people show their love and support for you.

Thank you to all those who reached out to me in celebration. You have no idea what that means to me and how grateful I am. The majority of you don't even know me personally, but have found camaraderie with me through all these many words that sometimes make sense and invoke intrinsic thoughts and other times just…is. — That's what I love about this.

*This is a fallacy. Men don’t do this anymore. They expect you to come find them. They have unlearned all the great things of chivalry and dominance and have learned to behave more like women. I thought men were supposed to be the strong confident ones who pursue a woman. But I guess there are so many women who make easy for men to do so little that they don’t feel they should make much of an effort. -- That’s not a man for me.