My Phone Code

NEW: Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

One of my guilty pleasure is that I like to scroll through my social media accounts for mindless entertainment. Much of it is silly pet videos but others things that make my laugh are the women posting advice, tips, and horror stories about dating and men.

Ladies, if you have not picked up on this yet….MEN ARE STUPID. Not stupid in the sense they cannot do math or tie their shoes, but stupid in the sense they don’t always know how to talk to us or handle us. It’s like when a man gets around a woman all his common sense escapes his body. Although to be fair, women are a mixed bag, but that does not excuse the foolish ways men act around women. Even seeing a half naked woman makes them a little brain dead.

Anyway, more about my guilty pleasure. There’s this trending argument about whether or not to look through a man’s phone. My personal thought is, DON’T DO IT. Unless you are law enforcement or an emergency responder trying to get the last contact number for a victim, you should not be looking through anyone’s phone but your own.

Some women argue, “Well, how do I know if he’s lying to me or not?” - B*TCH, YOU KNOW IF A MAN IS LYING TO YOU WITHOUT NEEDING TO GO THROUGH HIS PHONE. If you don’t want to trust your own instincts, then go ahead and keep making yourself crazy. But let's look at this at 2 different angles…

  • If he's not doing anything, you're going to damage the relationship by lacking trust and confidence in him. Plus, if he has a female friend like me, you're going to think my text messages have some ulterior motives because I can use very loving words towards my friends such as, “My dear”, “My love”, “All my love to you”, “Thank you for being a gentleman”, “Thank you for thinking of me”, etc. If a woman were to see that, she's going to think something is going on. But what she won't see is how I still keep my distance with my friends who are married and in relationships; I won't contact them after a certain hour, nor on the weekends unless we're hanging out on the weekend, and I don't behave suggestively when I'm around them other than giving a hug and being excited to see them, I don't throw myself on them. But I can be very affectionate towards my guy friends.

  • If he is doing something, what exactly do you plan to do with the information you found? Are you going to leave him? Are you going to stay and always be second guessing everything he says? We know the saying ignorance is bliss. If you are happy, he's making you happy, you give each other space and still spend quality time together, people know you're together, and he's taking care of you, why ruin your own happiness? *I'm not advocating you stay with someone who breaks your heart, tears you down, makes you feel unvalued, and constantly has you questioning his feelings for you. I'm saying there is always going to be gray clouds in a relationship no matter what the issue is, but if he's doing his best to keep those clouds from blocking your sunlight or he's holding an umbrella over you when the rain comes, then love him for that. (I’m using a lot of metaphors here, I hope you're catching the underlying messages.)

I think myself as being realistic meaning men are men. They look at women, they talk to women, they flirt with women. I see it, I experience it. ALL. THE. TIME. And to be fair to the men, they blindly do it not always realizing what they're doing, granted sometimes men can take it too far, but I'll still never go through a man's phone. Because guess what, when you go looking for something you're going to find it even if it's not what you believe it is, but the fact that you'll grasp onto anything that supports your suspicion, whatever you find even if it's innocent, you're going to turn it into a mess.

For anyone I end up with, I can only hope he is the type of man who won't let anything or anyone come to my doorstep, call my phone, or approach me in any type of way and hold something over me as if I'm the one that's losing. If he's heart is with me then his actions with show it. It will be an element of pride for him to secure our relationship to know he has someone great and whoever tries to interfere won't reach their goals. They may claim a few fun moments, but they won't be able to claim him. — Am I making any sense? Are you guys understanding me? Ladies, hopefully you're not passing too many judgements against me. All I'm saying is, if you're relationship is good, let it be good. Don't let those dark suspicions have you going through his phone.

Questions? Comments?

NEW - Don’t feel like reading? Listen to the audio instead. 🔊

A lot of you send me questions and comments. Remember, you can use the “Contact Me” option to anonymously send an inquiry. There's a few topics that keep coming up so let's address them.

Who takes your pictures? - I do. I have experience in photography and I offer services when my schedule allows it, so I have a lot of equipment that I use to take my own photos. Aside from that, I’m a fashion person and always trying to fine tune my personal style. I hate to admit this, but I am not financially responsible when it comes to shopping. I have about 4 closets that are jam packed with clothes and about 25% still has tags on it. Yes, I have a problem.

Why do think older men date younger girls? - This comes more and more I’ve noticed. I don’t think this is a new issue or if it is even an issue at all. Women are always quick to make jabs at men who are with younger women; making jokes about her age comparing what she knows and what she’s able to do since she doesn’t have the same life experience. I wrote about this topic a while back in, “She’s Too Young For You, Bro” but, I wouldn't get hung up on this too much. A good majority of men do this. I’ve seen it in ALL of my guy friends, none of them were unique in this category. Men in their 40s and 50s dating girls in their 20s. 😳

It’s always happened, no matter what decade we look into. I don’t really know the reason why. Maybe men like what the younger women are offering or how they are displaying themselves? From what I’ve seen, many of the younger crowd are very “ambitious” and “eager” for a certain type of attention. Social media has spawned an illustrious fantasy of partying and being wild and it’s an appealing attribute for much of the younger crowds and maybe the older men find that appealing too.

Remember when I mentioned there was a young man who took interest to me? He was very sweet, but I realized very quickly there wasn't much we could talk about. He was at a different place in life than I am. But I did give him some credit and was very impressed that he was much further in life than others his age. He had his own fancy apartment, no roommates, already a few years into his career and extremely focused on aligning his skills to achieving more goals. He wasn't in an entry level job or working at as a cashier at a restaurant or store where he was waiting on something better to come along. Not that there's anything wrong with working at those positions, but he knew early on what he wanted to do and he started doing it. Yeah, that was impressive.

Back to the older men, I’m sure they have their reason, as questionable as it may look, but you don’t have to be involved with a man like that. If you notice a man always with a younger woman in his face, he probably doesn’t possess the qualities you want anyway. Although, I did mention all my guy friends have entertained younger girls, sometimes it was just for the moment in a club or lounge setting, but others did try to make something serious of it. Hey, if they're comfortable meeting her parents, much power to them.

And, I’m not romantically involved with any of them, so I don't bother them about it. But here's some perspective, when I was in my 20s, I was interested in older men. Many times we think older men are more mature, stable, emotionally conscious, and make better partners, but many of us realized THAT WASN’T ACCURATE. 😐 Men can be disappointing at any age.

Why did you disable the comments? - For anyone who doesn't recall, earlier this year and part of last year, the comments section was getting out of control and I did not have the bandwidth to manage it every hour. The comments were offensive to others and some of them were offensive to me, so it was just best to disable them and keep the, disabled. In the Member Only Reads, comments are allowed.

What are you studying now? - Some of you know I recently got accepted into a Doctoral Degree Program. My concentration is on Educational Leadership and Organizational Innovation. The program focuses on applications in real word settings and developing ways to administer change for improvements. The best thing about the program I chose is that my studies include the dissertation as oppose to other programs that have you study for 3-4 years and then work on your dissertation.

Why are you always talking about privacy even though you have a public website? - Privacy is very important to me and I still have to be very mindful of what I share and how much I share with the public. Even when I post things to my social media accounts, there’s always a wall of ambiguity.

Even with my friends and family, I do not share everything with them. If you notice with your own experiences, when you share something, people begin to expect you to continue sharing with them or updating them with more details about yourself. There’s things I do not mind sharing, such as the fact that I am in Grad school, but I’m not going to share details of my coursework, who my classmates are, or the names of my professors. I share surface level information…I hope that makes sense.

With my personal life I am protective of it. I may share my experiences, but I won’t share identifying details of who, what, when and where. For instance, if I get into a relationship, you are most likely never going to see a picture of him, unless it’s a wedding photo. And with my friends and family, they may never even know his name if it’s not serious and I’m very tight lipped on what intricate details I share with them about my relationships. When I was with my ex he would share EVERYTHING that happened in our relationship with people, but me on the other hand, I wanted to keep our matters within our home and with any issues, I wanted us to talk about it to each other, not to the world. And I continue to have this mindset. — For years, my friends knew I was vaguely involved with someone who I referred to as “Alabama”. And anytime they would ask about him, they would use the same moniker I gave him, “How's Alabama?”, “When’s the last time you saw Alabama?” — I would directly answer their questions and move onto the next topic. I wouldn't linger or go into any further details. I wasn't keeping anything secret, I feel like secrecy is lying with a twist. I was open about the fact I was sleeping with someone, I just decided to keep everything else between us. I don't have problem with people knowing certain things about me, but I want to live my personal life according to me, not everyone else.